Eternal Lizdom

6 Words: Tail of the Dragon

2012-01-28T05:30:00.000-05:00

World Fair. Teagan is Dragon's Tail.

(video and pics to be added later!)

It's Been So Long Since I Fragmented

2012-01-27T05:30:00.000-05:00

Holy wow... it has been ages since I've done Friday Fragments! If you're new around here and popping over thanks to the lovely meme of the even lovelier Mrs4444, welcome! If you're on of my regulars- I already love you.

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Earlier this week, I did something I rarely do. I wore a skirt and tights to work. I wore the skrit because I couldn't find clean pants in the laundry. My typical wardrobe is khaki type pants (I have 2 pair in black, 1 in tan, 1 in khaki and Friday is jeans day) and a sweater or button and collar shirt, maybe a scarf thrown in for fun. So me in a skirt and low heels and tights was a Big Deal. The only problem is this skirt is one I bought at Goodwill and it's a size 14W and is at least 1 size too big so it felt kinda awkward and lumpy all day. And it has this weird hook and eye thing that's been poking me all day. And the tights feel weird. I think I'll stick to my pants.

*~*~*~*~*

Buttons. Buttons is continuing to do well. We adore her. She is still learning out house rules- like "Dogs do not snatch food from the hands of people, especially children." Most of the time, we just enjoy her silliness when she shares it and her laziness all the rest of the time. She is a very smart dog and very laid back in her old age. We are blessed to have her in our family. I love the way my kids have taken to her and the way she so kindly tolerate my kids. I love the way she and Sassy have become little old lady BFFs as they snuggle up in blankets and on pillows together. And I love giving her snuggles and having her lay on my cold feet on the couch. I need to get my battery charged up and take some time to get pics of her with my good camera. Here's a couple of shots of my kids and our dogs at bedtime last week- these kids are desperate to have dogs that will sleep with them at night.

*~*~*~*~*

My city has Super Bowl Fever. I want to get excited about it, I really do. Towns in the counties surrounding Indianapolis are having special events. The downtown area has all kinds of Big Deal NFL things going on. I'm happy about the money coming into the city when all the tourists attack on Super Bowl Weekend. But I just don't really care. I'm glad others are excited and I support the people who are volunteering or working the Big Game and other events. Just please don't ask me to get excited- especially when the Big Game includes a team that's Enemy #1 of our own home team!

*~*~*~*~*

My current TV obsession? I'm watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix. It's a fantastic show. My only complaint is that watching it one episode after another means I really pick up on the lack of continuity- especially season 3. I'm on the fourth episode of the season and am realizing that I've yet to see Jason Street. Season 2 ended without really ending and season 3 picked up trying to give a wrap up from season 2 and kick off the next season at the same time. But I'm really into the characters and all so I'm sticking with it until the end.

*~*~*~*~*

What fragments do you need to let loose this week?

Before and After and Back to Before

2012-01-26T05:30:00.000-05:00

Ever find that a little bit of organization goes a long way towards helping you feel more in control and on top of things? I definitely have my limits- even though I'm not one to spend half a day on house work and I don't have the "place for everything" rule in my home, I do find that the chaos can lead to disorganization and feeling overwhelmed on my part. That's when I know I have to take control of the laundry, the clutter on the couch or ottoman, deep cleaning the bathroom, or cleaning out the clutter from the front door area.

The same holds true at work. Last week, I was slammed with some Big Hot Issues. When I came in on Monday, my desk was far messier than I prefer it to be.

Trying to take advantage of opportunities- rather than focus on the headaches of situations- I took the time that I was tied into a conference call and got my desk cleaned up.

Making progress:

Aaaaahhhh.... that just feels better.

And it never got done beyond that and pretty quickly came close to the first picture again. The funny thing was that I would go to put my hand on a document or something and know exactly where it had been but would struggle to recall where I had put it away.

Ah, well. I did manage to weed out some excess paper to my recycle bin and I did file away a few things and I did find some things I could easily take care of and pass on to someone else. It was still an accomplishment, even if the goal met wasn't the goal set.

Seal and Heidi: An Example of What I Think Is Wrong

2012-01-25T05:30:00.000-05:00

Let me state a few things up front.

1. The relationship between Seal and Heidi Klum is absolutely none of business and, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't impact my life.

2. I obviously do not know these people personally and none of the opinions I am about to share is designed to imply otherwise.

3. I know that there are absolutely situations where divorce is the only choice, the best choice. I'm not wearing blinders and I'm not one to say that my way is the only way. I'm not one to live in absolutes, either, and I very realistically know that divorce is a real thing with a real purpose.

I've made it pretty clear how I feel about the issue of divorce in our society. I've also shared why it's important to me- because of what divorce does to kids.

I've been honest that I have a divorce behind me. I've also stated that I know that divorce is truly sometimes the best option.

When I saw this interview with Seal on Ellen... I got pretty ticked off.

After 8 years and 4 kids and 2 big careers... they've grown apart and they still love each other deeply but...

Even Seal and Heidi were shocked? They weren't expecting the divorce attorneys to show up at their door? They got selected in the Hollywood Breakup Lottery?

He said... when you become a parent, you do the best that you can... but how are they doing the best that they can when they are calling it quits after just 8 years and "growing apart?"

Obviously I'm not truly concerned about Heidi or Seal. But I think that his statements are an exact example of the general idea that our society holds about divorce. It wasn't fun anymore... we grew apart... I wasn't happy or fulfilled...

The gossip is that Seal has a temper problem and Heidi filed for divorce because she felt the environment wasn't the best example for her kids. I fully understand that. I support that. I don't know that filing for divorce is the first response- but separation and requirements for change and help would be on my list.

But taking just Seal's statement... just his words...

That breaks my heart. It kills this little piece of me that divorce is something so easy to turn to and so easy to obtain and taken so lightly. The thing about Seal's words in this interview is that I have heard similar things 100 times over in conversations and on message boards and on talk shows. What Seal said could be said by any number of people I'm connected to in my everyday suburban life. And that leaves me feeling sad and angry.

Remaining civil and connected for the kids? Pshaw. If you really want to put your kids first, and given that the only issue in the marriage is truly that you've just grown apart or aren't personally happy, put your marriage first.

Everytime one of these Hollywood types rushes off into another engagement or another divorce is announced, I shake my head. I say a little prayer. And I wonder what exactly it is about marriage in this country that is so special that it "should only be between a man and a woman." There is no sanctity of marriage in our society. There is no respect for the vows taken on a wedding day.

I'm being emotional and dramatic- I know there are couples who take their vows seriously and are committed to each other through the good and bad, the highs and lows. And when I say "couples," I mean gay and straight.

Some individuals "get it" and take it seriously. I have deep respect when a friend turns to me and says that she knows this is about her and not just about him... that they have been broken for so long... but that she is willing to give it everything she has before it comes to an end. I have admiration for a friend who says that he wants his focus to remain on what is best for his children and asks me to advocate for them when he vents to me about his ex.

Bottom line, for me, is simply this. It doesn't matter if you are straight or gay. When there are children involved in your marriage or your serious commitment to another person, those kids are part of the promises you make. When you break the vows to your partner, you are breaking promises to your kids. In all honesty, if there are no children, I probably don't really care so much. I might roll my eyes at the headline. I might be sad for my friend who is feeling heartbroken. But there is a lot less damage incurred when children are not part of the family that is divorcing.

When my mom and dad got married, I was about 10 years old. I was included in the ceremony. My dad gave a special toast to me at the reception. I've known people who propose to the child to whom they want to become a step-parent or adoptive parent. I've seen where ceremonies include the kids being officially included in the formation of the bond in the wedding- not just becoming a married couple but becoming a family bound through marriage.

What if we did the same in our marriages prior to having kids? I suppose the vows are supposed to cover that but maybe if we mindfully include in our vows that "I promise to stay connected to you when/if we face parenthood. I vow to be a partner to you and to defend our marriage for the sake or the security of our children."

Marriage isn't "going steady." It's not having a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is intended to be a lifetime commitment founded in love and mutual respect to another person. At some point, society needs to place a lot more value on that intention.

Planning My Garden

2012-01-24T05:30:00.000-05:00

I didn't have a garden in 2011. I really enjoyed growing food in 2010 and it was sad to me that I wasn't able to get to garden planning in 2011 (gardening and planting should have happened right when all the job changes hit so there was no time for gardening).

This year, I need to get back to gardening. I have been reminded of it several times in the past week. There have been several discussions in my online mom community and then I came across a pin on Pinterest that inspired me.

With that planned out garden in mind and knowing we already have a fantastic raised bed that Jeff built in 2009, I'm ready to start thinking about my 2012 garden.

The first thing I will need to do this spring is upgrade the soil. I need to remove all of the dead growth from the bed, till the existing soil, and add new manure and soil.

I'd like to add the framing on the end of the bed.

I'd like to grow:

onions
radishes
tomatoes
jalapenos
beets
peas
carrots
brussels sprouts

I would have 2 kinds of tomato and the peas on the end frame. I'd like to grow red onions, beets and carrots close to each other since they all grow in the dirt. Brussels sprouts, radishes and jalapenos in another section. Given the size of my garden and in the interest of avoiding overcrowding, I see my garden divided into 4 x 3 instead of 4 x 4.

I also want to clear out my herb garden on my deck so that I can again have fresh cilantro right outside my door. Cilantro would be the main herb that I use but I'd also like to have lemon thyme again since it goes so well with chicken, beets, brussels sprouts, fish.

With this plan, I'm hitting the favorites of the family. Teagan and I love tomatoes. I love brussels sprouts and beets. We use onion often in lots of recipes. I like radishes as a snack or in salad. I love jalapenos. Teagan loves peas, Zach loves carrots.

Will you have a garden this year? What are you planting?

Doubt

2012-01-23T09:57:00.000-05:00

My retreat was wonderful.

As I drove to Church from work on Friday, I had time to think about what I wanted from this retreat. I prayed about it and I opened myself up to some free flowing thought about why I was doing this.

The thing I really got from it last year, and it surprised me, was the connection to other women in my congregation.

This year, I went in with a hope for what I would come away with. My hope was that I would have the opportunity to share with others how much I love them and that I would come away feeling loved.

That absolutely happened. It happened through shared laughter. It happened through a session where we shared compliments and things we admire about each other in our small group. It happened through a late night conversation with a good friend. It even happened with a friend that I've not had the chance to get to know well- even though she "stalks" the blog (Hi, Lori!!).

And the unexpected piece I came away with was a focus on doubts.

One of the sessions talked about the baggage we carry. What was interesting to me was that the baggage I was carrying at that moment related to my past. Had you asked me that question 3 months ago, my past wasn't my baggage. But in the last few months, there have been some big reminders of the brokenness I still carry from the things I survived.

Taking time to stop and think about the baggage I carry demonstrated to me that something I'm pretty good at is focusing on the present moment and feeling positive about the future. I was pleased with that. In many ways, I'm in a really good place in life. I love who I am. I live authentically and confidently. I am blessed with a beautiful family, my marriage is fun and loving and supportive, I have a good job with good benefits, I have a loving church family.

In the sermon yesterday, our pastor pointed out that God IS love. Not that God defines it for us or shows it to us or teaches us about it. But God is the definition of love. And I think I live that.

We had an exercise that was very moving in our little group where we shared compliments with each other. The challenge was that the people at your table weren't necessarily people you were close to so you might have to stretch a little bit. Within our little group of 4, 2 of us had been part of the church for a long time, 1 had been involved several years ago but then left and is now back, and another is somewhat new but her family is very involved. There were definitely different levels of sharing that happened- but there were tears that went with our words. The woman I know the least well at the table had stayed for a bit the night before (some of us spent the night and had a movie night after the sessions ended Friday) and we had chatted a little. From just the few exchanges she and I have had on Sunday mornings and that night before, she gave me a compliment that I will hold in my heart. She really validated that I live what I believe. She said that she felt so comfortable talking and sharing with me because I was a non-threatening presence that came to her without judgement.

But back to that baggage and those doubts.

My doubts are all linked to these memory problems that have been rearing their ugly head the past few months. It isn't that I doubt my memories. The things that I remember are things that I know are true. The baggage I carry is that there are so many holes in my memory that I can feel my confidence dip when I think of all the things I don't remember. It isn't just my childhood- it's current events as well. Things I want to remember, things I want to recall, things I want to hold close just aren't always there.

I had an epiphany last night. Perhaps the missing memories and my approach to people are linked. Because my brain doesn't hold information the way others can, I don't hold on to knowledge of the things people have done or the things I've heard about people doing. In many ways, when you come to me, I'm a clean slate for you. If my brain "worked," I wonder if I would hold on to hurt feelings longer. I wonder if I would keep a list of "wrong-doing" in my brain. But because I don't hold on to these hurts and wrongs and slights... I'm more open to receiving people as they are, where they are. I know it isn't the entire reason that I am the way I am... but it struck me last night. See, someone had shared a piece of information with me about someone else. In my head, I was thinking, "I'm really not sure I want to know this." Then my immediate next thought was, "Well, I'll forget about it within the next 6 months anyway."

That's when it hit me- maybe my lack of strong memory recall is really an inability to hold onto a list of wrongs and that is actually something very right.

Retreat

2012-01-20T05:00:00.000-05:00

A year ago, I attended the first ever Women's Retreat at my church. I wasn't sure what to expect and I came away from it with more than I expected.

This weekend, the 2nd annual Women's Retreat is on at my church and I am very excited to be attending again! There will be another sleep over for those "brave" enough to stay the night.

I'm looking forward to the "retreat" piece of this the most. Life has just been so crazy and hectic lately and I think a chance to plug in and really focus on me and my purpose sounds so refreshing.

FitCity: Paula Deen

2012-01-18T16:02:00.001-05:00

Wanna know my thoughts on the Paula Deen brouhaha? Head over to my post on FitCity! I'd love for you to share your opinion over there, too!

Broken

2012-01-17T08:45:00.000-05:00

Almost exactly one year ago, I wrote a post that shared with you some of the details of a major set of events in my life- I am a survivor of sexual abuse and childhood rape and I missed the last quarter of my senior year of high school to have intense inpatient and outpatient therapy.

It's a long post but if you haven't read it before, I encourage you to read it now.

In the past 2 months, I have had 2 huge reminders jump up and slap me around a little bit. Reminders of how broken I was. Or how broken I am.

In many ways, I am whole and happy and content and live a joy-filled life. I love my life. I love who I am. I have deep appreciation for the life I am blessed to live. But sometimes, a reminder comes along of how broken I have been in the past, a reminder of how horrible the foundation of my life really was, a reminder of issues that I still live with now.

Last night, I reconnected with someone who was an important part of my healing. Someone who was in that intense therapy time with me and witnessed some very raw and painful moments in my journey.

To be honest, I had forgotten his name. I never forgot his face and he is one of the small handful of people from that time that I think of regularly. When he would cross my mind, I would try to bring his name up and just couldn't. I never really dwelt on it.

He found me on Facebook. And we started chatting. And I love that we have reconnected. He said some things about important things I did for him back at that time and that really moved me.

But talking to him again has made me realize how broken I still am.

I have gone through a lot of steps and phases in this ongoing and never ending healing process. I have worked through some big steps on forgiveness. But sometimes, a fresh reminder of the broken side of me can still hurt.

My memory is very faulty. I've written about my memory issues before- most in depth in this post.

As this friend from my past chatted with me, I tried and tried to bring up memories from that time. My senior year of high school. My time in an inpatient therapeutic hospital and outpatient therapeutic hospital. The time in my life when I worked the hardest I ever have at becoming whole and complete. And it is all firmly locked away or has fallen through the swiss cheese holes of my brain.

It frustrates me. It makes me incredibly sad.

It's like waking up from a dream and knowing the general idea of what the dream was about and having flashes of who was in the dream with you.

The thing that stays with me from my faulty memories are the feelings.

To my newfound old friend... I may not remember all the details. And when we talk, I'm sure more will come back to me with the help of your memory. But I remember my feelings and I trust my feelings now. I know that you were someone I was very fond of and enjoyed the company of immensely. I remember really enjoying spending time with you- even if I can't remember the conversations and exact moments. I am very excited to reconnect with you. I am beyond delighted to see that your life seems to have turned out in a normal and whole place, like mine.

I'm a bundle of emotions today. In some ways, I am reminded of how faulty and broken I am. In more ways, I am realizing how blessed I am and how the timing of the events in our lives are part of a bigger plan and happen when they happen for a reason. In more ways, I am feeling a sense of relief or hope in being found by someone who can help me rebuild a segment of my life that I didn't even realize I'd locked away. I'm eager to reconnect with this person who I know was an important part of my past.

I think it might be time to consider looking into options for recovering memories.

Spaghetti Night

2012-01-16T10:06:00.000-05:00

Tonight we plan to have spaghetti for dinner. Spaghetti seems like it should be a simple meal, right? It tends to be one of our standard "go to" meals when we don't know what else to have. It's easy to keep a box of pasta on hand and a jar of sauce.

But I've realized that with all of our particularities, it's becoming a bigger deal.

I prefer Ronzoni's Healthy Harvest pasta. Thin spaghetti, to be exact. I think Jeff has a slight preference for Barilla Plus but I can get away with the Ronzoni stuff because it's usually half the price of the Barilla. I absolutely cannot do plain white pasta anymore.

Sauce almost always has to be Prego Roasted Garlic & Herb. We are going to try a generic brand tonight (Target store brand) since it was significantly less expensive.

That's the basics. Then it starts to get complicated.

We basically end up creating a "pasta bar." We each have our own way of enjoying our spaghetti.

Jeff and Zach are pretty classic- straight up pasta and sauce. No spices, no seasonings. Jeff likes the classic Grated Parmesan Cheese (which I dislike immensely). Zach doesn't care much about cheese either way.

Teagan doesn't like pasta sauce. For as much as that girl loves tomatoes, she does not like tomato products. So she does plain pasta with cheese. She likes the grated stuff but, like me, prefers real parmesan or asiago cheese.

I doctor mine up like crazy. I recently discovered that a dollop of sour cream makes the dish especially yummy. I also add a seasoning blend that is made up of garlic, salt, and pepper (and other spices) so it has some zing to it. If I'm feeling really ambitious, I might saute some mushrooms or squash to add in.

Tonight we're adding meatballs to the efforts. If I had to make a guess- Jeff and Zach will consume the most meatballs. Jeff will have his with his pasta, Zach might want his on the side. I will most likely have at least one meatball but will cut it up and mix it into the dish. If Teagan eats any meatballs, they will be without sauce and cut up on the side.

I might pick up a bag of salad on the way home. But salad isn't necessary for our pasta night. Sometimes I think about making some garlic butter toast but usually don't. We never stray from the red sauce. I do venture out to other pasta varieties and sauces if Jeff isn't around for dinner. We tried to throw together our own sauce one night when we had pasta going but discovered that the jar we thought we had in the pantry wasn't there... but we had cans of tomato sauce and diced tomatoes. We gave it our best effort and it was edible but not fantastic.

I'd love to someday have a themed dinner night with candles and Italian music playing. Or maybe have spaghetti while we watch Lady and the Tramp.

How do you do spaghetti night?

I Made It! Guacamole

2012-01-15T14:50:00.004-05:00

With the guidance of a friend, I made my own guacamole for the first time this weekend.

I was surprised at how easy it was. I was delighted at how tasty it was.

Following the example set for me by my friend, I took fresh ingredients and minced and chopped and smashed them together to make this:

The best part of making my own guacamole is that I can really customize it to suit my personal tastes.

This batch was 3 avocados, 2 roma tomatoes, 1/4 of a red onion, 1 clove of garlic, the juice of 1/2 a lime, 1/2 of a jalapeno and a bunch of coursely chopped cilantro.

I minced the garlic. I finely chopped the jalapeno (didn't remove the seeds because I like the heat). I chopped the tomatoes and the onion. Then came the fun part. All the avocado into the bowl and I hand smashed it up. That's the key, according to my friend. And I think she's right- makes the consistency exactly right. Smashed up the avocado and then hand mixed in the other ingredients finishing it off with a huge squeeze of lime juice and lots of cilantro.

If ever there was a dish that had ingredients so perfect for me, it's guacamole. I love avocado and cilantro and lime and fresh jalapeno. Anything with those ingredients always piques my interest so something that combines all of those together is right up my alley!

It was so good I had to call Christy and tell her to come over and have some, too. And she did. And she agreed that it was good. My guacamole had some zing, was made from fresh and whole and raw ingredients, and it tasted dang good.

What have you made lately that was new to you or learned from a friend or something that you improved on?

Candy Dish

2012-01-13T09:51:00.001-05:00

I sometimes keep a small candy dish at work. Right now, it has a variety of Hershey's Kisses and Rolos on it. I like my candy dish because there are people who will spy it from the hallway and pop in just to grab a little treat.

I've always found it curious when I fill up my candy dish at the end of the day and it's half empty the next morning. And there are times, when I'm in a not so great mood, that it maybe irks me a bit.

For me, the candy dish is there as a method of connecting with someone else. I like knowing that Cathy likes Rolos and Deb likes Cherry Hershey's Kisses. I like the connection between me and the candy grabber when they grab a treat and groan and say "Oh, I need this right now!" When the candy is half gone in the morning, I miss out on those connections and I'm left wondering who it is that's enjoying the treats anyway.

But whenever I catch my inward disappointment at the missing candy, I remember this StoryCorps from NPR.

I'm not saying that the cleaning company we use has employees that are bringing their kids in and those little kids are dancing around in their jammies, munching on chocolates in my office. But the image does make me grin.

For me, it serves as a reminder that I don't know someone else's story. I don't know who is coming to my office overnight to snag a treat. Maybe it is someone who is just selfish and wants a big handful of free candy.

But maybe...

It's a mom who is back to work for the first time since having her first baby.

It's a man who recently lost a loved one.

It's a person cheating on their diet.

It's someone who has an abusive spouse.

It's someone who is facing challenges with their kids.

It's someone who is hungry.

I'm often fascinated by the idea of other people's stories. And my candy dish is another way that I find myself wondering about the people I might somehow impact.

Do you ever think back to your childhood and have random memories of strangers or acquaintances- either witnessing or experiencing a kindness or seeing someone interact with another person? Sometimes I think back to those people who left an impression on my life and wonder if they remember me, too.

I remember, for example, a next door neighbor in our apartment complex who we didn't know well but knew well enough. She didn't live there as long as we did- maybe only a year. But I remember she was adult and single and I thought she was pretty "hip." She took me out to lunch one day- just as a treat. For some reason, we were in a big hotel in downtown Lexington, I think. She took me into the gift shop and pointed to this corner that was loaded up with stuffed animals and she said, "Pick any one that you want. It's yours." I still have the unicorn I selected. I don't remember our neighbor's name and I can't quite place her face. But that act of kindness left an impression on me.

Maybe, just maybe, my little candy dish is leaving some sort of positive impression on someone else. It's kind of silly to think that a tiny little piece of chocolate could really mean something big, right? But maybe... maybe it's will be part of someone's memories when they look back a decade or two from now. Maybe it brings a smile to someone's face. Maybe it soothes a little bit of hurt.

Or maybe it just tastes good and it's free. Either way, I'm going to keep reminding myself that the someone who is taking my candy overnight is still a person with their own story.

Today

2012-01-11T11:21:00.000-05:00

I spent some quiet time reflecting on my current status today. It was on my morning commute to work. Alone in the car, radio off, phone quiet.

A thought struck me. I was focusing on how to adjust my attitude to face the workday ahead. I'm tired due to a certain new little dog who has to potty in the middle of the night so I am going outside at 3:30 or 4:30 in the morning. I'm right back to overloaded at work and feeling like I'm not getting enough done each day. I'm holding on to keeping work out of home life as best I can (I've really improved a lot on that one from when all the changes hit and I was bringing work home every night, every weekend). But my days are hard and I sometimes feel like I kinda dread being back at work for another day of a long list of to-do's that are all #1 TOP PRIORITY for a long list of Very Important People that expect all of their #1 Priorities to be my Most Urgent Work Of The Day.

And in my quiet reflection, I remembered the prayers I've been sending up for guidance and acceptance and strength. And I remembered the focus word I selected for 2012 (steady). And I heard a voice or suddenly had a though pop into my head...

"I gave it to you because I know you can do it. Yes, this stretches you. But I know that this has an end point, a purpose. Trust. Steady."

So today, I'm calmly focused on doing my best, working my best, doing what I am capable of to the best of my limits and abilities.

One choice at a time, having faith that my ladder is being held steady, knowing that I have the ability to stay focused and strong. I will do my best. It's all that I can do.

Buttons

2012-01-10T05:30:00.000-05:00

Early July, 2011. Indiana was experiencing a heat wave.

A woman walks into our local humane society and waits to be waited on. Once her turn comes, she explains that she can't care for her dog- the dog is too old. She wants to surrender her to the humane society. They ask her where the dog is.

Locked in the turned off car. Where the windows are up.

A 20 lb dachshund, 13 years old. Locked in a car in the heat of summer.

Heat stroke, heat exhaustion, rushed to the vet for emergency care.

A foster mom steps up- experienced with the breed, the age, the special needs discovered in the course of veterinary care. Cushing's Syndrome.

This wonderful foster mom works with Button until she is in good health. Gets her on medication for the Cushing's, controls her food intake to bring her weight down to a healthy 15 lb. Loves her and snuggles her and builds up her trust in humans again.

I watched this story unfold on the Humane Society for Hamilton County's Facebook page. I love their social networking efforts and I think they've seen good payoff for their efforts. There are many dogs that I have followed over the past few years- cheered when they have a day out or find a foster home or- best of all- forever home. Button was a dog that always stayed with me.

Sassy is my own little 13 year old pooch. Even as her health starts to deteroriate- she seems to be losing sight and hearing on some days- I can't imagine taking her and abandoning her to a shelter. Yes, dogs are more work and less fun as they age. But it's just like life, isn't it? Hard work in the early years, independent for a while, and then health and body starts to deteriorate as we near the end.

The week after Christmas, after finding myself thinking of that sweet little Button over and over again, I finally caved and posted a picture of her on Facebook. My hope was that someone would want to adopt her or that there would be enough peer pressure that the scales would tip in favor of this family going to meet Button for possible adoption.

The peer pressure worked. We applied, were approved, had contact with the foster mom, and finally set a time to go to the humane society to meet Button. We all got along and so she became ours.

Day 1 was easy. Lots of snuggling and learning cues and petting and such.

Day 2 was a challenge. It started out easy enough. But the honeymoon had to end at some point. We are a busy family so dogs in this home have to be able to be left alone while we are at work, school, church, activities, and so on. Jeff stayed home from church to stay with her and we did our first time out of the house later in the afternoon- leaving her for about 45 minutes.

She pushed open the baby gate, went downstairs, tore up 2 bags of trash, and pooped on the floor.

We went out a second time- grocery store. She got out again (we hadn't full latched the gate the first time and made sure to fully latch it this time but that didn't stop her). And she managed to get a tin of Danish butter cookies open and mostly eaten, opened a tin of Poppycock caramel corn, pooped a large pile in the living room, and peed in the kids' bedroom and the bathroom rugs.

Wow. These humans learned a very important lesson!

So we are adjusting. Jeff is stopping the by the house as often as he can to take her outside and check on things. She had another accident overnight and again during the day.

This evening, we discovered that all of the trips outside haven't been so great for our sweet little old girl. With her swollen dachshund / Cushing's belly and her soft little paw pads, she has gotten hurt on our concrete steps and sidewalks. We noticed she was hesitant to go down steps and was walking a lot slower. We assumed it was tummy ache related since she has yet to poop after her food rampage. But it's because she has rubbed a sore patch on her belly on the steps and rubbed a few raw spots on her paw pads on the sidewalk. So we apologized profusely to her, loved on her like crazy, and will be carrying this little dog down steps and to grass everytime she goes outside.

So we are adjusting. It will be a week (at least) of adjusting. There will be accidents and trouble. And there will be even more pets and snuggles and hugs. Best of all, in just a few days, we are all bonding. Sassy and Buttons (See? We changed her name from Button to Buttons!) have started to snuggle close to each other. The kids adore Buttons- even when she's been bad. She's a keeper.

We have a special little dog in our family. She is sweet and funny. I had no idea doxies were so adorable- just the way her little legs work and how adorable her big nose is on the end of her little snout. I read that the average life span of a standard dachshund is 12.7 years so there is no guarantee she will be with us very long. No guarantee we will have Sassy very long either. The kids are aware- but the losses will still hurt when the time comes.

For now, we will just take each day as it comes and enjoy it as best we can.

Don't worry- there will be plenty of pictures to come!

Quick Updates

2012-01-09T14:16:00.001-05:00

1. We got Buttons! She is cute and very snuggly. She also makes all kinds of piggie noises when she breathes, walks, sleeps, etc. She is also HUGELY food motivated (partially due to her Cushing's Syndrome). More details to come.

2. This will be a week of transition- which means some acting out and everyone figuring out how they fit into this family. So I anticipate plenty of cleaning up the floor and figuring out new routines and schedules.

3. Work is kicking my butt today. Big time.

4. Today was my Big Plan to Kick Off Being Healthy Again Day. However, work has interfered. No time for the gym. And with the dog situation, working out this morning was not an option. And this evening? Given how worn down I am already from this stressful day- I don't see it happening. So I am a bit frustrated- which adds to my stress.

That's about all I got for you right now. The good news is that Jeff and I love each other, my kids are healthy and happy and doing great, and that while life is crazy and stressful... it's not bad or traumatic right now. We truly are blessed- even if the everyday things make it a bit more challenging to see sometimes.

6 Words: Buttons

2012-01-07T07:41:00.005-05:00

Today. Might add to Furry Family!

Forget Art Class- Music Grade

2012-01-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

Back at the end of August, I posted about a sign that Jeff and I spied in the Art classroom at Teagan's school. Jeff and I had a positive reaction to it. Many of my readers did not. The sign, in my opinion, was a way of encouraging students to draw in a different way than they had so far. When I talked to Teagan about the sign, she said that she liked it because she'd always thought she could only draw stick people and now she knows she can do more than that.

But today I have a complaint.

That sign in that class? It isn't part of the grading system. The projects that the kids do in art class don't even relate to the sign- it's more for free drawing and in-regular-class time. So there has no impact on Teagan if she does decide to stray from drawing bodies to drawing stick figures- no points taken away, no trouble, no grade reduction.

But Music Class is apparently a different story.

I realized that 1st semester grades were probably up. Grades really aren't a huge focus in our home at this point in time. I see them as a guideline to determine where we might need to focus a little bit of energy or effort.

In each of her subjects, there are specific skills that she is graded on. The scale is done in a basic "mastered / progressing / needs improvement" method. So, for example, I can easily see that in writing, she needs to focus more on refining sentence writing- capitalization, punctuation, and writing in complete sentences. With that scale, you can easily see where the overall grade (scale being "Satisfactory / Progressing / Needs Work") comes from.

Teagan is doing very well in all her subjects and classes. No surprise there. But I enjoyed clicking around and seeing where the grades came from.

Until I got to the Music Class grades.

She received a grade for the quality of her voice.

"Matching Pitch"

Description: Students will sing a short excerpt from a known song.

Now, if this description led me to believe that Teagan was asked to sing a song they'd been learning in class and she instead sang a different song- therefore demonstrating that she didn't learn the song that was taught or requested, I'd be ok with this being a graded subject.

I am a singer. I sing and it's something I do pretty well and really enjoy. I know a thing or two about music.

One thing I know is that not everyone can sing. Not everyone can even carry a tune. I have heard people who are good singers, great singers, mediocre singers, and even bad singers. I've heard people that truly cannot find the correct note in their vocals. I've heard people who are "tone deaf."

I don't see how "Matching Pitch" is something you can be graded on. I don't see how your ability to sing is something you can be graded on. I don't see how your level of talent can be graded.

In that art class situation, the thing I took from it was that the quality of your outcome isn't important. What matters is your effort to do more than what is expected. I can't draw. I stick to stick figures and balloon trees because that's what I feel the level of my talent is... but maybe... if I tried to really look at something and draw it more realistically... maybe my deep efforts would still not produce a beautiful picture. But I would have given my best effort to do what was asked. I'm ok with being graded on my effort. I'm ok with being graded on my ability to grasp concepts and understand steps and follow directions.

But if I'm graded on how pretty my painting turns out- I'm in trouble.

In a gym/physical education class is being graded, my hope would be, again, that grading is based on effort given and on demonstration of understanding. Teagan received a grade for "1 Mile Run." My hope is that she was graded for running her best for that mile or that she was graded based on attitude, effort, and completion of the task. My hope is that she isn't graded on how fast she ran it or if she ran the entire time.

All other areas of the music grades made sense to me. A skill was listed and you could see how it was measurable to determine a grade. Demonstrate ability to keep a steady beat. Demonstrate a rhythm based on a card that gives notes and beats. If you want a student to recognize pitch or be graded on pitch, play a song and ask them to identify it.

But don't ask them to sing it and then grade them. This isn't American Idol. You aren't Simon Cowell. It's an elementary school music class. I'm not looking for kids to be falsely built up and told they have talents they don't have. I just don't see the point in grading on something that isn't something based on effort, skill mastery, or other measurable things.

I would really love to hear opinions on this. Music teachers? Any input? Parents of kids with or without singing ability? Memories of music class in your own childhood?

Risk

2012-01-04T14:42:00.000-05:00

I first shared this back in 2008. Ironically, I came across it when I was cleaning up a space. Same thing today- I was cleaning out a closet or drawer and came upon it. And the words are still true and still stay with me. It is credited only to "Love Unlimited" and my Google searches have never given me any helpful info.

Risking

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is a risk.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But, risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.

Chained by their certitudes, they are a slave. They have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

For My Husband

2012-01-02T09:04:00.000-05:00

Today is Jeff's birthday!

We started the day with breakfast in bed. The kids made pictures and cards while I made breakfast- blueberry muffins, scrambled eggs, toast. We stuck a birthday candle in the muffin and came in to surprise him and sing to him. He's been relaxing in bed ever since- I think he's happy.

I ordered him 2 presents but they haven't arrived yet and this holiday thing is messing with deliveries. So I guess the odds are good that his presents won't arrive today. Which is frustrating.

He's going to have lunch with his dad. I'm going to see if he'd like to do a family outing to the movies. We'll have steak for dinner.

It's going to be a laid back, easy going kind of day. There's a little bit of snow falling, the family is still in pj's, and we're happy to just be together for another day before the hustle and bustle starts up in a few days.

Which is a perfect kind of day for my husband's birthday. He's a homebody. He always prefers to be home. Sure, there are things he likes to go and do but he's always happy to get back home.

Happy birthday, Jeff! Your family loves you, adores you, respects you. Maybe that's the greatest gift- taking time to realize the good choices you've made that have brought you to this birthday and realizing the blessings you have around you.

2012

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

At this time last year, I was putting together my training schedule and making all necessary plans for my Big Goal in 2011- completing a half marathon. And I did accomplish that goal.

I'm looking into 2012 and... I've got nothing. I have no goals, no resolutions. I've got ongoing changes and improvements. Looking back at 2011 has shown me that my healthy living journey has really been a big roller coaster. I did awesome and then I struggled and then did awesome and then struggled. And I'm sure the pattern will continue in 2012. All I can do is keeping trying, keep going back to it.

I don't have an event I want to complete in 2012.

I want to see my daughter turn 7 in March, my son turn 5 in October. I want to celebrate 9 years of marriage to my husband. I want to continue to grow relationships with women in my church family. I want my friendship with Christy to remain strong.

There is a lot of change in 2012 for people I love and my hope is that my life just stays strong and normal so I can best be able to help my loved ones.

I like the idea of having a word to focus on for the year. I can't say that I will commit to this word for the entire year. So many things change and I like my ability to change with them.

A year ago, my job was exactly what I wanted it to be. Within a few months, major changes happened and it blew up my world more than I could have anticipated. Whatever word I'd chosen in January no longer applied by May.

I'm starting out my year with "STEADY."

I need to stay steady. I need things to remain the same and I will be working on making improvements from that steady state.

It's kinda boring, I know. But I value life being boring, steady, normal, calm. I've done chaos and I don't ever want to be in that place again.

So I'm going to face 2012 and whatever it brings by staying steady. There's a devotion in my Bible that talks about the story of Noah's Ark and how God held the ladder steady for Noah. Noah still had to do the hard work and take the risks of being up on that ladder- but God held the ladder steady. I like that.

Steady.

2011: A Review

2011-12-30T13:07:00.002-05:00

I did this type of review in 2010 and I love going back and reading it. Let's do it again for 2011!

January
I was hardcore serious about healthy living and was making plans for what it would take to run a half marathon. I realized that I am a Penguin. I started thinking about birthday parties. Teagan learned about Martin Luther King, Jr. I shared some heavy posts about my past- the difficulties of facing the abuse I survived. I bonded with women in my church family at my first women's group church retreat.

February
Our area was hit with a big ice storm. I reshared one of my favorite videos of Zach. I focused on being purposefully positive every day. My friend Lisa shared her experiences as a primary caregiver. I ran a training series 5K in my quest to reach my first half marathon. I learned important lessons about my son when I read to his class of 3 year olds. I was invited to be part of a group of bloggers to visit our State Capital and spend time with our Lt. Governor and had mixed feelings about being there. Teagan and I participated in our church Talent Show. I had some deep thoughts about Humility. Teagan had a heart scare. And I continued exploring the ups and downs of healthy living.

March
Started with a bang when I learned I have exercise induced asthma. I ran 10K in minimalist footwear. I shared my weird way of eating M&M's. I shared some deep thoughts about meekness after a sermon at church. I took the Mom Pledge and outed my haters. As we approached Teagan's 6th birthday, we learned she had an odd request and we also celebrated her special day in fun ways. I shared my involvement in my husband's podcast (which I am now the regular 3rd host for, by the way). I attended a Good Form Running Clinic. I ended my month by chaperoning a small group of teen girls to the Revolve Tour in Columbus, OH and came away with bigger experiences than I had anticipated.

April
Another hurdle in being healthy- discovering the impact of low iron. I completed a 15K. Major changes hit my job. I did the Race for the Cure 5K with my mom friends. I started to get interested in bike riding. I ran the worst race of my life- a 10 miler. I signed up for Team in Training.

May
I ran a half marathon! I did a comprehensive exploration of the difference between Subway and Arby's chicken salad. I had valuable insight of the relationship between my kids. I gave a sermon at church- one that was powerful for many and personal for me. I attended Opening Day of our local Farmer's Market.

June
We took a mini-vacation and had a little fun with announcing the surprise trip to the kids. We visited 100 Acres at the Indianapolis Art Museum. I shared my thoughts on running shoes. I was a bit overwhelmed at the number of people who were being reported as missing. I got excited about inspiration. After a fun bike ride, my friends and I experienced a true miracle. An unexpected ending came with the shutting down of the online mom community I had been a part of for several years. I looked back at some of the promises I had written to Teagan early in my parenthood.

July
I wrote a passionate post about divorce. I got caught up in the Casey Anthony drama. I wrote a post about the things I love about my church- and about what makes it different. We learned a lot about Zach when he took a basketball clinic at the Y. My job continued to be very stressful and demanding.

August
Jeff took off for GenCon. I wrote a big post about my experiences with breastfeeding. And August always means that it's time for the Indiana State Fair- which unfortunately saw tragedy this year. Teagan started 1st grade. I learned about being an overly visible woman and I went to my first Women of Faith event. We had an important discussion about people being different. Snapped a great family pic on our back deck. I started the Great Art Class Controversy.

September
I got irritated by rude people. I had to come face to face with my missing motivation. I was deeply touched by the last words of many who died on 9/11. Teagan had a very hard time adjusting to 1st grade. Christy and I did a second bike ride. We learned more about Teagan and her personality.

October
We continued to struggle with parenting Teagan. I celebrated National Coming Out Day. Jeff and I celebrated our 8th anniversary. I encouraged my readers to feel themselves up. I gave you a tour of my gym. My baby boy turned 4! We learned that Teagan was bullying again. I had some really down days. And I wrote about what a bully might really look like- my daughter.

November
I defended the importance of Thanksgiving. Jeff and I got to take Zach on his school field trip to the pumpkin patch. Jeff took an interest in cooking. I shared a way you can easily give compassionately at Book Fair time. Zach continued to demonstrate how funny he is. I got excited about being a spark that turned into a bit of a fire!

December
I shared our annual St. Nicholas tradition. I also shared the story I love to share every year- My Magic Christmas. I expressed my lack of knowledge about the Occupy Wall Street movement. I shared that I wanted my friendships to be deeper. And I ended the year with another set of posts that generated some great discussion on children and obedience.

Here's to the New Year!

My Pretend Sister

2011-12-29T09:27:00.000-05:00

My brother, Ted, and his girlfriend, Em, came for a visit the past 2 days. It's kind of an annual tradition at this point. It used to be that they were coming to Indy for a convention and we'd see them for an evening. We also enjoy a 1 or 2 night stay every summer. This year, they were skipping the convention and just coming to see us.

I love these visits.

Ted and I didn't grow up together. I was 15 when he was born and I went off to college when he was just 3 or 4 years old. We don't have a lot of shred growing up memories, we can't tell a lot of stories about our shared experiences with our parents.

But now he's all grown up. He'll be finishing college soon and embarking into life in the Real World. Going off to college really opened him up to new experiences and also gave our relationship a new definition and purpose.

He's my brother. But we are also friends. We laugh and talk and discuss all kinds of things. He's come to me for advice before. He knows he can talk to me about anything without judgment or embarrassment.

And he has this fabulous woman in his life. He's had a thing for her since his freshman year but they were just friends for a while. However, the planets aligned and they came together- they truly seem to be destined for one another.

Em is smart, funny, pretty, full of energy, compassionate, and has a great understanding of the world (at least for someone in her 20's).

Best of all, Em and I really like each other. Even before Ted and Em started dating, Ted kept telling me that I just HAD to meet Em. I thought it was kind of weird that he wanted me to meet someone who was just a friend but then I met her and realized... she is so much like me!

The visit this week was wonderful. We didn't do anything Big and Exciting. We hung out at home (I actually cleaned for them!). Best of all, my brother ended up spending a lot of time with my kids and Em and I had this golden opportunity to just sit and talk.

My happiest dream would be for these two to end up getting married and moving into my neighborhood. I can totally see Jeff and Ted doing home improvement things together and teaching Zach and Teagan about building and mowing and so on. I can envision Em and I sitting on her porch or in my living room, sharing some wine and talking the night away. I can see my kids babysitting their kids. I can see my kids spending the night at Aunt Em and Uncle Ted's. I can see their kids spending the night at our place.

I can see me having a sister. I can see me being a big sister to a sister.

I can see a future filled with my non-rhythmic brother Just Dancing with my kids.

I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself. And I know they can't make decisions based on what I want. But if Ted and Em were to announce that they were engaged, that they planned to get married in about a year and a half (when Em finishes grad school) and that they want to live in Indy... it would be a pretty happy day for me!

Obey

2011-12-28T08:59:00.001-05:00

I love when a blog post stirs up some discussion! Yesterday's post on my new magic words learned from the Duggars (The first time I say it, you obey it.) ruffled some feathers. I suspect (and hope) there will be more discussion today.

I have to admit that 2-3 years ago, I bristled at the word obey, too.

Then I ended up with a daughter who has the defiant attitude practically perfected.

One commentor noted that to require children to obey means that the kids get a message that theirs wants comes second, that they don't matter as much. Another said that obey is used for dogs and is such a strong word that she can't use it with kids.

Obey.

I always like to grab actual definitions and not just the feeling of a word when I really dig in to understand it.

Obey- to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of: to obey one's parents.

That came from dictionary.com.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that definition. Obey means to follow the rules. Obey means to meet expectations. Obey means listening and following.

We have rules and guidelines- like most homes, I assume.

We also have kids that push limits- like most home, I assume.

In the past few months, there has been a slow increase down a hill that came to a head over the past few weeks leading up to Christmas.

These kids of mine haven't been listening. Jeff or I will ask or tell them to stop or to do something and they completely disregard what is being said. Consequences haven't mattered or simply result in a child blowing up (usually the older one).

(Ironically, as I am typing this, my kids were laying on the floor coloring. Then one child got mad at the other and scribbled across the page of the other. Scribbling child is now in "time out." No talk of obeying anything since there wasn't a request just given but there was a family rule broken.)

We have basic family values. 1. Be kind to one another. 2. Be kind with your words, with your hands, with your face.

Obedience isn't one of the tenets of our family foundation.

But there has been a problem brewing for a long time. If I ask you to put away the toys, I do not expect to have to ask you 5 times. If I ask you to not jump on the bed, I expect that you will not jump on the bed.

When Jeff or I ask the kids to do something or to stop doing something, it isn't usually at a time when they are in the midst of doing something pleasant that they have chosen to do. Trust me, if my kids are playing quietly or getting along nicely, I'm not about to disrupt that. I'm not the kind of parent that is a "my way or the highway" type.

But if I ask you to stop jumping and hanging on my back- you need to respect my personal space and stop. If I ask you to throw your trash away, I expect you to respect our home enough to pick up your dirty tissue and put it in the trash.

I found a nice little rhyme that helps my kids realize that I'm serious when I ask for something to happen or for something to stop. "The first time I say it, you obey it."

Yes, there are times when I expect my kids to follow my wishes, to do as I instruct them, to follow rules, to do what they are told when they are told to do it. I'd venture that most parents feel that way. I've heard most parents complain at one time or another about their children not listening, not following directions. It's one of those common concerns in the world of parenting- one of those complaints everyone has had at one point or another.

I've got a strong willed 6 year old who has had a problem with bullying other kids. This same child likes to simply "not hear" requests made by parents. If it were a matter of her agenda or desires being squashed- I'm willing to evaluate that. She has reached a point where she will truly flat-out disobey, simply to test boundaries. Not because she is standing up for her cause or following her true desires. I've walked a fine line with her for 2 years now- carefully choosing battles, trying to determine when to ignore, when to respond.

Maybe if she was an only child, it would be different. I've wondered that so many times before.

Maybe if my kids were simply of the personality types to be more docile, more cooperative, less strong willed, it would be different.

Maybe if I was a stay at home mom or we were a less busy family and did nothing much more than focus on just these 2 kids, it would be different.

But none of those Maybes suit us or our circumstances or these personalities.

For now, we found something that works. We found something that reminds our kids that the things they are asked to do are important things. Bottom line is that there simply are times when we expect our kids to do what they are told, when they are told to do it. Without being asked 20 times, without arguing with us about why or what or when, without fights erupting or meltdowns ensuing. Obedience is necessary in the world. If I choose to not obey my boss at work, there are consequences. If I choose to not obey laws, there are consequences. Teaching my kids about obedience and about when obedience is necessary is appropriate. And there will also be times when my kids will be taught that disobedience is appropriate (those lessons are already ongoing- when a grown up asks you to do something that is against the rules, you are allowed to disobey that grown up, for example).

Obey isn't a bad word. Obey isn't a negative word. Obedience isn't just for dogs or trained dolphins.

(Someday I should write a post on the similiarities between dog training and child rearing. Everything from reward systems to treats to clickers to discipline to time outs... they are more similar than you might realize.)

With Thanks to the Duggars

2011-12-27T16:27:00.001-05:00

I have to admit that I've been intrigued by the Duggars before. In all honesty, I don't care how many kids they have. They love all of them and they take care of them. I find it remarkable that they live debt free (although I imagine that to be a lot easier with the TV show paycheck coming in). I've never watched a full episode of their show but have caught pieces here and there when flipping around.

The other day, I caught a few minutes of an episode and it changed my life.

No seriously. Don't laugh!

It was a "question and answer" type of thing and the subject of discipline came up. The dad was talking about how the mom is such a quiet and gentle voiced woman and that the foundation of discipline in the home just doesn't require yelling or lots of anger. He said other stuff to but I was transfixed on the scene of the mom sitting on the bed with a child and saying the words that changed my life.

"The first time I say it, you obey it."

Woah. Wow! I love it!

So I started trying it with my kids. And they took to it crazy fast.

I was in a store with Zach, doing a little Christmas shopping. I was paying at the register and he kept wandering off to look at other items on shelves nearby. I asked him twice to stay by me and he kept walking off anyway, insisting that he wanted to look around on his own. I looked at him with my Mom Eyes and said, "The first time I say it..."

He looked at me and gave a big, disappointed "AW!" and marched over and stayed by my side.

Today, I was asking Teagan to clean up something and she was starting to argue with me about wanting to do something else first. Before I could even say the words, she says, "The first time you say it, I obey it!" and did what I was asking!

They are MAGIC WORDS.

The Aftermath

2011-12-26T08:20:00.002-05:00

Whew! What a whirlwind!

It was an interesting holiday.

There were some gifts that were a huge hit that I didn't expect to be so popular. There were gifts that I thought would be a hit that were... meh.

With our kids, we followed the little poem "Something you want, something you need, something you wear, something you read." Then a main gift from Santa and a stocking full of smaller goodies.

Teagan:
Want: Rapunzel from Tangled
Need: new sneakers
Wear: bathrobe
Read: set of first four Magic Treehouse books
Santa: Princess Celestia from My Little Pony
Stocking: Goldilicious (book), markers, headbands, nail polish, Scooby Doo spin brush, Little Mermaid bath scrubby.

Zach:
Want: superhero action figures (Jeff picked out 3)
Need: new sneakers
Wear: superhero undies (he has Marvel undies and this was a set of DC)
Read: 3 books with a common theme of having something to do with space (Aliens Wear Underpants, Skippyjon Jones Lost In Spice, There's No Place Like Space)
Santa: Thor action figure and foam Thor hammer, Yes Day (book), markers, Scooby Doo spin brush, bath scrubby (Spiderman).

Jeff and I decided to not do big gifts for each other this year. The kids had each gotten him a jar candle in a scent he's been looking for. I went with the odd and silly route and got him food storage containers (since he's been cooking more lately), a mini megaphone (so we can always hear him), and a whoopie cushion (because Jeff is funny). I got a new nightgown from Teagan (she picked it because it has coffee and donuts on it). Zach got me a pint of homemade strawberry jam from my favorite breakfast spot- Sunrise Cafe (locally, family owned business) and a Tervis tumbler from there as well.

We also have a whole new pile of toys from friends and family- Barbies and superheroes and vehicles and puzzles and treats. Today, we try to sort it out and organize and put away.

Jeff's birthday is a week away... now the stressful buying decisions have to be made. It's hard to buy for him. I have some ideas but nothing that I know he wants.

But the biggest part of today is recovering from our Christmas hangover. The past week has been filled with candy and treats and presents and family gatherings and late nights and celebrations. While Jeff and I have tried to remain consistent in our discipline, we've also let a lot of things go because they've been operating under Grandma rules or whatever. So today isn't necessarily a fun day. Today is a work day. Today, we get caught up on dishes and we throw out bags and bags and bags of trash. Today, we do laundry and clean bathrooms and floors. Today, we figure out if we have any toys we can donate to Goodwill. Today, we get back to healthier food choices.

Merry Christmas Aftermath.

Oh! There it is!

2011-12-23T05:30:00.000-05:00

I posted earlier this week about struggling to find my Christmas Spirit.

There is no big change. But there is change.

There were some wise comments left on that post. And I also had a great conversation with Christy about how I was feeling. And then I might have had a minor breakdown on Tuesday evening as all of the stress, exhaustion, being overwhelmed, and so on just came to a head.

The heart to heart with Christy got the ball rolling. She understood exactly what I was feeling and validated that I wasn't making it up or overstating my stress load and that my feelings were completely valid.

Tuesday, I was rushing from a long day at work to get home to rush through something with the kids and rush off to my next thing and then I hit a major traffic jam and just had a break down. I called Jeff and the stress overflowed and I cried a little on the phone and a whole lot more after I hung up.

Then I spent 2 hours at church assembling lasagnas with a small team of people and I started to feel connected and plugged in again. One of those people was a guy who was part of our church before I joined. Then he and his wife had moved away for a while. And now they are back. And I've missed them! And I had an opportunity to share with him the impact he and his wife had on me the first time I visited our church- that they were part of the reason I kept coming back. It was a great part of my day.

I was still kind of fragile on Wednesday. The kids went off to school and my husband took some time to hold me and talk to me and reassure me and just love me. And I needed that recharge more than I realized. Off to lunch at a friend's house with a fantastic group of women that I was involved in a special holiday project with the past month... and my heart started to open up to the joy that was all around me.

And what really got me was a gift given to me by the friend hosting our luncheon. It was a set of spices from Penzeys but it was the card that came with the spices that warmed my heart and soul. It comes with this lovely printed card about being kind and showing kindness to others. I loved it.

Thursday brought Lazy Day. The kids were excited for it but the excitement lead to a lack of being lazy. Thankfully, I was still able to spend most of my morning at home in bed while they played in the playroom.

And then something happened...

I was on Facebook and a mom friend posted that if you are in her area and are the first to respond, she had a tray of cinnamon rolls to bring over. I posted "YUM!" and next thing I know... arrangements are being made for her to bring me the cinnamon rolls! It was fantastic to see her and her kids for a few minutes and even more fantastic to snack on those tasty treats with my kids!

Suddenly- the Christmas Spirit was sneaking in. I started reading about that project those moms and I have been working on and realizing the impact the project had made and would be making this season. I wrapped a few presents with the kids. I made plans for a special "last minute shopping day" for Friday.

I started to realize that our traditions were starting up and it was time to sit back and enjoy. I enjoyed some time at church at music practice- just some time singing traditional Christmas carols (my favorite Christmas music) and also laughing with friends.

And now I am sitting at home, watching various Christmas specials and concerts on my local public television station. I'm about to wrap some more presents.

I'm starting to feel some excitement about Christmas. There are still times that I struggle with some negativity- I'm not fully recovered or miraculously healed from the stress of my workload or whatever. But I'm feeling a bit more like myself right now and that feels great.

FitCity: Forgiveness

2011-12-22T17:34:00.002-05:00

Go... read... comment.

Please and thank you!

Wanted: Christmas Spirit

2011-12-19T08:41:00.001-05:00

I've been hesitant to really talk about this because it makes it truly real. I mentioned it on my Facebook page last week. And my blog buddy 4th Frog blogged about it today so I'm going to out myself, too.

I can't seem to find my Christmas Spirit this year.

Every year, I get really excited about Christmas. I love the holidays. I love the lights and the baked goodies and the Christmas carols and the generosity and the gift giving and the time with friends and family. I've often been the bearer of Christmas Spirit to family gatherings.

This year... it's just not there. I'm not feeling it and I don't know why.

We've done a lot of our traditional holiday things this month. We went caroling with our church to a nursing home. We've gone to see the fantastic light displays in our neighborhood and in our town. We've been shopping and gift-giving and planning. We've been practicing for our Christmas program at church.

I've been part of some amazing generosity this holiday season and that usually warms my heart.

But this year, something is missing.

The sermon at church yesterday was all about the gift of Joy. I've been doing a devotional series and the focus right now is on Joy. And yet... my Joy is missing. Not completely- my foundation is joyful, my faith is still founded in Joy. But on the surface this Christmas, my Joy seems to be lacking.

I have little moments where I stop and smile. But my heart is normally bursting with love and joy by this time of the year and it just hasn't happened yet.

I saw something someone posted on Facebook recently that talked about steps to happiness and the first one was to think less and feel more. Maybe I'm thinking too much and not feeling enough?

Maybe it's the stress of the job? Maybe I'm too tired? Maybe I'm not focused on the right things?

I just know there are some great things going on around me, great things I've been a small part of, great things happening to great people... and I can't seem to find the joy inside of me. I've had moments of joy when my kids spontaneously sing "Rudolph" together and I've had my spirit fill up when I read of those Layaway Angels and I've been deeply touched by the outpouring of support when needs are brought to the surface.

And yet, there is something missing inside of me and I don't know what it is that's missing.

So if you've got some holiday spirit to spare, I'd love to have some of yours. If you find some laying around, send it my way. Or if you happen to find mine, could you please return it to me right away?

Christmas Cards

2011-12-15T14:32:00.001-05:00

I love Christmas cards. I love getting the mail and seeing the envelopes that I know contain holiday greetings.

I love cheesy annual newsletters that fill me in on what is going on in another family's life. I love the cheesy ones, the boring ones, and even the ones that seem like oversharing.

I love the snapshot cards so I can see how families and friends are changing and growing and aging.

I love that someone thought of our family when they made that list and bought those stamps and mailed those cards.

However.

I stink at sending Christmas cards. Really stink at it. I maybe get around to it every couple of years. I did a newsletter the first 2 years of Teagan's life but then I had a second kid and all that potential for being organized went out the window. One year, I bought the cards and just never mailed them. For several years, I obsessively bought boxes and boxes of cards on clearance for the next year. But never sent them and sometimes couldn't even find where I had stashed them.

This year, I have cards to send. I don't have a lot but they've been getting a very positive reaction so far. I purchased these last Christmas from Usborne Books and I need to find out if they still sell them because I want to do this every year.

My kids colored these cards. I've had the delightful experience of handing a card to a friend (twice now, actually) and watching their face light up when they read what's inside:

Merry Christmas!
Jeff, Liz
Teagan & Zach
Colored for you by Teagan (age 6) and Zach (age 4)

It's a card that is also a keepsake, a gift. I'm going to have to keep one for myself. They are all sealed up in envelopes and I think I might pick a random one, write the year on it, and store it in my cabinet and never open it until I'm old and gray and my kids are grown and I have grandkids to share them with.

I think I found a new Christmas tradition!

Making Friends

2011-12-14T05:30:00.000-05:00

I'm connected to so many people. And I feel like I always know who I could turn to for different problems or for advice on certain topics or whatever.

But I have to admit that I don't let many people get really close.

I have so many friends who read my blog and they feel close to me because I share so much. But this is just my platform, my space, my place to share. I'm an open book- I live my life authentically and I share my life authentically as well.

I've been part of great communities for the past few years- my church and an online mom community. I've witnessed amazing things happen in each of these groups. In some circumstances, I'm a participant. Sometimes I'm a leader. Sometimes I'm a bystander.

I've watched as friendships have grown between others. I've been happy for friends as I see deeper relationships forming between these moms. I've been eager to see how they support each other, lift each other up, laugh together.

First and foremost, Jeff is my very best friend. He and I have gone through some intense emotional stuff that could easily tear us apart or drive a wedge between us. But one of the things I really love about us is that when things are tough for one of us, the other responds with love. Even if we don't know exactly what the right response is... we know how to be there for each other.

Christy is my main friend. She's my best friend. She knows me inside and out, I think. As well as she can, I suppose. She'll tell you that my greatest fault is this independent streak that can prevent me from asking for help or accepting help. I've always "done it all myself" and it can be tough to stop doing that. I'm great at getting others involved- but when it comes to handling my own stuff, I'm not so good at reaching out. Christy can usually see through that pretty well.

I have some women I have become friends with online and through my church- like Nancy and Ashli and Lety and Satch and Stacy and Kirsten and Jennifer and Jill and Linda and Paulette and more. These are women that I typically see from time to time, for special occassions, or just through church.

I'm starting to realize more and more that I want deeper relationships. Or... more relationships being built. I want more women friends in my life. I want a bigger social group. I want a group of women I can laugh with and cry with and turn to and drink with and talk with at any time. I feel like I have little pieces of what I want scattered in all these different places but there is some part of me that holds back and doesn't fully put myself out there to be a true friend or to seek true friendship.

For the past 7 years, I've been ok with that. Jeff and I had a large social group when we did theatre. It would ebb and flow based on the current show or cast but there was a core group of people that we spent time with on a regular basis. That core group has changed a bit and we aren't so much a part of it anymore. I do get to see those people and always very much enjoy time with them from time to time.

But having kids paused our involvement with theatre. And our social lives. And that makes it hard to stay connected to people who continue to be committed to theatre and their social lives. And it's hard to maintain friendships with other moms when we all have busy schedules pulling us in opposite directions.

For 7 years, I've been content to stay focused on Jeff, the kids, and been immensely thankful for having Christy in my life.

But now I want more.

I am realizing more and more that I need to be truly connected to others. Not just have people connect to who they think I am because they read my blog. I want you to know ME. I want you to talk to me, laugh with me share your problems with me, connect with me.

I'm grateful to have a great foundation already with some great women. I'm excited about some changes that are happening in the upcoming weeks and months that I think will lend to the growth of real friendships for me.

I'm so blessed to have so many fantastic people that I really respect, admire, and like in my life. But it's time to take it a step further.

Because now I need my inner Sally Field to be satisfied. I want to know and be reassured that "You like me! You really like me!"

I'm A Bad Liberal

2011-12-13T08:48:00.000-05:00

I don't have any strong opinions on the Occupy movements going on across the country.

I've seen some opinions volley back and forth on the various social networks- clever videos or pictures. I've read a few articles and listened to pieces on NPR.

But I'm not very educated on the Occupy movements, I'm not very interested, and I haven't really been very concerned.

I think that when I was younger and full of idealistic values, I might have been involved in some of these protests.

But now I'm an adult with a job, a family, and responsibilities.

I get that our country isn't the best. What country is? I don't know. I understand that the protesters are standing up to fight against corporate sway over politics- I agree with that. I understand that the protesters have a list of demands- I'm trying to find that list. I know that the protesters have been pepper sprayed and that there are videos showing protesters being treated unfairly by police in what seems to be a peaceful protest, a peaceful gathering. I know that the protesters are a mix of age, gender, race, and religion.

Yesterday, I saw an article and found myself shaking my head at the Occupy movement. There is a plan to Occupy the ports of the West Coast.

How does that impact the 1%? How is that going to hurt them? What about all of the everyday workers who are impacted by that choice? What about the dock workers who are part of the 99% who won't be able to work? What about the manufacturing line workers who get sent home because the line gets shut down because they don't have materials- materials that were shipped and now stuck because they can't get in on the West Coast?

I saw a brief news piece on a protester who is now seen as a "traitor." She said that everyday, people walking by would say things like, "Get a job!" She felt she didn't have a good answer to that. So she printed up her resume and made a sign that said she was looking for work. She went from Occupy Wall Street to occupying a desk on Wall Street where she could end up being part of that 1%.

Maybe I'm "asleep" or maybe I'm "wearing blinders" or maybe I'm just not taking my liberal, bleeding heart seriously.

Or maybe I'm too busy impacting the lives of people around me. Maybe I'm working my job in Corporate America and I'm saving for college for my kids and I'm blessed that this job offers health insurance and dental insurance and maybe because of this job, my family has a bit more security. And maybe because of all that, I'm able to help others more than I would otherwise be able.

Part of me is intrigued by the Occupy protesters. Part of me wants to learn more. Part of me remembers my own activist heart and the things I used to stand for.

Most of all, I admit to being ignorant and staying ignorant. Even after doing some reading before writing this blog post, I still feel pretty ignorant to exactly what kind of change needs to be seen to satisfy the protesters.

And the reason for my ignorance? I'm busy. Too busy to take time to go and protest something that I don't fully understand. Too busy to take a day to read and listen to all the coverage and interviews and articles and YouTube videos. My life is full of commitments and responsibilities that don't mesh well with these protests.

My only hope is that the protests stop disrupting the lives and jobs and businesses of people who are struggling- just like most of the people in this country. Impacting local restaurants or shops, impacting imports and exports or other transportation, impacting "blue collar" jobs while attempting to make your point seems to defeat the purpose.

Have you had any Occupy experiences? Are you ready to gather up your drum and dance topless to end corporate greed? Are you prepared to be pepper sprayed because you stand up against the Big Banks?

Me... I'm just going to keep up with my own movement. Occupy Liz.

Declaration: Dec 22 is Lazy Day

2011-12-12T08:40:00.001-05:00

The kids and I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning. We all wanted to sleep a little more or at least lay around a while longer. But there's work and school and schedules and we just have to keep going.

Dec 21 is the last day of school before winter break in our district.

Dec 22 has been declared Lazy Day in our household!

The only plan so far is that the kids and I will stay in bed as long as we want.

Dec 21, they will be up late. We have our Christmas program at church. Afterwards, it might be fun to go see some Christmas lights- there is a home near church that coordinates lights and music and there is a large display done every year at Reynolds (local business).

Dec 22, Jeff might have to get up for work. Or maybe he'll schedule the day off, too.

Dec 21, I'll even prepare for the laziness of the next morning. I'm going to stash breakfast foods in the bedroom- we'll treat ourselves to toaster pastries and cereal bars and maybe bread and peanut butter. I'll make sure we all have our water bottles close by.

If a kid wakes up, they can read quietly in their bed. Or they can come lay in my bed. Once all kids have arrived in my bed, the TV will go on and they can lounge in bed and watch TV and eat some breakfast while I keep dozing.

We'll plan out movies to watch once we roll out of that warm and cozy cocoon. I'll make sure we have popcorn and chips n salsa on hand. We'll have frozen pizza for lunch. We'll stay in our jammies all day. We'll play in the playroom, in the living room.

If we feel like cleaning up, we will. If we feel like getting dressed, we will. But if we feel like wearing pajamas all day, watching TV all day, and laying around all day- we will!

Dec 22 is Lazy Day. Do you need an official Declaration for it in your home?

6 Words: New Tradition

2011-12-10T05:30:00.000-05:00

Nursing home caroling,

Chili at church.

Time Off

2011-12-08T09:12:00.001-05:00

The great thing about having been so swamped over the summer is that I was left with vacation time to burn in December!

For the rest of this month, I only work 8 days. I haven't worked a full 5 day week since the week before Thanksgiving and won't again until the week of January 9.

On the one hand, it adds to the stress of the job because work piles up and urgent things still have to get taken care of.

On the other hand, so many people take a lot of time off in December that the level of urgency has decreased since no one is around.

Here's a tidbit I saw this week- US employees don't use all their vacation each year to the tune of $34 billion of work time!

Now maybe some people have an employer that gives enough unofficial benefits during the year that losing a couple of days of vacation is a fair trade. But I'd guess that most jobs don't offer anything special enough to warrant not taking all of your permitted vacation time.

My time off includes 4 days that are without my kids. That time will be used for some downtime, maybe seeing a movie, lunch dates, and housework and home organization projects, shopping, maybe get a massage.

My time off includes 6 non-holiday weekdays with my kids. That time will be used for some holiday fun- visiting the Children's Museum for Jolly Days and Jingle Rails at Eiteljorg and Celebration Crossing at the Indiana State Museum. I'd like to bundle up this Saturday and visit Conner Prairie - when we went last year (or was it the year before?), we learned so much about how Christmas became a holiday celebrated in the ways we now consider tradition!

Time off is important- even if that time ends up being busy. Time away from work is a necessity- to disconnect from the mindframe of tasks and emails and conference calls and office politics. Time to plug in to self and family- to laugh and cook and giggle and play and experience and snuggle and just be still.

What are you doing for time off this season?

My Magic Christmas

2011-12-06T05:30:00.000-05:00

I originally posted this story on December 10, 2008. It's my intention to share it every year as it's an important part of my childhood.

I believe that Christmas is full of magic. Some of it comes from the things people do and some of it comes from angels, miracles, God, etc. My magic Christmas was full of both kinds of magic.

My mom and I struggled when I was a child. She was a single parent until I was 10. She was in dental school full time, working part time, we lived on student loans and her meager income. Lots of assistance from our church family. But not always an abundance of food. No extras for parties or presents or brand new clothes. Living in a safe neighborhood but not a great neighborhood. So Christmas was never a big deal. I wanted it to be. But there weren't traditions that we followed. We didn't have much family around so that wasn't an option. I remember traveling to spend a Christmas with my birth father's family one year. That would have been when I was 4 or 5. I have seen the pictures of the holidays with my grandparents in their home before they moved away (we lived in Lexington and they moved to Elizabethtown).

So mom and I were sometimes on our own for Christmas. We sometimes went to wherever the family was. And one year, we went to visit a family friend. A husband and wife with 3 boys of their own. The oldest was a year or so older than me and the middle son was a year or so younger than me. The youngest was a baby at the time. They had a nice house. A tri-level. The boys had oodles of cool things to play with. It was through this family that I learned of Doctor Who and He-Man and Star Wars (Jeff thanks them for this). Their Mom was warm and kind and smiling eyes. And gave amazing, wrap you up and make everything else disappear hugs. Dad was a scientific type and had a wicked little sense of humor that fantastically embarrassed his children. Not having a dad of my own at this point, I was absolutely in awe of this man. So we make the drive (they lived in Illinois, I think, so it was a long haul) with plans to spend several days with these friends. I don't remember most of the visit. I do remember Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

I was used to being the kid who didn't have what everyone else had. I was used to masking my jealousy, my desires. I was used to protecting myself and my mom from my disappointment and hurt. So I was prepared for that.

The first part of the memory is Christmas Eve. We kids were sent off to bed after the live tree had been put up. Just the tree, bare. No lights, no decorations. The 3 of us (not including the baby) shared a room and spent a lot of time giggling and snorting and laughing and talking and getting told to hush and go to sleep, being threatened with a lack of Santa... you know the drill. I didn't believe in Santa anymore but kept my mouth shut for the sake of the younger of the 2 boys. As we goof off, we are watching out the window from time to time. It was a cold, clear, bright night. And there was a very bright star right outside the window. The adults told us it was the North Star, the same Star that the shepherds and Kings followed to find the stable... we goof off some more and look out the window... the star has moved to the other side of the window. From the right side to the left side. We holler for the adults... and get the "time passes, the earth rotates, blah, blah, blah" answer. So we keep talking and telling stories and look up again... IT MOVED BACK. Major freakout, adults don't believe us, mini-chaos ensues. The adults brush it off and tell us to get to sleep, they shut the blinds. It's the last I remember from that night. Sleep must have followed soon after. Or we ended up separated, who knows.

Then the morning comes. The oldest son is awake and excited and jumping around, running up and down the hallway, eager for everyone to wake so we can go downstairs and see the presents. No one had been downstairs yet (their family tradition was that the family goes down together). Remember... this is a tri-level home. So you come down from the bedrooms, into the living room, turn the corner to head down to the den... the kitchen overlooks it... we scramble into the kitchen to look over into the den...

Magic.

I had never seen anything so magnificent in my life. I still haven't. The tree was decorated and lit with tiny white lights. There was gold paper and decorations everywhere. There were stockings overflowing on the mantle of the fireplace. The presents... the pile at the bottom of the tree spilled out onto the surrounding floor and spread all the way down the length of the fireplace. I got very caught up in the moment. No one could see that sight and not get caught up in the magic. Overnight, the room went from a plain old den to a Christmas Wonderland. It was amazing.

Reality hit soon though. No matter how exciting it is to see a huge pile of presents... the disappointment of knowing they aren't YOUR presents does eventually sink in. So while the 2 boys went racing down the steps so they could start dividing out who got what present, I hung back and put on my mask to cover the disappointment. To steel myself for the watching of the boys opening their piles while I probably opened 1 or 2 gifts.

I came down the stairs with my mom. And there was a pile for me. A large pile. More than 1 or 2 presents. My mom had tears in her eyes... she didn't even know how much this family had done for us. There were envelopes in that tree... to this day, I don't know what all was in them but my assumption is gift certificates and cash for my mom. And I sat down and slowly began to open my gifts. So beautifully wrapped, with gold, glowing bows. I wanted the morning to last forever. I wanted the magic to stay with me forever. The boys tore through their openings, ripping through paper, tossing aside ribbons.

It was my magic Christmas. I don't remember most of what I got that year. I believe it was mostly clothing and practical things. But I was given a beautiful doll. Not a baby doll. But a blond haired doll with eyes that opened and closed and she wore a gorgeous brown velvet Victorian style dress with a matching hat and little black velvet shoes and tiny little white lace pantaloons. I never named her but I did keep her.

We will decorate our tree very soon. And I will bring my doll down from her shelf in my bedroom. And I will remember that most magical of Christmases... when I learned about compassion and humanity and felt included and loved in a way I hadn't ever expected or anticipated. And I will continue to work to teach my daughter and my son that same lesson. To this day, I work to pay forward the kindnesses that were done for me and my mom. Especially at Christmastime. Because every child, every person deserves a Magic Christmas!

Slacker

2011-12-05T08:21:00.001-05:00

I am such a slacker right now.

Not in general. Just in blogging. I miss being here. I miss writing. I miss having a life that felt balanced. I was busy but I was managing just fine.

My weekend was busy. Crazy busy. Good stuff busy. But no time to rest- which is the purpose of a weekend.

Friday night, I went to The Belfry (local community theatre) to see a show that Christy is in. I enjoyed the show and really enjoyed seeing so many of my old theatre friends. A friend in the cast was hosting that night's cast party so I was bale to crash and hang out with people. I got home around 1:30. Yikes!

Saturday, Christy came and picked me and Teagan up and we grabbed some breakfast and hit the road to drive about 40 minutes away to Plainfield High School for the annual Gingerbread Christmas craft show that we were introduced to last year. It was fantastic and Teagan was an enjoyable addition to our trek. In fact, we've decided it will be a tradition from now on that the three of us go to this event together and have lunch at the Black Swan Brewpub afterwards.

We were wiped out after that adventure. Came home for a little down time- which involved a lot of doing stuff at home- and I was out for the evening again. This time, sushi with a group of mom friends. I had a fantastic evening! Laughter, good news, good food.

Sunday- out the door at 8:40 to get to church on time. Sing at first service, choir between services, sing at second service, luncheon at church to hear stories of the work done by our mission teams in Guatemala this past fall, home to unearth the totes of Christmas decorations so I can grab some ornaments to take to the ornament exchange party that's a fundraiser for our Women of Faith group that I'm co-leading. Off to the party where I laugh and enjoy the company of some of my favorite women.

Then it's off to pick up the family, dinner, grocery store, home in time for the kids to go to bed, then downstairs to start the 2 AM Podcast live airing at 8. We end up talking until about 9:30 and then hang out a bit after.

So at 10:00 on Sunday, I sat down on the couch and put my feet up and turned on Desperate Housewives and realized it was the first time I'd vegged out that weekend. So I stayed there for about 30 minutes before heading to bed.

And somehow, in all that chaos, I couldn't find time to blog.

See? Slacker.

Verizon's Samsung Galaxy Tab

2011-12-02T08:08:00.001-05:00

I've had a most wonderful opportunity for the past several weeks to test out a Samsung Galaxy Tab from Verizon. It's been really fun and I'm honestly really impressed with the technology.

Here's how I've used the tablet this past month:

- Flash cards for Teagan. We have "old fashioned" flash cards that are part of her weekly homework. But we found an app that made a game of flashcards- you get a score based on how quickly you answer and how accurate you are. The family all took turns playing and Teagan really enjoyed using the app.

- Games for Zach. He really enjoyed a fun memory game that was jungle themed. Best of all, if you missed a match, the game farts at you. He loved that. He also really enjoyed a wild animal app with pictures of different animals and the app makes animal noises.

- We also discovered Zoodles. It's a collection of games, books, videos, and drawing tools for kids. You set up a login for each kid and Zoodles loads up specific stuff that is age appropriate. Zoodles also has a Kid Mode so that your child is in the app and can't go into other things. The videos and games seem to primarily come from PBS- lots of Curious George and Sesame Street for the younger set. My kids love that they each have their own login. And I like that I get a weekly email that tells me how long they used Zoodles, what activities they did, etc.

- Games for me. I like to have games on my Smartphone. There are times I just want some entertainment to kill time or as a little stress escape. Angry Birds is a well known favorite. I also enjoy Pretty Pet Salon and it is so much better on a tablet than on my smartphone. And I found a new game that has become a serious addiction. It's called Diversion. Check it out- but be warned that you might want to lock yourself in a bathroom and play for 14 hours.

- Netflix. Jeff downloaded the Netflix app on the tablet on Thanksgiving. I wish I'd known to do that sooner. Jeff has a Netflix account and we watch streaming movies and shows regularly. With the app, I can watch shows on the tablet. I got caught up on season 2 of Parenthood, for example. I watched it at home on our Xbox and could pause an episode and finish watching it on the tablet later. I could pause it on the tablet and resume it at home through our Blu-Ray player or Xbox. I'm totally hooked on having Netflix at my fingertips and want to get a list going of all the shows I want to get caught up on!

Bottom line is that the tablet is fun and impressive. I got comments on it when I took it places. I enjoyed, for example, going out to breakfast and being able to read news articles on MSNBC's app or Yahoo's app and not have to deal with a bulky newspaper. And the guy at the table next to me struck up a conversation about it- he is considering a tablet for work. He owns his own business and could use the apps and accessibility of a tablet for marketing, invoicing, and so on.

I'm not tech savvy enough to give you all the ins and outs and compare it to other devices. I can tell you that my kids and I had fun with the camera, the apps, and the mobility of it.

So if you've got a techie on your list this Christmas or someone who travels often or someone who spends a lot of time waiting at kid events or an older person who could benefit from the lighting on the pages for easier reading - Verizon's Samsung Galaxy Tab might be the perfect gift!

Refining St. Nick

2011-12-01T05:30:00.000-05:00

I've been blogging about Santa since 2008. My questions about what to teach my kids arose when my 2 year old expressed concern that a strange man who had been watching her was now going to come into her home in the middle of the night while she was asleep. Understandable concerns when you think about it.

In 2009, we chose our path to focus more on the legend of St. Nicholas and less on Santa Claus. It went so well that it became our tradition for 2010.

And here we are approaching Christmas yet again and I am excited to focus on Saint Nick and the lesson of giving that he represents.

Here's a little run down of our Christmas / St. Nick / Santa Claus traditions:

1. Just before Christmas Eve, Santa will send a note to the kids, asking them to buy some food for him to pick up and take to other families that are hungry.

2. On Christmas Eve, we put out a box of food. After the kids go to bed, I always go to church for the 11:00 service and I put the food in Pastor Jennifer's trunk - her parents work at the food pantry so it's an easy transfer from her to them to the food pantry.

3. Santa leaves 1 present for each kid and a stocking of fun goodies. The kids are starting to think about what to ask for from Santa.

4. Previously, Santa has asked the kids to donate toys to Goodwill or a group that needs these for kids. It was our way of cleaning out toys we don't play with as we got new things at Christmas. However, we're going through that process already so it won't be necessary by the time we get to Christmas.

5. We don't go overboard on our gifts to our kids. They get so much from grandparents and extended family and they don't have needss that aren't met throughout the year. We follow this little rhyme: "Something you want, something you need, something you wear, something you read." Want is easy- Teagan wants more Barbie stuff, Zach wants superheroes. Wear is easy- a bathrobe for Teagan, a new shirt or something for Zach. Read is already done- picked up books at the Scholastic Book Fair at Teagan's school recently. Need- for Teagan will be a bathrobe and Zach has expressed he wants peanuts for Christmas so that could fit into this category.

6. One of my favorite traditions is our Christmas Eve. We go to church for a family friendly service. Then we come home and the kids open specific presents- new pajamas and a special ornament for that year. Then bedtime- my favorite time of day (heehee).

As we go about our holiday shopping and fun events around town, we don't make a big effort to visit Santa at every place. We generally pick one special event to see Santa and then any other sightings are by chance and from afar.

So we do lie to the kids about Santa. But we also teach that the traditions of Santa are to remember the kind and compassionate things that St. Nicholas did in the past.

At this year's State Fair, there was a celebration of Germany that was ongoing for the course of the Fair. Most of the exhibit was meh... there were even things I found downright grating (like a fake piece of the Berlin wall that wasn't identified as being a replica so people were getting all emotional and excited to have their picture taken in front of it). But when I saw the holiday area and I laid eyes on Saint Nicholas, I was like a kid. I wanted to hug him! And what's funny is that Saint Nicholas isn't something from my childhood in any way. I just didn't like the commercialism of Christmas and sought out a way to bring meaning to the season for my kids.

What are your holiday traditions? How do you handle Santa in your home? What are your memories of Santa from when you were a kid?

Progress

2011-11-28T19:09:00.001-05:00

On Sunday, I shared with you that we had very limited time to do a lot of work in our living room to get things ready for Christmas.

A few weeks ago, Jeff and I had talked briefly about rearranging the living room but then decided it was too much effort.

Sunday, I headed to church for the morning. Left the house around 9:00. After 2nd service, I headed over to Jeff's parent's house for our Thanksgiving celebration with them. Jeff arrived a bit after us- he probably got there around 12:30. And told me right away that I wasn't going to be happy because the house was a complete shambles.

Instead of just moving the one shelf I wanted moved to make room for the Christmas tree, he proceeded with the total rearrangement plan. But was only in mid-switch when it was time to head to lunch.

And he was right- it was a shambles. But he'd gotten a lot of work done so we spent a couple of hours getting the big furntiure moving done and then he spent time working on hooking up all the electronics.

I had today off work and spent my time putting things away, cleaning off shelves, organizing, throwing away trash, and so on.

It still isn't done. But here is a picture of that corner- this is the "after" and you can see that it is totally different!

And as you can see, the tree is up. We haven't fluffed it or fixed the branches or even gotten the decorations out yet. But we wanted to get it set up. I did some digging and found some decorations I haven't had out in a long time- my Christmas Village. Having small kids in the house means not having a lot of breakables around. But I decided that this year... I think we can handle it. I left the really breakable things put up. But I'm happy to have our unique Christmas Village all set up!

Progress is being made and I feel really good about the work we've been doing to our living room. The best part is that Jeff is talking about getting the dining room cleaned up now that it isn't just hiding behind the couch. The new arrangement leaves the room more open and I really like it.

It isn't done but it is progress!

Preparation

2011-11-27T07:23:00.001-05:00

Putting up a Christmas tree really shouldn't be such a challenge.

This year, we are eager for a change in our living room. We want to rearrange furniture to prepare for tree placement. But then we get tired from that whole parenting thing and once bedtime arrives, we have no energy to even consider rearrangement.

*sigh*

So my goal for this weekend is to get one specific corner cleared out and the small pieces of furniture set into new spots. I want our tree up and decorated by the end of today. This will be a challenge since church will keep me away from home from about 8:45 until... well all afternoon because we will be doing Thanksgiving with Jeff's family after church. Our day will not be spent at home.

So meeting my goal is going to be a serious challenge.

Ready? Set? Go!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T05:30:00.000-05:00

Healthy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Looking for some last minute inspiration to help keep you on track with making some healthier choices this Thanksgiving? Check out my latest FitCity Indianapolis post!

Gratitude

2011-11-22T05:30:00.000-05:00

Not only did I fall behind on blogging, I fell behind on my daily sharing of what I am thankful for each day. That list off to the side hasn't been updated since Nov 15! So I'm going to amend that here on my blog instead of posting an obnoxiously long update on Facebook. The beauty of having a blog!

Nov 16 - That was last Wednesday. My thankfulness for that week was found that evening when I practiced with Pastor Jennifer and the kids at church for the upcoming Christmas Program. I love working with these kids and sharing music and entertainment with them- I appreciate that I have talents to share with these kids that can inspire them to use their talents for God, too!

Nov 17 - Another church related gratitude. My involvement with my Praise Team is so important to me. Getting involved there has changed my relationship with my church and brought me into a niche, a fold, a family within my church family. Gotta give mad props to Ashli, Jennifer, Victoria, Jill, Lucy, Randy, Ed, Rich, Jonathon, Tim, Seth and others who are part of that experience!

Nov 18 - Home. I'm thankful for the house we live in and that we have made it into our home. Yes, it's messy, needs updating, needs renovation. But it's ours and it's a secure place for us.

Nov 19 - Prayer. We had a prayer service at church. A little music and about 45 minutes of focused, quiet prayer time. Silence for 45 minutes (well, quiet music in the background). Every mom in our congregation should have been there- 45 golden, precious moments of no talking. It was wonderful and went by so quickly! Seriously- the prayer time was valuable to me and I found some comfort and answers in the Bible as I led to it through my prayers. It was a great experience.

Nov 20 - TV. It sounds silly and superficial, I know. Materialistic. And it is- it's a guilty pleasure. I'd love to go on about the value of being so fully informed and the availability of information and so on. But truly... I'm all about the teen angst and zombies and adventures leading up to meeting your mother and a not old fashioned family.

Nov 21 - Fun coffee beverages. I'm not just talking about the holiday favorites that come out at national and local coffee houses or even about the special holiday flavors of my favorite coffee creamers. I'm also talking about the make-your-own kind. at work, half a cup of coffee with half a cup of hot chocolate and a melty peppermint.... mmmmmm...

Nov 22 - Little Explorers Preschool. I'm sad to think of the day we are no longer part of this sepcial school family and the annual events like last night's Thanksgiving Feast. Zach was excited to go to school yesterday once he remembered he would be helping to cook the meal for that night! The attention he gets, the way the teachers and staff know my kids so, so well... the way my kids are loved (even Teagan who is no longer a student there)... it's special and so important to our family.

3 Days

2011-11-21T05:30:00.000-05:00

I went 3 days without blogging.

Oops.

Got a little busy. And I don't think it's going to let up.

Here's a few things to share...

1. If you are on Facebook and want an easy and no-cost-to-you way to help a great group that does great work in Guatemala, please consider giving a quick vote to Mission Guatemala. My church recently had 2 teams travel down there to work. The group does great things there- building homes, providing improvements to homes and food supplies, providing dental and medical care, feeding children.
Click on this link http://bit.ly/tHzDgZ for Mission Guatemala

Click on the green "Vote & Share" button.

You may be prompted to like Chase Community Giving page. Please "like" Chase Giving page.

Make sure to click on "Vote & Share" button again.

When you click on the Vote & Share button, a new window may open that states: "Chase Community Giving" is request permission to do the following...". This window will have an "Allow" button that needs to be clicked.

Once you click the Allow button, a new message will appear with the "Vote & Share" button at the bottom.

Voting is not complete unless you click this "Vote & Share" button and see a message "Thanks for your Vote", and the vote count increases. The link to Vote will appear on your Facebook page as well after you Vote successfully. That is how you know that you have done it correctly, plus next to your photo on the upper center right of the page it will say: 9 VOTES LEFT...or any number if you have voted previously.

2. If you are looking for a truly hands on way to directly help someone this holiday season, I've got a project going on that you could be part of. Needs this year are so great and so many holiday budgets are going towards covering basic living expenses or home emergencies. Savings are blown through and there's nothing left. I'm fortunate to be part of a group of moms that comes together every year to provide Christmas for families who need a little love for the holidays. So if you'd like to be part of our efforts, please leave me a comment or drop me an email (gentlemomlc gmail).

3. I'd also encourage you to be courageous in your own efforts where you live to reach out. Maybe you have a co-worker who is struggling this year... maybe a child in your daughter's class... maybe your favorite server at your favorite local restaurant... just consider the compassion you can give to others around you. A bigger tip, a brighter smile, a kind word, a supportive note.

4. I did my first Kiva loans a few months ago and 1 of the 2 has been paid off and another is making progress. Because of that, I had money that I could reloan, take for myself, or donate directly to Kiva. I wanted to loan again so I started looking. And I found a woman named Joyce in Kenya who was seeking a loan for her farming needs. I chose Joyce because she needed a last loan of $25 to complete her needs (her toal need amount was $450)- I got excited to be the person to make the loan complete. Do you Kiva?

5. And finally... when you do your holiday shopping this year, I encourage you to consider visiting local boutiques and shops for your shopping list. I think that the best way to support our communities is by putting the money we spend into the pockets of people who are our neighbors and who are supporting their families through their entrepeneurship. So visit a local gallery, make a deal with your favorite knitter or wood carver, go check out that "make your own pottery" place. I haven't done much shopping yet but what I've done has come from an independent bookstore and a craft show.

Now- share your tips! What are some ways you are giving this year?

Oh Happy Day!

2011-11-17T08:59:00.001-05:00

Ever have one of those days where you just feel good?

Where you wake up and roll out of bed and somewhere in the course of the morning, you just decide that it will be a good day and it actually works that way?

Where you look around and just see beauty in the sunrise or the birds or even in the funny bumper sticker on the car ahead of you?

Where your goal is to see people smile and hear people laugh?

Where you just feel totally filled with love and have a sense that, even in the hard times, life is a good thing?

I'm having one of those days.

Life is still as busy and hectic as usual. My workload is as cram-packed as usual. The cranky people around me each day are still cranky and still around me. The problems in life are still there.

But it's a good day. Earlier this week, I had the privilege of being a Spark and I think I'm riding the high of what was accomplished and will be accomplished by the end of the month.

My heart is full, my soul is comforted, I am loved, I am blessed.

Oh Happy Day!

A Yummy Dinner the Whole Family Liked!

2011-11-15T18:26:00.001-05:00

My mom sent me a tip on a yummy chicken slow cooker recipe she tried last week.

I planned for it and sent Jeff a message this morning to let him know he could set up the slow cooker if he went home for his lunch break today.

And he did. And it was delicious.

We had about 2 lb of boneless, skinless chicken breast. 1 can of cream of chicken soup. A few spoonfuls of cream cheese. A packet of Italian dressing seasoning. Put it all in, cooked on low for 5 hours.

It shredded like a dream. Teagan tasted a bite and loved it. I also knew she had her heart set on shredded BBQ chicken like she'd sampled at the grocery over the weekend. I'd found a BBQ sauce without High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) - Bull's Eye. It's my new favorite BBQ sauce- great smoky flavor and perfect blend of sweet and spicy.

So Teagan had hers shredded with BBQ sauce. Zach had his shredded without BBQ sauce. Jeff and I had regular chicken breast. I did a quick steamer bag of cut green beans and a 90 second heat up bag of Uncle Ben's long grain and wild rice. Teagan added ponzu sauce to her rice. I added the sauce from the slow cooker to my green beans and rice.

Zach had 2 helpings of chicken. Teagan had 2 helpings of chicken and rice. The chicken was a big hit- they ate good sized portions with each serving.

Meal time has been a source of stress in this house before and there have also been big changes happening in the past few weeks. Tonight, we had a meal that Jeff and I both made together (in our own way) and that the family really enjoyed.

I like that.

Spark

2011-11-14T19:31:00.001-05:00

This past Sunday, Pastor Rusty's children's sermon focused on the importance of being the spark that starts good things happening. He urged the kids to speak up to their teachers and parents when they see an opportunity to help.

Today, I got to be a spark.

Someone was in need and the situation was pretty desperate. All I did was ask a couple of groups of people if they could help out financially. And they came through with flying colors.

Not a single one of those helpers is rich enough to fix this immediate need with one donation.

But when enough people make a lot of smaller donations, big change happens.

A small spark leading to many little fires that is blooming into a bonfire.

There are so many ways to be that spark. I think the best way is to live as authentically as possible. When you are your true self, when you aren't afraid of giving to others, when you aren't worried about stepping outside of your comfort zone, that's when the life you live is the spark.

Speak up. If you know someone who is struggling, reach out. Maybe all they need is to know someone cares, maybe you can start a wildfire.

Be the spark.

Pride of Dayton

2011-11-13T13:44:00.001-05:00

Pictures from Family Weekend at University of Dayton, Pride of Dayton Marching Band.

DRUMline Live

2011-11-11T09:57:00.001-05:00

I was going to write a Fragments post for today. I was going to have 11 fragments for 11/11/11. Then I thought maybe I should write a Veterans Day post. But then...

I spent a great night with a friend (Thank you to Linda for buying an extra ticket when she learned of the show!) having an incredible time at a show that I'd never even heard of- DRUMline Live.

DRUMLine Live is a celebration of the marching band tradition of Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU). It brings a scaled down version of the football field to the stage. However, this isn't a show that is just about marching bands.

It's really a history lesson on black music and the influence of that music on the marching bands of HBCU's.

It isn't the kind of thing you go to if you are looking for something devoid of any cheese factor. Because there certainly is some. But there has to be something that ties everything together so I could forgive the cheese because the music was so incredible.

I'm going to speak as plainly as I can right now and not try to censor so forgive me if anything comes across as ignorant or whatever and just read it for the intent I'm going for, ok?

I grew up in very white communities. When I think back to the schools I attended, there were few faces around me that weren't the same color as mine. Even though we moved several times and I attended at least 4 different schools (not counting preschools here), I think back to the pictures and memories and can say that I could pretty much count on one hand how many people were not white in my class. When I started a new school for high school, I soon became friends with a group of girls... that weren't white. It was eye opening. More than that, it was heart and soul opening for me.

I learned about racism and I learned about soul and I learned about faith and I learned about roots and I learned about this culture that was so much like my own but so very different from my own. And being with this group of girls, I found a place inside of me that opened up and music filled it in a way I'd never experienced before.

That holds true to this day.

My emotional times at church are when I am singing. When I am stressed or need to pep it up, I turn to music. Just belting out "Don't Rain On My Parade" can change the tempo of my entire day. Music is something that opens my soul... there is something about the history of it that becomes very entrenched in my being. Music is something that ties history and culture together.

Unexpectedly, I really tapped into that with this show.

The saddest part of the night was the audience. I was fortunate to have a friend who had an extra ticket and invited me along. The theatre was barely half full. If it was even half full. I went into the evening thinking my friend and I would be the only "old white women" in the audience but it ended up being a very diverse crowd - from age to skin color. Having done theatre, a small audience isn't necessarily a bad audience. Some of my best show experiences have been when the crowd is light- but still lively. This audience was small and dead. They apparently thought this was a show to sit and enjoy- like the symphony or something.

This is a show where you yell and clap and get up and shake what your mama gave you. I would have been on my feet a lot more- except no one else would stay up. I think the audience got up and involved twice. My energy was high and I loved every second and I had a dopey grin on my face any time I wasn't busy singing along. I couldn't sit still. This music- the brass and the drums- it gets inside of you and forces your shoulders and feet and hips to move. I chair danced to the best of my old white lady ability.

The show ends with the band marching out to the lobby in the style of a New Orleans parade. They performed in the lobby and we were encouraged to stick around and meet the musicians. These are some incredibly talented people and many of them did multiple things in the show- dance, sing, play more than 1 instrument. I was eager to not only meet but also hug as many cast members as I could (and I totally did).

My 2 favorite moments were when the MC of the show and one of the female singers recognized me. And thanked me for my energy. As a former performer, I totally get that. As a fan of the show, I loved that the connection I was feeling to the people on stage was real.

There are tour dates set through 2011. I am hoping the show comes back around again soon as I've already got another friend lined up that MUST see it with me, experience it with me and who will get up and dance with me. There are several upcoming dates around Michigan, Ohio, and New York. You can check out their Facebook page for info.

And now a couple of tips that I think would help improve the DRUMLine Live experience.

1. Marketing. I never heard or saw an advertisement for the show. Budgets are tight but most social media is free. Gotta get hooked in with the bloggers, Facebookers, Tweeters, etc and get the word out about your show! My friend who got the tickets only found out about it because she went on the ticket website to buy tickets for an upcoming Oakridge Boys Christmas Show- and I'm betting that won't be a common occurrence for most people. Maybe working with local schools and churches would help? Another thought would be to try and time the show with a current event that might build the crowd- like the Circle City Classic or Black Expo and then partner with the group for cross promotion opportunities. There was a state marching band competition in town this week and there was a group next to me from Southern Indiana who were int own for that competition and somehow heard about the show. There has to be a way to better reach those groups. Maybe doing something with Groupon or Eversave or Living Social?

2. No program. There was no program provided so I have no clue who was in the show and I can't even accurately try and lay out the show for you to tell you when they did the Gospel section or the Motown section or the Blues. A program would also be a great way to show pride in where the performers are from- which of the HBCU's are represented in the cast? What is the history of how the show got started?

3. Improve the website. It doesn't have nearly enough information and it appears that it isn't updated frequently (for example, next weekend's Cincinnati dates aren't listed).

And my favorite moments:

When the MC/Host of the evening entered into the Gospel section and encouraged the audience to look around and to see the diversity of the crowd and to value it and to know that God's love is meant for everyone.

The neon lights in the dark drumline was fantastic.

Loved the medleys of Motown and pop music and also the medley of dance songs (I tried jumping to my feet for that one but again- dead audience so I ended up sitting down. Do you know how hard it is to Tootsie Roll when you're seated in a theatre seat?).

The overall energy and passion and talent of every single person on that stage.

If you hear about DRUMLine Live, if it is touring near you, I'd really encourage you to go see it and be prepared to let your guard down and let the music take you over. Jump up and dance, clap, yell, put your hands in the air. It is an experience not to be missed!

Why Are Yours So Big?

2011-11-10T05:30:00.000-05:00

Zach is a funny little dude. He's 4 years old now and he doesn't old back with what he thinks or feels and he doesn't get too flumoxed if he isn't right about something. He enjoys being curious and learning through his mistakes.
And that means that he says some really funny stuff.
***
Jeff and I were in our bedroom and I was getting dressed for the day. Zach walked into the room wearing his pj's (he sleeps in just pj pants and no shirt), just as I was putting on my bra. He looked at me... closely... and his hands went to his chest and he said,

"Why are yours so BIG?"
***
Zach had started complaining about a week ago that his penis was hurting. He complained at home, we looked and didn't see anything. Complained at school and was checked (with permission) and nothing. We have since located the issue and had the doctor check him this week and it's all good now. However, last week it was apparently bothering him more than we knew.

He hurt his finger at school and was sent up to the front office to see Lori, the owner and director of the school. He walked in, held out his finger and explained that he's hurt it. Lori asked if he wanted a bandaid for it and he did. She turned around to get the bandaid and when she turned back... he had his pants and underwear around his ankles! She asked him what he was doing and he said, "I pulled my pants down so you can put the bandaid on my penis!"

***

I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom and Zach came in to use the potty (this is pretty normal around here). He starts talking and isn't going to stop- he gets into that mode sometimes.

"I'm glad you're in here Mommy cuz I hafta poop! (he climbs on the toilet) It's gonna be a BIG one, too, Mommy. (he is now using the toilet) I know it's big cuz when I'm pushing it out, my face gets cold!"

***

And a conversation with his sister over Halloween candy:

Teagan: Zachary, you have balls and I have balls! (She has Skittles)

Zach: I have balls! (eating Whoppers)

T: We saved our balls for last!

Z: My balls are chocolate!

T: Mine are fruity!

Z: My balls are crunchy!

T: Mine are fruity!

***

Me: We aren't watching any Christmas specials yet. What comes before Christmas?

Teagan: Thanksgiving!

Zach: August!

Book Fairs

2011-11-09T05:30:00.000-05:00

Our school is having a Scholastic Book Fair this week. Our preschool has had events like this but different. At the preschool, catalogs were sent home and links were emailed so you could order books online. This is our first official Book Fair where you send money to school and your kid picks out what they want to buy.

First, I want to brag a little on my girl. She knew what she wanted- A Dolphin Tale. She showed the catalog to Zach and he got excited to see Lightening McQueen books. I was so proud that she brought home the book she wanted, a collection of 5 Lightening McQueen stories, a Scooby Doo book for them to share, and a Biscuit book that she can read on her own. She was very excited to get a receipt showing her purchases and to bring home 4 cents in change.

But that isn't the purpose of this post.

I'm thinking that it might be Book Fair time at your school, too. Or maybe there will soon be a Book Fair at your school.

As a kid, we struggled financially. My mom was a single mom and sometimes it was tough to make ends meet. There wasn't extra in the budget for things like skating parties or book fairs.

I loved to read, I loved books. I felt the excitement in my school as Book Fair time approached. And I remember the Book Fair setting up in our school library. I remember our class having time to go to the Book Fair and look at the books and other offerings.

And I knew there wasn't anything for me.

There were books I wanted. But there wasn't money for them.

I missed out on many things as a kid but the Book Fair is one of those things that has always stayed strong in my memory.

When I sent in the envelope for Teagan's budgeted spending money, I sent in a second envelope. I included a note to the teacher and $10. I asked her to please use the money if she knew of a student that maybe couldn't participate in the Book Fair because of struggles at home.

I'm sharing this because my hope is that others might consider doing the same. It doesn't take much to have a big impact on someone else's life. It doesn't take much to show kindness to others. This is just one way to care for someone else that maybe you hadn't considered before.

Look What Jeff Made!

2011-11-08T05:30:00.000-05:00

DINNERTIME!

Friday, Jeff made dinner. As you might recall, I shared our anniversary celebration a few weeks ago where we bought each other gifts in the traditional and contemporary vein of salt, linen, bronze. One of the gifts I got Jeff- in the salt line- was a cookbook. It was Teagan's idea to o in a cooking mindframe based on "salt." The cookbook is the "Busy People's Slow Cooked Cookbook" by Dawn Hall.

He flipped through it and was inspired by a recipe called Beef Roast Excellente. We didn't have exactly everything the recipe called for but it inspired a recipe we made up on our own.

2 lb pot roast
2 cans Dr Pepper (you could use diet if you prefer)
frozen diced onions
potatoes
carrots

He sprayed the crock pot with Pam and then poured in the Dr. Pepper and added the onions and pot roast. Then he used Dawn Hall's pocket pouch for the potatoes and carrots to avoid the veggies becoming mushy. This is where you use foil to make a pouch for your veggies so they stay out of the liquid. He set the timer for 7 hours on low. He stopped by home at the end of the cooking time and checked the meat with a meat thermometer and it was done. He left the slow cooker on warm and opened up the veggie pouch and added the potatoes and carrots to the liquid in the slow cooker. When we served up dinner... the meat just fell apart. The potatoes and carrots were done exactly right. On my plate, I smashed up my potatoes and topped them with sour cream and some bacon bits.

I am very proud and thankful... my husband did great!!

Who the NYTimes Says I Am

2011-11-07T05:30:00.000-05:00

Just something kinda fun today... a little quiz that was shared on fly away.

Go to this link and take the Visual quiz.

I'm a Life Lover. I found it to be pretty accurate, I think.

You are a bit of a dreamer and you are drawn to anything with a sense of mystique. Despite being a bit of a homebody, you love letting your mind wander off to far flung lands where anything can happen. You are thoughtful and original in your outlook. You like to be made to think and often seek out ways to expand your horizons.
You're creative and imaginative and like to be inspired. Home is where your heart is and you love nothing more than putting personal touches to your space. You're laid-back and relaxed with a very healthy attitude to life. Naturally down-to-earth, you don't believe in sweating the small stuff. Life's for living, with minimum stress and maximum enjoyment and so fun with family and friends is top of the list as far as you're concerned. Food is a definite passion too and you're always up for tantalizing your taste buds. You're a bit of a dreamer at heart. But there's nothing wrong with that. Set your sights high and you'll create the life you deserve. The Home and Garden section is perfect for you - bring the latest trends into your home.

I even went back and changed a couple of my answers because I'd felt kind of torn between different options and it still gave me the same result.

How about you?

Pumpkin Patch

2011-11-06T05:30:00.000-05:00

For the past two years, the annual preschool/kindergarten field trip to the pumpkin patch has ended up cancelled due to weather. It's been a disappointment each year since Jeff and I would take the day off work so we could go along. This year, the weather was perfect and we had a great time!

6 Words: Go Flyers!

2011-11-05T05:30:00.000-04:00

Dayton Flyers, Family Day, Marching Band!

Here's my post from 2 years ago for pics and details.

Promo Day!

2011-11-04T14:52:00.000-04:00

I've had a lot of promos hit my inbox lately. Generally speaking, it's just a press release or something. But sometimes there are fun things, too. Or interesting things that I think are worth sharing.

***

MyOwnPet Balloons to benefit Canines for Disabled Kids. I am seriously thinking of ordering these for my kids. It's a pet but it's a balloon so no puke, no feeding, no peeing on the carpet. You can leave it home alone for the weekend. And by ordering through this link, $5 of each purchase is donated to Canines for Disabled Kids- which sounds like a great organization: Canines for Disabled Kids (CDK) began in 1998 as an offshoot of the NEADS Dog for Deaf and Disabled American’s training program. Very few assistance dog programs are willing to provide trained assistance dogs for children under age 12. CDK saw a need and worked to filled it. It was possible to train dogs to help autistic children, children with hearing impairments, and other disabled children in the classrooms.

***

Sweet is a lesbian travel agency that aims to make the world a better place. It's travel with mission work included. Check out the segment from PBS' IN THE LIFE and be inspired! Sweet is a lesbian travel company with a twist. Merging the best of lesbian travel with social and environmental awareness, Sweet aims to make the world a better place while having a blast in it. All of Sweet’s vacations are carbon neutral, meaning they offset the pollution created by their air, land and sea travel. They traveling to amazing places (Belize, Mexico, Italy) with the very best lesbian entertainers and extravagant parties, while also supporting their guests’ personal enrichment, raising money for worthwhile causes and doing meaningful projects all over the world. I would totally go gay for this company. But since I can't, I'll just help spread the news. What I also love is that the company LIVES the values they sell. The trips planned are eco-responsible, and the company as a workplace offers a fantastic work environment to its employees.

***

Finally, this is one I wasn't contacted about but learned about through Baise Communications. There is a remarkable young woman in Canada who saw a problem and has taken action to try and make the world a better place. This really touched my heart! The Ladybug Foundation was started by Hannah Taylor in 2004 when she was just 8 years old and was actually inspired to find a way to make an impact on homelessness when she was just 5 years old and saw a homeless man digging through a dumpster on a cold winter's day.

***

So just a few things to check out and things I think are worth promoting!

What November Is All About

2011-11-03T13:12:00.001-04:00

Last year, I wrote a post about Thanksgiving. That it comes before Christmas. And that we celebrate Thanksgiving before we start celebrating Christmas.

This year, I went and read Suldog's post on the theme (he helped me find my voice on the subject last year) and found something very moving in what he said. He wrote about part of what inspired him- Mr. Rogers. He was watching an episode and they went to visit a musician and the musician talked about the music being about the notes but also about the silences. Suldog quoted Mr. Rogers as say thing, "The silences are just as important as the loud parts."

Retailers are LOUD. They are loud with their shelving and displays, they are loud with their advertisements and mailings. They need to grab and hold your attention in order to get your almighty dollar into their pockets. I get that. It's commerce, it's consumerism, it's what our country runs on these days.

But the silences that come before or after a LOUD hold so much power. I can hear memories in my brain of being in a cacophony of noise and laughter and clanging and then stepping outside into the night and into silence and feeling it embrace me. Which made the joy of the laughter behind me that much more joyous, more special, like the silence tied it up and sealed it into a special place.

I wish retailers would let us have some silence. I wish Christmas fans would let Christmas come after some silence.

I celebrate Thanksgiving. It is one of my favorite holidays- possibly my very favorite. It doesn't always go the way I envision, there are almost always stresses of some sort. But a holiday that is all about family and food and gratitude? Right up my alley.

I might be looking ahead to December and planning out some weekends. I might be starting to think about what to get as gifts (who am I kidding- that doesn't suit my last minute style in the slightest). I might thinking about hanging some Christmas lights before December in order to take advantage of the good weather- might. Won't turn them on until after Turkey Day, though.

I'm adding a widget of some sort to my sidebar so I can share my 30 Days of Gratitude. I'm Pinning all kinds of recipes and Turkey Day crafts on Pinterest. I'm staying focused on Thanksgiving and the history behind it and the festivity of it all.

Let's keep Thanksgiving where it belongs- before Christmas.

BFF

2011-11-02T10:03:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was something of a milestone for my daughter. I got pretty excited about it- which is odd considering I'd never set this as a milestone that needed to be reached.

Teagan now has an official BFF. I say official because this little friend gave Teagan the classic BFF necklace.

I've never had a friend give me a BFF necklace before. I admit that I read about such things in books and thought it would be awesome to have a true best friend- and you know they're true because of that magical necklace. I was even intrigued by the idea of being a "blood sister" with someone but there wasn't ever a someone who offered. Thank goodness.

The little girl who gave Teagan this necklace is a great kid from the very little I've seen of her. We met her mom very briefly at Meet The Teacher Night and liked her. When I had lunch with Teagan and her friends, this girl was part of the group and I thought she was fantastic.

I sent a little note with Teagan to school for her to give to her friend- it's our contact information. I feel like helping the girls foster the friendship is a good thing. Especially in light of the issues Teagan is working through with bullying. A positive friendship is a very good thing.

My reaction to seeing that little necklace took me by surprise. I was truly thrilled for her. Maybe because it meant, to me, that someone really likes her and sees how awesome she is in spite of her bullying. But I already know that to be the truth- Teagan is always very well liked in every circumstance which is part of why the bullying has always been so baffling. Maybe I got so excited because I don't think I ever had a super close friend as a kid.

I have good friends as an adult. I've got my church family and a solid group of people there that I laugh with and can call on in times of trouble. I'd love to be more social with that group of people- to see them outside of church, to go out to dinner, to hang out and just talk. I've got Christy. I've got friends at work.

The people I've known the longest aren't people I stay in constant contact with, unfortunately. Jim is a bestie but he's more of a soul mate who always gets me and I always get him. We don't talk regularly, we don't see each other hardly at all. But when we need each other, we're there. I've got a friend I stay in touch with from high school.

Without Facebook, I'd still have no connection with anyone past high school. And the sad thing about those high school friendships is that they really faded when we all went in different directions for college. I don't have friendships that go back years and years and years. Jeff's closest friend has been his friend since 3rd grade. I envy that. It's part of why we committed to each other and our family the way we did- we don't want to move from place to place, we want roots and security and stability.

Because of Facebook, I have reconnected with some of my friends from junior high. And I wish we all lived closer to each other because I would love to see them all again. We were a tight group back in the day and I remember the overnights at Lisa's or hanging out at the pizza place after school and so on. I've connected back as far as I can with a couple of people in elementary school but most of them don't even remember me- I was just a blip on the map that vanished after 5th grade.

I'm not being unrealistic. I don't have visions of this little girl being Teagan's best friend forever and ever. I don't have visions of them shopping for prom dresses together or hugging at graduation or standing up for each other at their weddings or going through motherhood together. But I do feel a warmth in my chest that tells me this is a good friendship for my daughter.

Love

2011-11-01T05:30:00.000-04:00

I asked Zach what love feels like...

"It makes you feel better."

Like how? How does love feel on the inside of you?

"Like when I'm crying and you hug me and I feel better and that's what love feels like. It makes your heart feel better."

Happy Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T05:30:00.000-04:00

I'd hoped to share an adorable pic of my kids in their costumes with you today. But when we got all dressed up for a local trunk or treat event yesterday, it was right after Zach's short nap and he wasn't too thrilled yet.

"Not too thrilled" soon became an understatement.

Thankfully, Daddy can always be our hero and save the day!

From our front door to yours... Happy Halloween!

What I'd really love is if you would pop over to Fit City and check out the radical move I've made this year that might result in my house getting TP'ed or might make our house the Coolest House Evah!

An Afternoon At The Park

2011-10-30T05:30:00.000-04:00

Things at home on Saturday had gotten kind of cranky. We had some good down time, the kids had some fun creating a play space in their room, we went separate ways for a brief part of the day, had some TV tme instead of nap time... just a low key kind of day. Which often means we all end up a little cranky with each other. Don't know why it happens but it's pretty typical. Jeff was heading out for the evening for some gaming at a neighbor's house with a friend of his and I took the opportunity to create a special evening with my kids.

Park, dinner, errand. Dinner at our favorite local Mexican place. Errand was to Goodwill and the grocery store for something quick (and the kids got a cookie at the bakery there). But the best part was our trip to the park. This park doesn't have a playground. Fishers Heritage Park. It's beautiful and has a nice little nature trail as well as a paved path that runs along water and through trees. Lots of wide open green grassy areas and a giant hill where we've enjoyed rolling and cloud watching before. I can't believe it had been 2 years since we were last there!

The Face of a Bully

2011-10-27T09:27:00.000-04:00

My daughter is a bully.

I have to stop being so scared and embarassed about that sentence.

My daughter is a bully.

Yesterday, I wanted to run and hide from life. Which is impossible. To those who reached out to me, those who sent me loving messages, those who left understanding comments... thank you.

Unfortunately, the school principal doesn't read my blog and didn't get that message. Unfortunately, my daughter didn't get that message, either.

My pity party came to a head Wednesday afternoon when I got the call that every parent dreads. Actually, maybe "every parent" never even imagines they will get that call. Teagan and a friend were in trouble. They'd lost out on both recesses because they had hit each other- slapped in the face, in fact. Then lied about it to the principal so lost out on 2nd recess as well. And I found out later in the day that Teagan had gone back to the principal's office because she had pulled another girl's hair and clothes.

My first reaction was that something must be wrong in the relationship between Teagan and this one little girl. The relationship is hot and cold. And I thought this incident indicated that there is something wrong between them. I even thought that the anxiety Teagan has been expressing might be connected to the stress of this relationship. I was ready to hang everything on this solution I'd worked out in my head. I was going to question my daughter and force her to tell me what had happened between them.

We did question her. And made a discovery. Teagan is unhappy in the friendship because this little girl stands up to her. When Teagan is being mean to this girl, this girl will loudly tell Teagan to stop being mean. This girl does exactly what she should do to a bully.

When we finally got to the bottom of it- Teagan was embarassed and scared of getting into trouble. She is totally choosing this behavior of trying to control and manipulate other kids and she knows it isn't right.

Last night, my pity party went full on into the night. We'd had our parent teacher conference, met with the school guidance counselor, and even met the principal (we stuck our head in and introduced ourselves since he'd spent so much time with our daughter). Then we had the talk with Teagan and found out that the problem between her and her friend was because of her own choices. My feelings of wanting to crawl into a hole and disappear were pretty strong.

Here is the self pity part I want you to know...

Bullying is a big and serious issue. We take it seriously in our family. There are lots of resources out there for teaching your kids how to deal with a bully, how to stand up to a bully. There are a lot fewer resources on how to parent a child who is a bully.

I am the face of a parent of a child who is a bully.

When I hear people talk about their child being bullied, when I watch videos on YouTube about messages to bullies, when I see TV shows that deal with bullies, there is something that almost always comes up, something almost always in common. The parents get blamed. The parents are portrayed as lazy, uncaring, abusive, and so on. The parents deny that their child could be a bully, the parent is proud of the kid for being mean and tough, the parent just doesn't care what the child does or doesn't do.

I am not that parent. And I have to admit that the words people use in these situations when they blame the parent... well, it hurts.

I'm not a lazy parent, I'm not going to answer the door wearing a housecoat with frizzy hair and a cigarette dangling from my mouth and a bottle of tequila in one hand and tell you to F off or I'll just do to you what my kid does to your kid. When you talk to me, you aren't going to walk away suddenly figuring out where my kid gets it. I don't have some false idea that my kid is a perfect angel who never messes up. I'm not an abusive parent- yes, I have a temper and I am prone to yelling but we do our best to use discipline in a way that isn't bullying or all about power. I am a strict parent and I work hard to be the best parent I can be for the sake of my kids.

My child is a bully. She uses her smarts and her words to try and put others down so she feels powerful. Once she has gotten into trouble or gets caught, it's all or nothing for my girl. If she's going to be mean, she's going to be mean full on. If she's already gotten into trouble, she's going to go full bore for the rest of the day once she feels like there is no turning back.

Today is a new day. Today, the pity party is over. Today, I have a game plan.

We are heading to the library later to look for these books:

Growing Up With A Bucket Full of Happiness by Carol McCloud

Have You Filled A Bucket Today? By Carol McCloud

Your Six Year Old: Loving and Defiant by Louis Bates Ames and Frances Ilg

My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig

Confessions of a Former Bully by Trudy Ludwig

What All Children Want Their Parents to Know by Carol Diane Loomans

We let chores slide and it's time to get back to requiring that chores be done. She hasn't been invested in getting her allowance so we let chores slide while we dealt with the transition to first grade. It's time to get back to that daily chore work.

There will be consequences for any trouble at school. This is a hard one for me. I believe in discussing what happened at school but that the consequences have already been given for the little things like talking or not following directions. Obviously we hand out consequences for bullying and being sent to the principal's office. But we've never had an official consequence for everyday infractions. At the suggestion of the guidance counselor and principal, we will implement a consequence for rule breaking at school. The guidance counselor suggested 15 minutes earlier to bed or that sort of thing. I know TV is something important to her so that's something we can take away.

The guidance counselor also suggested having her do something physical when she first gets home. I'm not totally sold on this one for a couple of reasons but I'm willing to try it out. My hesitations are that she seems to need decompression / down time when she gets home and not something that wears her out even further, we have very limted time for dinner and homework until bedtime so spending 15-20 minutes on walking or running or dancing feels like time we don't have to spare, and she is worn out when she gets home after a long day of playing hard and working hard. I'm going to play this one by ear.

The other suggestion is one that I know we already do. For every time she gets in trouble, we have to compliment her 4 times. I'm not going to start keeping track of trouble vs compliment. Our home is a loving, supportive and positive place most of the time. My kids are complimented and supported and hear positive things from us all day long. So this is something I know we already do with both kids. However, Jeff and I both know that we've let our frustration with her mood swings and her meltdowns and her bad choices get to us and that we canboth get into a sarcastic mode or wear our frustration too visibly on our proverbial sleeves. We're working to help each other reign in our negativity when it comes to the kids and when it comes to the everyday example we live for them.

Yesterday, I wanted to escape. Today, I'm feeling renewed and ready to tackle the issue head on. Again. And this time with a modified plan, an expanded plan.

But if your child encounters a bully, please remember that it might be a perfectly normal kid with perfectly normal parents who are trying their best to instill values of kindness and compassion. That it might be a kid who is also smart and funny and, believe it or not, has the ability to be remarkably compassionate and thoughtful.

Because this is the face of a bully.

Leave Me Alone

2011-10-26T09:10:00.000-04:00

My kid started bullying again and I'm feeling like a failure.

Leave me alone.

My period started 4 days early and the PMS is really bad.

Leave me alone.

My kid had a terrible morning full of screaming and crying and moodiness.

Leave me alone.

I have too much work to do and can't possibly make enough progress on it.

Leave me alone.

Because one kid is having so many problems, I feel like I'm really ignoring the other kid and that leaves me continuing to tread water in the pool of Mommy Guilt.

Leave me alone.

Jeff and I got snippy with each other this morning.

Leave me alone.

Because I'm feeling so overwhelmed and unprepared and unsure about parenting my daughter through whatever has been going on with her since starting first grade, I am no longer excited about Fall Break and having a 4 day weekend with my family and 2 of those days being fun Mommy-and-kid days. I actually think I'd rather just go to work. And then I feel guilty about that.

So just leave me alone.

I want to crawl under my desk and hide.

Leave me alone.

I want to go home and crawl back under my fuzzy blanket.

Leave me alone.

I'm tired of trying to be strong and tired of trying to know what I'm doing.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone. Because signs of graciousness and friendship and caring and compassion... things like hugs and kind words and attempts at reaching out... because someone trying to show me kindness, someone trying to take care of me, someone letting me be the not-so-strong one right now... will just bring me to tears and I'm afraid that if I really let go, I won't ever be able to hold on again.

It's just a bad day which is part of a bad week and a rough couple of months. I'll get through this. Teagan will be fine. Zach is doing great. Work is getting done and my hard work is noted and appreciated. My husband and I love each other and are working through this stress in our home. Life really is good, just a little scratchy right now.

Really.

Just leave.

I'm fine.

But don't go too far.

Giving Stuff Away!

2011-10-25T13:59:00.001-04:00

Because I need something to lift my spirits while I wait for someone from the school to call me back or while I wait to hear how Teagan's day went today... I want to give stuff away!

Last week, I posted about a book I'm reading called "The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken." I asked readers to share some comments and that I'd do a random select to choose someone to pass the book along to next and that person is....

Katherine from The Katherine Wheel!

Congrats! I'd love to hear what you think of it when you're done- just to see if our opinions are the same about the story and the characters.

*****

I am all about things that are positive and warm & fuzzy and have happy endings- especially when I'm in the midst of needing my own happy ending. And there is something about a positive and uplifting sports movie that I really enjoy- I have a soft spot for films (especially those based on true stories) like Rudy and Remember the Titans and Miracle and more. But most of those feel good sports movies are still kind of geared towards guys with guy sports like football and baseball and hockey. This movie is different because it focuses on a women's basketball team in the 70's.

Which is why I am so excited about this movie!! It opened this past weekend, it stars Carla Gugino (Spy Kids, Night at the Museum), David Boreanaz (Bones, Angel), Marley Shelton, and Academy Award and Tony Award winner Ellen Burstyn.

Best of all, the movie israted G so it's a family friendly film that we can watch together.

And here is something fun for you! The company promoting this film, Ocean Ave Entertainment and StoryCrawler, wants to provide one of my readers with a signed movie poster! If you'd like to enter to win, leave a comment for each of these ways of entering:

1. Leave a comment telling me why you love happy, positive movies.

2. Like the film on Facebook.

3. See the film and write a review here or on your own blog and link to it. (that's going to get you a bunch of extra entries)

I'm going to choose the winner on Oct 31!

*****
The next book on my reading list that I will be passing along to a lucky reader is a book on living a life of gratitude. More details coming soon!

It's Happening Again

2011-10-24T19:21:00.003-04:00

We found out today that Teagan is bullying kids at school. Same kind of thing as what was going on almost a year ago. She's very purposefully verbally cruel to other kids, she sets them up to knock them down, and she has added disrespect and attitude towards adult caregivers to the mix.

And now that she's been "outed" to us (the aftercare program has been dealing with this for "a while," they said), she spent the evening being very verbally cruel to herself.

I don't have a lot to say that I didn't already say a year ago.

I'm sending a message to the guidance counselor and after talking wth her, I might be calling our family doctor.

And I'm already praying- a lot. And asking for prayers. Because I don't have the answers. I'm confused and frustrated and scared and angry and embarassed and tired.

Happy 4th Birthday, Zachary!

2011-10-23T07:43:00.001-04:00

My little buddy turns 4 today!

We started celebrating yesterday with a special playdate with a favorite friend from school. We spent a couple of hours bouncing and running and jumping and climbing and sliding at Monkey Joe's, ate lunch there (pizza, popcorn, hot dogs, etc). Then it was off to the comic shop to let each kid pick out a comic book.

Then we came home for a little down time before our birthday dinner at Texas Roadhouse. It isn't my favorite place to celebrate. I like the food but it's loud and they aren't able to really handle groups larger than 6 or 7. So our group of 9 had to sit at 2 booths across from each other. But we all went to Target for Icees afterwards and that was much more accomodating. Zach chose Texas Roadhouse because he wanted to sit in the saddle and have everyone say "Yeehaw!" for him.

He chose Icees for his dessert and his playdate that morning had given him a birthday card with a Target gift card in it. After our dessert, we let him pick out his present from his friend. We also let him pick out his present from us (yeah- not my proudest Mommy moment). From his friend, he got a Captain America off road vehicle sort of thing. Zach was very excited to go through a separate check out lane and hand the cashier his gift card to pay for it. We got him a Spiderman sleeping bag. It was a good day.

And today is his birthday. We have church this morning, he will choose our lunch spot (my guess is Steak N Shake), and then my mom is coming to spend the afternoon (and my dad might be coming, too). It's going to be a good day.

I keep remembering his birth. The Colts were playing Monday Night Football. I had been busy doing chores and stuff with Teagan right up until kick off. I went to sit down right at kick off and.... my water broke! That hadn't happened with Teagan (they broke it in the labor process in the hospital) so it kinda freaked me out. No, it wasn't like a jar pf pickles kind of spill. It was like a little leak of pee. Spent the night in labor, rarely resting. Spent the next morning in labor, rarely resting. The epidural was a nightmare that resulted in me cussing like a sailor, I was stuck about 7 times, had a bad reaction that was very scary to one of the sticks... it was awful and it really exhausted me. As I recall it, Zach was born in the early afternoon. He came out and screamed and I was so exhausted that the first visual I had of him with his huge screaming mouth almost made me cry right along with him. But he nursed like a champ from the word go. And after that big scream at birth- which I think was really his anger at being evicted from my womb- he didn't cry again for 10 weeks. I'm not making that up.

One of the biggest changes in the year behind us is that he has moved out of Teagan's shadow at school. Last year, it was Teagan's school and Zach started going there. Now Teagan has moved on and it is Zach's school and he has really blossomed in that regard. He is creative and silly and wild at times. He is smart and funny and adorable.

Happy Birthday, Buddy!

6 Words: Cleaning Fairy!

2011-10-22T06:30:00.000-04:00

The cleaning fairy visited my house!

Jeff has this friend... he dogsits for us when we take a night or two away. They've been friends since 3rd grade. Our schedules haven't been meshing well lately so we don't see him as often as we'd like, unfortunately.

But he's a special friend. Whenever he housesits, he tends to want something to do while he spends time catching up on classic horror films and random sci-fi shows so he spends time doing laundry and cleaning our kitchen and doing our dishes and even cleaning up our living room. I love it! I've even offered to work out a deal where I would pay him to come and work his magic once a month.

I've shared on the blog and on Facebook pretty openly about my stress level these days. Work is insane, family life is packed, commitments are full. I've been incredibly stressed and housework has been last on the list of priorities.

Yesterday, I came home from a crazy, stressful Friday... the kind of day where I wanted to practice some primal scream therapy in the car on the drive home... and I walked in the door to this:

I know it isn't the "ideal clean" to come people. I almost wish I had a before picture to share so you could understand just how bad it was. Just how piled up and crazy it was.

The stress relief was immediate and amazing. I can't even tell you. Jeff wasn't home with the kids yet and since I had the place to myself... I literally jumped up and down and might have even cried a little.

Good friends can be hard to find and I am so blessed to have some truly wonderful friends in my life! THANK YOU BRIAN!

Friday Fragments: Pinterest, Birthdays, My Bag!

2011-10-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

It's Friday. These are Fragments. Go visit Mrs4444!

It's been yet another crazy week. I'm trying to find ways to prune. Back when I went to the Women of Faith conference, one of the speakers talked about pruning. Sometimes, you have too many good things going on and if you don't prune some of the good, you will never be able to be great. So I am cutting back where I can so I can focus on the things that need to be great.

You know you're a mom when you find all kinds of random things in your bag or purse. I was trying to find something in my bag at work yesterday and ended up pulling out piles of stuff. The randomness of it totally cracked me up. Fitness mag, Bible, notebook, allergy meds, random paper craft, band aids, coupons, dinosaur, hair things, kids' magazine subscription pull out cards, letters Teagan has written, eyeglass cleaning cloth. Yep- total mom bag.

Zach's birthday is this weekend. I can't believe he's about to be 4 years old! We have a fun weekend planned and I'm looking forward to celebrating my little boy!

Pinterest.com - Do you pin? I have looked at it before. I have many friends who pin and post their pins on Facebook. But then my mom got hooked and has sent me a few ideas that could really be great for my family. So a friend sent me an invite and I've been perusing and pinning all kinds of great ideas! I'm finding recipes and crafts and even just easy organizing tips (like using one of those magazine holders for a bookshelf as a place to store aluminum foil, saran wrap, etc in the kitchen).

I just had to come add another fragment because I just discovered today's YouTube Spotlight and I'm hooked! Check out Minute Physics and you will come to understand Schrodinger's Cat, why pink doesn't exist, and all about dimensions. I'm hoping there's one on the theory of time travel.

I hope you have a great weekend! I am looking forward to some time with friends tonight and all the celebrations planned for Zach's birthday.

Don't Be Scared of the Gym!

2011-10-20T09:02:00.001-04:00

Joining a gym can be an intimidating experience. Heck, walking into the door of a gym can be overwhelming. I know that it took me a couple of years to work up the nerve to check out the gym that I am now a member of and it is located directly across the street! In addition, it's one of the least intimidating gyms I've ever experienced so I kind of laugh at myself for having been so scared to check it out.

Some gyms are big and bright and shiny and have lots of equipment and group fitness classes and oodles of personal trainers at your disposal. Some have a swimming pool, tanning bed, smoothie bar. Some are more basic places to gather and just focus on getting a good workout.

I think what I found intimidating is that I had this idea that a gym was for healthy and fit people. I think I was unsure that my fat and unfit self would be able to workout without being embarassed or something.

Which is really ridiculous when you stop and think about it.

But the gyms I've been to and the gym I'm a member of aren't places filled with muscle heads and skinny chicks. The gyms I've been to and the gym I'm a member of are places where people of all fitness levels come to get some exercise, to push a bit further in their fitness goals, to just be able to move and flex and lift and push.

I showed you mine now tell me about yours! Tell me about your gym- what you like or don't like. If you've been intimidated to go check out a gym close to you, I'd love it if you set a goal to go visit and just get a tour and then come back and tell me about it.

Don't be intimidated! Go check it out!

I Just Felt Myself Up

2011-10-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

Last night, I thought it was time to get some things off the DVR. I scanned through and tried to decide what to watch or delete.

On the list was FIVE.

The groundbreaking original movie “Five” is an anthology of five short films exploring the impact of breast cancer on people’s lives. “Five” highlights the shared experience each short film’s title character endures from the moment of diagnosis, through an interconnected story arc that uses humor and drama to focus on the effect breast cancer and its different stages of diagnosis have on relationships and the way women perceive themselves while searching for strength, comfort, medical breakthroughs and, ultimately, a cure.

It isn't scheduled to be aired again but you can watch it online. And I hope that you will.

I cried at so many moments in this movie. Sad moments, poignant moments, beautiful moments.

And when the movie was over, I went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror and I felt myself up. I actually followed the directions. I do a quick feel in the shower once a month or every other month. But I admit that I don't do a full on self exam every month.

Any time a life is gone... when it seems there is still so much life to live... is a tragedy that we can't quite put into a box that fits any explanation. A car accident, a tragedy, sudden illness. Cancer is one of many things on a list of life takers.

There are oodles of statistics out there about cancer and breast cancer and survival and death and types of cancers and preventative measures and so on.

But there was a part in that movie that struck me the most deeply.

One of the characters had a friend who had been a close friend for 20 years- they'd been neighbors, had their kids together. But when the cancer struck, the close friend wouldn't take calls and never offered any help. But someone who was new in this woman's life stepped up and became the friend she needed- bringing food and movies to get her through the fight for her life.

When I think back to what I was so blessed to be part of in July of 2009. A mom in an online community for local moms had been diagnosed with cancer. While her story ended tragically... there were beautiful and powerful moments that I witnessed along the way.

There were people who came together to get her a comfortable chair to rest in at home after her treatments. There were people who brought meals to her family. There were people who took her to treatments and appointments. There were neighbors who watched the kids.

So when I sat and watched FIVE... I thought about that mom and her family. I thought about the people who stepped up to support this family, this woman, her husband. I reflected on the emotional roller coaster that I rode for those weeks- which wasn't even a minor reflection of what that family was living.

I know that there are others out there right now who are fighting for their lives right now. There are bloggers I know who are fighting. There are bloggers I know who have a loved one that has lost the battle.

We certainly can't control everything in life. But I'm making a sincere plea that you take your health seriously. Please take time today- right now if you can- to go and do a thorough self exam. If you know someone going through treatments, please keep showing up for them. And if you are currently going through this battle, even if I don't know you, please know that I am praying for you.

Now go feel yourself up.

I Love You!

2011-10-18T05:30:00.000-04:00

8 years ago, Jeff and I were married in front of a small group of family and close friends in a little log chapel in Gatlinburg, TN.

I think the best part of our marriage is that we're friends. We love each other. And we like each other.

We weren't able to get a baby sitter this past weekend so we turned Saturday into a family celebration day. Teagan and I spent the morning together doing girly stuff- getting our hair done and going out for sushi. Then Jeff took Teagan and I took Zach and we set out on a mission.

We've never done the "traditional anniversary gift" thing. We're not big on gifts around these occassions in general. But this year was different. We looked up the traditional gifts for 8 years and found out that it's bronze in the US, salt in the UK, and the modern gift is linens and lace.

We didn't set any rules- only that the kid with us has to be involved and we use those traditional gift categories as guidance.

We came home at the end of the afternoon and I pulled out my memory box of things from our wedding and shared that with the kids. Then we went out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse. Came home and exchanged gifts before having a family movie night (Lion King and we even served refreshments- popcorn and jelly beans).

Our gifts:

He got me a clock with a bronze colored rim that says "live, laugh, love" around it. He got me bath salts. He got me chocolate- one of which has sea salt in it. He got me a cotton cami with lace trim.

I got him a small candle that smells like clean towels. I got him a card and gift bag that had bronze colors on them. And I got him a crock pot cookbook (he's been cooking dinne rmore often lately- this was actually Teagan's idea), a box of kosher salt, a book titled Salt: A World History, and season two of Good Eats (which has Alton Brown on the covering sprinkling salt).

It was a great day. It was a fun day. It was a family day. And I look forward to many more of these days to come!

Happy Anniversary, honey! I love you!

What Are You Reading?

2011-10-17T05:30:00.000-04:00

I love to read. I wish I had more time to read. It's not uncommon for me to get sucked into a book and sit on the couch for most of an afternoon devouring it. Well, it was a lot more common before having kids.

I was recently provided with a copy of The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken and it's my current "read at every spare moment book." It's the first novel by Mari Passananti and I'm finding it to be very entertaining. I was fully engaged with the main character within the first chapter.

In Mari Passananti’s debut novel, The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken (Rutland Sqaure Press, July 2011), she explores the recognizable and relatable world of heartbreak, dating, and self-discovery that is uniquely characteristic to early adulthood. Zoe Clark thinks her world will implode when her fiancé dumps her on the eve of their wedding. After nearly a decade with her college sweetheart, Zoe is thrust back into the unpredictable New York dating scene. And her problems don’t end there. Zoe works a less-than-ideal job, managing other people’s careers while her own ambitions wither.

Enter Oscar Thornton. He’s handsome, charming, attentive and rich - the perfect boyfriend. But does he harbor a dark secret? Or will Zoe torpedo her newfound happiness by indulging in a far-fetched suspicion?

The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken is a hugely appealing novel that tells the story of a young woman who sets out to find a man to solve her problems. Instead she finds herself facing her own shortcomings, testing her oldest friendships and realizing that true happiness has to come from within. A coming-of-age tale for the modern woman, The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken is a charming, funny and poignant novel with a suspenseful twist that will keep readers turning the pages.

Packed with snappy dialogue and playful wit, The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken will strike a chord with any woman who’s ever allowed herself to think, “My life would be perfect, if I could just meet the right guy…”

I should be about done with the book within the next week or so... I long for the days when I could sit down and read a book in completion on a quiet Sunday afternoon. These days, reading means finding a few spare minutes in waiting room or before my head crashes into my pillow at night. But I will say that Hazards has kept me interested and I keep picking it up again and again to read more!

I'd like to share the book with you! Leave a comment telling me what you are currently reading and what you think of the book so far. You can enter a second time if you tell me about your favorite book of all time. For all who participate in the commenting, I'll draw a name of someone to send it to once I'm done. One of my favorite parts of reading is being able to share a good book with a friend!

Friday Fragments: Oct 14

2011-10-14T10:50:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday! Since I feel like things are fragments almost all the time right now, this should be an easy post to write, right? Ha!

*~*~*~*

I am starting to see signs of aging on my hands. It's kinda weird.

*~*~*~*

I've been involved for many years with online communities. I wrote about breaking up with one of those groups back in June. Well, today is that site's last day. There are a lot of mixed emotions being expressed by the members and by my friends. When I left in June, I really left. I logged out and didn't log back in. I went to read a thread if someone pointed it out to me- but that was maybe 3-4 times. I've been lurking daily since the announcement was made 2 weeks ago that the site was closing completely. I'm sad about it but I already had my closure, my ending. And I'm one to look forward more than back and I'm eager to continue to grow the friendships I've made with the moms that are choosing to connect through a Facebook group that was created to help us stay in touch.

*~*~*~*

Zach has a field trip on Monday to a pumpkin patch. In the 2 years that Teagan attended this school, the field trip never happened. If I remember correctly, it was cancelled both times due to weather. Here's hoping that Monday's weather cooperates. Jeff and I will be attending with him- we're all excited to ride the bus and have our sack lunches and enjoy some fun pumpkin time together!

*~*~*~*

Last year, I planted a small butterfly garden by our front yard light and this year we have some beautiful flowers and have even spotted a butterfly once or twice!

*~*~*~*

Our wedding anniversary is next week. 8 years of marriage. We've been together 10 years. And we're still in love and in like. That's pretty cool. No big celebration plans this year. I'm kind of starting to think it would be fun to do a family trip to Gatlinburg in 2 years and visit the place where we got married.

*~*~*~*

I feel like there is so much I want to tell you guys about but I don't know where to start. Life is just so hectic and busy right now. I'm still swamped at work. I'm still struggling to be as healthy as I'd like to be. I'm still involved at church with several ministries. I'm still involved in our newly founded Girl Scout Troop. I'm still not cleaning my house- but it's starting to really bother me because it's to a point that I'm truly not cleaning to even the minimum standards I was keeping before.

*~*~*~*

Upcoming posts: the importance of facing things head on, the change that is public school, a tour of my gym. And I'm always open to ideas. I'm also feeling the need to do something really fun soon so stay tuned next week... maybe I can squeeze in something silly at some point.

*~*~*~*

I hope you've had a good week. I hope you have a weekend you are looking forward to. And I hope next week is filled with good things for you, too!

busybusybusybusybusy

2011-10-13T18:06:00.001-04:00

I feel like all I do anymore is complain about being busy- even if most of the complaining is inside my own head.

But I'm swamped.

And blogging is one of those things that is slipping. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

My 3 year blog-iversary slipped by last month and I didn't even realize it.

I don't have time to post. I don't have energy to think through ideas for posts.

I am totally missing out on the blogs I normally read and comment on. I'm trying to get into my Google Reader so I can at least read what my bloggy friends are writing. A few times a week, I find time to open a bajillion tabs of all my favorite blogs and try to catch up a little, try to comment a little.

I hate that blogging has become less of a priority. I also hate that so much of my thoughts these days are about things like eyewear, hearing protection, and fall protection. Such is life (at the moment).

Friday Fragments tomorrow will be a chance to play catch up a little bit- give updates on various aspects of what is going on in my life.

I miss you guys...

Coming Out Day

2011-10-11T10:39:00.002-04:00

Almost one year ago, I posted an emotional response to the uptick in media coverage of teen suicide. I hope you will take a few minutes to go read that post. I've read it a few times since writing it and just reread it for that link and I still stand by everything I wrote.

Today is National Coming Out Day. Oct 11, 1987 was the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. Oct 11, 1988 was the first National Coming Out Day.

Most people who come to realize that they are gay, have a moment when they officially "come out." Most of the gay people I know have a story to tell about their realization, about facing that truth, and about turning to loved ones to share what they are feeling and experiencing.

I have a couple of stories of friends who have come out to me.

The first coming out story that I remember actually helped change my perspective on homosexuality. I was raised that being gay was wrong. It's a sin, it's not God's way. I've obviously not followed that line of thinking. In high school, there was a young man that I really respected. He was quiet, he was brilliant, he was gentle, he was shy. He had a good group of friends. I think it was our senior year when he came out. It blew my mind. He was nothing like what I had in my head as an image of a gay person. My first exposure to gay people had been a few years prior when I accidentally happened upon a gay pride parade in San Francisco. That sparked my interest in the culture but also set a very flamboyant and colorful picture in my head of what a gay person is supposed to be like. But this guy in my class was nothing like that- he was so "normal." That's what started to crack my blinders, I think.

The next story was more dramatic and traumatic and personal. A very close friend had a hard time facing his sexuality and spun into an out of control hurricane of nuttiness when the feelings started to really emerge. Instead of opening up to his friends, he pushed us away. He pushed really hard. None of us knew what was going on- just that he was aiming to hurt us, hurt himself, and that he wanted nothing to do with us anymore. My friends and I eventually heard of his coming out through the grapevine. The sad thing is that because he had started down a slippery slope and wasn't taking care of himself and he had distanced himself in hard ways from his friends, rumors swirled pretty aggressively for several months. He had been my best friend and it was a hard situation to deal with. It took almost a year before we started to reconcile. And we ended up closer than ever- he's my soul mate BFF.

Another story was an adult friend who came out after many years of marriage and several kids. And it was also traumatic. I wish we'd been clsoer friends so I could have been more of a support to him. I was an important piece of his story but if we'd known each other longer, I could have been more, I think. The tragedy was that the people who who he thought were his support system ended up turning on him in some very hurtful ways. The blessing was that there were people who stepped up in love and support that were very much needed.

What I want you to know is that I am a safe person to talk to about feelings or thoughts you might be having. I want you to know that I won't judge you or turn you away or tell you that you're dirty or wrong or unlovable. I want you to know that if you call me up and tell me that you're gay, I'm going to smile on my end of the line and I'm going to tell you that I love you and that I'm proud of you and that I'm honored that you trust me. If you tell me face to face, there will be hugs for you. And I will be celebrating with you and for you.

It's National Coming Out Day! It's a day that should be about celebrating who you are. And I think it's a day that should be about more than gay people revealing their sexuality to others. I think it's a day when straight allies should be unashamed to stand up in support of the LGBTQ community. I'm out and I'm proud as an ally who gives a damn!

Parenting My Perfectionist Child

2011-10-10T06:30:00.000-04:00

My astrological sign is Virgo. One of the words I have often heard associated with being a Virgo is "perfectionist." I always laughed about it because perfection is never something I've strived for.

I was the kid who needed "to apply herself." I was the kid who had so much potential- if I would just buckle down and give it some effort. I've never been known as neat and organized.

In the past decade, especially since becoming a parent, I have found my drive to succeed. I am inspired to do better for the sake of my kids. When I was an actress, I took classes to hone my craft. When I was a social worker, I took classes and attended seminars to expand my knowledge base. But there isn't much out there to help me be the best parent I can be. I can read lots of books and online articles and magazines and talk to endless experts but finding a class that teaches me how to be a mom- doesn't really exist in the mainstream.

I'd especially like to sign up for a class that teaches me how to be the best mom to Teagan and Zach.

I've shared about some of the struggles we're facing with Teagan and this anxiety that has hit us with first grade.

Things are better but this isn't something that has an easy overnight fix.

In terms of school, we've been in ongoing contact with the teacher. I had a great conversation one afternoon with the guidance counselor. Teagan was a big help in that she identified a source of some of her anxiety- buying her lunch. We now pack her lunch each day and she has also joined a lunch friendship club where she and 3 girls in her class eat lunch in the guidance counselor's office once a week and have fun while also learning social skills. Teagan has no issue with making friends but this is a great way to get her away from the chaos of the cafeteria.

Jeff and I are cleared with our background check and I had lunch with Teagan this past Thursday. The cafeteria is a lot less scary than I'd anticipated. I was expecting it to be pretty crazy but it really wasn't.

The biggest change that we're working on is changing how we parent our daughter. Dealing with her anxiety means realizing that she is a perfectionist. This means she could end up successful or struggling and she's going to take it to an extreme in either direction.

One thing I have to personally do is stop seeing the gray areas as okay. To me, life is all about the gray areas. Nothing is black and white. To my daughter, life has to be as black and white as possible until she is ready to see an acceptable gray area. For her life so far, I've eagerly employed the "controlled choice" tactic where I give her 2 choices and both are right. The idea is that she then feels empowered and learns self responsibility. The problem is that controlled choices means offering 2 right choices. Most of the time, 2 right choices doesn't fit into her black and white desired world. Sometimes, she can handle it. Sometimes, she can't. Sometimes, 2 right choices is the exact wrong thing for her.

Praise has to be constructive. She needs to hear exactly what she's done right- not just that she's done it right. I've always had this in mind but have to confess that I easily fall into empty praise phrases of simple "good job" and "I'm proud of you" moments. Because of her perfectionist drive, she's hungry for those praise moments and if she doesn't know exactly how to get them... it's another gray area where she feels unable to fully function. My focus needs to be on the process- not the product. "I can tell you worked really hard on this."

The biggest thing that has to change, though, is the behavior that we model for our children. Almost every article I've read points to looking at your own perfectionist behaviors, your own behavior when you face criticism or disappointment, your own words and actions. I know I've been stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, and worn out because of work. And I'm sure that has come home with me and that she has heard some of my feelings about the situation. What about hearing Daddy yell at every other driver on the road or at the football players on TV? What about Mommy being too busy to do fun things? What about the words we use that accidentally criticize? What about sarcastic comments that are intended as humor but that actually are more cutting than an adult might realize?

For the past few weeks, I've been carefully auditing myself and seeing where I need to improve and listening to myself. I've been finding ways to be more fun and that benefits me, Teagan, and the entire family.

A friend shared an idea that we haven't implemented yet but I'm holding onto it in case we get to a place where we need it. Her daughter has anxiety and the family doctor suggested making a "worry box" that would sit in the bedroom. Every night, as part of the bedtime routine, you and your child write down the worries from the day- write it, draw it, whatever. Put the worries in the box and go to bed. In the morning, the worries are gone.

The first thing I'd put in the worry box are my concerns about getting through this anxiety thing with Teagan.

Perfectionism as a personality trait can be a great thing. This could really drive Teagan towards success. Perfectionists often end up in important positions, making important decisions, leading teams of people, making big change in the world or in their community. Which makes this feel even bigger and more important. If she doesn't learn how to deal with mistakes, criticism, and stress, her perfectionist side will just as easily drive her to give up, to not try, to avoid risk for fear of certain failure.

It's a delicate balance. It's another tightrope. It's a piece to the puzzle that is my daughter. This insight and learning about perfectionist children has led me to so many "ah ha" moments as I look back on struggles we've had with her. This explains the bullying, the meltdowns, the fits. This also points toward how smart she is. She's reading 2 levels ahead of most of the kids in her class. She does math in her head while we drive down the street. She is constantly thinking about things, figuring things out, and making observations that astound me.

I love this fiercely passionate little girl. I already know in my heart that she is perfect just the way she is. The challenge is getting her to realize and learn and believe that being perfect includes making mistakes, facing frustration, and working with criticism.

A Day At the Zoo

2011-10-09T15:34:00.001-04:00

Last Sunday, we spent the day at the Indianapolis Zoo for an annual employee appreciation event that Jeff's company hosts. I enjoy meeting people he works with and we all love a day of fun at the zoo! The weather was gorgeous last weekend- couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. I got my camera back in my hands and took oodles of pics. Enjoy!

Don't Hand That Cape To Me

2011-10-05T15:53:00.000-04:00

I am not Superwoman. I am not Supermom. I am not Superwife. I am not Superfriend.

I'm not trying to be Super anything so cancel any orders placed for capes and someone please call back anyone who has applied to be my sidekick and tell them I'm not hiring.

A review-

Teagan is continuing to have anxiety/stress about school. As I learn more and more about "perfectionist children," I'm learning a lot about her and about what is part of the cause of her anxiety and stress. You can bet there's a post coming on that topic one of these days. Jeff and I have to learn some new techniques to best help her feel confident and secure- and these are things that are kind of opposite what we've been doing. One thing that works best for her is to have a pretty set routine on weekdays. We get home, have a quick snack, make dinner while the kids unwind in front of the television or playing quietly, eat, homework, bath/shower if needed, pj's, reading, sleep- bedtime being between 7-7:30. If we stray from that, it can really throw her for a loop.

Work is still going full speed ahead. It's like one of those super fast bullet trains that has been crammed in with people so that there isn't room to breathe. It's like I'm one of those people and I know the train is going to crash and I'm trying to get to the safest place in the train to avoid taking too much damage. More work has been added to my plate. It's temporary- but that means months. And the first month will mean getting my hands pretty dirty in all of it.

Zach is doing well. Even though we had some time together on Saturday, I still managed to let his time be taken over with Teagan things. He came with me to meet with a friend to talk about Girl Scouts- for Teagan. We went to one of his favorite play spots- the indoor area at Conner Prairie- and he okayed Teagan and Daddy coming along. So much for just time with my boy. But he's happy and we snuggle and cuddle and kiss and laugh together at every chance we get. Those moments fill me up.

Girl Scouts. Trying to get a small troop up and running is more of a challenge than I'd expected. The co-leaders I'm with are awesome and I really value the unique thing each woman is bringing to our planning. However, we have 2 families that we have heard nothing from and our first meeting is supposed to be on Saturday. Something tells me it isn't going to happen... but whatever happens, we're fine. If we can be a troop with just the 3 of us, great. If the other 2 families join in, great. We're just going to have fun with it!

Church. I miss my music team involvement. Too many Sundays or Thursdays end up with other commitments. You have to rehearse on Thursday evening to sing Sunday morning. I'm teaching Sunday School once per month. I enjoy that time with the kids very much and also having time with a teaching partner. I'm doing a 20 minute children's choir session every Sunday in between services and we are about to start into learning the Christmas program for this year. I'm helping to lead a weekly healthy living group so I write a weekly devotional that we use as a foundation for the meeting/workout.

My husband. My wonderful husband. He's been a pretty great support as we hit this really busy season. He's been taking the intitiative to make dinner several nights each week. He's been helping out with the kids and bedtime and handling a big chunk of the transporation for school for Zach. He is single handedly making sure we have clean clothes to wear and has taken a turn now and then at tackling the dishes. I can't imagine handling all of this alone. I think he knows how much I appreciate him. I know he and I would both love a date night but finding the time and the energy for it is a challenge lately. Our anniverary is in a few weeks so maybe we will plan ahead for an evening or afternoon alone together.

My house is a wreck. My workouts are hit and miss. My diet is sometimes ok, sometimes cruddy. I feel like I'm going full steam ahead from the time I get up and let the dog out until my head hits the pillow around 10:30 or 11. I miss blogging and visiting blogs. I miss Twitter. I miss feeling like I'm funny. I miss feeling connected.

But the one thing that always come through is God. What I really love is when I get a loud and clear message of what I need to do.

When I attended Women of Faith in August, I purchased a Women of Faith Bible. It's the same Bible you're thinking of but it has a series of devotions. I started the series on Grace back in August. I intended to read a new devotion each day but, like with everything, I got busy. I carry it with me with the intention of reading it when I sit down but it tends to slip my mind.

Today, I was at a point where I was ready to pull my hair out at work. The workload was overwhelming and I felt like my face was about to slip under the water. I had one last meeting for the day (after being in meetings back to back since 8:00) and took a few minutes before the meeting to heed the voice I was hearing in my heart- get out that Bible and read the next devotion.

And it was exactly what I needed to hear. In it, Luci Swindoll shares 6 things that we can do in order to put our own busy-ness aside and be open to what God wants for us and what the Holy Spirit wants to do through us.

"Forget yourself. Ask questions. Take time. Reach out. Be kind. Show up."

That reminded me of what I'd just written in the sheet I'd made for tonight's healthy living group. This came from a sermon our pastor gave a couple of weeks ago. These were the things he said would lead to a healthy life but that you wouldn't find in a diet and exercise book.

"Trust God, confess your sin (which includes trying to do better, of course), give generously, have fun."

And then I remembered one of the first devotions in my new Bible that I had marked with a post it tab because it spoke so directly to my heart and I went and read it again. It's about Noah and how God was leading him through this overwhelming and huge workload. But God was also there, holding Noah's ladder while he was up working on the roof of that ark. God's with me, too, holding my ladder steady.

I know not everyone who reads my blog is Christian. I know not everyone who reads my blog believes in God or even in a higher power. But as I started writing this post, I wanted to be able to share what it is that gets me through the overwhelming stuff.

I don't need a cape. I've got something better than super powers and sidekicks. I've got God holding my ladder steady, reminding me to take time to have fun, guiding me to be kind and reach out, and allowing me to trust in Him and His plan for me.

And that leaves me with a lot of peace and calm and comfort and hope.

Letters from Home (@thebertshow)

2011-10-04T09:46:00.000-04:00

Back in high school, I went through a phase where I was intrigued with the military. OK, maybe a little obsessed. I had no interest in joining- it's so totally not my thing. But Operation Desert Storm was going on at the end of high school and my heart always broke when I thought about the men and women serving overseas in a faraway place, far from home and family and loved ones and comforts of the everyday.

I did a service project at my school to collect items to make care packages to send overseas. Unfortunately, the project never took off with the student body so not much was collected.

I did a similar project several years ago with my church and the response was much greater. I sent packages of snacks, personal care items, and entertainment to several troops.

But showing support doesn't have to be in a box. Collecting up care packages is a great thing to do but connecting with someone who needs a kind word to cheer them up can be as easy as writing a letter.

A handwritten letter can really boost your spirits, can't it?

This morning, I was listening to The Bert Show. They are based in Atlanta, GA but syndication brought them to the Indy area a while back and they have also recently expanded their coverage to include Nashville, TN.

The Bert Show is doing a project (The Big Thank You) to collect and send 400,000 letters of gratitude to troops stationed overseas to receive in time for Thanksgiving. Visit that link for information and guidelines.

And if you need to shed a few tears to help you find some motivation, I highly recommend spending a few minutes on the Welcome Home Blog.

If you aren't from the Indy, Nashville, or Atlanta area and would like to participate, you can send your letter to me and I'll include it in my bundle. Or you can start your own project and gather your own bundle of letters from friends, family, church group, school group, and so on and mail in your own letters.

No matter how you feel about war, about the military, about the politics of it all... the men and women who are sacrificing their lives, their body parts, their safety, their mental health, time with their children and spouses, time away from the comfort of their beds or favorite chair, missing out on favorite family dinners... those are the people who deserve a few words of kindness and support and respect and gratitude.

I hope you will join me! If you'd like to partner with me, drop me an email (gentlemomlc at gmail).

6 Words: I'm Shocked!

2011-10-01T10:17:00.000-04:00

I've slacked but 12's fit better!

Even though I've slacked off quite a bit over the summer in terms of diet and exercise (and have been working the past few weeks to get back on track), I was pleasantly surprised to try on jeans today and they weren't magic jeans but just plain old off the shelf jeans and the size 14 were too big and the size 12 FIT.

I bought 2 pairs. WHOOHOO!

Friday Fragments - End of Month Style

2011-09-30T09:27:00.001-04:00

I was in shock when August left and September crashed the summertime party. Now it's suddenly about to be October!!

My fingers are getting twitchy. I haven't been using my camera hardly at all lately. Not even my camera phone camera which is usually my standby for moments when I don't have my DSLR around my neck. I need to do some clicking this weekend!

Update on Teagan and adjustment to school: She's doing better. More than that, Jeff and I are doing better as we start to realize more and more about her personality and how it plays out into her anxiety. I've been reading up on perfectionism in kids and so much that I'm reading suits her. I've read other books suggested to me before and nothing ever clicked but this is clicking. I'm starting to see things through new eyes and hopefully Jeff and I can figure out ways of making things a little easier based on our new knowledge. Bottom line is that she is happy at school, she has lots of friends, and we've got things in place to ease anxiety all around.

While Teagan enjoyed feeling grown up about buying her lunch, the waiting in line thing was causing her anxiety. She recognized the stress and asked if she could just pack her lunch everyday. More work for mom but so proud that she was able to realize the source of stress and have a good solution for it. Even better, I like that we are in control of what she's consuming. Our school system has a great lunch program that was revamped last year to include fresh fruits and veggies and an overall healthier menu. But I still didn't love that she was eating, for example, pancakes from a plastic bag. Instead, we pack things like: hard boiled egg (already shelled), bites of rotiserrie chicken, cheese (cut from a block or Babybel), fresh fruit like an apple or raspberries or strawberries, apple chips, peanut butter crackers, and so on. Her favorite treat in her lunch box is a fortune cookie. Proud of my girl who likes healthy food and doesn't insist on a lunch filled with cheetos and ho-ho's!

If you're looking to get to know a new blogger... I have some suggestions for you! Some of these are people I've become friends with over the years and some are people I just enjoy reading.

C. Beth Blog

The Stay-at-Home Chef

The Katherine Wheel

Pictures From A Taxi

Flesworthy

That skinny chick can bake!

I have been feeling some Mommy Guilt. *cue doom music* Teagan and this school thing takes so much energy and time that I feel like I've been neglecting Zach a bit. Our evenings tend to revolve around the requirements of what needs to happen to get everything done and keep Teagan from melting down. Get the kids inside, Teagan needs immediate down time to decompress so she usually lays down and watches a little TV first. We get the kids a little snack to keep them out of the kitchen while we get dinner ready. Then there is eating and homework and shower or bath time. Then it's into pajamas and read a book or 2 or 4 and then sleepy time. I'm spending my time getting Teagan set up with homework or helping her with the things she needs an adult involved in (like practicing for her spelling test). Jeff's stepped up and been handling a good share of the cooking each night and that helps immensely. But I just feel like I haven't had time with my little buddy boy. He's feeling it, too, I think, because he's been coming to our bed at night again. I think I need to plan a little date with him.

Have a great weekend!! We are spending some time at the zoo on Sunday- Jeff's company is having an annual event there. Tonight I might be meeting up with a new friend to get some Girl Scout troop leadership tips. Tomorrow is wide open at this point- which is awesome!

My Addiction

2011-09-29T12:47:00.002-04:00

This time, it's Jeff's fault.

OK, I know I'm responsible for my own choices but when someone dangles that one thing in front of you... that one thing that you know can be a problem for you...

Jeff's my enabler this time around.

It actually started before I met him. Sometime back in 2000, I think. And it hung on as I met him, we got married, and then pregnant.

Sometime during the pregnancyw ith Teagan is when I got it under control. Stopped cold turkey.

And I was doing really well. Didn't even think about it. Wasn't tempted in the slightest.

Then Facebook implanted the gateway and Jeff brought the real deal into our home.

Sims Social

Sims 3

Sims Social is managable because I can jump online, click a few things, done. In fact, it's already getting pretty boring. But it's easy enough to check in from time to time.

Sims 3 takes time, energy, commitment. I'm working to make sure I don't get sucked into the vortex. One of my worst days the last time around was when I suddenly realized I'd been playing for 8 solid hours and had no intention of quitting until I got 2 particular Sims married.

I've got some limits in place this time around. I don't have the kind of free time I used to have. The computer doesn't get turned on until after dinner and homework and bedtime routine are handled. And I can only play for an hour, maybe 2. And I'm usually taking time to do other things while playing- Jeff' in the room, we're chatting, we're watching TV, I'll get up to pick stuff up, put stuff away.

But even as I sit at work... I think about my Sim. I've had dreams about her at night. I wake up and fight the urge to check on her.

Her name's Roxie and her life goal is to become a famous chef. She's very artistic, social, and flirty. I think about her career, her friends, her romantic interests. I wonder about which Sim we've met that might become her soul mate. I wonder when she'll be established enough to move to a better home. I wonder if she's going to be a mom someday.

Jeff was doing a nice thing by buying the game for me. Jeff was also doing a dangerous thing by hooking the needle back to my vein...

I'm addicted. Think Dr. Drew has a rehab clinic for that?

Girl Scouts

2011-09-28T11:20:00.001-04:00

Because I've been looking for a hobby...

Because I just don't have enough to do...

Because... because... because...

Back in August, we signed Teagan up for Girl Scouts. She's going to be a Daisy this year and will move on to Brownies if she continues it next year (2nd grade).

Our troop is all girls new to the Girl Scouts and all attend the same school, same grade. It's a small troop- 5 girls. I'm told this is a great number to start with.

The families received an email about the troop needing a leader. Jeff and I had registered to be volunteers but didn't feel confident about being leaders.

Long and somewhat complicated story short- I am now co-leading with 2 other moms. We met up last night to disucss.

I was nervous that there would be a strong personality in the group that would take charge and be unpleasant. There wasn't.

Instead, I'm now connected to 2 women who have daughters in the same grade and school as Teagan. And the connections we are finding since our meetup are kind of eerie.

We've all lived in Cincinnati before.

One of the moms graduated from the same college as me in the major I started out in (I changed my major during my junior year which added a year of school on for me). I might even recognize her name- we need to compare notes!

We seem to all be on the same page about what we want, how we like things, what our plans are.

So I'm adding an other title to my list of titles and hats and activities. Now I'm also a Girl Scout Troop Co-Leader.

And Jeff is a Girl Scout Volunteer. Dads get a special name. He's a "Do-Dad."

I'm hoping my experience in leadership and Teagan's experience in Girl Scouts is more positive than my own as a child. I'm confident it will be. One thing we talked about last night was the reason we each wanted out daughter in Girl Scouts. For one mom, her daughter is painfully shy and she's hoping that having a small group of girls that she does activities with will help her confidence grow. Another mom has an only child and there aren't many kids in the neighborhood so she's feeling a little desperate for friends. And then there's me and Teagan. Biggest reason is to help her connect to other kids in our community- kids from school, maybe even in our neighborhood.

I'm putting my Planning Hat on and trying to organize the unbelievable amount of information flowing out to me from the website. Thankfully, one of the co-leaders is already enmeshed and has been sharing helpful links to help me navigate through all of the website information.

Here's to a new adventure!

Seasons of Change

2011-09-26T09:01:00.000-04:00

I often feel like not many agree with me on this subject.

I really like all 4 seasons.

I live in an area where winter is cold and snowy and summer is hot and humid. When we go through all 4 seasons, they are all different and unique times of year.

My favorite seasons are spring and fall.

I think I like that they are seasons of change and transition.

Now that we are officially in autumn, I thought I would share some things I am eager to experience in the upcoming weeks.

Next weekend, we have an event for Jeff's workplace. It's an annual appreciation/safety event and it's held at the Zoo. The kids will enjoy the day with the animals. I'll enjoy a day outside!

Oct 8 - Oktoberfest at Trader's Point. $8 if I pre-buy my ticket, kids get in free. It's the kind of thing Christy would love to do but she'll be heading out of state. So more food and drink for me!! On the way home, I'd love to go check out the Celebrate Science event at the Indiana State Fairgrounds! How cool does that look???

Oct 15 - I'd like to go to Stonycreek Farm that weekend. However, Zach has a pumpkin patch field trip on that Monday. But... it's been rained out the last 2 years so if we have good weather, we might need to jump on it!

The following weekend... hmmmm... What's going on?

CRAP! I need to plan a birthday party for Zach! He turns 4 on the 23rd so that weekend will be all about celebrating Zach with family groups and friends. No big parties at this point. Might invite 1 friend to a playdate at a bounce place like Monkey Joe's.

Then comes Halloween weekend!

Oct 29 - I am planning to do a bike ride with my friend, Paulette. It's got 2 of our favorite things going on- riding bikes, drinking beer. That's Saturday and we will do trick or treating with the kids on Sunday. Teagan wants to be Daphne from Scooby Doo and Zach might be Spiderman but he's still very undecided.

I'd also love to hit the Broad Ripple Farmer's Market since my local market is now closed for the season. And I want time to ride my bike- and would love to schedule a weekend morning to go do a farm route in Hendricks County.

I am soaking up the sunshine, the fresh air, the changing colors, the leaves. Winter will be upon us soon enough!

Kindness

2011-09-24T08:37:00.001-04:00

My heart swelled yesterday. With... pride and joy.

Teagan was talking about her day at school. She was eager to tell us about running laps in gym class and that they went outside for gym class.

I don't know all the details. But I know the kids were supposed to run laps. I think they were supposed to go around the track 4 times. Each lap earned them part of a smiley face on the back of their hand. Teagan ran all four of her laps without a problem.

But she had noticed something. A friend of hers was struggling. There is a little girl in her class that she has become friends with who is a bit on the heavy side. The girl started to run but ended up with a cramp in her side and ended up walking instead. And she was walking alone.

Teagan did her 4 laps and then went and walked a 5th time around. With her friend. To keep her company.

Teagan saw that the her friend was alone. Teagan went and asked the coach if she could go and walk with her friend- even though she's already completed the 4 laps. The coach said yes and Teagan ran off to walk with her friend.

As someone who has been the slow runner and had deep appreciation for Christy running back a block to be able to run with me... as someone who has been alone and been the underdog... as someone who has felt awkward in my own skin and embarassed that I couldn't do what everyone else was doing...

It warmed my heart that my daughter chose this act of kindness towards her friend. My daughter who was bullying her classmates a year ago has figured out a little bit of what friendship and kindess really are and made a very real demonstration of those things yesterday.

My heart swelled and I was so glad to be able to tell my daughter how proud I was of her and how much it meant to me that she had made such an important choice.

The Bottom Line

2011-09-22T09:13:00.003-04:00

We had our meeting this morning with Teagan and her 1st grade teacher.

It went very well.

I believe that I will always be the parent who believes my child, who comes to the aid of my child, who stand up for my child. It can sometimes be difficult to think in that place because my child plays games that play on that trust.

I'm not saying she's a devious little 6 year old who is plotting out ways to destroy her parent. That will come in about 6 or 7 years, I think.

But she was playing an attention game.

The anxiety is there and it is real. But it is not specifically related to anything going on at school.

She likes her school, her teachers, her friends, her activities.

She is doing extremely well in her school work. She knows classroom procedures inside and out. She is a leader in the classroom because she knows all of those rules and she encourages others to follow them.

She still wants clear expectations, she still wants to do everything right and perfect. If she doesn't do it right and perfect, then she throws in the towel for the day.

Now Jeff and I have to figure out how we manage this side of her personality. Jeff is being very vocal about realizing that she "gets this from him." But he doesn't seem to have much to input as to how to make it better, how to best serve her, parent her, and help her.

My daughter is a perfectionist.

I've said before that one of the best examples I can give of her personality is that we don't have funny stories to share about things she said as a kid. She never utters a "darndest thing." Because she isn't going to talk about something if she doesn't think she's got it exactly right. We didn't fully realize that until Zach came along and he says funny, off the cuff stuff all the time (like telling us the moon is made out of Buzz Lightyear's butt). If she isn't sure it's right, she's not going to say it, communicate it, act on it.

Another example is something we are seeing in her homework and her teacher has seen in her schoolwork. She does a fantastic job when she knows exactly what the expectation is and there are specific problems or questions to work through. When the assignments rely more on your own creativity, she struggles. Show her a picture of a beach, ask her to write something about it- she struggles. She doesn't know what she's supposed to write. She has a weekly poetry homework where she reads a poem and then is supposed to draw something about that poem. She wants us to tell her what to draw, how to draw it and has to really be encouraged to just draw what she wants to draw.

She's concerned she's going to do it wrong and she'd rather just not do it at all. It's that level of caution that we have seen in her since birth.

As parents, we have a lot of learning to do in order to best help her personality grow and also to help her avoid the pitfalls of perfection. She could easily go down a road of being a bully again or end up with an eating disorder or take the drive for perfection in the complete opposite direction and go to full on failure.

Now she knows that home and school are all on the same page. Now she knows that she can be the same at school as she is at home. Now she knows that we will talk to her teacher and her teacher will talk to us anytime there is a concern.

She feels more delicate and fragile to me than she ever has before.

Stick-to-it-ivity

2011-09-21T15:06:00.003-04:00

Today, you can find me at Fit City with a post about Stick-to-it-ivity. I always appreciate a little comment love on my Fit City posts so scoot on over there!

Tomorrow, I'll have an update on the situation with Teagan's school anxiety. We are meeting with her teacher tomorrow morning and I had a great phone chat with the school guidance counselor on Friday.

Blog Stuff

2011-09-19T10:59:00.001-04:00

Bunch of random stuff going on...

1. I am having trouble with commenting. And I've heard that some people have had issue commenting on my blog as well. My trouble tends to be with embedded comment forms- I type it up, set it to my Google Account, and then it tells me I'm not subscribed to that blog and wants me to log out. The only way I've gotten around it is to leave my comment with my "Name/URL." I've always had trouble with embedded comment forms- they frustrate me greatly.

2. I am trying to do some reading and see what's going on with the comment issues since I now know I am now alone in my frustrations.

3. I threw a new background up- just for the sake of change. How's it look? What does it look like to you?

4. I miscalculated the people I'd ridden for on Saturday. Oops. I didn't have my official list with me. I rode for my Mom, Mim, Kat, and also for Anita and Katie.

5. This has been a pretty yucky Monday so far. I'd like to go home and lay in bed the rest of the day.

6. Not sure I actually have a #6 but I feel like I should have a list of 10.

7. I don't know why I think I need a list of 10.

8. I really should just quit since I have nothing else of substance to say.

9. Only 1 more and then I've made it a Top Ten List of Nothing!