Friends: True Colors

I'm doing a series on Friends. And it occured to me that while it is important to have a definition of what a friend is, it is also important to know what a friend is not.

What I've learned can be summed up pretty easily:

When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.

It's easy to be connected to someone who seems to have your back, who seems to have similar cvalues to your own, who says and does all the right things.  But at some point, you might catch a glimpse of something that makes you sit back and really question who this person is because it just doesn't seem to fit your understanding of them.

On the one hand, there is value to exploring further to see if there is an underlying issue.  And I've gone through that, of course.  When something is so completely out of character that I know there is something else going on and my friend just needs me to be their friend and help them through it.

On the other hand, there are situations where those true colors come out and it just lines up with something in your gut.  Maybe something you haven't fully been trusting all along.  Maybe something that is just too far across a line.

Maybe someone has a temper and you've heard about it but never seen it.  Then you're out with your friend and you disagree with something they've said and the temper flares up at you... the true colors are seen.

I'm not saying that means you can't be friends anymore.  We all have our own true colors, after all.  But you do have to know what your values are, what is important to you as a quality in your friends, and decide if finding out that someone has a temper... is prone to gossip... lies... has a real issue with punctuality... whatever... is that a deal breaker?  Is that something a reason to pull back in that friendship?

Bottom line is simply that you are worth more than you think you are.  So often, I think we put time and energy into friendships that aren't positive and supportive and loving because we don't think we deserve better.  We feel guilty for quitting on a friend.  We feel like we're supposed to save everyone, support everyone - that we are somehow not being a good friend if we don't take the abuse, take the disrespect, take the behavior.

But it's not true.

And again - my faith comes into play.

I think it comes down to Proverbs 27:17.

To me, friendship is about more than just having someone to turn to when I need help or being the one someone can turn to when they need help.  It's about more than having someone I can laugh with, eat with, drink with, explore with.  It's about more than having things in common like faith or marriage or kids.

I expect my friends to make me a better person.  And my hope is that I make my friends better people.  And when those true colors come out and I see that this is not a friendship that helps me be a better person... I know that this isn't a relationship that I should be putting effort and energy into.

I have friends who help me be a better parent, help me be a better wife, help me be a better follower of Christ, help me be a better me.

Those are the friendships that I focus on, work on, tend to and encourage.  Those are the friendships that have true colors that are what I seek.  When we face a difficulty between us and we talk it through instead of running and talking to others.  When they set me back on the right path instead of encouraging me with negativity toward my spouse or workplace or other friends.

And not to be overly cheesy - but Cyndi Lauper's hit applies here, too.

"I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you."

I see your true colors - I am blessed to have wonderful friends and I have seen their true colors in the course of wonderful times and regular times and difficult times.  And it's why I love them.

Tragedy and Light

Some days, the weight of the sadness and pain in the world is absoutely overbearing.

And you carry it around, aware of things lightly connected to you, people hurting, people you don't know hurting, people hurting others.

And then something hits close to home and it all becomes too much.

I am part of a group of local bloggers.  We help support each other's blog and social media efforts.  And some of the women are fortunate enough to have formed some real friendships.  There are many women in this group that I like a lot but I haven't been able to really plug in and make non-computer-land friendships.

One of those women is a mom named Katy.  She runs Indy with Kids.  Katy often has great hook ups for cool events in the area and sometimes I even get to attend these cool events and help promote them.  A couple of months ago, I enjoyed watching Twitter explode with tweets as everyone eagerly awaited the arrival of her third baby - a little girl named Shaundi.  I thought it was really awesome that so many people were so excited and so eager and so filled with joy for this family.

I didn't know Katy personally.  I'd met her once or twice.  But I loved watching everyone who did know her get so excited about Shaundi's arrival.

And then tragedy struck.

Tuesday evening, Shaundi was found unresponsive.  Overnight, impossible decisions had to be made.  Wednesday morning, I awoke to messages on Facebook about what was going on - I'd been clueless.

A group of us met at a local park and stood together, hand in hand, and prayed.  Because what else could we do?

And we learned later that afternoon - Shaundi had been baptized and had died.

Tuesday evening, a friend in my mom group posted about a friend of hers losing her 9 month old.

Tuesday evening, an Amber Alert was issued for an 8 year old girl in my town (who happens to be a classmate of a friend of mine).

Last week, a teacher in our preschool suffered a miscarriage (late enough in her pregnancy that she had to deliver her baby).

A friend in my mom group lost her brother.

The losses are piling up.

Even if you don't turn on the news - which I generally don't - the newsfeed on Facebook and my hoempage on Twitter are flooded each day with problems that people I am connected to are facing.

Illness, death, poverty, fighting, divorce, heartbreak, infidelity, runaways, drug addictions.

It is overwhelming. Absolutely overwhelming.

And the news of Shaundi's passing... after spending time in prayer with a group of amazing women in the middle of a busy playground on a gorgeous sunny day...

I had to step away.  From my desk, from people.

I went outside.  I am thankful that my new office building is in a gorgeous setting - ponds and wildflowers and ducks and a nice walking path.

I walked to a quiet spot and stopped to watch the ducks.

Amid all the brown ducks that I see every single day was a single bright white duck.  I'd never seen this duck before.  A bright white duck, the same size and everything as the brown ducks that surrounded it.

And I cried.

Yes, because I was sad.

But also because... there was hope.

I'm not usually one to see signs around me.  But I do believe in my connection to God.  I do know that I hear from Him.  And I do believe that single white duck was a sign of hope.  A reminder that there is light.

Dark days are ahead for Katy and her friends and family.  Dark days are upon them right now.

But there is light.  There is hope.  There is love.  There is peace.




If you feel so inclined - we are taking donations to help alleviate the costs that are coming for Katy's family.  The expense of a very unexpected funeral and the hospital bills that will be coming.  The family also recently made changes to their income structure and this will most likely impact their ability to bring in income in the coming months.  Even a few dollars helps in a big way.

Friends: Definition

Friend - a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.  (dictionary.com)

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."  -C.S. Lewis

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."  - George Washington

“We'll be Friends Forever, won't we, Pooh?' asked Piglet.
Even longer,' Pooh answered.”   - A.A. Milne

I think one of the hardest things about friendship is defining it.

We have all different categories and layers and levels of friendship.

I have friends from junior high, friends from high school, friends from college, friends from work, friends from the internet (and those fall into all different groups - Indy Moms, Teagan's birth board, blogging), church friends, friends I eat sushi with, friends I did theatre with, friends I share very private things with, friends I call my soul mates, friends I keep at a distance, friends I want to spend more time with.

You get the idea.

It's kind of exhausting.

I am blessed to have a community that surrounds me and my family - the circles overlap with me at the center.  Church, Family, Moms, School, Work - groups that, should my family face a truly difficult time, would come together and support me through it, support my fmaily through it.

But the community as a whole can't be defined, specifically, as made up of friends.

I am going to define "friends" as the people that I would turn to with confidential information ro would turn to when I need a shoulder, advice, a reality check.

People I respect and love and trust that they also love and respect me.  People who hold similar values.

People that I long to spend time with - even if it's hard to make that time happen.

People that make me laugh and who also find joy in my friendship.

People who would turn to me when they need support and advice.

People who aren't going to judge me when I need help, need to vent.  Who love me as I am where I am.

Oh - there's that L Word.  Love.  I do believe that friendship includes love.  So I am going to define Friendship as the people in my life that I truly love in the personal sense.

That definitely helps clear the field and highlight the people in my communities that qould qualify as my friends.

Liz's definition of friendship:

A relationship with another person that is based on mututal respect, joy, love and values.  Distance and time are not a hindrance but do play a part.

Friends: A Series

I've had a lot of thoughts in my brain about adults and friendship lately.

So I figured it was time to start organizing those thoughts and sharing them.

As adults, especially as parents, there is a lot of talk with kids about friendship and how we treat people.  And there is a lot of excitement about spending time with friends and learning how to be a friend and learning how to tell if someone else is a friend.

And it's got me wondering... do we, as adults, really understand friendship?  And what about how friendship changes?  How it may ebb and flow?  How it changes with the seasons of our lives?  What about the challenges placed upon a friendship when one friend's life changes dramatically?

Last night, I had dinner with a friend that I see often and I know we would both enjoy being able to spend more time together.  Lives keep us busy and schedules often keep us from hanging out.

Tonight, I'm having dinner with a friend I don't get to see often.  But we just "get" each other.  We go months without seeing each other but then manage to make a date for dinner or coffee and it's like we're just continuing the conversation.

I am blessed to have many friendships - and many different kinds of friendships.  Let's see where this journey takes us!

Thirty Nine

There were Thirty-Nine Steps.  Even Grover got in on that action (props to my true Sesame Street fans).



There were Thirty-Nine Articles of Religion.

And then there were 39 years.

Yesterday was my birthday.

I'm not a fan of birthdays and Mondays coinciding.

It wasn't a terrible day.  But it also wasn't awesome.

But then I decided to make it awesome.

I was feeling kinda blah - I've never been one to feel like I've been hit hard by age.  But something about entering the final year of my thirties took a toll on my psyche.

And then we had to take Zach to the doctor.

When I checked on him Sunday night, I thought he had a fever.  I was pretty certain of it.  But no sign of being sick.  But when he got up Monday morning, I could clearly see that the bit of scrape left on his arm from a fall the week before... was significantly worse.  It went from a scab to a scab surrounded by raised white bumps of pus.  And the redness.  Paired with the fever - we knew we had to call the doctor.

So off to the doctor we went.  And it is infected.  And we have to be cautious to make sure this skin infection doesn't infect the elbow joint because then it will be harder to fight.  And they took a culture and wrapped his little tiny arm in gauze.  And my celebratory heart just wasn't in it.

Jeff took him home and I went back to work.

And I checked Facebook.

I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life.  So in my real, everyday life.  Some in my church life.  Some in my work life.  Some I call family, some I call friends.  And the birthday wishes were just evidence of the love in my life.

I like to acknowledge every birthday greeting.  But I wanted to do more.  So for every birthday greeting, I thanked the person.  But then also took a second to pray.

"Father, fill ______ with joy."

Fill Ashlea with joy.

Fill Jennifer with joy.

Fill Kat with joy.

Fill Jim with joy.

Fill Christy with joy.

Fill Daniel with joy.

Fill Amanda with joy.

And you know what happened by the end of the day?

I was also filled with joy.  Yes, I was still tired and stressed and worried about my little boy.  But I was also fully aware of how blessed I am and how lucky I am and how fortunate I am.

So I guess 39 isn't really so hard afterall.  Yesterday, I proved that my life is abundant in blessings and joy.  In 39 years, the first 20 or so wracked with hardships and chaos, I've managed to come to a point where I know...

Peace.

Joy.

Fulfillment.

Happiness.

Love.

Friendship.

I don't have it all figured out.  I'm not perfect by a long shot.  But at 39 years old... I can certainly say that I've come a long way.

Bible Translations

I am fascinated by translations of the Bible.

To some degree, I believe in the idea of reading the text as close to the original translation as possible.

However, I love learning about the culture of the time when the Bible was written.  I love learning about the nuances of language and how the meaning of some words has changed since the texts were put to paper.  I find the history of how certain books were selected and certain books were rejected to be very interesting - and am intrigued that even today there are Christian faiths with a different Bible.

I am also intrigued by the long list of translations available for the standard Bible.  NIV, King James, The Message, The Voice, ASV.  I generally read my Bible on my phone or on my computer so I have translations available at my fingertips.

Yesterday, I started listening to a really cool music project called Enter the Worship Circle.  I'm still learning about it but the basic idea is to encourage songwriters and musicians to create simple and singable music based on Scripture.  It's got a folksy feel and I understand there are groups that meet up and will have Worship Circles once a month - just get together and sing and play.

Well, that led me to wanting to read the Book of Psalm.  It's one of my favorite books of the Bible but I don't know that I have read it completely.  So I decided to start with Chapter 1.

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,

That's the NIV translation.  Very poetic.  I decided I wanted to read some other translations.

Psalm 1:1

King James Version (KJV)

1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

King James generally turns me off - the language is so flowery that I feel like I have to translate the English into English.

Psalm 1:1

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

The Way to Happiness

1 God blesses those people
    who refuse evil advice
    and won’t follow sinners
    or join in sneering at God.

Contemporary English.  Nice. Simple.

Then I read the translation from The Voice.  The Voice was just published last year and the purpose is to make reading the Bible more like reading a novel, a long story.  To make it more relatable.  It wasn't aken lightly - there are many scholars in many areas of study who were part of this work.  I like that the translation includes information about history and understanding the culture.

Psalm 1:1

The Voice (VOICE)

Book One

Book One (Psalms 1–41) is attributed almost entirely to David; all but four of the psalms (1–2;10; 33) are ascribed to him. In Hebrew Psalm 10 is a continuation of Psalm 9 because it was composed as an acrostic poem. Likewise, many Hebrew manuscripts combine Psalm 33 with 32. Only later are these divided into separate psalms. Psalm 1 sets the stage for the entire collection by explaining that the study of the Word of God is the foundation of a meaningful, prosperous life.

Psalm 1

1 God’s blessings follow you and await you at every turn:
    when you don’t follow the advice of those who delight in wicked schemes,
When you avoid sin’s highway,
    when judgment and sarcasm beckon you, but you refuse.

That really spoke to me!  Especially the last line... about refusing to give in to judgment and sarcasm.  I tend to give in to sarcasm at home when I hit frustration and my sarcasm does not ever help a situation.  "God's blessings follow you and await you at every turn when judgment and sarcasm beckon you, but you refuse."  I even paraphrased that paraphrased to use in my current prayer project.

I wanted to share this with Jeff when I got home.  However, my Bible app doesn't have The Voice translation so I thought I'd check The Message to see what it had to say...

Psalm 1:1

The Message (MSG)

1 How well God must like you—
    you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon,
    you don’t slink along Dead-End Road,
    you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College.

Well.  Now.  Huh.

That makes me realize why people might not like translations.  "Smart-Mouth College?"  Taking a book of songs and reducing it to "Sin Saloon" and "Dead-End Road" and "Smart-Mouth College."

Don't get me wrong - there are times when The Message really speaks to me.  But in Psalms?  Not so much.

But it struck me... that language might really speak to someone else.

Just like the thee's and thou's of the King James version might speak to someone else.

And I think that is the cool thing about translations and about the Living Word.  Just as God reaches people were they are, as they are... so can His word.

Just like music.  Worship music comes in different styles in order to reach different audiences.  There are the beautiful old hymns, Gregorian chants, contemporary pop style music, folksy music, gospel, metal, hip hop...

The Bible, liturgy, music... all tools for worship, all tools for relationship with God.

Fascinating!

It Happens Every Year

Every year, the Indiana State Fair comes to an end.

It's that time of year.

It's the final weekend.

And I can't make it work to go again.  Between school, work, and some church commitments, and errands that have to get done for school... there just isn't time for one last trip to the Fair.  I've had 4 great trips to the Fair so you'd think I'd have gotten my fill.

I had a half day with just ME.  I was a guest of Indiana Family of Farmers and got to enjoy the Get Animated exhibit, the DuPont Food Pavilion, the Ag/Hort Building, a ride on the tractor shuttle, corn on the cob, and a few other things all by myself.

I had a half day date afternoon with my husband.  We saw the Get Animated exhibit, watch my blog friend, 4th Frog, talk about her cooking disasters on the Red Gold Culinary Corner kitchen stage, saw the giant ball of popcorn, rode the train.

Had a day with just my kids.  We rode the train down first thing in the morning and stayed until mid-afternoon (then hit the pool for an hour and then off to the ice cream social at school).  We rode some rides, did Little Hands on the Farm, ate corn dogs, saw Get Animated and the giant ball of popcorn, learned a lot about bees and sampled honey and smoothies.

Had a day with my kids and 2 of my friends.  Did almost everything.  Seriously.  Ate red velvet funnel cake, saw the Sinbad High Dive show, saw the Rosstyn Ice show, visited with goats, butterflies, and fish at the DNR building, Teagan shot a BB gun at the DNR building, rode the ferris wheel, collected an enormous amount of pamphlets, stickers, and temporary tattoos, visited the Glass Barn, played on a playset in the FFA Building, sampled goodies at Taste of Indiana Farms, and so much more.

Except...

I didn't make it to any animal barns.

I never went in the Home & Family Arts Building.

I didn't visit Hook's Drugstore.

I didn't see enough of the FFA Building.

I didn't eat a gyro.

I didn't drink enough lemon shake ups.  And never got a lime shake up.

I didn't go through the barn at Pioneer Village.

I didn't see anyone clogging on the Dance for Health stage.

I never went into the Grandstand for any of those events.

I missed every show at any of the stages.

I didn't set foot in the greenhouse or Normandy Barn.

See? How can I not go and do one last trip?  I need at least 2 more days to do it all!!

And I have to wait an entire full YEAR before my beloved State Fair comes back!