WWW: Gratitude

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Gratitude. Appreciation. Thankfulness.

Philosopher Cicero said, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others."

Art historian Johannes Gaertner said, "To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven."

Operation Gratitude accepts care packages to send to U.S. troops.

The Gratitude Campaign offers a way to quietly say thank you when you see a member of our Armed Forces.

There are the GratiDudes with their mission to spread joy and hope through a lesson on happiness and gratitude... and a little dancing.



When I first listed this as a topic, I felt it was appropriate because Thanksgiving is coming up for the US, recently passed for Canada. What better time to talk about gratitude?

Then Fort Hood happened and my focus changed.

Today is Veterans Day. Today, we thank and honor those who have served and are serving our country. This year, with the tragedy at Fort Hood, it feels more important than ever to thank and honor the men and women of the Armed Services.

I was listening to NPR's reporting on the memorial service at Fort Hood. What I appreciated is that the coverage didn't focus solely on President Obama's statements. There were a few soundbites. But they shared each piece of the service and described the mood, the people. At the end of the description, they played part of the traditional roll call. At such an event, the roll call calls out the names of present service people who call back. And scattered into the list of those present are the names of those now gone. And silence responds.

And I sat in my car and cried.



I have so much gratitude for the people and things that surround me. Even when I find myself frustrated or angry or sad... My gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation for my husband, my kids, my family, my home, my friends, my family, my job, my co-workers, my minivan, my dog, my... so many blessings.

And there are men and women who have given up their lives so that I can build my life.

I used to joke that I had dated almost every branch of the military. Now I wonder if those young men are still serving... are still alive...

I have family and friends currently serving. I have co-workers who are Vets.

I had intended for today's post to be about my gratitude for important people in my life and ways to share that. I had intended for this post to be about my faith. Instead, it's about the people who defend my country and my right and freedom to have this life, to have my faith.

Thank you.

Keep It Simple, Stupid

I really don't believe in mealtime being fight time. I like to imagine that we all sit down together, smile, pass dishes, laugh and talk about our day. I imagine it being just like it is on TV in those crescent roll commercials.

That is not the scene in our house.

The first problem is that we don't have a dining room table where we sit down and eat together. Well, we have a table but it is currently (and temporarily, I hope) out of commission. We have a dining room area. A nice one in fact. But it's a little over taken with... stuff. If you visit my friend Amy at 4th Frog, you know she recently spent 4 hours cleaning out a closet and she bravely shared the before and after pics. Take her before pic, make it at least 3x worse, expand the area to cover a dining room and you've got my situation. Jeff's working on it. A little bit at a time.

The second problem... my daughter has hit her first picky stage.

I refuse to battle over food. We have simple rules. We serve dinner. You can choose to eat it. If you eat it all, you get dessert. If you choose not to eat it all, no dessert. If you don't like what is served, you can choose food from the snack bin instead. This also means no dessert. The rules are known.

And the rules are questioned and fought and complained about. Because Teagan has now become... picky. Or is she?

We are working parents. We don't have a lot of time in the evenings. Cooking meals is a challenge. We fell hard into the bad habit of carry out, meals out, pick it up, drive through... Last week, I decided I'd had enough. Time to plan a menu, make a list, grocery shop.

And I did. I spent 2 1/2 hours preparing dinner Sunday. Maple glazed stuffed pork loin. Cheesy green bean casserole. It was good and tasty and I put a lot of effort into it. Jeff was very nice about it. The kids ate the meat.

Tonight, a mexican layer bake. Ground beef, corn, salsa, cheese, tortillas. All layered together and baked. Yum, right? Not in this house. Both kids refused to even touch it.

And I about lost it. I know that's unreasonable. I know that making a change from lots of restaurant food to home cooked meals isn't going to be easy.

My stomach was in knots. I took a time out. I went and laid down for a few minutes, took a couple of Tums. And I hatched a plan.

I emerged from the bedroom and grabbed paper and pen. And I sat down with Teagan and asked her what it is she likes to eat. Here's the list.

Muffins, chicken, chicken nuggets, water, apple juice, grapes, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, celery with ranch, peas, plain green beans, corn, mashed potatoes, baked potato, fish sticks, fish (baked tilapia or salmon), pretzels, cheese, bacon, sausage, eggs (scrambled or fried), bread- but no crust, plain rice, chicken fried rice (with egg, peas, corn), kiwi, avocado (she doesn't really like avocado- she won't eat it when I have it), apples (no skin), oranges, cottage cheese, mini tacos (frozen food), bagels, chicken noodle soup, ravioli, cereal with milk, hamburgers, hot dogs, raisins, craisins...

So now I have a starting point. No more casseroles and sauces. Just like her dad, she prefers plain food. Which really is fine. It doesn't suit my style... but this isn't about me, is it?

So scratch this week's menu.... or not.... I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve that I want to try out.

But at this point, I think that she's given me a really great list to work with. So now I can make dinners that she has said she will eat. No fancy menus, no lists of ingredients, no searching for recipes. Time to buy veggies, fruit, fish, and chicken. Time to bake muffins (just finished up a batch of applesauce muffins for the week). Time to keep it simple.

Going forward... simple menus built from Teagan's list, take back the dining room and have actual family meals- with no TV. My next shopping trip will be Sunday and I will stick with Teagan's list. And the dining room? Jeff... set a date. And then we'll be ready to make our evenings as simple as possible- thereby continuing to build the strong foundation that we need.

Fall Color

One of the great things about living in the Midwest is the potential for a truly beautiful change of seasons. When everything works the way it is supposed to, fall is one of the most glorious and beautiful seasons of the year. The air turns crisp, the leaves change color, birds gather to fly south, and so on.

And it is those changing colors that really make fall remarkable.

I wanted to share a few photos I captured of the colors around our yard.

All it takes is a few cold days, some good rainfalls, and the leaves fall to the ground. The trees become bare and you get your first glimpses of winter. A reminder of what is just around the corner.

But for now, we will continue to enjoy the last few leaves that are hanging on. For now, we will relish the sunny, breezy days. For now, we will cherish our open windows. For now, we will continue to soak in all that autumn has to offer.

Boom Boom Pow

'Tis the season! Fa la la la la and boom boom pow! Huh?

Came across this adorable smiling snowman at a local hardware store on Saturday. Those shiny eyes, the carrot nose, that coal mouth... and a shot gun? Huh?

A hunting snowman? What exactly does a snowman need to hunt anyway??

And believe it or not... it's even better when you push the button...

You Oughta Be In Pictures!

It’s been a while since I pulled pics from my camera. About a month, in fact. So I hope you enjoy all the treasures I found!

Zach’s birthday:

The weather has been gorgeous recently- lots of time to play outside in the sun!

The last dance class

Finally, a family picture. This is my family with my family! My brother, Ted, Jeff and Teagan and me and my brother, Daniel, and my mom and Zach and my dad.

Allergies

I've had allergies my entire life.

I grew up allergic to dairy. It sucked. No ice cream, no cereal with milk, no cheese.

I was allergic to pollen and cats and dogs and mold.

I remember going in for allergy testing- when they do all those pricks on your back. Awful.

In early puberty, I developed an allergy to horses. I was outgrowing my milk allergy (which caused ear infections). My mom, dad, and I used to go downtown and the highlight of the trip would be stopping on Fountain Square to visit the horses and buggies. There was one horse I loved the best -he looked exactly like Black Beauty with the white star on his forehead and one white stocking by a rear hoof. One night, we went to visit the horses and on the drive home... I broke out into hives and swelling and such.

I've been allergic to hazelnuts my entire life. Swelling, hives, and impacting my breathing. I still avoid hazelnuts at all cost.

Over the past few years, I've needed some over the counter assistance with allergies but nothing major. In fact, I've been surprised that I can live with dogs and not be allergic beyond normal reactions.

Something weird is going on and I'd love to know if anyone has dealt with this or has any recommendations.

About once every 3 weeks, I get hit with a major allergy Attack. And I do mean Attack. I will sneeze and sneeze and sneeze and then BLAM-O! My sinuses are filled with cement, my nose is running, I can't breath in or out through my nose, my eyes are red and itchy and watery and swollen. I completely lose my sense of taste (to the point that I was able to eat spoonfuls of hot sauce in a Cuban restaurant and not taste even a hint of zing). It lasts about 2 hours and then I'm left slightly congested for another few hours and then... nothing.

It's happened at work, it's happened at home, it happened outside with my kids today. There is no known trigger... Christy and I have reviewed and reviewed the circumstances of each attack- environment, food.

It's awful. Had one hit this afternoon at 3 and now it's almost 10 and I'm finally able to breath through my nose completely.

When it hits, I take a double dose of my allergy meds and a dose of Tylenol Sinus. I've tried using saline spray or a neti pot, nasal medicated spray, blowing, not blowing... nothing makes it stop, nothing makes it better. I just have to suffer through it.

Any advice on potential triggers is appreciated. Stories of similar issues are appreciated. Words of pity are fine, too. I just would really love to have some answers.

Verizon Nokia Twist

From time to time, I get to test out a new phone from Verizon. I'm not paid for this- I just get the pleasure of playing with all of the functions of the phone at no cost to me. Then I write about my thoughts here on my blog and in other online venues.

Recently, I got to play with the Nokia Twist.

The phone did most things any regular cell phone would do. It placed calls and took calls, was easy to use for texting (has a qwerty keyboard). It's a unique little shape- square and it twists open to reveal the keyboard.

There are fun colors and lights. You can assign fun little avatars to your contacts. The back of the phone is a mirror.

If you click the link I gave above, there is a video of an ad for the phone off on the right side of that site. Watch it and you will see a perfect representation of what I felt the key market for this phone would be!

It's a fun and quirky little phone. It's very entertaining and... cute. It functioned well and did anything I needed it to do. I didn't fall in love with it- mostly because of all those things that make it so fun and entertaining. Personally, I found them kind of annoying but kept thinking that teenagers and young adults would LOVE the phone.

Could be a great gift idea for a young person in your Verizon life!

Fragments 11.06

Click on the image above to go visit the fabulous Mrs.4444! Check out her Fragments for today, visit other Fragmenters, and share your own link if you are Fragmented today!

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What a week it's been! If you read down the page for this past week, you'll see that I had a mini breakdown over the weekend over my daughter's lack of happiness, we celebrated Halloween, I worked through my mommy stress, thanked the people in my life who helped me through it, got an award, wrote about a teachable moment that had a major impact on my life, and shared some thoughts on Christmas gift giving. Whew! And the stuff I didn't share? Well- that's what fragments are for!

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Tuesday was an INSANELY busy day for me. The day started at 7:30 with a meeting at Teagan's school. Got to work by 8:30. Conference call at 9:45 that went until 10. Conf call at 10:30 that went until 11. Last minute department meeting from 11:10-11:30. Business lunch with my boss and a supplier until 12:45. Conference call at 1, another at 2, and another at 3. Had to leave work at 3:15 for Zach's 2 year well baby doctor visit. From there, we went to pick up Teagan from school and then it was home for dinner. I couldn't catch my breath! Whew!

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That meeting at Teagan's school? It was about Teagan and her issues in getting along with this one other girl. The other girl and her mom came to meet us, too. We all came up with a big plan- daily reward system, sticker chart, earning a big reward after 10 stickers, etc. Teagan was great during the meeting. She even talked about how she feels tired when she is having a hard day. Both girls earned their stickers on day one. Teagan did not earn her sticker on day two. Teagan did not earn her sticker today. Everything was set up, she saw how it worked, and now she is testing to see what the limits and expectations really are. Wednesday was a horrid evening. We don't punish for things that happen at school- but the meltdown started when she realized she wasn't getting her daily reward (Halloween candy in the car). And it continued downhill from there and never fully recovered. Thursday morning was rough. But then...

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I expected Thursday evening to be hard. She didn't get her sticker. She did get a lot of praise for handling a really hard situation exceptionally well (she got spit on and instead of retaliating, she went to a teacher). But she didn't get the sticker because she took all the praise, didn't let go of her anger, and took it out on a very innocent child in her class. She was apparently very cruel. It breaks my heart to think that my child can be so purposefully cruel. She was in a fine mood on her way home. I greeted her at the door with smiles and a hug. I praised her for how she handled the spitting situation. I asked about being angry and hurting the other child. She loved the praise and she handled the discussion about her anger really well. Dinner went well, bath time went well, bedtime went well (especially considering I handled the last 2 on my own since Jeff was busy talking to the mortgage company). And Jeff and I both praised her and thanked her for being so pleasant and being such an important part of our family being a happy family this evening.

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I'm fighting a bug and I'm pretty sure it's winning.

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I love my husband. Very much.

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Now that dance class is on hiatus, I am eager to use that Saturday morning time for some of the fun things we used to do. I really miss going to the Children's Museum. It's been long enough that everything will basically be new to both kids now.

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I am part of a local mom's discussion board. There was a discussion posted yesterday about "Who are your mom role models on this site?" I was really flattered to have a few moms list me as a role model! And the part that made me giggle? Each said that I seem to really "have it together." I'm calm and collected and I have a good angle on parenting and discipline. Man was that a great pick up! I don't have it all together and I don't try to act like I do. I'm very honest about how life goes around here- all my readers can vouch for that after my post during one of Teagan's meltdowns last week. I just take it one day at a time, one challenge at a time.

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If you haven't already, would you mind clicking the link in the top right box on this page and dropping me a vote? If you already have- thank you! I'm hoping to secure a spot on Indiana's Top 50 Blogs. Voting closes in just a few days! Spread the word- no registration, just 2 clicks. I get nothing except my name on a list. I just think it'd be cool to be able to say that I'm one of Indiana's Top Bloggers!

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Enjoy your weekend! Happy Friday!

Christmas Is Coming...

I guess if you look around Target or any other retailer, Christmas has already been here for a couple of weeks. Can you believe they had Christmas stuff out so early?? I was laughing because there were bags of red and green wrapped candy for full price next to the orange and black wrapped identical candy on clearance on the same shelf!

I'm trying to decide what to do for Christmas this year. I'm at that age where gifts start to feel less and less important. For the adults, I mean. Jeff and I tend to buy ourselves whatever we need during the year. The other adults we celebrate with aren't lacking for things.

It would be so easy to burn through my money and spend it on gifts for my family and friends.

A "geek clock" for my brother, Ted.

A binary clock for my lovely husband...

And anything Car Talk for my brother, Daniel.

Surely I know someone who might be able to use a Doggie DNA Analysis Kit, right?

How much would Christy just adore this dangling cat necklace?

Heck, I could even buy gifts for people I don't really know! Don't you think The Pioneer Woman would love these cowgirl towels?

So many cute, fun, thoughtful things out there that would make wonderful gifts for my family and friends.

But this year, I feel like doing something different. Something I've thought about doing time and time again but have somehow never had the nerve to actually do. But I am inspired by the project I took on last year- the gift I gave my mom.

This year, instead of trying to find the perfect gift for the people in my life who already have all they need and most of what they want, I think that charitable giving will have more of an impact. I feel more of a drive to fulfill needs this year- it's been a really hard year.

I don't mean to sound preachy or anything. But I have to admit that the shopping bug hasn't yet hit me. I feel like I'm kind of doing the same thing over and over and while I know the gifts are appreciated... how many sets of hankies does my dad need? How many pairs of socks does Christy need? How many nightgowns does my mom need? I don't want to take away from the thoughtfulness of gift giving, the purpose behind it. But I also want to get back to the real purpose and thoughtfulness of it.

I have ideas of what I'd like to do this year but would love to hear any experiences of your own when you've foregone the big gift giving... have you done a "white elephant" type of thing? Secret Santas? Gifts for just the kids?

What I'd like to do is make donations on behalf of some of my family members as their gift. I'd like to take Teagan to the dollar store and let her pick out some gifts for people. And I think we might actualy tackle something new this year... Christmas baking. I think everyone we know would adore getting a gift of baked goods made by Teagan and Zach.

I have to start planning now. Leaving all of this to the last minute- which is what I usually do- won't work this year. Thought, planning, time, energy, dedication... those are all elements of the best gifts, right?

WWW: Teachable Moments

Weds Weekly Writing is a weekly writing topic that is designed for bloggers to consider a topic and then share their own experience, insight, opinions. There are no write or wrong answers. The purpose is to explore, to better understand, to share, to grow.

Teachable Moments

In parenting and in educating, the phrase "teachable moments" is used very frequently. Adults are encouraged to be aware of these moments with children when there is an opportunity to help the child explore, discover, grow beyond a current boundary. Sometimes these moments are obvious- a child asking a question or facing a new experience. Sometimes these moments are unexpected and subtle.

I've certainly encountered many teachable moments with my children. But what about my own? What about the moment when I have unexpectedly learned something or broadened my own experience?

My adult life is full of teachable moments. Full of moments when I have been taught.

I used to be a social worker. I worked as a therapeutic foster care case worker for a private agency. I worked with many families, many children. Some from rural areas, inner city kids, suburban families. White and black, young and old. There are several kids who taught me some really important life lessons. I am changing names for the sake of privacy. One boy, Sam, taught me that we choose our behavior. Sam had a temper. Sam was full of rage. On his best day, he was angry. He glowered, he frowned. Behind his eyes, there was constant self-hate at the things that had been done to him in his short 12 years of life. Thankfully, he was with a solid family. They had been his foster family for 4 years and had no intention of giving him up. He was always in trouble at school- a day didn't go by that he wasn't fighting, talking back, bullying. Until one day... I had a meeting with Sam before his regularly scheduled court date (ongoing family court case review). He showed up with his foster mom and he was SMILING. He kept trying to make it go away. He kept trying to paste the familiar scowl on his face. But this smile... this most perfect smile that took over his entire person kept creeping back out.

It ended up being something simple. Simple to most people, anyway. But something that was a first, a milestone, a teachable moment for anyone this young man's life touched.

He had gotten into a confrontation with another boy at school. Actually, this other boy had come up to him and started picking a fight. Said hateful things. Maybe shoved him. I don't remember the details. But the sorts of things that Sam normally would have exploded over.

He walked away.

A teacher saw it happen. A teacher saw the other kid approach Sam. The teacher knew what was going to happen... knew what always happened. The teacher started towards the boys and then...

Sam walked away.

At the time, I didn't realize just how blessed I was by his story. I was far too caught up in the excitement of this fantastic moment. I was far too enamored with this boy's new face, smiling, proud, happy. I didn't realize the lesson I was being taught. That how we respond is a choice. How we feel happens- he was definitely angry that this other kid got up in his face. But how we respond to those feelings... that is where we choose. Sometimes, those choices are really, really challenging. But we can still be in control of them.

It's something that life had tried teaching me time and again, really. In my own life, I've made decisions in regards to my own healing, my own growth. I've chosen how I would behave- sometimes I made my choices very deliberately, sometimes I followed my gut, and sometimes I didn't recognize that I was making choices.

Life kept pounding this idea of choice into my experiences. After my divorce, when I was, for the umpteenth time, reviewing how I had gotten to where I was... how I had this failed marriage... how I had made such horrible choices. Choices. And I remembered Sam. And how life had handed him a really crappy hand. And how he was struggling and struggling in the game. And how he made that one choice and that one choice opened the door for more choices, more happiness.

A 12 year old angry foster child taught me that life is about the choices you make and that even when life is hard and unfair and everything seems to be stacked completely against you... there are still opportunities to make the right choice.

What teachable moments have you experienced in your life? When have you been the teacher? When have you been taught?

Joanie Likes Me!

My friend Joanie at Joanie's Random Ramblings has honored me with a blog award!! She thinks I'm "Over The Top." Which I hope is a good thing...

And with any good blog award/meme, there are rules!

1. Thank the person who gave it to you (Thank you, Joanie!!).

2. Answer the questions below using only 1 word answers. Do you have any idea how hard it is to restrain my Over The Topiness with one word answers??

3. Pass it on to 6 other bloggers that I think are also Over The Top!

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Your hair? Thick
3. Your mother? Love
4. Your father? Loyal
5. Your favorite food? Shrimp
6. Your dream last night? Forgotten
7. Your favorite drink? Wine
8. Your dream/goal? Achieved
9. What room are you in? Living
10. Your hobby? Blogging
11. Your fear? Spiders
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Home
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something you aren’t? Wealthy
15. Muffins? Pumpkin!
16. Wish list item? Time
17. Where did you grow up? Kentucky
18. Last thing you did? Dinner
19. What are you wearing? Blanket
20. Your TV? On
21. Your pets? Little
22. Your friends? True
23. Your life? Good
24. Your mood? Content
25. Missing someone? Always
26. Vehicle? Minivan!!!
27. Something you’re not wearing? Jewelry
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? Yellow
30. When was the last time you laughed? Now
31. Last time you cried? Saturday
32. Your best friend? Smart
33. One place that I go over and over? Home
34. One person who emails me regularly? Lori L.
35. Favorite place to eat? Mom's

And the hard part... naming 6 bloggers that I find Over The Top... and that will accept my award... hmmmm...

Lori

Karen

Nik

Ca-Joh

Lori

Amy

And really... anyone who commented, messaged, chatted, and e-mailed me over the past few days... you went over the top to show support and understanding!!

Messages I Can't Ignore

Here's the really cool thing about blogging and connecting with people through my blog...

When I call out for some support, a little help... the response is astounding.

It's not the number of comments in the past weekend... it's the quality of them.

It's the private messages I've received on Facebook- concern, support, ideas, understanding.

It's the chat with a friend.

It's the hug from a friend at church.

I've received all the right messages today. I've been reminded of where I've been and how far I've come. I've been assured that this is normal, that I'm not failing, and that it's my job to love my kids in even the hard times. Learning how to love the important people in my life, especially when it is hard to choose love, that is my challenge.

I feel less alone, more supported, uplifted, and reminded of God's grace and timing.

Thank you.

Mommy Stress

My meltdown on Saturday has been building for a while, I think. And it wasn't anything terribly dramatic. There was a straw, the camel's back broke, and I just had to let a bunch of crap go. Jeff was by my side, saying the right things, giving me my time.

Bear with me as I babble. My words might not be as precise and clear as I'd like but I"m hoping my meaning comes through.

Yesterday, after several weeks of spotty participation and declarations of no longer wanting to dance- either in class or not, Teagan decided to stop going to dance class.

That was the straw.

Not because she wants to stop. I support that. I see no purpose in Mom and Dad spending the money each month for an activity that my child doesn't fully want to participate in. This isn't a team sport when someone is relying on her. This isn't play practice where she has a role to be there for. This is a for-fun activity and, for whatever reason, it stopped being fun. She doesn't ever want to dance. I think it's a self-consciousness thing. She's becoming aware of people watching her when she dances. She'll get over it. She may even just take the next month off and then go back. We'll see.

But here's the part that was that straw... "for whatever reason."

I don't know how to make my child happy, how to meet her needs. Anymore. I used to be the master and now I flounder. Sure, I could just let her have her way constantly. I'm sure I could just let her eat candy and drink root beer and stay up all night and never touch a vegetable and never brush her hair and so on and she'd be thrilled. But obviously that isn't good mothering. Jeff and I really do allow the kids a lot of freedom but we have a lot of expectations, too, I guess.

When Teagan was a baby, she was demanding. She nursed frequently and urgently. She cried a lot. She needed to be in constant contact with me. With me specifically. Daddy or Grandma would do for a few minutes but she'd be looking for mom after that. Part of it, I know, was a first time mom thing. I'm certain there was some degree of my own paranoia and concern in regards to anyone else being able to take care of her in my absence. You can imagine how hard it was for me to go back to work when I had this baby that needed me, wanted me, all the time.

I had this instinct... I knew what she wanted. I could predict when she would start crying, I knew exactly how to soothe her. There was a connection that I can't quite put into words.

But that is gone. I don't know when it happened. Maybe when Zach was born. Maybe when she got older and has been working to separate from me/us. But that's what hit me on Saturday after she decided she didn't want to do dance class anymore. I don't know her in that special, intimate way anymore. That special connection isn't as strong as it used to be. She can now knock me off my feet with her little independent choices.

And of course, once the gates are cracked open... the flood comes forth.

So I cried a little on our drive home. Jeff was very understanding and supportive and loving. He understood and he was totally there for me. We got home and I put Zach down for a nap and came out to the living room and something- I forget what now- opened that gate a little more and I excused myself to my bedroom for a good cry.

And it was a good cry. A needed cry. A releasing cry. There was sadness, anger, frustration.

Then I decided to do something about it. My focus immediately turned to the awful condition of my home- it's one of my many sources of frustration and overwhelm-ed-ness. I went through and cleaned out a bunch of toys the kids don't play with or have outgrown. Filled a trash bag. Jeff took Teagan out for an errand and I cleaned up her room. I straightened up toys in the living room, cleaned off a good portion of the couch.

It's not much different than it was when I started. It takes mere seconds for children to destroy my work. But I felt better while doing it.

So that was my meltdown. I'm still working through this shift in my relationship with my daughter. Jeff is doing really well and I feel like I am often following his lead these days. I have a lot to learn from him. He's such a good dad. Even when Teagan is in full on meltdown and he is getting more and more frustrated, he keeps his cool with her. He uses words and language that she understands and is able to really just be more in tune with her. It was my turn and now it is his.

Halloween 2009

We Interrupt This Breakdown...

The good thing about Mommy flipping out is that stuff starts getting done.

I've been disconnected. Apathetic. I don't know... just... off.

The meltdowns get to me more than I want them to. The great tricks and tips up my sleeve seem to be on hiatus.

The good news is that when I hit this low point, I take action to make it better. So I am bagging up unplayed with toys. I am throwing away broken things, beyond repair things. I am gathering laundry. I will be taking out my frustrations with a vaccuum, a swiffer dust cloth, cleaning supplies in my bathroom.

I have a lot to work out in my head today. I cried on our way home from dance class- quietly. I cried when we got home- in my room, a little louder. I don't know exactly what's wrong but I do know that this just isn't right.

No big crisis here-not to worry. I've just got some figuring out to do about happiness, health, home.