Monday, December 31, 2012

2012: A Year Gone By

I started this tradition in 2010 and enjoyed the process in 2011.  Even today, I anjoyed going back and reading over those review posts and contemplating how life has been going the past few years and how things have changed.

2012: A review of my year of blogging.

JANUARY

I chose a word of the year - Steady.  We celebrated Jeff's birthday.  I got upset (but never followed through) on something from Teagan's music class.  We adopted Buttons from the Humane Society.  I made my own guacamole.  I learned about myself thanks to a Women's Retreat at church.  I vented about marriage and how Hollywood exemplifies the lack of commitment in our society.  Teagan participated in the YMCA World Fair through her before/after school care program.

FEBRUARY

Our kids were still electronic-less and we were fine with it - mostly.  Mydaughter declared me to be amazing.  I confessed that I needed to, once again, get healthy.  I joined Weight Watchers and shared weekly updates.  I was proud of my kids at Valentine's Day.  I prayed with my kids.  I attended a healthy Chinese cooking class.  We had a family meeting to discuss the kids' choices for summer camp at the YMCA.  We worked on adjusting to having Buttons in our family.

MARCH

A mom in my mom community faced a tragic loss that rocked the community.  I wrote about LOVE.  We dealt with my daughter's potential for meanness again.  Teagan turned 7 and we had a great time celebrating!   I hit up the Revolve Tour again with girls from my church - but was disappointed this time around.  Spring began to... spring!

APRIL

We started the month with the kids going to Grandma's house for Spring Break - leaving Jeff and I home alone.  We welcomed them home with some fun in our own town.  I spent a lot of time being deep.  I wrote about bullying.  I wrote about my church family - my ohana.  I went on a weekend "retreat - the Walk to Emmaus - and brought back important learning from my experiences there.  I also brought back an important lesson about my job (which had been very stressful for about a year).

MAY

I wrote, once again, about how my faith drives me towards equality.  I shared ways that I find joy sometimes.  I celebrated my A-Day.  I finished the Dirty Girl Mud Run.  I also did my first (and so far last) spin class.  I chaperoned a first grade field trip and learned something about friendship.  I juiced!  We said goodbye to Buttons - and tried to make it special.  I appreciated the blessings I have and what I am able to provide for my children.  We enjoyed the opening of our local Farmer's Market.

JUNE

My kids were very excited to start a summer of fun at YMCA Day Camps.  I shared more of my job stress and a little bit of my mental attempts at balancing it.  We had a great visit with family in Ohio.  I was very excited to see a local community theatre production of Rent.  I did my second annual Girlfriend Ride.  I complained about my job situation some more.  I realized I was being a mushy carrot.  I did my 3rd annual local 5K - but had to deal with unsportsmanlike conduct in our family.  I learned (the hard way) about heat exhaustion.  I wrote a letter to the survivors of Sandusky (Penn State).

JULY

I had a lot to say in July!  I got preachy with a song by Casting Crowns.  I wrote about building a healthy salad.  Expanding on the food theme, I shared what my kids were enjoying in their lunch boxes at hot summer camp.  I came to the realization that I was minimizing and denying the impact my job stress was having on me.  I recognized that I am blessed to have people in my life who encourage me.  I also recognized that the greatest of my silver linings is my husband.  I got fed up with all the hate being lobbed about.  We took a weekend to getaway from home - and had a great trip to nearby Fort Wayne!  I got fed up with the trappings of religion.  We took in an Indianapolis Indians game.  And I had yet another vent about gay people, chicken sandwiches, boycotts, and Christianity.

AUGUST

My favorite time of year!  Indiana State Fair time! And this year brought a great day on the Midway with my kids.  My job situation got worse and my stress level got higher.  Summer camp ended and school began.  I had a great and full of fun day at Conner Prairie with my kids.  I had a birthday!  I got important parenting advice from my kids.  I attended Women of Faith and came away with a couple of things to ponder.  I wrote about teaching my children to be the Light.

SEPTEMBER

September was a month of highs and lows.  I attended a worship leadership conference at Disney World with a great friend.  But it was also the month that the layoffs completed at work and my workload officially spiked again.  As I look back at my September posts, I can see that I was really struggling to remain steady.

OCTOBER

I worked hard to pull myself from my funk in October.  I tried to focus on being a surfing coffee bean.  I focused on the theme of birth and changes.  We decided to plan a big family vacation - our first in 5+ years - by booking a trip to Disney for the summer of 2013.    I had a lightbulb moment about anger, I shared marriage advice, and I realized how much better we'd all be if we could be more like kids.  We celebrated Zach's 5th birthday and the kids chose to move from sharing a room to separate rooms.

NOVEMBER

Life got busy again - as evidenced by fewer posts.  But what I did write was pretty deep!  I asked people to consider what it really means when someone says "WWJD?"  I had a mom fail and shared it as a learning opportunity.  I shared some thoughts on politics - mainly thoughts that We, The People are the true leaders.  I was called for - but not selected for - jury duty.  I faced personal conflict and made amends.

DECEMBER

And here we are in December.  I am facing the truth about the ups and downs I keep experiencing.  After the Sandy Hook tragedy, I wrote about God already being in our schools - and everywhere.

Photobucket

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Gratitude Jar

I have no idea who started it, where it came from.  I'd love to give credit but I can't.  It might have come from this blog.



I love this idea.  I've been struggling with just this sort of thing - I recognize the blessings when they happen but holding on to the feeling is a challenge.  I don't know that I will wait until New Year's next year - I think anytime we are struggling with ingratitude in our family, we should break out the jar to review the good things and then add to it the things we are grateful for.

I also want to find the blessings in the hard times.  When I am disappointed, I want to remember that on the other side of disappointment was something I was excited about.  When I am stressed about my job, I want to remember my paycheck, my benefits, the people I work with.  I want to use the Gratitude Jar to focus on the positive.

Best of all, I have the perfect jar.  My good friend, Jennifer, gives cookie mixes in Ball jars every year.  The jar is packed with all the dry ingredients for the cookies and a label on the side gives instructions for adding the wet ingredients and baking.

So my Gratitude Jar will be started with gratitude for the friends in my life, the friends who think enough of me to give me a gift, the friends who surround me with love, the friends who support me in good times and challenging times.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”  ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.” 
― Alphonse Karr

“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.    Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.”  ― Thomas Merton

Photobucket

Friday, December 28, 2012

Time Off

I'm getting some much needed down time this week.  A 4 day weekend, 1 day back at work, and then 6 days off.  Back to work Jan 2.

We've had a couple of totally lazy days where we stay in our jammies all day and never leave the house.  We've had a sick day.  We've celebrated Christmas.  We've played games together and watched TV together.

I took myself to a movie.

We ran errands together.

We've been cooking and cleaning.

We've been a family.  Full time.

And it's been awesome.

A complete break from work was just what I needed.

A total connection to my kids and to my husband was just what I needed.

My brothers might come visit for a couple of days and will be part of our down time,  our hanging out.

Time off.  Just what we needed!

Photobucket

Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Traditions

It's Christmas Eve!

Today, the family is laying low.  It's wonderful.  We've got 2 people a bit under the weather (Teagan and Jeff) so we are spending the day in jammies and staying cozy and watching TV.  I've done some cleaning up in the kitchen and a little baking.



This evening, we have church.  I sing with our Praise Team.  For the family service at 7, I have to arrive at 6:15 - which works well because then the family is guaranteed our normal seats.  After church, we come home.

We each open a specific present - new pajamas and this year's Christmas ornament.  Teagan is getting Minnie Mouse pj's and Zach is getting Marios pj's.  Their ornaments this year are Hallmark Mickey (for Zach) and Minnie (for Teagan).  Daddy and I get new pj's this year, too.



The kids will put out our gifts for Santa and sprinkle reindeer food out front.  We don't leave cookies for Santa since we know he gets cookies at most every other home.  Instead, we leave a few bags of groceries that the kids shop for so Santa can take that food to families who need it.  The kids weren't quite as into shopping for the Santa food this year but that's partially my own fault for not emphasizing it as much.

Then the kids head to bed and we wait a bit for them to be sound asleep before setting up Santa.

Wedding Barbie and Ken for Teagan.  Stuffed Yoshi and Mario race track for Zach.  Stockings that will be overstuffed with Dollar Tree treasures and some sweet treats.

Then I head out again - back to church by 10:15 for the 11:00 service. I take the Santa food with me to give to my friend, Jennifer.  Her parents are very involved in a local food pantry so she takes our Santa food, puts it in her trunk, and delivers it to her parents for the food pantry.

It's a beautiful service.  It is all carols and Bible readings that tell the story of Christ's birth from the Old Testament prohecies through the Gospel telling of the birth story.  My favorite moment in the service is ending with "Silent Night" as we light candles.  The lights dim with each verse until the sanctuary is dark but still brightly lit by all the candles.  It's so peaceful and beautiful.  I get the added benefit of being in front of everyone with the Praise Team so I am looking out over a sanctuary full of people that I love and who love me.



Then home and directly to bed.

Up in the morning to make breakfast - the plan is a breakfast casserole and cinnamon roll monkey bread.  While the food is in the oven, we open presents.  Then get dressed, eat, and load up the car to spend the day with my family.

Wednesday I have to work but I'm off after that until Jan 2.

I've struggled a lot in the past months.  But the past week... things have been just as busy, just as stressful but my head and heart are back in the right place.  I've got Christmas Spirit and am enjoying this down time with my family, looking forward to Christmas Eve with my church family, Christmas Day with my family, and am even looking forward to what should be a quiet and productive day at work on Weds.

Merry Christmas to you!  If you're struggling to find enjoyment this season, my prayer is that you can let go of your burdens, your grief, your loneliness, your struggles... even if you just let go for an hour.  Everyone deserves peace, hope, love and joy on this holy day.

And ending with a special holiday greeting that my kids approved:



Photobucket

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Thoughts on Our Christmas Program

Each year, our church kids do some sort of Christmas presentation for the congregation.  For the past few years, my friend and Pastor (Jennifer) and I have done this effort as a team and it's becoming a great Christmas tradition.

Last night was this year's Christmas program.

I was happy to find that I was truly excited for the evening.  We've been working for a couple of months to prepare and to come to the evening of the performance was definitely exciting.

The kids in my church are amazing.  We had a couple of kids out sick and we had kids that stepped up to cover those parts without question and they did a great job.  I was especially proud of a couple of our teenagers.  The show is done by kids up through 5th grade.  We asked 2 of the youth group teens to fill in on a part and they did .  And they did it without thinking they were too cool for a little kid Christmas program.  And they did it without complaining or eye rolling.  We asked and they jumped right in to help.  It's just what this church family does.

I am also very proud of one of the kids.  She's not really interested in being in the program, being on stage.  But she wanted to be part of it.  She's incredibly responsible and smart so she made the perfect stage manager!  She was able to cover one side of the stage and I covered the other.  It was great!  She did a fantastic job and I think we can build on that kind of job next year.

I love the faces of the kids as they finally perform what they've been memorizing and practicing for so long.  I love watching them in front of the audience.  But what I love even more is the eager faces of the adults that have come to see them!  I got to welcome everyone to the show and, at the end, thank them for coming.  And the smiles and joy and eagerness in the grown up faces was just as inspiring as what I see in the kids!

I also have to admit that I love the crazy rush that leads up to the program.  The last minute add ins of people due to kids out sick.  The last minute costume replacement.  Last minute problem solving really gets my creativity going!

This year, the sweetest and most tender moment of our program came when the kids sang Away In A Manger.  Given the events in Connecticut, the second verse the kids sang was especially poignant- especially since the first row of kids were dressed as angels.


Be near me, Lord Jesus,
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever
And love me I pray

Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And fit us for heaven
To live with Thee there


I'm already starting to think about next year!

Photobucket

Monday, December 17, 2012

God Is Already There

There are certain debates that I anticipate with every tragedy that occurs that involves mental illness and guns.

Those debates would be about gun control and availability of care for the mentally ill.

My basic opinion, to keep it short, is that there should be more of both.

But the debate that is popping up more and more, while well intended, is starting to really honk me off.

It starts with a trite little image of a sweet handwritten letter to God... asking, pleading... why weren't You there in my school?

And it ends with a reply from the Big Guy... "You don't let me in your schools."

I CALL BS.

This angers me for so many reasons!

1. It completely implies that God is a human mastermind who is making things happen to us, for us, and around us for his fun and folly.

2. It makes God seem awfully petty and passive-aggressive and He's really come a long way since the Old Testament so that seems mighty unfair to put on Him.

3. Since when does any person, any governing body, any set of rules, any set of laws have any ability to actually control where God is or isn't?

The tragedy that happened on Friday in Connecticut is an awful, senseless, unimaginable tragedy.

God was there.

God was in that school.  God was in that school for years before the shooting happened.  God is still in that school.

That's what I believe, anyway.  That's what my faith tells me.  My faith in my God tells me that God was there on that awful morning.  That the sun shone and the day was beautiful and then horrible evil began and God wept and sobbed at the horror and He held those precious babies in His arms and He took away any pain and suffering and He carried them to heaven and He brought them to peace.  I believe that He continues to be in that school and in that community, embracing and carrying the parents and sisters and brothers and spouses and friends who lost people that they loved and cherished and lived for.

No person, no law, no rule can keep God out of that school, out of that community.

I also believe that my understanding of God isn't limited to just my faith.  My faith is what works for me and what I teach to my children.  When I send my child to school, God is with them because that is what I have taught them.  When I send my child to a friend's house, Christ is in their hearts because that is what I choose to teach them.

While at that school, if my child's teacher were to spend a day indoctrinating the kids to the Muslim faith, the Jewish faith, the Catholic faith, the Baptist faith, the Buddhist or even the atheistic-lack-of-faith... I would be pretty irate.  And I imagine that if my child's teacher spent the day teaching the kids my faith's version of God and Christ, there might be some Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Catholic, Baptist and atheist parents who might be pretty honked off about it.

Think about that before you get defensive.

If your child came home and told you that Christ wasn't the Son of God.  But that they believed in God and that Jesus was a really cool prophet...

If your child came home and told you that Christ was a man who walked the Earth and made a lot of change but that He isn't the true Allah...

If your child came home from the place where you specifically sent them to learn about reading, writing, math, science, and social studies but they came home talking about God and Crucifixion and Forgiveness and Original Sin and Communion and lots of other things that each of us as individual Christians still struggle with right up until the end... wouldn't you have a hard time with that?

When you want God in school... aren't you really saying you want YOUR God in school?  And if that's what you want, isn't that what is already happening?  The God I teach my kids about is with them all day long, no matter where they are and no matter what they are doing.

It isn't that we want God in schools... it's that we want the magic bubble of His magic protection and that isn't how this whole faith thing works.  Belief in God doesn't mean that bad things won't happen.  Hanging the Ten Commandments in a hallway won't put up shields like on the Starship Enterprise.  Starting the day with a public prayer where the kids all bow their heads because the voice on the intercom says so... doesn't mean no evil will set foot in those halls.

I teach my kids what I believe.

I pray throughout my day.  I don't always stop and bow my head and kneel.  I often pause and just take a moment to open my heart to Him before I make a decision.  When I have a quiet moment, I will lift up praises in my heart.  As long as my children and all other believers truly lift themselves in prayer to God, He will hear us at any time, in any place.

God is with me all the time, and especially in the hard times.  I've lived through some really sucky, crappy, awful stuff.  And God was with me.  During really hard to survive times, He carried me.  Other times, He held my hand, or offered an embrace.  The same holds true now.  As long as my children and all other believers truly hold God in their hearts, He will hold us in the palm of His hand.

I will respect those who have a faith base different from my own.  It might mean that there are things I read or hear that I don't agree with.  It might mean that I have to broaden my mind and think outside of my comfort zone.  But one thing I'm consistently learning is that God is so much more vast than any definition that could ever attempt to be applied.  So to limit Him to just my little human definition of my little human understanding of faith doesn't make any sense.  And when I box Him in, I set up walls that keep others out.

God is already in our schools, our homes, our grocery stores, our cars.  He might be God to me and Allah to you and the Great Spirit to someone else.  I know Him as God, Father Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth.  I know His Son to be Jesus Christ, who died for my sins and rose from the dead to conquer eternal damnation.

Hard questions come up when horrible, indescribale things happen.  Hard questions that don't have answers.  And even if answers start to bubble up, is it really enough?  Is it good enough to know the reason beyond something that truly has no reason?  I don't think so.  Hard questions about faith and God and anger and blame and pointing fingers and backlash and fear...

We want answers, we want reasons, we want blame assigned.  Guns, mental illness and God are the easiest targets.

I don't know the answers for gun control.  I don't know how to fix the issues with availability of mental health care and support of the families dealing with it.

But I know this.

No one took God out of our schools.  No one can.

God is already there.

Photobucket

Right after posting this, I hopped on Facebook and someone had linked to another blog post that is very worth the read and along these same lines.  Please go visit Rachel Held Evans.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Rhythms of Grace


I’ve been going through a hard time.  Work… well, it sucks.  My stress level is unreal and I’ve come to a place where I truly don’t like the work I do anymore.  I think I can like it again but right now – things are just really difficult.  Part of that is the job itself, the company.  Part of it is the wearing down from all the stress for an extended period of time so that my insides are actually being impacted.

I had 2 really rough days in a row this week.  Monday – hard day.  Tuesday – hard day.  Weds – really bad day.  Thursday – really bad morning which lead to a breakdown in a bathroom stall.

I posted on Facebook, asking for people to share hope and encouragement. 

There was an incredible outpouring of stories and sharing Scriptures.  My husband shared a fun way of showing he loves me.  A friend shared a story of being part of a medical mission to extract a critically ill missionary from a third world country who has since recovered and returned to work.  Friends who have been in far more difficult, personal circumstances in the past months shared the blessings they have received from family and friends.  Friends shared stories of unexpected good news received, unexpected financial help given. 

And my spirits began to lift.

I started reading the Scripture verses people were leaving in their comments and one really spoke to me, left me weeping in my desk (with my door shut, thankfully), and led to a good prayer session with God.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

I decided to read more of the verses in the chapter.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Then I opted to read a different translation (The Message).

28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

Gain the natural flow of love

Be filled with and flow with God’s unending, indescribable grace, love, and mercy.

Come to me. I will give you rest.

I know God is with me.  I also know that He intends for me to be where I am.  I don’t like it – like the Israelites wandering the desert for 40 years, knowing there were promises of a better life, having to trust God that this difficult path was where they had to tread.  I know God is with me.  God is with me when the work load overwhelms, when the demands are unfair and unreasonable.  I find great comfort in knowing God is here, in my office.

I’m missing that part about “learning the unforced rhythms of grace” these days.  My heart is heavy and love doesn’t flow anymore.  I have actions that are without feeling.  I’m doing the right thing because I know it’s the right thing and it brings joy and comfort and help to others – but nothing to me.

***

And immediately after I wrote this, a friend showed up to pick something up from me and gave me a gift.  She had just been in a store and saw this ornament and thought of me. 


An angel.  A love angel.

Then, Friday morning, a friend called to ask if I was at work and could I meet her at the front door.  She had picked up scones at Lulu’s Bakery and brought me 2.  And they were delicious.  And they brought a smile to my face.  And they were still a little warm. 

A different kind of love angel.

***
I’m going through something difficult right now.  And it hasn’t been easy and it’s changing me in ways I don’t like.  It’s been going on for a long time – steadily getting more and more difficult.  But there are positive things coming out of it.

While I mourn the time I don’t have with my kids because of my commitments, I value the special relationship they get to build with Jeff because he is such an involved and hands-on parent.

While I am stressed about my work load and the expectations, I know that God intends for me to be here at this time.

A lot of the changes that have happened at work have had a negative impact.  But one of the changes had led to a positive impact on how my supervisor manages our department and her direct reports. 

I’m not afraid to reach out when it becomes too much and I get hugs and support and love from my friends in ways I can’t express.  From the gifts my friends have randomly brought to me to the words of affirmation and support in a Bible study group the other night… hard times show us who we can count on in life.

I don't know where this path is going to lead me.  I don't know when it will get better or if it will get better.  I don't know if I am meant to continue on this path or if another path will open up that I am being prepared for.

I don't have to know because I have faith.


Photobucket

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Tightly Wound

My job.

I feel so tightly wound...

So stretched thin...



That I'm just waiting to...



SNAP.  Break.

I'm not sure when it will get better.  There are lots of promises that it will.  But then it gets worse again.

I don't know how much longer I can keep feeling like I fail day in and day out.  How much longer I can not take good care of my body.  How much longer it will be before I actually fall apart.



Photobucket

Monday, December 10, 2012

Planning for the Christmas Season

It's that time of year... time to get ready for Christmas.

Actually, I guess if I was just starting to get ready, I'd be running really late right now.  Our tree went up after Thanksgiving.  Shopping is close to being done.

I found myself thinking back to years when I wasn't so stressed, so exhausted, so stretched thin by my job.  And I miss those days.  I miss how much fun we had with our busy holiday schedule- busy because we were focusing on family fun, not because we had errands and list to complete.

Indianapolis offers so much for families in the holiday season.

Indiana State Museum: Celebration Crossing

Conner Prairie

Christmas at the Zoo

Trader's Point Creamery: Christmas On The Farm

And there's more - live nativity scenes, Christmas programs and pageants and plays, the Children's Museum, all the malls.

Everything is decked out and offering lots of fun and interesting things to do this holiday season.

We can't possibly do them all and I'm not going to even bother trying to make some crazy schedule.  With everything we have going on these days, I far prefer to pick 1 thing to do, maybe 2.  Our weekends are very important "down time" for our family - we all need time to recover from the week behind us.

This weekend is our main time to be able to go do something holiday oriented.  Teagan really wants to go to the Zoo.  I always love Conner Prairie.  We'll figure it out.

For the sake of tradition, I'm posting links to 2 of my posts that I always like to share at Christmastime.  I hope you will take a few minutes to go read them!

Refining St. Nick

My Magic Christmas

Photobucket

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Put Your Shoes On

There are times when I am at my limit with all this parenting stuff.  It's challenging when I'm having a hard week and Teagan is having a hard week, too.

Just wait until she's a teenager and our menstrual cycles sync up.  Jeff and Zach might need to stay at a friend's house that week.

Yesterday morning, Teagan woke up in a mood.

And decided, as part of her mood, that she was incapable of putting on her socks.  You know, the same socks she wears all the time.

As we went through the morning routine, Jeff and I each gave her several reminders to get socks and shoes on because we needed to get out the door.

It didn't happen.  At one point, as we are nearing the "out the door" part of the morning, I went out to start the car and put my stuff in the car.  I came back in to find her face down, plank position, on the carpet.  Without any socks or shoes on.

So I told her that I was taking her backpack and coat to the car and that she needed to have her socks and shoes on when I came back in - or she wouldn't like what Mommy did next.

I went out.  I even dawdled.  I came back in.  1 sock on, refusing to put on the other.

I gave her a count down... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

And I picked her up and hauled her shoeless self out to the car.  She's yelling and crying on the way.  I told her that if she's lucky, Daddy might be feeling generous enough to bring her shoes out to the car for her.  And he did.  But he brought the pair she didn't want.  Which was fine because it was the perfect reason to explain to her that she would have another chance at picking her own shoes the next day.

And here's where I get frustrated but also love my child's personality.

She's yelling and crying and pitching this fit in the backseat (being a rule follower at heart, she did buckle herself into the car without me even asking).  But before the car was at the end of the street, she was quiet.  Calm.  In control.

She can't let people at school see that side of her.

My frustration with it is that it means we get the brunt of those emotions.  My worry is that she holds in emotions until the explode.  But what I love is that it clearly demonstrates to me that this is her personality, she is in control, it isn't something out of her control.

And this morning?

She had shoes and sock on before I even got out of bed.

Photobucket

Monday, December 3, 2012

Loss - Part 3

This is the third post I've written in 2012 that I wanted to title with just one word - "Loss."

It's been a hard year.

In March, I wrote about a mom who lost her son.  In September, I wrote about losing my grandfather.

The year has been filled with Loss.

Back in January, we adopted a senior dog with health problems.  In May, we lost her.

Even a guest post in September dealt with loss.

Job loss has been part of the picture, too.  Layoffs in my department.  A good friend's husband losing his job.  Mom friends desperately needing employment.

And as we enter the holiday season, it seems loss is prevalent.  Friends posting about losing loved ones in car accidents, to illness.

Worst of all, I know at least 5 people impacted by suicide in the past month.  People losing friends, cousins... and one friend just lost her father.

To suicide.

Right before Christmas.

My heart breaks, my anger rises, my desire to DO something, anything, kicks in.

I find comfort and guidance in my faith.

But there is still a desire to do something, help somehow, soothe, comfort, lift.

What do you do when you are overwhelmed by loss?

Photobucket