Welp. Back to work tomorrow. About to head off to bed. I've got my clothes organized. I have my outfit ready for tomorrow. I have my lunch ready. I know what I'm fixing for breakfast. I've cleaned my house as best I can. Cleaned out my car today. Got my shower in tonight so I have all the awake time possible with the kids in the morning.
Today, when I picked up the kids from Lisa's, I thought Zach looked different. It was the first time I'de been away from him for such a long time (most of the day) and he just looked different to me. And it breaks a piece of my heart. Because he will change a little every day. Because I have to hold a memory of how he looks during the day. Because I have to be away from him.
I hope that I don't regret this working thing later in life. I hope that I don't build resentment.
I hope that Zach doesn't learn to cry to get his needs met in daycare. And if he does, I hope he knows he doesn't have to use that coping skill at home.
He isn't a co-sleeper but I still plan to stay close to him by sleeping in his room.
Think of us tomorrow. And the rest of the week. I'm not looking forward to getting back into this routine. I'm hoping that Jeff will prove himself and be as helpful as I know he can be. I'm hoping that Zach will adjust to this new schedule in a few days and have a smooth and easy transition. I hope I'm not breaking his spirit, his ease, his mellow.
I just hope I'm being the best Mommy I really can be and doing all that I really can do for my kids.
Jan 17, 2008
Day Two
Today is better than yesterday.
My boss got me flowers to welcome me back. And so many people have told me that they missed me and are really glad to have me here again. It kind of helps, I guess.
I miss being home but have adjusted to being back much quicker this time around. Not fully adjusted yet... but I can feel how different it is from the first time. Different baby, different level of mommy-experience...
Zach has been doing extremely well at daycare. Which, given his personality, doesn't surprise me. And Teagan is having a harder time with the adjustment. And, given her personality, shouldn't surprise me. So, I have to focus on making the morning rush a little easier on all of us. I've moved my shower to the night before. I pick out my clothes the night before (which didn't help this morning- but that was my fault. I just need to do a better job of picking out my clothes and making sure that the clothes still look right together). I can make Zach's bottles up before I go to bed. I can fill up my water jug before I go to bed. I just need to come up with a good routine that gets everything done about 15 minutes before it is time to leave. We'll get there!!
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