Kissing

I think I was 16.

I went to a private high school on the opposite side of town from where we lived.  I had close friends at school but since we didn't live close to each other, we didn't have an actual social life together.  When I started my first job (McDonald's), I made friends with kids from the Catholic school near my house and I suddenly had a social group.

I remember having crushes.  And I remember my first boyfriend.  I'd started my interest in boys in junior high but never had a boyfriend.  Everyone else was pairing off but I was left to be inexperienced and detached.  It's not that I didn't want a boyfriend.  It just didn't work that way for me.

So I'm 16 and I've now got this new social group and a boyfriend- Dave.  Dave was short and thin.  I was tall and thin.  He had blond hair and was confident and cocky.  He was funny.  I liked him well enough.  I wasn't really all that into him- but it's just how we paired off in this social group.

We were at a friend's house watching a movie.  And I had my first kiss.

And it was horrible.

The tongue thing was all thrusty and awkward and forced.  I had so been looking forward to this first kiss and it was so weird, such a let down!

It wasn't long before Dave and I moved on to other people.

It wasn't the best start to my kissing career.

I don't have some list of all the guys I kissed.  I was a bit of a wild child when it came to dating.  Truth be told, dating lots of different people so quickly was a defense mechanism.  I never got close enough to anyone that could end up hurting me.  I stayed in control and kept a certain amount of distance between them and my heart.  I had all kinds of manipulative tricks up my sleeve that kept my heart guarded.  It may have appeared that I was free spirited and I'm betting my parents were seriously concerned about my behavior.

But I didn't really do much beyond kissing in high school.

It's funny... as I look back, there are few guys that I remember kissing.  Well, I know I kissed them but I don't remember how they kissed or what it was like or how I felt.

There was one guy... he was older, son of a preacher.  Warren.  In the end, we broke up and got back together and broke up again because he was racist.  He was gentle and sweet about his racism, but he was still racist and that obviously doesn't fly with me.  He was the first guy I'd dated who asked for permission before he kissed me and it was a very sweet kiss.

There was a guy I dated very briefly who was the worst kisser I've ever known.  Can't recall his name.  I think he was trying to swallow my entire face when he kissed me.  Seriously- my entire chin was involved and it might have been beneficial for us to have worn bibs.  The terrible kissing was a big part of the not calling him back- it was just really awkward.

But the best kissing I've experienced is with my husband.  Maybe it's how I knew he was different, how I knew there was a connection unlike any other.  I'd certainly kissed other guys and felt weak in the knees, had a physical reaction.  But the first time Jeff and I kissed... I felt it in my soul.  Even now, when I am stressed or frantic or whatever, all he has to do is grab me and kiss me and things get back into alignment.

Do you remember your first kiss?  What about the best and worst?  Do tell!!  Dish it in the comments!