Disappointment @TheRevolveTour

The very first thing I have to say is that the thing I loved most about The Revolve Tour Dream On 2011 was the time spent with the youth from my church and the connections made with the other chaperones.  This year, the same holds true.  I loved having time with the 3 senior high girls who also attended last year's event.  I enjoyed getting to know some of our junior high girls a little better.  And I loved connecting to our youth leader and some of my mom friends in a fresh, new way.

That's a big positive to come out of this event.  But it isn't something that would be unique to this event.  Plans can be made to create an environment where shared experiences bring us closer together.

The girls who attended this year for their first time really enjoyed it and were excited about the message they got- especially from Chad.  Chad talks about relationships between girls and boys and answers a lot of those looming and confusing questions.  Last year, the words were fresh to me and to the older girls.  This year, the exact same words came from his mouth.  Fresh for the newbies, old news for those who were seeking new inspiration.

I was aware that the tour had the same name, same theme.  I assumed that the abbreviated format (going from a Friday evening and all day Saturday to just 7 hours on Saturday) meant new content.  The only new content was from illusionist Harris III and I felt like he didn't get enough stage time and that he probably has a deeper message.  He was a highlight for me this year.  He escaped from a straight jacket- which was very impressive and also made me squirm quite a bit.  But he spoke about the straight jacket being like the problems we face in life and once he went through the very difficult maneuvering and work to free himself- it was pretty powerful.  But it was short and didn't get as much time as it deserved.

We heard from Jamie Grace (love love love her), Jenna Lucado Bishop, and Chad Eastham.  And they shared, word for word, the same messages as they did 1 year ago.  We heard the same quotes and they had less meaning because they'd felt so special the first time around.  "Don't be Jello, eat Jello- it's delicious."

Let's chat about the schedule change for just a moment.  Last year, the event started on Friday evening.  Revolve says they got feedback that with school and community commitments, that was a challenge.  So they went to 1 day.  But it's just a 7 hour event.  And then there were 3 40-50 minute breaks.  So about 3 hours of the 7 hour day were spent sitting around, standing in line for the bathroom, being encouraged to buy books, CD's, t-shirts and stuff, or to adopt a child through an organization that shouldn't be allowing minors to make financial commitments, or waiting in a never ending line for incredibly over priced food.  Not a good use of your 7 hours where you are supposed to be feeling uplifted, recharged, finding new insights, and connecting to God in a personal way.

And let's chat about the venue.  I have been to the Old National Center for events before.  Well, for concerts.  It's a theatre venue- not a stadium.  Last year, Revolve was filled with high tech and flashy and social media.  This year, it was a stage, lights, and one screen that was partially blocked for anyone sitting on far edge seats.  The worship leader and performers kept encouraging the audience to get up and dance or jump up and down but you can't do that in old theatre seating.

The biggest issue was the food situation.  Revolve encourages attendees to bring a picnic lunch so they can head out to their cars on breaks to eat.  They apparently didn't fully cover that with the venue first because as we approached the doors to see if we could go hit the Subway next door, we were told that if you go out, you can't come back in.  So we staked out the concession stand lines.  In this venue, there is 1 main lobby.  There is 1 concession stand- like a large bar.  They had about 10 lines open but hadn't somehow anticipated that the thousands of girls and moms would be swarming the place at that first 1:30 break after waiting in line since pre-11:00 to get in and get good general admission seating.  So they first break- right at that prime lunchtime eating time- the concession stand was mobbed.  They actually ran out of some food.  And because they weren't allowing people to leave and come back, this was the only food option.

Don't even get me started on the prices.  $4 for a bottle of water or open cup of soda.  $4 for a pretzel, $5 for a hot dog, $10 for a grilled cheese panini.  I bought 5 drinks and 4 pretzels for $36.  Ridiculous!

Near the end of the first break, the rules changed and folks were allowed to leave and come back.  However, you can't bring any outside food into the venue.  My youth leader friend and I were left trying to figure out how we could get food to these kids without requiring that they end up missing some of the event. That's when we went for the pretzels and drinks and figured we'd plan out the rest of it on the next break.  We head back in and that was when I realized that the words were echoing last year's words... that the things being said were exactly the same as the year before.  My heart sank.  At the next break, we figured out a plan to get the older girls out to Subway- they didn't mind missing some of the event because, you know, they'd already heard it- while the younger girls stayed with the moms who had already bought the hot dogs and pretzels.

2 of my girls needed food- real food.  Last year, box lunches were provided- turkey sandwich, fruit, chips, cookie.  This year- nothing but junk at the concession stand.  I've got a girl with a blood pressure issue and a girl with diabetes and I need real food, real protein for them.  So my youth leader friend and I took a group out and headed to Subway and sat and enjoyed some fellowship time.

I really hate being this complain-y and whine-y.

One of the speakers is really out of touch with the mission.  At least that is how it feels.  I hope she connected with someone in that audience.  But the feedback I got- which matched how I felt last year and this year- was a lack of authenticity and a lack of actual connection to the mission and to what girls are facing today.  Too much focus on trying to be Bible based and not enough focus on the everyday issues these girls face.  Chad Eastham gives a great talk on questions girls have about guys.  What they needed from Jenna was to hear about managing relationships with parents, with friends, handling gossip and bullying and stuff.  And when things did get touched on, it came from left field and didn't connect with what was being said.  I really felt like it was a missed opportunity last year and this year.

The biggest missing piece was the lack of drama team.  Last year, there was a drama team that presented skits at different points.  Sometimes they were light hearted or funny.  But one skit stayed with these girls- and with me.  It was a very serious presentation on suicide- and specifically on what it does to the people left behind.  The girls missed having a team of people on that stage who really understood the fears and pain and suffering and anxieties and insecurities that they face.

One other concern- there is a Q&A session held at the end.  They are answering questions from the audience (even though the questions sounded staged).  Too often, the message was "When you face something difficult, turn to the Bible."  You know what?  That isn't a good enough answer.  It just isn't.  When you are seeking real advice and guidance on how to deal with a friend gossiping about you or about your parents divorce, having someone tell you to read your Bible and then have them quote some Scripture at you does nothing to help.  Should we encourage kids to read the Bible?  Absolutely YES.  But when they come to an adult and ask for help, reach out with a problem, please don't slam the Bible into their faces.  Use it as a resource WITH them but connect in to their feelings, their questions, their situation.  Give them what you would be seeking if you turned to a friend when you were facing a hard time.  Would you want a friend to just hand you a book or tell you to Google it?  Or would you want them to be straight with you and really help you through your problem?

There were a lot more issues and disconnects.  I think the overall feel was that this condensed soup version of Revolve was really just a watered down version with a few lumps of chicken tossed in.  For those who don't know how awesome it was last year, this was a very nice event.  But for those who know what Revolve offered last year, this was a complete miss.

And I don't think you need a lot of bells and whistles to be successful in your mission.  You need authenticity, you need connection, you need love.  These girls were eager for new inspiration, new advice, new insight.

One of the best moments of the day was when the worship leader, Tiffany Thurston, was singing Hillsong's Forever Reign.  She would stop singing and let the crowd sing and it was beautiful to hear all these voices lifted up together, all these girls connecting into one voice.

If you have to have a smaller Revolve, focus on simplicity and not on just cutting things out.  If this is truly a ministry that the participants are passionate about bringing to teen girls, a team of people can easily occupy the stage for 7 hours with minimal breaks.  A workable food plan makes everyone happy.  But most of all, the message has to be fresh and relevant.  An entire year has passed since we last attended Revolve.  In that year, these girls have gone through friendships ending, boyfriends coming and going, parents divorcing, suicides happening, bullying on the rise, kids walking home getting shot, bus accidents, natural disasters, and so much more.  They were eager to go to Revolve and hear about hope for getting through these chaotic times, to know they aren't facing these struggles alone, to know that they are special and loved no matter what.

Revolve lost its heart this year.  I hope it finds it again.

"For the Kids"

This is another post coming out of the amazing weekend I spent with a group of 6 teen girls on a Christian conference for teen girls called The Revolve Tour.

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A very serious subject did come up in the car at one point. I was surprised with the openness that the girls shared with me and their friends. And I learned a lot.

Lately, the topic of marriages staying together has come up several times. Facebook, MomsLikeMe, in person with friends. And the discussion revolves around what's best- to divorce or "stay together for the kids." Some argue that a parent who is miserable in a marriage is going to rub their misery on the kids. Some argue that you stay together no matter what because that's what is best. Some argue that they grew up in a house with parents who hated one another and wished that their parents would have just divorced instead. The focus is always the same- it's always on the parents. The kids are usually just along for whatever ride the adults get on.


Sidebar: This is a discussion about your average marriage and not about anyone in a marriage that includes abuse or addiction. There are certainly times that a marriage has to end for the safety of the people involved or for the safety of the kids.


Granted, I was only with a small group of teen girls. And status didn't match statistics- the majority of the girls had parents who were still married and generally happy. But the voice of 2 of the girls has stayed with me.

1 girl knows that her parents struggle. She knows that one parent is seeking a way to leave the other. She knows that other parent wants to fight to save the marriage, wants to hold on. She knows they fight.
1 girl has parents already divorced and has step parents with each original parent. And both of those marriages are crumbling. One has a parent wanting to leave the other parent. One has a parent already left, filing for divorce.

And so we talked about what it means to be a "child of divorce." I came from a divorced family but was fortunate that the man my mother married commited himself to her (through marriage) and to me (through adoption). And I openly shared my thoughts and experiences since the girls were sharing so openly with me.
We talked about families that stay together. We talked about parents fighting. We talked about relationships. We talked about what they see for their future, their relationships. We talked about staying together "for the kids."

The consensus in the car was that staying together is best. Not in misery. Not fighting all the time. Not doing dumb stuff. The girls who are right in the thick of this stuff want their parents to fight FOR their marriage, for their family. They want their parents to be serious about loving each other. During the conference, one of the speakers would come out in the crowd and ask girls about their dreams. What is your dream? One girl- a teenager, remember- said her dream is for her parents to not get divorced.

Kids are selfish, aren't they? And don't we work hard to teach them not to be selfish? And yet the example they so often see in their own families is a parent acting selfishly.

Kids can be cruel to each other with their words and actions. And we rebuke them for it, hand down consequences. And yet they are often witness to our choices to yell and scream, maybe throw things or hurt each other.

Kids don't recognize that their choices have consequences. We strive to teach them self-responsibility, teach them that their choices can cause serious harm to others. And yet they witness us, maybe without our realizing how much they see and hear, maybe with us over-sharing in our quest to place blame or rid ourselves of guilt, stepping outside of our important relationships instead of working with our partner to fix the issues.

Jeff and I feel like we have a good marriage. We have fun together, we miss each other when the other is gone, we are intimate, we talk all the time, we need and want each other, we trust each other. He's not just my husband, he's also my friend. And we are both focused on keeping our marriage good so that we create a solid foundation for our kids. I don't ever want to blow up their world- life will inflict enough battle wounds. I'm blessed to have a husband who feels the same sense of responsibility and commitment to such an important mission. Sure, we fight, we snip, we nag, we complain. It's not all sunshine and roses. There is serious hard work involved in keeping a marriage good.

I could go on and on about my thoughts on marriage and divorce. But I think the opinion of the kids who rode in my van carry a lot more weight. And I hope a lot of people are listening.

They want you to stay together. They want you to be happy and love each other and love them- even if it takes a lot of work. They want you to work hard to keep it together. They want more than just staying together "for them." The demands are high, the expectations are immense. But it lines up nicely with those vows we made, doesn't it? And it lines up nicely with the very lessons we strive to impart on our kids, doesn't it?

Most of all... I think our kids are worth that fight and that hard work.

A Side Benefit

I've been sharing this week about my experiences as a volunteer chaperone for our church's youth girls going on the Revolve Tour this past weekend.

As much as I loved the time I spent with those girls... there was a side benefit that I hadn't anticipated.

I bonded with the moms on the trip. Paulette is our pastor's wife. She's a nurse. She's a compassionate woman, she's got a wicked sense of humor, and I have a feeling we could have a crazy night on the town together. Carol is a woman I've known in small ways. Our circles cross sometimes but we've never sat and just spent time together. This weekend, I got to spend time with these 2 women.

Now, we didn't have any sort of slumber party. We didn't sit around and bond and talk and cry. But we laughed- a lot. And we talked. At one point, Paulette and I went and walked around the arena, got some popcorn, and just snacked and talked for a while. OK, maybe there was some standing around and talking and bonding.

And I confess- I did cry. At our last dinner together, just before heading back home, I shared with Paulette how important she was in my being part of our church family. See, when I first joined our church, I ended up miscarrying my first pregnancy just 4 days after my first time attending a church service there. And that church family came together in ways I never imagined for someone they didn't really know. And Paulette was someone who came to me with great love and compassion and really helped me through some difficult weight. I shared that with her- and I cried while doing it.

And the laughter! We laughed about all 6 teens riding in my car while Paulette and Carol got to ride together, listen to the radio, and talk to each other. We laughed while playing Telestrations with the girls. We laughed about men and sex and food and drink. We laughed about the girls and each other. We discovered our mutual love of Skyline Chili, Starbucks, and grown up bevvies.

And now I have 2 more women in my church that I feel a renewed kinship with and am eager and excited to see them again. I have 2 women that I respect and admire that I can turn to when I need parenting advice or when I'm struggling with my kids or my husband or my faith. I have 2 women that I can trust with my kids. It's an amazing feeling when you strengthen the bonds with your family.

I can't wait to have some serious fun with these women again. And next time- no kids!

A Van Full of Teenage Girls

Friday afternoon, 2 minivans headed to the local high school to pick up 6 teen girls. Some are girls from our church and some are friends from school. Specifically, 5 are associated with church and 1 is part of their group at school. All are around 15 years old. All attend public school together.

I have to tell you that I was nervous. I was thinking back to what I was like as a teenager and trying to remember what I thought about adults. But my looking back is skewed because I was dealing with some serious and heavy issues as a teen. Bottom line was that I wanted these kids to like me. I knew a couple of them well enough to be comfortable with them. I'd watched a few of them growing up over the years. But I was worried about them liking me, accepting me, trusting me. Silly, isn't it? I'm an adult. I've already been through that stage in my life where I worry about being liked and accepted. But something about hanging out with teens took me back to that place from my own teen-hood.

I shouldn't have worried. These girls were awesome. I should have realized everything would be fine since I was the only chaperone who wasn't a parent of one of the kids. The other minivan held all the stuff the girls had packed and 2 moms of 2 of the girls. I got the girls and their energy and their laughter and their conversation all to myself. And it was an important lesson, really.

And it is something I want other grown ups to know. If there are teens around you- at church, in your neighborhood- chances are good they are good kids. And chances are good they want to talk to you. They want to know that you love them and that you care and that you see their value.

One of the girls has some serious and ongoing health issues. She has a supportive and loving family. She's smart and witty and pretty and caring. Because she deals with ongoing pain and with a serious health concern, she is more aware of the bigger things in life.

One of the girls has a home life that isn't the best. She loves her parents and I'm sure they love her. But I'm told they are incredibly strict and come down really hard on her over ridiculous things. And that when they come down- they are mean and say things that hurt the heart. And she's this amazing girl. She has this wonderfully silly side that I got to see for the first time ever. She is considerate, polite, and feels deeply and intensely.

One of these girls often seems dark and moody. But she's carrying around someone else's pain as her own burden. And she's scared of what will happen if she ever lets go. I think others see her as wandering, lost, uncaring, and morose. And I see her trying hard to fit that description. But I also saw those layers get peeled back and I saw her let down that guard. I was honored to be able to talk to her from time to time about her dreams, her life, her joy.

One of these girls still holds a child's heart and her joy and amazement flows freely from her. She is a spark. She has hurt in her heart due to having "broken homes." But her love of life and the intensity with which she feels happiness and shares it is going to take her far.

These are your average, everyday girls who are dealing with school and grades and boys and prom and parents and pressure and stress and deep questions and still have a desire to just be kids. They colored on our road trip- crayons and coloring books. They like to play board games, several of them don't really mind hanging out with their parents, they are learning to swing dance. They are passionate about making a positive change in the world. They have goals- being an Army medic, a firefighter, a crime scene investigator, finding a cure for diabetes. I watched them dance and sing and hug and talk and play together.

Personally, I'm eager and excited to be around these remarkable girls. I can't wait to stay connected to them. I saw some of them Sunday morning at church and was positively giddy about it. I'll see more of them on Wednesday at our church dinner/small group time. I learned so much about them this weekend- in just over 24 hours.

And I can't wait to learn even more.