To Grandmother's House We Go!

Short post. Busy couple of days. But so eager for them!

Today, Jeff is off on a gaming weekend with a couple of his buddies. I had a scheduling conflict. 15K event on Saturday, no husband to stay with the kids, hate to try to find someone willing to watch my kids at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday. It's spring break here so Teagan doesn't have school. The kids are having fun at their school- but it's more like Spring Break Camp. This means there is no school, lessons, etc to miss.

I'm taking my kids to Grandma's house. I will have true time alone. I can seriously barely contain my excitement. It isn't like I'll have a lot of free time. I have to rush back from Ohio for music team practice. I have to go to work on Friday. I have to go run 9.3 miles on Saturday morning. And I will have a bed to myself. And I won't have to make dinner for anyone. And I won't have to rush anyone out the door. And I won't have to fight over what shirt goes with which skirt. And I won't have to convince anyone to eat just a few more bites. And I won't have to wrangle anyone at bedtime. And I won't have to cut someone else's food before my own. And I don't have to be home by any certain time or bear responsibility for anyone's care before my own wants.

I will miss my kids and my husband.

A little...

Iron Woman

I had my annual physical last week. It went well. I'm healthy. Got my blood work results back yesterday and my cholesterol looks good. I think there is still room for improvement there, but I'll take it!

One number came in very off. It's something I've dealt with on a minor level for years but now it's serious and I have to pay attention. Iron. My doc says the lowest he likes to see it is 10. Most things I'm reading set that low bar around 30-60. The scale goes as high as 250 or something. My iron?

4

On the one hand, this is great news because it really explains a lot. I've been feeling very run down the past month and had no clue why. I just thought I was fighting off some sort of bug. Turns out that my tiredness, my lack of motivation, my draining energy was most likely related to having very low iron. Christy pointed out that's it has probably been steadily declining so I didn't notice a sudden drop. This also explains the weird spells I've had recently- feeling anxious, jittery, dizzy... just... off.

I've always been borderline anemic. But the most it ever meant was that I couldn't ever donate blood and that I craved steak about once a month. It wasn't ever a big deal.

So what would cause the change now? No easy answer on that but I do think there is one factor, one change made in the last year that is adding to this problem.

Exercise

Turns out, low iron can be caused by endurance training, hard workouts, etc. Here's a great article on the subject. Go read it- I'll wait here. Did you read it? Good. It describes everything I've had going on. It answers so many questions. You might recall that I had a frustrating run on Monday. This iron thing... explains so much of it. Just this past Sunday, I was feeling off all morning. I was kind of dizzy and light headed at times. I expressed to a friend that I felt jittery or anxious- just "off." And now I can look back and see that I hadn't eaten a good breakfast and my iron must have been really low and that it was impacting me. And the same holds true on Monday. And in previous weeks.

But here's my frustration... I feel like I keep having these excuses for not improving in my running. First, it was an IT band issue due to running form. Fixed that. Next, it was exercise induced asthma. Fixed that. Now, it's iron deficiency. A friend pointed out that these are diagnoses and not excuses. I agree. I also feel like I keep finding something wrong, fixing it, and then I find something else wrong.

I just want a run where everything is right.

As Christy pointed out, I'm still in a better place. I'm still able to do more and be more active. I was venting my frustration about finding all these stupid health issues since exercising. And that if I hadn't started exercising so much in the first place, maybe I never would have even had breathing problems or maybe I wouldn't have exacerbated the low iron thing. Maybe being one of those couch dwellers would have been a better....

NO! Um... hello? Snap out of it!! Glad I have a friend like Christy who can point out my stupidity- in a kind and loving way, of course.

Yes, exercising is increasing my awareness of stuff that doesn't work exactly right in my body. But if I wasn't on this healthier track... just think of the more serious health issues I would most likely be facing!!

So there are no plans to become a true Ironwoman. But hopefully this is yet another step taken on this journey. Hopefully this is yet another fix that will help me achieve my goals, make some progress, and feel strong and healthy again.

Racing for the Cure

Last year, I started this running and healthier me thing. And part of my journey was participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure as my first 5K walk/run. It wasn't intended to be a competitive event for me.

This year, I will be doing the competitive start to the event. I will meet with my Indy Moms team, I will be there for the Parade of Survivors, I will hang out with the moms who were an important part of my experience last year. And then I will go tot he starting line before the tens of thousands of walkers and I will start with the thousand or so runners.

I am going to repost what I wrote about this event last year- because the reasons for my participation are the same. I'm also very excited about this year's run because the woman who lost that battle, Michele, that I wrote about... her husband has started coming to my church. I can't tell you how much it lifted my heart to see him that first Sunday. And I'm so excited that he enjoyed the experience and intends to keep coming back. I am excited to see him plugged into this community because I think it will benefit him greatly. He had planned to be part of our team last eyar- but it was too hard once the day arrived. I fully get that. I'm just so excited to stay connected to him and have this new opportunity to stay connected to his family.

Please consider making a donation. You can click on my pathetically empty thermometer above- not a single donation yet this year and the race is less than 2 weeks away. You don't have to make a huge donation. If 10 people give $5, that's halfway to my goal. If those 10 people can give $10, I make my goal. And maybe, just maybe, we can blow it out of the water like we did last year.

Originally posted March 27, 2010.

I'm not doing the Race so that I can run. I'm doing it to show solidarity with other women, to promote awareness of women's health issues, to raise money for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, to remember those who have lost their battle, and to celebrate those who are fighting and who have fought and won their own breast cancer battles.

I have to admit- I don't have a lot of cancer close to me. From what I know of my genes, my family medical history is relatively breast cancer free. I've had friends who knew someone affected by breast cancer. I've worked with people who have had breast cancer. But breast cancer hasn't really impacted my life directly.

Until this past summer.

I'm part of a local online community for moms. I've been part of it since the beginning and, soon after joining, became part of the staff as a Discussion Leader. Some members come and go. Some members stay around. Some are moms that I really respect and admire. Some have very similar viewpoints and experiences to my own and some are vastly different. One of those moms who was almost always on the opposite side of an argument from me was Michele. We weren't friends but we knew each other. And I'd heard through other mom friends that she truly did live her Christian values- she would give you the shirt off her back.

In April or May, she shared with us that she had cancer. The same day that she shared her diagnosis of breast cancer, Jeff and I had an impromptu date. We went bowling and then played putt-putt. I should have known that my life was about to change dramatically... that God was about to step in and push me beyond my comfort levels. There was a woman and boy in front of us. We started chatting and it turned out that this was Michele's sister and son.

At the end of June, Michele's fight crashed. She was hospitalized. She was in a coma. Friends of the family kept us, on the message board, up to date. No one knew what to do. We had seen moms lose a husband, even lose a child. But we hadn't lost one of us.

We started organizing to bring meals to her family at the hospital. I work near the hospital and offered to meet moms in the church's chapel so we could pray together. My second day doing that, the 3 of us decided to go upstairs to see Michele and her family. That was the decision that changed my life.

We met her husband, her parents, her sister, their pastor. There was a lot of crying and hugging. Michele was not awake or alert. The connection had been made. It was clear that our purpose was to lift up this family as they faced and went through the most impossible situation they'd faced- the loss of this mommy.

The moms came together again for the funeral. None of us were there to intrude- we all made ourselves available to take care of each other and, most importantly, Michele's family. We brought food and ran to the store to buy more food. We made sack lunches to send on the 2 hour drive to the cemetary. Everything was done with love and compassion. It was amazing to see what these moms could do when they came together.

I've stayed connected to Michele's sister and husband. Our moms came together to bring Christmas to the family. For several months after her death, our moms continued to give money to a fund we had set up. There were auctions and fundraisers organized by the moms. Things eventually quieted- but we are all ready to jump to action if Tim says the word.

Fast forward to now. The online community has participated in the Indianapolis Race for the Cure every year for at least 5 years now. I've never done it. Remember the top of the post? Breast cancer hadn't impacted me so it really just wasn't on my radar. But this year... now it's different. Now I know a dad who is struggling to parent 4 children- including children with special needs. Now I know a sister who doesn't have her best friend to call every day. Now I know a mother who had to bury her child.

So this year, I will walk with Tim and with our moms. Some of our moms are survivors. Some have been affected by cancer stealing away a parent or sibling. Some are there simply because they are passionate about the cause. Some of us will walk and some will run and some will walk and run.

Adding for 2011: This year, I will run as much as I can. I will run because I'm healthy and strong. I will run because there are harder challenges in life than running 3.1 miles. Yes, I will stop and walk. But I will keep going, keep fighting, keep pushing. Those who face cancer do it...

Please consider making a donation in support of my efforts, in honor of people you know who have been impacted by cancer, or just because Komen is a good cause. Thank you.

Well, That Was Crappy

I am generally a positive person. I have to admit that I enjoy hearing that a post I've written has inspired someone. I am honored that there are women out there who give me even a smidge of credit towards their choosing to start living a healthier and more active lifestyle. I get excited when I scroll down my Facebook news feed and see updates from friends who are starting to regularly hit the gym, eat more fruits and veggies, maybe even get out and run or do a Couch to 5K workout.

But it ain't all sunshine and roses.

I know that isn't some new and profound thought. But I still thought it was worth sharing.

I am currently trying to give myself the pep talk that I've given to others. "This is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep your chin up! Next run will be a better run! You have so much to learn from this struggle that will help you the next time out. Doing a little is better than doing nothing!"

Today, I'm being flat out honest and writing from a blechy emotional, mental place. I've written about my struggles in this area before- but that post ended on a positive note with a plan on what I would do better. This time, I've got no plan and no motivation to find one.

Prepare for Whine Fest. Commencing in 3... 2... 1...

For someone who is training to run her first half marathon, I sure haven't been running much lately. In the past 2 weeks, I've maybe gotten one run in each week and never more than 3 miles. The excuses/reasons are unimportant.

I'm tired of being a freakin' penguin. I'm frustrated that I've been at this for over a year now and feel like I backslide more than make progress.

I hate the mental games of running. I hate trying and digging and searching for that motivation, finding an inkling of it, just to have the failure of the run itself smash and trample it, leaving me deflated, defeated, smooshed.

I don't want to hear that I'm succeeding over the guy who doesn't even get off the couch. That isn't a win in my book and it doesn't motivate me. It gets me thinking about that couch and wondering if there is room for me on it.

I'm fed up with muscle soreness. I'm exhausted from trying to figure out why something is hurting, how to fight through it, if it's just a normal soreness, how do I fix it, etc.

I'm way over having to always do more and push harder to see improvements.

Whine Fest is over. I'm going to go sulk in a corner and lick my self inflicted wounds for a while longer and hope I can brush myself off and get back on my positive track soon. Feeling this way sucks for lots of reasons. Crying in the shower post sucky run sucks. This frustration and sense of failure sucks. But it's real and it's where I am.

Pranks

I'm not generally one to plan out elaborate pranks for the first of April. This year, I played a small joke on my kids and ended up pulling a more elaborate- and fun- prank on a co-worker friend.

With my kids, it was easy because they generally believe anything we say. School was closed on Friday so the kids were excited to spend a day with their grandparents. As I was about ready for work, I came out to the living room with my phone in my hand and said, "Ms. Lori sent a message and school is open today! I guess you can't go to Mimi and PopPop's house today... *pause* Just kidding! April Fool's!"

*~*~*~*~*

My friend at work has some little things around her office that are decorative and speak to her personality. So I thought it might be fun to kidnap something and leave a ransom note. And since I can't seem to do much of anything without some sort of flair... it went a little further than expected.

I started by kidnapping a horse statue that she's had in her office for about as long as I've known her (11 years). I waited until she stepped out of her office, swooped in, hid it under my sweater, and took off! I blindfolded the horse and tied it up with silly bands. I created a gmail account "helpmehorsey" and sent the following pictures and message:

I don't know where I am! They are threatening to send me to Loctite to make glue out of me! Help!


Then, I waited. I waited for her laugh. I waited for her to come directly to me to ask questions. I waited an hour and... nothing. I'd blind copied Christy on the e-mail so I knew spam filter hadn't grabbed it. I thought maybe she'd pay attention if I sent another message...

If you want to see your horsey again...

1. Deliver chocolate. At least 2 pieces. Leave it, unmarked, by the microwave near the board room. Tell no one and do not involve the police.

2. Drop the chocolate no later than 1:48 pm. You can reply to this e-mail to notify when the drop has been made.

Horsey is being well cared for... for now. But we might get cranky if our demands aren't met!


I was getting desperate. She wasn't noticing my joke! She hadn't noticed the horse was gone and didn't seem to be paying any attention to the e-mails. How could I up the ante?

I decided to take something else, something bigger. She and I work together on a product line and she has this dummy head with one of the products on it. So when she left for lunch, I took it and sent one more e-mail.

Just to show you how serious we are... notice anyone else missing? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!



When I got back from lunch, I fully expected that she would have seen everything, noticed the missing head and horse, and come and give me a hard time.

Nothing.

I went down the hall and was talking to a friend. Suddenly, my co-worker comes up to us, "Someone stole my head! With the headset! And the smashed nose! Who would take that?" At first, I thought she was on to the joke. But... no. She truly thought someone had just lifted the dummy head with headset. I tried asking leading questions... Did they leave a note or e-mail or anything? Did they take anything else? Nothing.
So I followed her down the hall to her office and, in true desperation, asked if she'd let me see her e-mail because I was having trouble with my spam filter and wanted to see how hers was set up. She gave me control. My e-mails weren't in the inbox. I saw a "junk" folder and clicked there. Ah ha! The 3 messages were there. Cathy says, "Oh those are some weird horsey spam something. I'm not opening those! Probably a virus!" As she's talking, I open the first e-mail and double click on the picture attachment while she starts freaking out about how I'm going to give her a virus. She finally catches on that it's a prank... but only after she sees the third picture with the head in it! I then have to point out that she needs to look at the other pictures... she is laughing and asking what else I took, looking all over her office, I'm cracking up because she's cracking up and flustered and I point to the spot where the horse normally resides and she spins around and exclaims "My horse!! You took my horse! That's my FAVORITE!"

That was the start of the full on, legs crossed, hunched over, leads to coughing and choking laugh fit. her favorite... and she never noticecd it was missing. *sigh*

So another April Fool's has come and gone. It's been requested that I get our boss next year... we'll see...

Fool's Friday Fragments

I have to type fast. I'm on high alert to pull off a prank today for April Fool's. I have a friend at work and I get her every year and I hatched a plan for this year but need her to vacate her office for just 1 minute! I've got spies helping me keep an eye out...

*~*~*~*~*

When I was pulling old pictures for yesterday's post, I came across a picture taken just a day or two after we first brought Zach home from the hospital in 2007. I look SO YOUNG in this picture! My hair isn't colored and also isn't gray. Amazing how much grayer my hair has gotten since then. And I'd say I'm getting back to that size now- but with improvements because my pants size is definitely lower than it has been in years. And I looooove the look on Zach's face- it's completely a sign of what was to come with his little funny personality.

*~*~*~*~*

I got a blog award!! It's been a while since I was graced with a blog award- I love when someone else thinks of me for these things. It just makes my day! I was given this award by a new blog connection made recently- Julie Moore On Life. I love her openness about her faith, I love the way she lives her faith, and I love her refreshingly positive attitude! I'd love to meet her and have coffee! Being such a versatile blogger, I am supposed to share 7 things about myself that you may not know and then share it with other bloggers. I'm really awful at following rules... but I will do my best!

1. I am completely incapable of parallel parking. In fact, I don't even like to back into a parking place at all.

2. If money wasn't a concern, I would love to open a little children's book store. We'd have lots of activities and book reading and an area just for parents to sit and relax.

3. Actually, if money wasn't a concern, Jeff and I would love to open a game store. We'd love to have a place where teens could hang out, play various games like Magic and D&D and stuff.

4. I'm getting more responsibility at work. No more money, just more work. I don't mind- it will be good to feel really busy again.

5. While I'm thrilled for Butler being in the Final Four (that's a college basketball tournament for those unsporty types), it stinks that they play Saturday night because it's ruining my chance for a date night!

6. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was maybe 10 years old. Timeline is a little fuzzy- but I was definitely much older than most bike learning kids.

7. I'm totally geeked about the music we're singing at church this Sunday and next. Some of my favorite Chris Tomlin songs are in our contemporary music. But this week, we are singing Morning Has Broken in first service and next week, our offertory is Day By Day!

I really, really stink at passing awards on. I have oodles of bloggers I love to read or have just started reading. I try my best to keep my blogroll up to date. So maybe you should nominate someone from my blogroll and I'll give the nominated bloggers this award! And please don't hesitate to nominate yourself!

*~*~*~*~*

It is remarkably difficult to find someone willing to babysit at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday. Thankfully, I'm willing to just bypass the event that would require a sitter at 6:30 in the morning.

*~*~*~*~*

I had been keeping a separate blog for awards- but I've been wanting to change from that blog to a tab at the top of this main blog. I think I'll work on that...

*~*~*~*~*

And I will leave you with what I find to be an adorable video of my kids reading "The Monster At The End Of This Book."

A Skewed Sense of Self

May, 2009. I'm fat. And I don't really care that I'm' fat. I'm an awesome person and I like to have fun with my friends and I'm a great mom and wife and life is good. But now I look back at that picture and wonder how I didn't realize how fat I was. August, 2009. Still fat. Maybe fatter. Gaining. And getting to the point that I really didn't care how I looked. This was taken at a gathering of friends- many of whom I'd never met face to face. And I didn't have clothes that fit so I wore stretchy maternity pants and a 2XL t-shirt.

March, 2010. I'm just a few weeks into my journey to become a Healthier Me. I still like me. I'm still all those great things I was in May of 2009. But my focus has changed. I'm starting to see the fat when I look in the mirror. Crazy, isn't it? I hadn't realized just how fat I was. But the picture don't lie. I was fat. I was pushing 240, maybe even gotten past it.

I've been living this new, healthy lifestyle for over a year now. My diet has improved incredibly. I feel strong and healthy. The benefits of exercise and fruits and veggies amazes me. I like how I look in my clothes again and sometimes catch myself... dare I say... admiring what I see in the mirror.

The funny thing is that I see and feel these changes. I see the label in my clothes that says 12 or 14 instead of 18. I am aware of my muscles. But there are times when I look in the mirror and I see the fat that lingers. When I was at my heaviest, I wasn't aware of the fat on my body. Now that I'm focused on a healthier way of living, I see the fat and I get critical of it for at least 2.4 seconds. And just as quickly. I remember where I came form, how hard I've worked. Most of all, I remember that my goals are about running, endurance, strength, teaching my kids healthy habits.

But I still sometimes have these odd experiences where what I see when I look down at my body and what I see when I look in the mirror don't always match what is actually there. Last week, I posted a couple of pics on my personal Facebook page. I had, on a whim, picked up a top at a store and was trying to decide if I should keep it or return it. It wasn't tight but it was designed to be more form fitting than anything else in my closet. I liked the front view but when I turned to the side, this is what I saw:

I see that poochy tummy. I see the junk in my trunk. I see pants that suddenly seem a bit too tight. I see a shirt that is showing too many curves. I look in the mirror and I see the areas that are still under improvement.

But then a friend left a comment on the pic I'd posted. "the shirt is cute, but as far as your figure, wow Liz! :) You've done an awesome job" " I know I was going to say good job!!! You look really good Liz! The shirt looks cute on you too!" "I wanna butt and tummy like yours. Oh, yeah, keep is my vote!" "It's a keeper! It flatters you and that rockin' body!" Thankfully, I also have friends that save me before my head explodes. Friends like Garret and his comment: "Lovely shower curtain."

Say what?? These friends are complimenting my body? I'm looking for feedback on a shirt and they are pointing out specific areas of my body that they admire? Really? So I went and looked at the picture. I have to admit I hadn't actually looked at it. I took it, I posted it, I asked for votes on keep or return. But I figured I knew how it looked. I figured it was too fitting and would just show off that flab in the front and bumpy in the back- like my arrows indicate.

I'm working to reprogram how I see myself. I'm working on being realistic about what I see when I glance in the mirror. I'm still measuring myself by endurance, diet, exercise, accomplishments and not by pounds or inches or clothing size. But I'm also realizing just how much I need to work on fixing my skewed body image. I've worked hard and the pictures speak to the results of my hard work. And I think remembering that hard work is important when I struggle on a run or lack motivation to exercise or want to dive into a gallon of ice cream. I need to see these pictures below and appreciate them for what they are- representations of the work I've done, captured images of the changes I've made.

I look... normal. This last picture was taken this past Sunday. A group of us went to Marsh, a grocery store located next door to our church, and we shopped for our local food pantry. 9 families, 30 minutes, fellowship and fun in the store, and we were able to donate 300 pounds of food. One of the men from church brought his camera and this is one of the pics he snapped- me handing a can of spinach to Teagan. It's a moment where I wasn't posing, I wasn't aware of the camera, I wasn't sucking anything in or trying to give a cheesy grin to divert attention from my gut. It's a real moment- and I look normal. And I am proud of the hard work I've done and continue to do. I am proud of the changes I've made and continue to make. Most of all, I'm excited that so many of my friends are out there making changes, finding time to exercise, finding ways to change their diets and make their homes healthier.

One of those friends is Heather. And here is where I ask you to do something! She's been busting her hiney (and losing some pounds in the process) to prove her dedication to a healthier lifestyle. She wants to be the next Mamavation mom. And now she's been chosen as a finalist. If she becomes this mom, she will have a 7 week foundation that includes help from trainers, dieticians, nutritionists, and an online support system like no other! I'd love for her to get the votes she needs to win this amazing opportunity. Would you please help her out? Go to the voting page and scroll down to the 4th video- @justheather. Click by her name and then scroll down and click "vote." You don't have to register or anything. Just click by her name, click vote. Maybe you will help change her life!! Isn't that an amazing feeling? Maybe she will make serious changes in her life, in her family's lives, and she will be the one writing a post about being in shock about the changes she doesn't see but is becoming aware of in her own body.