Monday, April 4, 2011

Well, That Was Crappy

I am generally a positive person. I have to admit that I enjoy hearing that a post I've written has inspired someone. I am honored that there are women out there who give me even a smidge of credit towards their choosing to start living a healthier and more active lifestyle. I get excited when I scroll down my Facebook news feed and see updates from friends who are starting to regularly hit the gym, eat more fruits and veggies, maybe even get out and run or do a Couch to 5K workout.

But it ain't all sunshine and roses.

I know that isn't some new and profound thought. But I still thought it was worth sharing.

I am currently trying to give myself the pep talk that I've given to others. "This is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep your chin up! Next run will be a better run! You have so much to learn from this struggle that will help you the next time out. Doing a little is better than doing nothing!"

Today, I'm being flat out honest and writing from a blechy emotional, mental place. I've written about my struggles in this area before- but that post ended on a positive note with a plan on what I would do better. This time, I've got no plan and no motivation to find one.

Prepare for Whine Fest. Commencing in 3... 2... 1...

For someone who is training to run her first half marathon, I sure haven't been running much lately. In the past 2 weeks, I've maybe gotten one run in each week and never more than 3 miles. The excuses/reasons are unimportant.

I'm tired of being a freakin' penguin. I'm frustrated that I've been at this for over a year now and feel like I backslide more than make progress.

I hate the mental games of running. I hate trying and digging and searching for that motivation, finding an inkling of it, just to have the failure of the run itself smash and trample it, leaving me deflated, defeated, smooshed.

I don't want to hear that I'm succeeding over the guy who doesn't even get off the couch. That isn't a win in my book and it doesn't motivate me. It gets me thinking about that couch and wondering if there is room for me on it.

I'm fed up with muscle soreness. I'm exhausted from trying to figure out why something is hurting, how to fight through it, if it's just a normal soreness, how do I fix it, etc.

I'm way over having to always do more and push harder to see improvements.

Whine Fest is over. I'm going to go sulk in a corner and lick my self inflicted wounds for a while longer and hope I can brush myself off and get back on my positive track soon. Feeling this way sucks for lots of reasons. Crying in the shower post sucky run sucks. This frustration and sense of failure sucks. But it's real and it's where I am.

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11 comments:

Dillypoo said...

Have you considered joining a running group? That's what I did, and I'm so glad! I found them through a store that specializes in running shoes and gear.

My group runs three times a week with a coach and we focus on a preparations for an upcoming race (5K or 10K). Running with a group and being able to get feedback and advice has made a huge difference in my running game, both physical and mental.

Just a thought. You are awesome, even on your whine days! LOL

shannon said...

I always get burned out in April before the big race in May...... I question my training.
HOWEVER, you can do this..... you are ready. Your body is merely tired, so take a break from running this week, wait until the sun is shining, and do a different type of machine, but go the miles you need to put in. Try the eliptical, starstepper, etc.
My run speed is so slow, that I have done a couple of half marathon's with a power walker. I don't slow her down and she walks at my run speed.
You.Can.Do.This..... Take the week off from running, mix it up, try different ways to bump up your cardio, but realize..... you can do this!
On a side note, 13 miles is further than a trip from Fishers to Carmel at some points.... it is no easy tasks, there is no harm in walking when your body says walk. Just remember to enjoy the finish line and all of the joys and accomplishments you have experienced this past year. And remember how cute that shirt looked on you from a side view! :)

Flartus said...

And if what they ^ said doesn't work out...is there something other than running that might inspire you? Maybe cycle through a couple of different activities throughout the year?

Just an idea from one of us watching from the couch... ;-)

Actually, your confessions that sometimes you backslide, sometimes you don't really wanna go run; that can be motivating too. Like, oh, I don't have to be a perfect running nut to make some progress.

Not that there isn't a time for sulking...

Lana said...

Get out of my head. I just whined this entire scenario (minus the half--just running in general) to my husband. I've got nothing for you except someone to be crabby with.

Eternal Lizdom said...

You guys are already helping me immensely. I think venting it out can be a good thing. Realizing you aren't alone is an even better thing.

@Dillypoo I had thought about it back when I decided I wanted a half marathon on my list of accomplishments. But then didn't do it. Maybe I should join one after this weekend's 15K as a motivator for the weeks leading up to the half.

@Shannon You're a runner of my speed! My walk and run speed aren't terribly different and sometimes that is immensely frustrating. Just today, our trainer said that sometimes getting your miles in a different cardio format- like the elliptical- is a good thing.

@Flartus I wanna sit on the couch with you! And not just because I wanna be lazy- I'd love to just hang out there with ya! I do have a possible other goal... something totally different than anything I've done before. Not sure yet if I can make it happen...

@Lana Again, glad I'm not alone. Now... if we could just find an easy way to flip the switch and get out of the funk, that would be awesome!

C. Beth said...

I don't have an answer for you but that is genuinely frustrating. And I'm sorry. :(

I'm dealing with soreness right now too, and honestly I usually have some soreness. I pushed too hard this weekend and now I'm probably going to need to just take this week off until Saturday (5K I'm registered for.)

So I don't know what your solution will be, but I'll just say this--I run a lot. And I still have plenty of problems, particularly with sore legs.

Garret of Jim and Garret said...

Please post a photo of the couch for our review.

Oh, well, uh, inspiration, motivation, and other forms of ation. Ummmm, yeah, what the others said.

Ya know what? Don't listen to me.

Eternal Lizdom said...

@Beth To be fair, the pain in my legs today wasn't anything I should be complaining about. it was basic muscle soreness because I hadn't run regularly in weeks. My calves get really tight and I often have to stretch them after the first mile. When the tightness hit yesterday and I had to lean on the treadmill to get my stretches in- which hurt like a sonofabitch- I was just tired of the pain and of it always being the same. I should count my blessings that I don't have pain when I'm not running, that I'm not fighting IT band issues like other runners I greatly admire. ;)

@Garret Shut up. I'm not listening to you. Gorgeous sunrise. (Is that your drag name or what??)

Garret of Jim and Garret said...

That would be a fantastic drag name. ;-)

Amy said...

This comment is a little late b/c now you have some of the answer to why you're feeling this way. But, in this weekend's USA magazine, they had a quick article on staying motivated for exercise. I thought "Oh, I'll pass this on to Liz." Except you're doing it all already -- get a fitness buddy, take pictures, set a goal, and two others I can't recall right now but that you were already doing. Just keep on keeping on, friend.

Karen Peterson said...

I really do know how you feel. Have things gotten any better since you started with the inhaler?