But it ain't all sunshine and roses.
I know that isn't some new and profound thought. But I still thought it was worth sharing.
I am currently trying to give myself the pep talk that I've given to others. "This is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep your chin up! Next run will be a better run! You have so much to learn from this struggle that will help you the next time out. Doing a little is better than doing nothing!"
Today, I'm being flat out honest and writing from a blechy emotional, mental place. I've written about my struggles in this area before- but that post ended on a positive note with a plan on what I would do better. This time, I've got no plan and no motivation to find one.
Prepare for Whine Fest. Commencing in 3... 2... 1...
For someone who is training to run her first half marathon, I sure haven't been running much lately. In the past 2 weeks, I've maybe gotten one run in each week and never more than 3 miles. The excuses/reasons are unimportant.
I'm tired of being a freakin' penguin. I'm frustrated that I've been at this for over a year now and feel like I backslide more than make progress.
I hate the mental games of running. I hate trying and digging and searching for that motivation, finding an inkling of it, just to have the failure of the run itself smash and trample it, leaving me deflated, defeated, smooshed.
I don't want to hear that I'm succeeding over the guy who doesn't even get off the couch. That isn't a win in my book and it doesn't motivate me. It gets me thinking about that couch and wondering if there is room for me on it.
I'm fed up with muscle soreness. I'm exhausted from trying to figure out why something is hurting, how to fight through it, if it's just a normal soreness, how do I fix it, etc.
I'm way over having to always do more and push harder to see improvements.
Whine Fest is over. I'm going to go sulk in a corner and lick my self inflicted wounds for a while longer and hope I can brush myself off and get back on my positive track soon. Feeling this way sucks for lots of reasons. Crying in the shower post sucky run sucks. This frustration and sense of failure sucks. But it's real and it's where I am.