Do you watch Desperate Housewives? Did you catch Sunday's episode? Each housewife had a "dream," a set of "what ifs" that took them on a flash forward.
They started with Susan. What if... she and Karl hadn't broken up when she caught him cheating on her? In the sequence, she ends up fat. She stuffs her rage and shame and hurt with food and ends up fat. And when they cut to that first future scene and there she is in the fat suit...
It was me. Except... I'm fatter.
And something inside me snapped. It always takes something for us to sit up and take notice, to launch into action. Seeing Susan fat... and really identifying with how she looked... it hit me. Hard.
I've been waiting for my motivation. I've been thinking about it. I've been cajoling myself, poking around in my brain, trying to find where that motivation went. It's been months since I was really on track with exercise and making better food choices. I've been making excuses for this round tummy I've grown... I love my baby pooch but this is a monster fat belly- totally different. I've been trying to ignore how ill fitting my clothes have become, how uncomfortable I am in my own skin.
I'm fat. I'm grossly overweight. I'm terrified to set foot on my Wii Fit for fear of the shrieks and screams it will emit as it attempts to get me to step down so it can breath.
So I'm joining my blog buddy, Amy, and taking the next 12 weeks to a Better Me. She's a featured participant in the American Heart Association of Indiana's Go Red for a BetterU program. She's blogging about her experiences on her blog and on the program's blog. I'm so eager to read along- I've read every post so far and I've read along with her thoughts over at Fit City (one of my fave posts is this one- on Fear) and... she and I just seem to mentally be in similar places with our bodies, our weight, our habits. And I just know... that everything she is going to learn and gain (and lose) over the next 12 weeks is not only a fantastic opportunity for HER, it's a fantastic opportunity for ME.
So I'm doing it. I started yesterday. The BetterU program has a little widget you can set on your desktop, on your blog, on your Facebook page to help you set weekly goals and rewards, to journal progress and thoughts, to learn more about heart disease and women.
My goal for week 1 is to go to the gym for 30 min treadmill sessions at least 3 days this week. I will also get back on that Wii Fit at least once. And if I make my goal? I can have lunch out on Friday with friends (Christy? You available?). I need to set separate goals for weekdays and weekends. So my weekend goal is to get on the Wii Fit at least once OR do 30 minutes of physical activity at home- like marching in place while watching TV.
For right now, I am focused on getting physical activity back into my life, my routine. Next step will be to improve my eating plan... well, to have a healthy eating plan. I have an eating plan right now- eat what I want, when I want it. My diet is atrocious. Fast food. Candy. Junk. Soda. And the kicker is that I love fruits and vegetables! But I lack the discipline to incorporate them into regular parts of my diet.
Anyone care to join me? Join us?