Sad Face

I don't talk about my job a whole lot.  But I have shared some of my job stress over the past year as my company has made many changes that have had some very negative impacts on me.  After a year of the high stress and depressing consequences, I had to face the fact that I was struggling with depression.

Today is another day to add to the sad pile.

About a year ago, plans were announced to make some changes to our location.  Within a 1 mile radius, for the 13 years that I have worked here, we have had 3 buildings.  1 building houses 2 divisions.  1 building was a warehouse/distribution center with offices.  1 building was a manufacturing location with offices.  Plans were announced to move employees from my division into 1 building - turning our former corporate headquarters (prior to acquisition by Big Business) into a leading site, the true hub for our division.

We began closing down the warehouse/distribution center.  Many jobs from those offices were moved or changed and the number of people in the building reduced.

Hours and days and weeks were spent planning and meeting and drawing and thinking about what the new building would be.  We were excited to have all co-workers under one roof, a bit uncertain about cubicles or open concept environments (we all have private offices right now), excited to think of the state of the art, ahead of the game facility and lab and manfacturing we would have.

Then the budget got cut.  And a need for a warehouse was realized.

So a smaller warehouse nearby was found.

And an office building with half of a floor available was found.

And a new plan was formed.

The existing building would house anyone connected to manufacturing and those who don't need to be connected to manufacturing would move to the new building.

And now a new plan.

No construction.  No moving the lab to this building.  Offices stay as they are in this building.

But those who were slated to move to the new office building - still move.  Still lose our offices, our privacy.  By next Monday, some will be in nice office with great windows (if you're in a high enough job grade).  And some will be in open concept cubes.

I will be sharing a cube with a co-worker.

I'm going from this:

It's a bad pic but you get the idea.  4 walls.  A door.  I'm the first to tell you that I don't need all of what I have.  I don't use the file cabinets.  I use a minimal amount of the space.

But I'm coming to realize how much I value the privacy.  Because of this office with a door and a lock, I was able to pump breastmilk for my babies when I came back to work and there was minimal interruption to my workflow.  Because of this office with a door and lock, I could shut my door when I was just a bit under the weather and still get work done while sneezing into a wad of tissues.  Because of these walls, I didn't have to hear every phone call around me or worry about others hearing my every word.  Because of this privacy, I've not had to worry about people looking over my shoulder as I work.

Until now.

This is my new workspace.  I share it with a co-worker.  She gets the corner on the right, I get the corner on the left.  We share the overhead bin.  Directly behind us and next to us and on the other side of the cubicle wall are more stations set up in the same manner.

This is where my career has landed.

Today, I started packing up my office.  We've had clean up days the past few months and I've already reduced most of what is here.  But now it's final and it's real and the move is coming.  I am packing up my work life.  I am leaving people that I have worked beside for 13 years.  I feel like my parents are kicking me out of the house and into a dorm.  Out of my comfy bedroom that was MINE.  Into a room shared with many others.  Like I'm moving to a cabin for summer camp and forced into a room with many bunk beds... but there won't be a lake and swimming and boating and camp songs and marshmallows.

I'm sad.  I'm sad to leave my office.  My walls and door.  My friends and co-workers.  I am trying to stay focused on the positive, on the new relationships that will strengthen.  I'm very thankful to have a boss that allows the flexibility that will make the new situation a bit better.

But for today, as I pack my drawers and shelves and files and personal items into a carton to be labeled with my cubicle space number and sent on a truck to the new office... for today, I'm sad.