Milk (or Being Gay)

First- some assigned reading.

Read this.

And this.

Jeff was wonderful enough to pick up a copy of Milk on blue-ray this weekend. I hadn't had an opportunity to see it... and desperately wanted to... especially after being so moved by the award speeches a few months back.

What I loved about the movie... from my limited knowledge, it seemed historically accurate. Casting was excellent. Acting was superb. It was moving and inspiring. Harvey Milk made great strides in the gay rights movement and the film very well depicts his accomplishments, how he got there, and also gives glimpses into his personal life- into the man he was.

I liked his message of hope. That was repeated over and over.

One thing that I think was missing from the film- and I think there wasn't an easy way to add this in- was that the timing of the murder of Harvey Milk and Mayor Moscone coincided with the mass suicide at Jonestown. The Wikipedia link above gives a lot more insight on that bit of history and how it played into the tone of the times.

But here's what got stuck in my craw after the movie ended.

Everyone I know who has seen the movie has raved about it, loved it. I've honestly not heard anyone say they just didn't like it. I would think that the subject matter is pretty darn obvious, right?

Some of those people who rave about it, loved it, critically acclaim it... are opposed to gay marriage. Are opposed to laws that defend or protect the rights of gay people as a group.

It boggles my mind. I raised an eyebrow at the times I heard of these non-supporters enjoying the film. And having now seen the film, I'm really befuddled.

Maybe these people don't see their own homophobia? Maybe these people don't want to align themselves as being a Dan White or John Briggs or Anita Bryant?

The similarities between Prop 6 back in 1978 and the fight against Prop 8 in 2009 are striking. There are those for it and those against it. There is very little gray area.

Can someone explain that to me? Saying you've been really touched by a film about a man who fought for gay rights but also wanting to deny rights to a group of people- the same people this man was fighting for.

The sign posted at the site of Castro Camera and Harvey Milk's apartment reads:

Harvey Milk

May 22, 1930 - November 27, 1978

Harvey Milk made history as the first openly gay elected official in California, and one of the first in the nation, when he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in November 1977. His camera store and campaign headquarters at 575 Castro Street and his apartment upstairs were centers of community activism for a wide range of human rights, environmental, labor and neighborhood issues. Harvey Milk's hard work and accomplishments on behalf of all San Franciscans earned him widespread respect and support. His life is an inspiration to all people committed to equal opportunity and an end to bigotry.

"You gotta give 'em hope!"

All people committed to equal opportunity. An end to bigotry. Hope.

Equal opportunity. Ending bigotry. Giving hope.

Rent, Aging, AIDS, Cancer

I went to see a community theatre production of Rent last night. I went alone- made friends with the couple sitting next to me. He had seen the show 5 times on Broadway; his partner hadn't ever seen it live. This was my first time seeing it live as well.

Rent came out in 1996. I remember hearing about it. I was in college. The show premiered the night after the creator, Jonathan Larson, died. It was amazingly tragic but also poetic, given the message of the production. No day but today.

The musical powerfully focuses on AIDS, poverty, homelessness, drugs, sex. Love, loss, acceptance, struggle, art.

The songs are lyrical and moving.

As a college student, the debut of Rent was powerful because it symbolized, demonstrated what we were soon to face. What we were romanticizing we would soon face. The struggles of young adulthood. Clinging to what we want, wanting to change the world, facing the realities of life and death and hard choices.

As many of you know, I've been involved with the Graddy Family since June 29.

A mother of 4 young children. Diagnosed with breast cancer on June 5. Died July 2.

Her husband is now a single dad. 10 year old Chris is autistic. 5 year old Katie starts Kindergarten this year. Olivia is 4... Jack only 2 years old. The widower, Tim, went from his normal life of going to work as a co-manager of a grocery store... his wife at home and caring for their children, running an in-home daycare. Going to bed at night with her by his side, waking each morning with her by his side.

10 years ago, life was interrupted by AIDS.

10 years ago, life was focused on helping those who struggle, defending and participating in art.

Now, life is children, marriage, home, church, job.

My next door neighbor just passed away last week. He was 52 years old. He had ALS.

Michele died from cancer- breast cancer that had taken over lymph nodes, lungs, brain.

No day but today.

I've heard people dismiss Rent as a show about a bunch of whiny, do-nothing young people who just don't want to take responsibility and pay bills and work. I'd venture the naysayers haven't seen the show- at most, have listened to a couple of songs from the soundtrack.

As I sat watching Rent unfold on the stage before me, I was struck with how different the experience was for me.

It's always been a show that hearkens back to my youth. To the days of fight and struggle and doing what's right and "screw the man."

Now, as an almost-35 year old mom, wife, living in the 'burbs woman...

I wanted to mother the young people who struggled with not having heat or electricity or food. I want to wrap my arms around the drug addicts, the kids living with AIDS, dying from AIDS.

The show has a character who dies from AIDS. She's full of life and giving. She finds love months before she dies and teaches the lesson that love is what really matters. Finding it, fighting for it, protecting it.

And I realized that AIDS was the fight of my youth. AIDS was scary back when Rent debuted. It still is- but research and education make it less so.

Cancer is the fight of my adulthood. And as time passes... death in general is the fight.

I've long believed that life has to be lived in the moment. As a survivor of some pretty severe sexual abuse in my childhood, part of my healing was recognizing that what was in my past was behind me and was no longer a threat to me right now. That all I had was right now. I can't now what is going to happen in the next year, month, week, 24 hours, 1 hour. All I have is right now. And if I'm ok right now- then that means I am ok. If I am happy right now- then I am happy. There is no need to focus on what happened in my past- it's over and done. There is no need to fret about the future- it hasn't happened yet.

No day but today.

This is what I have. Today. Today is when I have to show the people in my life that I love them. Today is when I hug, I love, I kiss, I don't hold back.

No Day But Today

Without You

Seasons of Love

"How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?"

"Oh you got to, you got to remember the love

You know that love is a gift from up above

Share love, give love, spread love

Measure, measure your life in love."

Don't Divorce us

Thanks to Tangobaby for posting this. Very moving, very real. Imagine... your marriage... being forced to divorce or be annulled. Being forced to be invalidated. Being told your commitment doesn't mean as much because you don't love the right kind of person. The Courage Campaign "Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Prayers for Bobby

Prayers for Bobby is a Lifetime movie that was on this past weekend.

From the website:

Academy Award nominee and Golden Globe winner Sigourney Weaver stars in this emotional true story about a 1970s religious suburban housewife and mother who struggles to accept her young son Bobby being gay. What happens to Bobby is tragic and causes Mary to question her faith; ultimately this mom changes her views in ways that she never could have imagined.

This is the story of Mary Griffith, who is an activist with the group PFLAG and is a strong proponent of getting programs into high schools to counsel gay, lesbian, bi, and transgendered youth (GLBT).

I watched the movie Saturday night when it first aired.

I was moved, I cried, I really felt for this mom, for this son.

2 moments stayed with me.

Mary tells Bobby, after his tireless efforts at changing who he is and her tireless efforts to pound out the gay and submerge him only in the God she believes in, "I won't have a gay son." His tragic choices certainly bring that sentence to truth.

And after many meetings with pastors and much soul searching and finally attending PFLAG meetings, Mary has an epiphany. A horrible epiphany. She runs, in the pouring rain (very poetic and dramatic) to the MCC (Metropolitan Community Church- a church founded in the GLBT community), to the pastor from whom she has gained much support and a lot of eye opening. And she says to him that at the PFLAG meeting, she kept hearing these other parents say that they knew their child was different from early on... and she realized that her Bobby was different, too, and that she had known it, felt it from the time he was conceived. She had known he was different, that he was born different, that God had made him different and she couldn't accept it or embrace it. And she realized her role in her son's tragic choice.

Very powerful.

I've read some reactions to the movie and many seem to be of the opinion that it's a good thing the story happened back in the 70's because people's opinions sure have changed since then.

Yeah. That's like saying that since Barack Obama is President, our country has lost all racism.

There are many, many, many families who would still be devastated if a child came out as being gay. Many families who would desert a child who "chose" to live a gay lifestyle.

I am beyond proud to say that I am not one of those families.

I am a Christian woman. I have a very strong relationship with God. I've had experiences in my life that have very firmly cemented and proven His existence and love. And I am also fiercely liberal, open minded, accepting... my heart bleeds all over the place.

And it is my faith, my spirituality, my certainty in my beliefs that tells me, without a doubt, that being gay is not wrong and is not a sin.

I'm not going to start dissecting Bible verses or history. That's been done. There are people whose minds cannot be changed or swayed. I'm one of them. So arguing the point is pointless. Which is the nice thing about a blog. I can just put my opinions and thoughts out there and you can agree or disagree- or maybe open your heart and mind to a new way of seeing things.

Mary Griffith is a hero to me, especially after seeing her story. She easily could have hardened her heart and placed all of the blame on her son. She could have listened to the pastors of her own church at her son's funeral, as they condemned him to having been too weak to fight off the demons that made him choose being gay over being a child of God.

But she opened her heart and her mind and found a different way of looking at things.

If one of my children were to come to me and say "Mom, I think I'm gay" or "Mom, I'm really confused. I think I'm attracted to women (or men)," I would weep. But not from sorrow. Pride. Joy, even. Because it would mean that I had raised a child who felt she could come to me with a subject that could be taboo in another home. Because it would mean I had raised a child who at least hoped that mom and dad would still love and accept him.

I wish I could say that I would then jump up and do all sorts of things to show my support. But honestly, I'd do what I do now. Follow their lead. Questions? I'll help you find answers. Concerns? I'll help you find someone to talk to if I can't calm those concerns myself.

But beyond that... it wouldn't change how I see my child. It wouldn't change how I feel about my child. It wouldn't change anything.

Because being gay doesn't mean being something not human, not loved, not accepted, not real. It isn't a disease or disorder. It isn't something that requires medical intervention or psychiatric diagnosis.

Should my child come to me and say "Mom, I'm gay," it would be the same to me if my child came to me and said "Mom, I'm straight."

"I have a crush on a girl..." same as "I have a crush on a boy."

God created us as we are. We are perfect in His plan, in His design.

Pastor Rusty's sermon this past Sunday was titled "Abundant Living: Expectant Living!" He talked about 3 ways in which faith is built and then had us evaluate where we currently are with that aspect of our faith.

1. My faith is built through difficulties. The idea is that we turn to God first when we are facing a problem- and we even thank Him for giving us this problem, thank Him for walking us through it, being by our sides. I rated myself a 6 out of 10. I often problem solve first, emote first, turn to God second or third.

2. My faith is built through demands. God calls us to act. How often do we listen and respond immediately? When we hear that little voice urging us to help or to speak or to reach out, do we listen or do we talk ourselves out of it? I gave myself an 8 out of 10.

3. My faith is built through delays. God's plan for us happens on His time, not ours. We may have plans and hopes and expectations, but we don't design when things will happen. We must be patient and willing to wait for the answers to come when the time is right. This one is pretty easy for me and I actually gave myself a 10.

So why do I share that in the midst of all this gay talk?

Because of number 2. I rated myself pretty high on that scale. I really do a lot of listening to that inner voice- some may call it a conscience, some may call it God. And I often choose to act on that little voice, too. I'm someone who gets involved when maybe I shouldn't. But if I see someone crying, I will offer a hug or an ear. If I see someone struggling, I will see if I can help. If there is something weighing on my heart, I will share it.

So this movie impacted me. And I felt called to share it. To share a Christian perspective that maybe you hadn't considered before.

If you have an opportunity to see this movie on Lifetime, please do. Watch it and place yourself in Mary's shoes, in Bobby's shoes.

And if you really want something long to read but that really delves into Biblical interpretation and so on... A Letter to Louise

HA!

This really made me laugh out loud. Seriously- people in my office are looking at me funny.

Found this on Andrew Sullivan's "The Daily Dish" on The Atlantic's site. He found it on a site called "GraphJam" but I wasn't able to get on that site...

I just saw a clip where a straight couple are being interviewed and the man says that the reason he opposes same sex marriage is because it would threaten his First Amendment Right to freedom of religion. Huh?

Here's a little quote from the world's most reliable source on any subject... Wikipedia.
The First Amendment to the United States Constitution is the part of the United States Bill of Rights that expressly prohibits the United States Congress from making laws "respecting an establishment of religion" or that prohibit the free exercise of religion, laws that infringe the freedom of speech, infringe the freedom of the press, limit the right to peaceably assemble, or limit the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances.




So I read that to say that the government can't establish a nationwide, mandated religion. The government can't make laws that restrict freedom of speech. Can't make laws that step on that whole freedom of the press bit. Can't limit people's right to gather together and peaceably disagree (or agree). Can't limit the people's right to have a voice against the government.

I really don't see how there is anything in that little summary that has anything to do with gay marriage. I really can't see how 2 men or 2 women getting legally married has anything to do with the establishment of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom to peaceably gather, or formally complain.

So I'm back and forth between Huh? and Hahaha!