My Palin Experiment

This morning, in my hour-ish so far at work, I’ve been channeling Sarah Palin to see what kind of reactions I get. I’m not parodying her. But I’m winking and saying by golly and doing the gosh darn adorable thing while still making my point, bless your heart. Granted, this is with people who know and respect me in my management role. But the looks… I don’t know how I could ever go into, say, a contract negotiation with a potential supplier and click my tongue and give big winks and so on and be taken seriously. I get that it’s the content that matters. But if the mannerisms make it hard to get to the content… And can you imagine a man doing that sort of thing? He’d be described as a smarmy used car salesman! So I challenge my fellow working women to try it and see how it feels. It's interesting to see how people look at me but also I feel about myself.

Less of Me

I don't know how much less.

But less. Definitely less. And also so much more.

What on earth am I talking about?

2+ months ago, I joined a gym with a good friend of mine (Christy). 7 weeks ago, we started a twice weekly Boot Camp to kick our butts into gear. 6 weeks ago, as one of our classes, we took a fitness test. Today, our last class, we redid the fitness test.

I will share my results once I have them in writing so that I know I am being completely accurate.

But I can tell you that my pants are too big. And that I can feel muscles in my legs and arms. And that I was able to run more of today's mile than I could 6 weeks ago.

I feel like there should be fanfare and excitement. But I feel kinda blah this afternoon. Not sure why. Maybe because there hasn't been any fanfare and excitement? This was a huge accomplishment for me and I'm not feeling a big surge of accomplishment or pride. Maybe once I see all my numbers in print... maybe then I can celebrate more.

Let me tell you something else. I have no idea how much I weigh. I know a ballpark and will even share it with you... definitely over 200 lb. I made the mistake of stepping on the scale a week or so prior to starting the Boot Camp and the number was so dismal that it almost made me quit the gym right then and there. I will not step on a scale again for a long while. Especially since the type of exercise I am getting is really building muscle and not just burning fat. And it has been very freeing to not have a scale or tape measure in my future. Because I am measuring my success on how I feel and what I can do and that feels awesome.

OK... maybe there's a little bit of fanfare... excitement... celebration...

My Parenting Passion

It's time for the truth to come out. There is something you need to know about me and my family. I am an Attachment Parent. *gasp* I am not 100% crunchy but I very strongly believe in the Principles of AP, as detailed by API (Attachment Parenting International). I breastfeed my babies and follow their lead when it comes to weaning. I believe in "wearing" my babies as it suits them. I do not believe in spanking or use of humilation or force as a discipline tool. I believe in the power of my words. I believe in my child's ability to reason, to be responsible, to make choices. I am focused on raising children who will be kind, compassionate, and self-responsible. I believe in responding to my infant, to my baby, to my child. I believe that a baby's cries have meaning and my responsibility is to find out what they mean and act on it. I watched Oprah yesterday. The show focused on moms who are overwhelmed and make bad, sometimes fatal, decisions in this overwhelmed and unfocused state of mind. The main hook of the show was the Cincinnati mother who left her 2 year old strapped into the minivan all day on the first day back to school. Fatal consequences. My heart is broken for this mother, the father, the sister, the baby. My mind was racing to cover the heartbreak as well as the suffering. Dark corners were opening up as I couldn't stop myself from imagining what that day would have been like for that baby. And what was most heartbreaking to me... and what is causing me to choke up now... is that the baby probably cried for her mama and couldn't understand why mama wasn't coming to help her, to make it better. And there is the angry and selfish place. The part of me that doesn't understand why parents don't put their children first. I don't believe that you have to stay at home in order to put your children first. I, of course, say that because I am a working mom. I would prefer to be home with my children but it isn't an option for our family. People ask what I do for fun and my answer is to spend time with my kids. I took a sabbatical from previous hobbies and passions (movies, theatre, out with friends) when I chose to have a family. Not that I won't ever go back to those things and not that I won't find a way to share those things with my kids... but life changes and I'm pretty flexible and I know those things will still be there when my time is more available. My children are my number one priority. I hear stories of moms being overtired or frustrated and I can understand that feeling but I can't wrap my mind around not being in a place to keep your children's well being in the forefront of all that you do. I'm not judging, don't misunderstand. I'm not sure what I'm doing, really. Just processing, I think. One message of the show was that you have to put your priorities in order. If you are trying to do everything and be everything, you will fail. I welcome anyone to come to my house and you will easily see my priorities. My house is messy. My clean laundry is piled up in my bedroom and there is usually a full hamper of dirty clothes in the hallway. My dishes are in the sink or dishwasher. Everything is always in a state of needing to be done. And where am I in the mess? With my kids. Reading to them, playing with them, or just being close by and watching and learning. It's the people in life that are the priority. Not the condition of the home (within reason), not my job or career, not how much volunteer work I do, not the kind of car I drive, not getting "me" time in the form of drinking or pampering or shopping on a regular basis. What is most important to me and what I strive to keep as my constant focus is a little girl named Teagan, a little boy named Zach, a grown man named Jeff, and me. And everything else radiates from that point. Do I falter? Sure. No one is perfect. But by keeping on track, my priority remains an actual priority and not just an eventual goal. Oprah had a guest on by the name of Norman Fischer. He's described on the show as a well known Zen teacher. He said: "I think that the first thing we've got to do is recognize that especially as mothers, but all of us, our state of mind and our attitude is our most precious gift that we give to each other," he says. "Every day, we ought to wake up and we ought to say: 'How is my state of mind today? Am I losing ground?' If I am, I better address that first because the rest of the stuff I do won't be worth anything if I'm harried and hassled and in a bad mood." And from the description of the show: Though our society stresses the importance of being able to handle multiple tasks at one time, Norman says there is no such thing as multitasking. Instead, we switch from one task to another. This switching prevents us from being able to do one task with any intensity or commitment. "Whatever you are doing. Do it. Do it completely. Bring your whole attention to it," Norman says. "Be present in everything that you do." In order to help prepare yourself for each day, Norman recommends that you take time for yourself. "Take 20, 30 minutes. Get up before your kids early in the morning. Loss of sleep is worth it, if you can have 30 minutes absolute[ly] to yourself, to breathe, return to yourself, digest yesterday's emotions, take stock of yourself and set yourself up for the day," Norman says. "That amount of time saves you time throughout the day." Also important was the discussion on fathers... that the first person a mom should be able to turn to for help, balance, and so on is her partner, her husband. I am blessed and honored to have a husband that I can turn to when I am stressed out. He is fully involved in our family life and takes on household chores and parenting tasks and is committed to the same parenting principles as me. I also like the article Fischer wrote for September's O Magazine. So all of this rambling boils down to 1 thing. I know my priority and strive to live it in each moment. Do you know yours? Do you choose to live it?

The Perfect Gift

Do you ever find yourself shopping for a gift giving occasion and you find what you think will be the perfect gift and you are so eager to give it and have the receiver open it and then they do and you just want to share how great you gift idea was because it really seemed brilliant when you put it all together? That is one of my favorite feelings.

Obsessed with TV

My 3 year old has 2 obsessions... TV shows, specifically. These shows have become our bribe... er, reward... er, goal for a good bedtime routine/going to sleep and for having a good day at Lisa's house (daycare). Sid the Science Kid Let's start with Sid. This is a really cool show!! PBS has swung us away from the cable shows and back to public television. It's a Henson production and the quality is excellent. It was even touted as being the Seinfeld of kids' TV. The music is fun, the kids are cute, the ideas are solid, the family isn't all white-bread. I must confess that my baby boy, my little not-quite-one-year-old, also adores Sid. He doesn't sit and watch it. But he definitely pauses his playtime when Gerald, one of Sid's friends, pops on the screen. Zach dances to the theme music and to the playground music. I'll have to see if I can get video of it. Lots of cool ideas for activities on this show, too. I am making plans to freeze fruit in a block of ice for snack one day (that's reversible change, just so you know). Imagination Movers And Teagan also frequently asks to watch "Movers." It's a fun show that has more of a message than I had thought. I like the focus on teamwork and coming up with ideas and brainstorming. And the music isn't sappy and silly- it's fun and singable. The Imagination Movers are a band from New Orleans and have been around for several years prior to getting linked up with Disney (you may have heard them on XM Kids Radio or Sirius Kids Stuff). And they're kinda cute in a nerdy-ish sort of way. Care to join in our obsessions? We could beat anyone in a round of identifying reversible vs irreversible change! Or a Use Your Senses challenge? Or maybe come up with an idea on how to get the Robo-Bee back down? Anyone? And because you are here, reading my thoughts, I'm gonna tell you what I think about TV and kids (well, not all kids- my kids). We can tell when Teagan has been watching too much and it is out of control. The beauty of our TV as the goal system is that it also limits how much she watches while she feels like she's achieved her goal. We succeeded on our final potty training goal because of her desire to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. "Stay dry all day at Lisa's house, come home and watch Mickey Mouse!" And it worked and had minimal meltdowns. It isn't working quite as famously for daytime behavior. But there may be a specific reason behind that and there could be changes coming next week that will fix that other issue. We'll see. So we have a short list of shows we like and we have 2 shows that are obsessions that she will do anything for. We found her currency and intend to use it for all its worth!

You Never Have To Say It

We are sitting in the living room, watching TV. We hear a quiet noise in the hallway and look up to see Teagan. She woke up, quietly came out to the living room because she needed to potty. My big girl. After the potty trip, I carried her back to bed. I got her snuggled back in and offered to stay with her for a minute. She nodded. I stroked her hair and quietly told her "I love you." She opened her eyes and glanced at me. I could see that she wanted to say it but hesitated. She wanted to go to sleep. And I wanted to tell her... You never have to say it to me. In our lives together, you never have to tell me that you love me. There will be days that you love me and I will love you. Days that you hate me and I will love you. Days you like me and I will love you. Days you need me and I will love you. Days you are embarassed by me and I will love you. You don't need to say that you love me. Because I will always love you. My love is broad enough, deep enough, thorough enough, lasting enough... that it will cover the ebb and flow, the forgotten moments, the selfishness, the drama and trauma, the highs and lows. Perhaps that is one of the many gifts of motherhood. Perhaps it is a deepening of this new level of love. But no matter what it is... I don't need you to say it. I know it. And I've got it covered.

FREE Day at Conner Prairie

Thanks to an online mommy friend, we received notice that the Smithsonian does an annual Free Museum Day. There were a couple of local museums participating. Conner Prairie, a living history museum, is right down the street from our neighborhood so that was our choice!

I was hesitant about taking a 3 1/2 year old to Conner Prairie. I'd been before with just adults and with older kids (school age). It had been several years since I'd gone. So I just wasn't sure what they would have to keep her entertained. I never should have doubted this institution.

The first stop was an indoor play area for younger kids. Well, for any kids, really. There was a pretend train station and train, a train table, a market/general store, a prairie kitchen (complete with butter churn), a garden, a play tractor and old fashioned car, animal costumes, and a cow to milk. There was a craft room with puppet theatre but we didn't get to it.

We also ate inside at The Eatery. We had 2 kids' meals- hot dog with chips and a drink that was served in a very cute satchel style souvenir bag and a turkey sandwich with chips and milk. I had a BLT with cole slaw and a drink and Jeff had a burger, chips, drink. The food was less expensive than I expected. Prices were similar to, say, McAllister's. But the quality wasn't McAllister's! Food wasn't bad but I'm not dying to get back. I will say that the amount of bacon on my sandwich was impressive and that Jeff's burger looked really good and that Zach ate all of the turkey and loved his milk. Teagan had no opinion on the hot dog aside from being happy that she had something upon which to place her ketchup.

Then we headed outside. First stop was the animal encounter barn. We met a one week old cow (adorable black and white fella), a sheep and lamb, some ducks and chicks, a couple of goats, and a donkey. Zach loved looking around at everything. Teagan loved encountering everything. She even got to hold a baby chick (with a little help from the fantastic volunteer).

Let me say a quick word about the people who volunteer and work at Conner Prairie. These people are fantastic. Truly. These young people in the barn were so patient and so knowledgable about the animals they were showing. The adults and young people who were in costume were so accomodating while staying in character. While the activites are fun, it's really the people who set the tone of this fantastic place.

Back to our adventure!

After the barn, we headed to the Lanape Indian Village. We saw a hut made of bark which was really cool. And it was in this area that Teagan figured out that she could run around and go into the houses and play with things and really explore. We started into Prairietown- the setting is, I think 1836? Liberty Corner is 1886 but we will get to that in a moment.

Prairietown... we hit the General Store, the blacksmith, the doctor's home (where she tried on these gorgeous hats), the school house, the blacksmith, the potter. Teagan played checkers, played with a ring and stick outside (where you push the ring with the stick and try to keep it moving), learned about baking a cake in a fireplace, saw kids measuring nails in the store, got a piece of soapstone, played with a potter's wheel. See? So much to do!!

Liberty Corner- she was nearing the end of her attention span and rope. But we walked across the covered bridge and she ran around near the baseball diamond. We did go into the Zimmerman's home and she had a fantastic time exploring that house with Christy. She then showed me the bedroom with the toys. Old blocks, a small cast iron play kitchen, a doll's crib, some old books.

Speaking of books, the store in Prairietown had a couple of books that were written to help a woman understand her role as wife and as mother. I was only able to read/scan a couple of pages of the mothering book but found it fascinating to read the ideas about discipline. It basically said to give the child 4 chances and if the bad behavior got to that 4th time, you have to punish them. You are giving warnings, removing from the situation, distracting up until this point. I was certain the punishment would be spanking or lashing. Instead, it was torture chamber time out! The advice for punishment was to tie the child to a chair!! And advised against locking the child in a closet because that would frighten them. Next time we go, I want more time with that book!

Teagan and Christy went on to explore the basement of the home. Then Teagan went outside and it was watering time! She got to pump water from the outside water pump and carry her watering can to the flowers and do some watering. Then it was finally time to head home.

The only problem with a close by attraction like this is that there isn't time for a worn out kid to fall asleep in the car!

We had a fantastic time and I anticipate that Connor Prairie will be our next membership choice when the Zoo membership runs out next year.

Important links: Conner Prairie Smithsonian's Museum Day