Missing Out? Nah...

I am a happy and content person. I love my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love my husband and kids and even admit to not hating my job. I'm secure in who I am and my purpose in life. I feel fulfilled in my relationship with God. I like me- I love me! I like how normal my life is... especially when I look back at the chaos of my past. There was a time that I never could have imagined life being as normal as it is now. I live in the suburbs, have 2 kids and a dog, drive a minivan and one of those kids even played soccer! I work in a middle management type job in corporate America. My husband works on computers. We are solidly middle class and very average, normal, content, secure, and happy. I've worked very hard to get to such a normal place. In my past, there has been chaos and turbulence and emotional unrest. I've received diagnoses and been hospitalized and there are years of therapy tucked away behind me. I have stories I could tell about the things done to me, the things I lived through, and how I survived it all. But what I love is that life went from such insanity to such normalcy and I have nothing but deep appreciation for that. Really. I do. But... There is a part of me that gets a little jealous. A little wistful. Feels a little bit of longing... Life is all about choices and sometimes, the choice that is what I want and that is best for me and my family is still not always the easiest choice to make. Sometimes, other choices aren't even really an option but it's still nice to dream about and wish I could... I know that there may be people who look at my life and maybe see me as having and doing the things they want to have and do. They very well may be just as satisfied and content with their lives- but something about my choices is attractive to them. I have friends who have been attending a 2 day blogging and social media conference for Indiana bloggers. I couldn't justify the time off of work to attend Friday's session. I'm committed to a family event all day Saturday so can't attend that day, either. There is a group of women from my church who are attending a large overnight conference in downtown Indy this weekend that I would truly love to have been part of- for the experience the conference had to offer and also for the time with the amazing women that I call my church family. I couldn't even think of going to BlogHer because Jeff was out of town for GenCon at the same time. I have friends who meet up for dinner and drinks multiple times each week. They throw parties for each other. I'm just outside of this group- still connected but not in the same way I once was. And even if I was- I'm a mom now. I can't manage a night out until midnight during the week- or even on the weekend for that matter. I can't get drunk and crash on someone else's couch or expect someone else to get me home. I can't spend money every week on dinners in restaurants where meals don't come with a drink and a free toy or at least crayons. I have a friend who is about to jet off to Paris for 2 weeks and I'm going to miss her like crazy. It's going to be weird without her being a daily part of my life for those 2 weeks. I also wish I could go off on a trip and explore a place that is new to me- full of new places and art and food and people. But at the same time, I can't imagine going off and spending a significant amount of money on myself and not including my family, my kids, in the experience. Life is all about choices. I wouldn't give up what I have for a trip to Paris or a chance to go to BlogHer. I wouldn't miss a day with my grandparents, seeing my kids with their great-grandparents, my aunts, my family for a day at a blogging conference. I wouldn't give up my kids' college funds for dinners out with friends. I might sometimes feel a bit wistful for that "glamorous" side of living... but I am going to keep choosing the normal I've fought so hard to achieve and live. And I will keep enjoying the stories and tales that others share of their adventures, meals, drinks, parties, and trips. It's really the best way to live the best of both worlds. At least for now.