I understand that people get frustrated.
I understand that people feel angry.
I understand that people sometimes make choices that they regret.
I understand that the written word sometimes comes across different than intended.
I also understand that sometimes people choose to be snarky, pushy, bossy, or flat out rude.
Starting my day with an email from a Rude Dude who expresses their frustration about a situation is not a nice start to my day.
I want to throw my own email hissy fit back at them. I want to call them up and chew them out and force them to see this from MY side of things, from my supplier's side of things.
The impact of the stress of the changes to my job in the past few months bubbles to the surface when I get these kinds of emails- where I feel like the sender is obviously sneering down their nose at my lack of understanding. I want to scream at people that I didn't choose these responsibilities!! I didn't ask to take this on! That this was quite literally dumped in my lap one day and I had to hit the ground running faster than a pack of lions already at my heels. I want to explain that I never wanted to have to work with this group of people and that my life was perfectly fine not even knowing they existed. I want to cry and maybe even wail a little bit at the unfairness of the workload.
And if I start to tap into that, there is a lot of emotional response that has built up in the past 3 months. These job changes have left me drained and numb. 3 months has gone by faster than I'd expected and I feel like I've sacrificed a lot in that time. I'm learning to come to terms with the new workload but I've not found aw ay to be at peace with it. I used to do my job and leave at the end of the day knowing I'd accomplished things and knowing I'd given people what they needed. Now, I leave at the end of the day because I just can't take anymore. I leave projects half done, spreadsheets sitting open, piles of paper on my desk, emails unresponded to, voicemails not listened to, and I feel overwhelmed.
Worst of all, my job actually took over my life for a while. I was bringing work home, the stress was impacting how I acted around my family, and my work became a Number One Priority. Had it been that way for just a few weeks, no big deal. But the stress level and workload continues. I have found ways to balance it a little better. I'm no longer bringing work home every single night and weekend. I'm doing better about leaving the stress at work. I've stopped thinking almost non-stop about work when I'm at home.
So when I get a snarky email, a lot of feelings start to bubble and brew from deep inside. While I want to be able to unleash all of my emotional baggage on this poor Rude Dude who sent the email, I know it isn't the right thing to do. He's got his own story on his side of the screen, his own family, his own work stress.
Instead, I sent out a new email to a different group of people and excluded Rude Dude and his cohorts. I started fresh with people that I think will be more helpful and far less snarky.
But deep down... there's still a full on hissy fit brewing.