How I Eat M&M's

First, this post is not sponsored by M&M's. And in all honesty, I wouldn't want it to be because I don't want tons of this candy around me. M&M's were one of my serious "must have" quick grab snacks in the first few months of life with my babies- when nursing at 2:13 a.m., nothing gets you through that like some M&M's.

However, there are rules for eating M&M's. I've watched, with a small pang of envy, as someone grabs up a handful and tosses it all into their mouth. I can't do it. I've tried and it just feels... wrong.

I'll start with 1 simple package of M&M's plain. Note- I'm not a fan of this newer packaging. I liked the plain paper days when it easy to tear off the corner of the bag. This plastic-y package stinks.

A lovely array of M&M's in a bounty of colors. For some, this image is a beautiful thing to behold. For me... this.. is... CHAOS!


Colors need to be paired. So I took this little batch and started sorting. Just like Noah and the animals on the ark- 2 by 2. But there's a problem. With this bit that I poured from the bag, I have singles with no match. A green and an orange.

This, of course, happens in a handful of M&M's. So I created rules to make it work. Unfortunately, green and orange is not an acceptable color combination. Green would work with brown because it's neutral, blue because they're both cool colors, or yellow because yellow and blue make green. Orange works with yellow because they're both warm colors, with brown because it's neutral, or with red because of that lovely warm rule again.

I don't generally pour out M&M's on a white piece of paper to eat them. I pour some into my hand. No way could I just pop this handful into my mouth. This... is... CHAOS.

I have to take out the red, the brown, the green, and 1 orange. There, nicely paired, so pretty.

Now they are suitable for consumption. Still can't just toss that handful back. Oh no! There is a reason for all of this pairing. M&M's must be eaten one on each side of the mouth. So I'd take the 2 orange, into the mouth, sort one to the right and one to the left. Chew and enjoy. Then the next pair. And so on. Until all that's left are the mismatches and then they get paired up as needed.

If I end up with a final M&M that's all alone- a single candy coated bit of chocolate- I will bite it in half with my front teeth and then separate 1/2 to the right and 1/2 to the left.

Believe it or not, this is a bit of an improvement from how I used to eat M&M's. Back in high school or college, I started this dividing and sorting stuff. I used to have to dump out the entire bag, divide the colors, eat an entire color in pairs before moving on to the next color. Then the mismatches would be dealt with at the very end.

I think you can understand why I generally prefer to just decline when M&M's are offered. It's an exhausting bit of mental gymnastics. If only all that thinking burned off the calories of a pack of M&M's!

And I'm dedicating my post to lisleman of A Few Clowns Short. His avatar is this adorable M&M:

Now I think you can understand even more why I have to exclude M&M's when I talk about eating your colors!