I got a nice little reminder that my ego can be my biggest hurdle.
The short story is that Jeff went on a retreat this past weekend. I had expectations and hopes of what he would get from it. God had other plans. I was disappointed and even angry.
Until I got over myself and realized, with the help of friends, that my ego was really getting in my own way.
I didn't intend for it to happen. I just thought I saw a clear trajectory. I thought that what I've seen in the past was clearly indicating that there would be some sort of Big Thing that happened and I was certain it was God's plan coming alive.
But I forgot the part where God's plan is already alive and is happening exactly as it should. His plan, not mine.
Yes, I get excited and eager for the potential that I see... for the changes that I see happening. And I get ahead of Him. I want to rush forward to that point where I think things are going to end up.
Again - my ego. I somehow think that the plan I've come up with in my head is the best and I forget that the things that might really happen could be vastly different than anything I've imagined.
So my focus now is to let go and open myself up again. I need to keep myself open and seek to be an instrument, not the driver and director.