Wednesday, October 9, 2013

An Invitation to My Pity Party

Bullying behaviors are happening again.  It's just come to light so chances are good it's been happening for a while now.

I literally just told Jeff the other night... Have you noticed that Teagan's behavior has gotten better?  Less meltdowns, less attitude?

And I'm now sitting in a pool of self pity.

Because this isn't what motherhood was supposed to be.

Because this isn't the child I imagined I'd ever have.

I know what to do about it.  She just needs that consistent, firm response to get back on track.

But I am tired of having to be firm and strict all the time.  I want to just be nice and fun and laid back.

I'm tired of having to make up routines and rules and systems.

I'm tired of having to come up with consequences.

I'm tired of feeling jealous of my perceptions of other families.

I'm taking the morning to mull it over and feel sorry for myself.  And then I'll recognize that other families certainly have struggles, too.  That lots of moms face a definition of motherhood that includes things that no one ever asks for or dreams of.

My child is smart and funny.  She's pretty.  People are attracted to her, want to be accepted by her.  She's a spark!

But right now, it's hard to see those good things in her when I'm just tired of being beat down by all the meltdowns and the bad attitude and the bullying.

I want our family to be warm and loving and joyful.  I want us to talk and laugh and play games and take walks together.  I want to be able to shrug my shoulders and say , "sure, why not?"

Instead... it's rules and consequences and expectations and routines.

And one tired, worn, disappointed, frustrated, sad Mommy.

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7 comments:

mimbles said...

*all the hugs* I've been having a few pity parties of my own of late (both my boys have started seeing psychologists in the last few weeks, we've been having Interesting Times), guess we just have to take deep breaths and get on with it, hey? :-)

Amy Kalk said...

*HUGS*, Liz. You and the fam are in my prayers.

Life with Kaishon said...

I am so sorry Liz. So, so sorry.
I would like to just say that raising a 13 year old is no freaking picnic. Of course I am not instagram-ing the attitudes or the fights. You know, how does one even take a picture of those things? I hope things get better.
Sending you lots of good wishes.

Shell said...

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

I have my moments when I wish that parenting could be easier, like so-and-so's family who doesn't deal with the issues mine does- but everyone has their own problems. It's only easy from the outside.

Lori Martin said...

Here's the thing...it's easy to be a bad parent and let that stuff slide. It's hard to be a good parent and do the right thing and teach them. I totally get ya, girl...right now Drake is in a teenage hormone funk and he's acting out, being rude, and generally pissing me off. Would it be easier to let it slide and just hope it works itself out? Sure, but we all know that it's the parents' job to show that unacceptable behavior is not tolerated in our home and we expect MORE than that from our kids. Good luck...I also wish we could exist with just the fun, happy, easy going times. Sadly, that's just not the reality.

Cherie said...

Sigh, the gap between the real & the ideal makes us ache for heaven, right? Andy Stanley's series Future Family talks about how Jesus points us toward an ideal but accepts us as we are. Grace is a complex equation that doesn't balance. Hang in there.

Nancy said...

Love to you all...