An Invitation to My Pity Party

Bullying behaviors are happening again.  It's just come to light so chances are good it's been happening for a while now.

I literally just told Jeff the other night... Have you noticed that Teagan's behavior has gotten better?  Less meltdowns, less attitude?

And I'm now sitting in a pool of self pity.

Because this isn't what motherhood was supposed to be.

Because this isn't the child I imagined I'd ever have.

I know what to do about it.  She just needs that consistent, firm response to get back on track.

But I am tired of having to be firm and strict all the time.  I want to just be nice and fun and laid back.

I'm tired of having to make up routines and rules and systems.

I'm tired of having to come up with consequences.

I'm tired of feeling jealous of my perceptions of other families.

I'm taking the morning to mull it over and feel sorry for myself.  And then I'll recognize that other families certainly have struggles, too.  That lots of moms face a definition of motherhood that includes things that no one ever asks for or dreams of.

My child is smart and funny.  She's pretty.  People are attracted to her, want to be accepted by her.  She's a spark!

But right now, it's hard to see those good things in her when I'm just tired of being beat down by all the meltdowns and the bad attitude and the bullying.

I want our family to be warm and loving and joyful.  I want us to talk and laugh and play games and take walks together.  I want to be able to shrug my shoulders and say , "sure, why not?"

Instead... it's rules and consequences and expectations and routines.

And one tired, worn, disappointed, frustrated, sad Mommy.