Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Am I Feeling Inspired?
I'm fat. I've talked about it before. I was at a point where I was okay with it. I'm not anymore. But I've been struggling to find motivation. I'm so... down... about the weight I've gained since weaning... On one hand, I feel like I don't care. That this is just how I am for right now. That with everything else in my life, there isn't time and energy to take care of me. But then that sounds crazy. Why would I not take care of me? I have so many excuses. Schedules are busy, kids are demanding, husband deserves attention, church commitments. Last night, I caught this article on Yahoo Features. Working out is taking care of a lot of muscle. My legs are firmer. My arms are stronger. I can feel those changes. But my belly has gotten flabbier. I can feel muscle forming under the fat. But the fat is out of control. I have this flabby pooch that hangs over the waistline of any pants I wear. I look down when I am sitting, when I am standing... and this belly... this flab... I've come to hate it. I've started hating part of myself. And that is sooooo not like me. I've been slacking off with working out. I've been lucky to hit the gym once a week. I've done no exercise at home. The Wii Fit is collecting dust. Complete and total lack of motivation due to the frustration of getting fatter, gaining weight, being flabby. But that article struck a cord. Gave me an inkling of hope. The short list of food... quinoa, green tea, kefir, avocado, eggs, grapefruit... some of my favorite foods. OK- I've not actually had quinoa. But I know about it and am willing to try it out. So this morning, I stopped at the grocery store and picked up red grapefruit, avocado, kefir. I stopped on the way in to work and got 2 scrambled eggs. I ate scrambled eggs and avocado for breakfast. I'm about to go pour a cup of kefir. It's time to make a change... I don't know fully what I'm doing. But I have to get back on track. I have to get rid of the flab. I have to get back to being on a good path. I hope that my inkling of hope, my moment of inspiration sticks. Maybe... maybe if I keep up with eating these foods that I already love... maybe... maybe I can reduce this flabby belly... maybe.