"Mortified"

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated for years by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, Esquire, The Onion AV Club, Daily Candy, Entertainment Weekly, and E!, Mortified is a comic excavation of the strange and extraordinary things we created as kids. Witness adults sharing their own adolescent journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more. After all, where else can you hear grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their... first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Jon Bon Jovi. *** So I happened upon this comical performance art type thing called "Mortified." People submit their diaries, letters, and other bits of pubescent angst and read it for audiences. At first, I couldn't fathom sharing my diary. But then I went and pulled my diary out of its "hiding place" in my dresser. And it is really pretty freakin' hilarious. I was given my diary as a Christmas gift in 1985. I was 11 years old. 6th grade. "I also adore (underlined 6 times) Anthony S. ____ and Bradly C. ____. Actually, they are probably drooling over me." Apparently... I had some real hatred towards my girl friends in 6th grade. Oy. "The other day, Metal Mouth Melissa, Atomic Fart Amy and I all got in a fight. Triple M vs AFA & me. Stuck up Stephanie, Snotty Sharon and Talkalot (more like fightalot) Tine, tried to stay out of it. They didn't do very well at trying." This one starts out sweet but... as a parent who now truly knows what it means to value every minute of sleep... it's really laughable. "10/13/86 My parents are not telling me everything. I found out that they have marriage counseling every 3 weeks. I'm really scared, what if they get divorced?" "10/15/86 I hope my parents do get divorced! My dad woke me up at 5:30 a.m., I'm supposed to get up between 5:45 and 6:00! Every minute matters!" Spectrum was a singing group I was a member of in junior high. I obviously wasn't one of the popular "prep" kids. "Spectrum picnic was awesome! I never realized that there are only 5-7 preps in Spectrum! Everyone else is a blow-out! It's great!" And if you ever need a plan to escape... and need to make a contract with yourself in order to get your point across? "Jan 21, 1990 I have $33, so if I must leave I have enough for a bus to somewhere!!

Contract for:

The Silent Treatment

1. I shall speak when spoken to, but I shan't volunteer information.

2. I will always be polite and never get snooty.

3. If worse comes to worse, take a walk to calm down."

And I signed it. In cursive. Because it was, you know, a contract. With myself.

***

I wasn't a regular diarist. I skipped years at times. I have 2 journals. The first started at the end of 1985 and the second was last written in at the start of 2002. And now I blog daily about little bits and pieces of life.

My diary is filled with crushes, school dances, bad grades, angst, hate towards my parents, passion, dreams, favorite quotes, and even lyrics (none of my own).

I've not laughed so much at myself... and gained such insight into the trials of puberty... and I hope I can hang on to these diaries and the, dare I say, wisdom contained within so that I am better prepared to understand my daughter when she hates me, when she is obsessed with love and dating and hooking up, when she is fighting with her very best friend.

Jeff never journaled. So I guess we're just SOL on insight when it comes to Zach. Poor boy.