Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Don't Be A Hater

This is a subject I haven't been wanting to write about.

But then I read Shell's post today. And I'm taking the pledge.

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I've really avoided most of the blog wars that go on. I tend to be pretty unaware of blog battles. I might catch wind of it via Twitter or something but I tend to not jump into the fray- mostly because I'm unaware of the situation.

My own situation isn't exactly about blogging.

I shared just yesterday about some experience I have with online communities- forums. There's one that I'm part of that is for local moms. From that community, I have haters. Some read my blog, one has left vitriolic comments on a few occassions that have caused me to turn comment moderation on and off and on and off. These women have led a campaign directly poking fun at me on Facebook. I've been the topic of conversation at gatherings- and never in a positive light.

I hesitate to bring it up because I don't want to poke a stick into it all.

Bottom line is that they don't like me. At all.

Honestly, I'm fine with that. There are people I don't understand out there. There are people that I don't agree with. There are people I don't like.

But I don't go after them or people connected to them. I don't spend time and energy putting negativity into the world in relation to them.

The funny thing is that on this online forum, I often agree with members of this group. And I post my similar opinion. In this online forum, happy faces are put on. In this online forum, some may just ignore me.

I'd prefer that. Because now I'm hearing that people in this group may be negatively impacted because they don't jump on the hate-wagon. And I'm never fond of my friends being hurt by others.

Here's what I see in this pledge. I see a chance for women (all bloggers, really) to stand together and say that it isn't ok to be cruel and hateful and mean. That it isn't ok to sit at a keyboard and be ugly and intend to cause harm. I see an opportunity to pledge to support, defend, and help others.

There will always be people in the world who don't like you or who don't like themselves or who are living with emptiness inside them. I've always thought that the important thing is to take the "high road" and not engage those people when they try to tear you down. And I think that is still best. While there is always a temptation to lash back, all that does is continue the hurt and negativity.

Funny how timing works because this all relates so well to what I posted yesterday about meekness. When someone disagrees with me, be tender without surrender.

To modify a quote from that post:

I will permit no Mommy/Blogger to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate them. -Booker T. Washington

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17 comments:

Ash@Life As Lucy said...

I've been a victim of cyber-bullying AND AS AN ADULT!! It's quite ridiculous to me the lengths that people can go to to hurt another. In my case, these girls took a picture of me with my husband, blurred his face out and then made a FB page saying the most hurtful things in the world. I just don't get how grown women can be so bitchy and cruel. I'm glad you are taking the pledge too =]

Rachel said...

Heavens! How could anyone not like YOU? I don't understand it. I don't know much of what goes on in the cyberbully world, but my good friend writes a blog on infertility and adoption and has had some downright cruel comments about adoption. It's horrible. I *heart* you! :)

Eternal Lizdom said...

Ash, nice to meet you! Thanks for sharing your story. Heading over to check you out now.

Rachel, thanks. I *heart* you, too! Truly glad we got to meet at that Statehouse event.

C. Beth said...

I'm so sorry you've been bullied. That STINKS. That's a great pledge to take!

Jen said...

Thanks for this, Liz. I have been experiencing this with colleagues and even my boss. Thanks for the encouraging words!

I also love you. I love how open you are. It takes twice the person to speak the truth than to judge others. You just keep on keeping on!!

Eternal Lizdom said...

Beth, Jen- thanks for your support. I'm surprised at how much anxiety I have over this post. I want the haters to not be a big deal to me... but I do have anxiety that one might pop up and leave a nasty comment. So words of support are much appreciated!

Flartus said...

Ugh, sounds like high school. Why the hail do people find it so necessary to spread their hate far and wide? (two words: internet anonymity.)

My response is the same as yours...walk away, disconnect, disengage. And, sadly, keep your eyes/ears peeled for early signs of hostility.

(And, relating to your earlier post, I just have to share...I've been having a tough time the last couple of weeks with various stressors at work, our HOA board, life in general. This morning I woke up and was lying in bed dreading the day, when I suddenly found myself praying to God to "help me see the love."

Liz, you know I don't talk much about faith, and I am not a pray-er...but I must have felt I needed His help to change my focus from the anger in my life; the words just popped into my head. It felt good to know that there was some natural response in me to turn to God when the chips are down.

Anyway, I thought you'd appreciate that story. Maybe I can inspire you for a change!)

Eternal Lizdom said...

Flartus, if you ever want to talk more about faith and spirituality, my inbox is open. Or we could even talk- I'd happily share my phone number with you. You've definitely warmed my heart this morning... I'm going to pray WITH you, pray that you find wisdom and guidance and calm and love.

Shannon said...

Liz, you and I are on the same page with this one. I completely agree with you and respect your outlook and openness. Typed words are hurtful too, I won't ever jump on a bashing bandwagon. I've always got your back with kindness. -Shannon

Shell said...

I never understand wher ethe hate comes from. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but so impressed at you taking the high road!

Mickey said...

How can anyone not like you? I think you are fabulous and love your ability to entertain and encourage those around you. Thank you for being you.

Garret of Jim and Garret said...

(waving pitch forks and torches) Get her!

C.Mom said...

yes, yes, and yes! I was bullied by a blogger last summer...and in the end, my choices were to fight or withdraw. And I decided that the best use of my time was to withdraw...dealing with the negative energy her attacks created was a nightmare and so putting an end to it, though I felt like I was sacrificing, helped me realize what was really important!

Jason, as himself said...

I so do not understand what they could possibly have to make fun of about you.

I think that cyberbullies need to get themselves a life! Seriously, they clearly don't have enough to do.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It just isn't right. I'll never understand why people have to be so mean.

Katina said...

Love the quote! Thank you so much for bringing this up. Can you imagine how teenagers must feel when this is done to them? I am so with you! Our very small town has had a least 1 child commit suicide from this one high school every year for the last 4 years. Last year it was a 15 year old girl who hung herself because of cyber bullying! It is important and it needs to stop.

Seth M. Ward said...

You're always gonna have haters out there. This world had enough Jerry Springer wanna be's in it to keep his show on until the world comes to an end......which maybe shortly.....Keep doing what you're doing and don't sweat those TPT's They might not be in a trailer, but that's only because they went to college for one semester to latch on to a bread winner.

Mrs4444 said...

The pledge fits with my Lenten "resolution," which I arrived at tonight--I'm giving up negative comments. It's not going to be easy, honestly; while I'm generally a positive person, these days, it's been tough.

Obviously, those women don't know you a bit. They don't know who they're missing!