Love We Don't Deserve

I very much believe in God's grace.  And I very much like the short definition of - unending love that we don't deserve.

Today, I am relying heavily on God's grace.

Because all around me... there is pain.  I have friends and family who are going through things.

There's anger and resentment and confusion and sadness and depression.  There's self-hatred and self-pity and self-righteousness.  There are people causing hurt.  People saying mean things.  People being hurt, damaged, led astray.

There is death.  And mourning.

There's damage to families and stability.

These situations aren't mine to share and air.  But I am connected to them.  These are hard things happening to people I love.

And sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.  And then I feel guilty because I'm not the one going through it.  And then I feel silly for feeling guilty for not having troubles.  And then I worry that being free of Big Troubles opens me up to be attacked by Big Troubles.

And then I stop.  I take a breath.

And I remember God's grace.  I remember that there is unending love.  In the midst of pain and hardship and tragedy that has no explanation... there is God's love.  There are people who fiercely believe in that grace and who live to love others.

Sometimes, love and grace are the hardest to choose.  Sometimes, the problems we face feel insurmountable and impossible and devastating and completely unfair.

And sometimes they truly are.

But grace continues.  Love continues.

And when there is nothing else to hold onto... that is what I reach for.