Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My Kids Have 2 Mommies

My baby fell. My baby got hurt. And I'm going to whine about it. We arrive at Lisa's. The kids are bundled up in their warm coats. We go in the kitchen (hard floor). Teagan is asking me to tell Lisa some details about our plan for dinner (she's going to make great choices all day so that we can have cinnamon rolls for dinner). Suddenly, Zach takes a step, his foot flies out from under him, and he lands face first, mouth first, on the hard floor. He starts the big sucking in air cry... I'm waiting for the scream, I'm holding him to my shoulder, against my coat, trying to calm him down. First glance, as I picked him up, was that he was fine. But he picked his head up from my shoulder and Lisa reacts and I look- blood. And it sure seemed like a lot. Coming out of the corner of his mouth, soaking into my coat. Lisa goes to grab napkins, I ask for ice. Start cleaning him up, trying to still calm him and also assess where the injury is. He enjoys sucking on ice and I can see that his upper lip is swelling and turning purple-blue on the bottom/inside. And here is where my heart breaks. I am on the floor with him, Lisa is standing over us. I am holding him and holding his ice and so on. And he reaches for her. She picks him up, he puts his head on her shoulder, calms down. She puts him back down. And I hold it all in. Because it is good that he has 2 people he can count on and turn to and who love him and take care of him. Because I am relieved that he truly loves Lisa and feels comforted by her. But... I don't even have to type any words. Any working mom who has had her babies in daycare knows what I am saying. Understands. Has had their own heart break and sing and weep and laugh at the same time. My baby got hurt today. And I am not there to be with him, to choose soft and cold foods for him, to help him drink from a cup, and to offer medication as needed. I am not there with his blankie, my breast, his mommy comfort. He has someone who will comfort him, feed him, hold him. And I am here, at work, in my office, trying to hold it all in.

4 comments:

Mommy2QTPies said...

I was crying reading your post Liz. That's why I can't work! lol. It broke my heart reading your post... As hard as it was to see him reach for her, I am sure that made you glad that he indeed feels safe in her care. ((HUGS!)) to you! :)

Liz said...

Thanks for the support... I was telling a close Mommy friend at work about it (shout out to Tifa!!) and she almost cried, too. And it was hard to say the words out loud without crying. I couldn't even give those details to my closest friend and carpooler (shout out to C3) right after it happened. This is exactly the kind of event that makes me wish more and more that I didn't have to be here I am right now.

Mim said...

Liz, you got me teary too, my heart aches for you *hugs*

Alix said...

We moms have all been there, Liz, and sometimes it quite literally snaps us in half. To have to wave goodbye to a chid - our child - who needs us because the clock is ticking and the job awaits? The guilt can feel unbearable, but it will pass. Paychecks are important. Bloody lips are too, but they heal more quickly than a missed mortgage payment. Try to take it in stride my friend. Chin up and keep the blog goodness coming!