Thursday, May 13, 2010
Jealousy. I think that every one has experienced jealousy- and most likely on both sides of the fence. We've all been jealous of someone or something else and been the object of someone else's jealousy. Jealousy: "feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages" A few months back, I told someone I was jealous of them but based on that definition, I don't think I used the right word. See, when I find that I am feeling jealous, I'm not resentful of that person. I don't resent their success. So what's the word I should be using? I'm proud of that person and wishing, hopeful that I can achieve that success or have what they have or feel what they feel. But there are definitely people who feel jealousy in the truest definition of the word and it can come out in ugly and petty ways. Here's what I don't understand... I get that everyone is different. It's like the world of Pooh. Some people are Rabbit- hard working, focused on work, matter of fact. Some people are like Tigger- bouncy, peppy, and full of constant energy. Some people are like Eeyore- taking more of the hard knocks of life but continuing to trudge forward. We all have different qualities that make us special and unique and wonderful. And we all have things that annoy us about other people. And sometimes, that annoyance is really jealousy. Sometimes, the things we see in other people are things that we wish we had. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Feelings are feelings. We feel jealous, we feel resentful, we feel annoyed, we feel joy, we feel bliss, we feel a lot of things. The part where I get confused is when people choose to take that annoyance, that jealousy, that resentment and use it to hurt someone else. There are often unintended consequences when someone chooses to try to hurt someone else. Personally, I don't really get my feelings hurt easily. I'm pretty good with keeping perspective and having a thick skin and all that jazz. Because I know who I am and I know my purpose. Sometimes, there might be someone who has an annoyance with me and how openly I live my life and how honest and out there I am. And they might want to sling some arrows my way. What they don't realize, what they don't think about... is that when you sling an arrow, you don't always know who you are going to hit. True jealousy- when it is based on resentment- can blind common sense and lead to some pretty poor choices. If I've ever expressed jealousy of you, please know that I sincerely did not mean it with any resentment or ugliness. To me, jealousy can be a form of flattery. I've been fortunate enough that when friends have expressed jealousy of me, it's been from a positive place and not meant with any venom. And to anyone who feels the need to fill the space around them- be it in real life or online- with negativity, sarcasm, insults, cruel teasing, bullying, and other negative choices that stem from resentment, jealousy, low self esteem, lack of confidence, and who knows what else... well, honestly, I pray for you. I pray for you to find joy, peace, contentment, happiness within your own life so that you can overwhelm and inspire others without causing pain. I pray that you someday know how it feels to honestly be so happy that it just spills out of you and seeps into the lives of others. I pray that you someday find your truly authentic and beautiful self and that you understand and live your life's purpose. And when that day comes... I bet I'll be my own version of jealous of you.