Saturday, December 11, 2010
Sunshine Breaking Through Clouds
Yesterday, I was a little stressed. Today, I woke up determined that it would all be better. Sometimes, life is really determined to test your commitment to faith and hope and optimism. Today started out just fine. I had a great plan. Get up, put on running clothes, take my car to the oil change place, run (literally) home, run (literally) back to get it, come home, shower, pack up the family, drive to Ohio and spend the day with my parents, my brother, my grandparents, and my aunts. Got up, got running clothes on, took the car to the shop. I was the first one there so he said it would just be 30 minutes. There is a nice little neighborhood there so I opted to just go do 2 miles and come back. My 2 miles took almost exactly 30 minutes- I timed and mapped it perfectly. Walk back in to the shop... I need $300+ in repairs. My tire rod. It's a ball and socket and one of mine is very loose and worn down. It's a safety repair- not fixing it is dangerous. The ball and socket will separate and when that happens, I will have no control over the vehicle. They have to replace both sides and do alignment stuff, too. Yesterday, I felt a little stressed about money. At that moment in that shop... I had tunnel vision and feared a panic attack. I called Jeff and we figured out a way to make it all work. I go back in the shop and give them the green light and start walking/jogging home. Remember yesterday's post about running being therapeutic? I definitely needed that time to work through some crap! I cried. And when I thought I was done, I'd start to jog and then I'd cry more. I'm glad it was early in the morning so no one was witness to my mini-breakdown. I got home and called my mom. The other cloud from the repair shop is that it would take 3 hours to fix the car. I'd wanted to leave by 9... the car wouldn't be ready until 11 or later. The big meal at my mom's is set for 1:00. It takes 2 hours to get there and we never leave on time. So... the trip was starting to get fuzzy. I called home and it turns out that my aunt and uncle from Kentucky had to cancel due to illness. My mom has a nasty head cold and is avoiding everyone. My mom advised that we not come. I was already having an emotional morning and the idea of having to tell my kids that we weren't going to Grandma's was a knife through my heart. I dreaded it. I talked with Jeff and we came up with a plan. I'm so glad I have him for my partner. I talked to the kids- Grandma is sick, Aunt Martha and Uncle Jesse are sick. We aren't going. But we're going to go to Conner Prairie and see the gingerbread houses! We're going to go caroling with a group from church! The kids were excited about the new plan- thank heavens! And I started to really focus on the silver lining of the past 24 hours. And when I started to really look for the optimism, the sunshine started to really break through! I'm healthy. I was out running today. I have a husband who supports my running. I got my car into a repair shop that I trust before a bad breakdown happened that would have caused a wreck that would have most likely hurt someone badly. I got to come home. Home where my healthy husband is and my healthy and happy kids are. Home where the bills are paid- so I don't have to worry about paying the mortgage, the heat, the electricity, or even the niceties like cable and internet. I get to take my kids to Conner Prairie and we have a membership so there is no out of pocket expense. I get to take my family caroling at a senior center with a group from church. I'm at peace with the curveballs that came my way this morning. It was tough and emotional and my head was a mess. But through running, walking, talking, and guidance through my faith... It turns out that it's a great day. Now, my tears are of joy, gratitude, and relief. Tears of thankfulness for how good my life is and continues to be. The sunshine broke through the clouds. Forget the silver lining- I'm moving to full on sunshine!