Friday, December 10, 2010
Temps here in central Indiana have been frigidly cold. When I wake up, it's 9 degrees outside. There is a little bit of snow on the ground. That temp hasn't made it much above the teens all week. The forecast for today was sunny and in the upper 30's! I was eager for the day because I knew I was going to get outside and run and the day was going to be gorgeous. There was a little stress bump in my morning. It apparently had a bigger impact on me than I thought it did because it ended up impacting my run. My run wasn't great. My mojo was lacking. The weather was great. There wasn't anything wrong with me. I just... didn't want to run. I was pretty down about it when I got done. I was stewing in my head about running- kinda beating myself up pretty good. Excuses in my head about my size, my weight and the impact that has on my running. Negative thoughts about why I bother to run anyway... or why I call it running when I do so much walking while I'm out there. I showered and continued stewing while I showered. And I had a light bulb moment when I was getting dressed. I was fully aware that I wasn't being fair or kind to myself and that I was being unreasonably cranky. I have had some great runs when I'm stressed. It struck me today that there is a unique relationship between running and its therapeutic aspects. Running is similar to blogging and to therapy and to so many other things in this aspect. Sometimes, I run when I know I'm stressed. And I have a great run. And while I'm running, the stress works out. I come up with ideas in my head and I problem solve or I just separate from it enough that it isn't such a big problem anymore. By the end of the run, I've had a better run than I thought was going to have and I'm feeling better than I did when I started. Those are great runs. Sometimes, I run when I don't realize that I'm stressed. When I'm internalizing that stress and not at a point where I can work it out and then try to go out and run... the stress impacts my run in a negative way. Like it did today. The good news is that I went a little further today than I usually do. I added 1/2 mile to my regular Friday distance. The good news is that I got out there and did it. The good news is that my stress is really just a matter of perspective and it really isn't a huge thing- just something I need to work through and figure out. The good news is that I'm going to lace up and run again soon.
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