Wednesday, March 31, 2010

When My Friends Are Hurting

Generally speaking, I'm not terribly quick to anger. I mean, I have a temper, sure. And I work on being more patient and such. And I am known to get frustrated with things. All feelings that pretty much just come and go. But to really get me angry... it doesn't happen all that often. But lately, there has been a new trend crossing my path. And I'm angry. Friends often have bad things happen in their lives- it happens to all of us. Life is about the ups and downs. A death in the family, the loss of a child, a tragic injury from a car accident, the loss of a home to a fire, losing a job, and so on. And I certainly hurt for my friends when they are hurting. But the anger thing... see, that one happens a lot more rarely. I get angry when another person goes out of their way to cause hurt to one of my friends. I get frustrated because it isn't my battle to fight. As much as I would like to simply issue a challenge for the mean person to meet me in the parking lot at 3:00 so I can kick their ass... well, it just isn't my place. And that is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. I have at least 3 friends who are hurting right now because of the actions or words of others. A blog friend from whom I gain much strength and inspiration, an internet friend who became a real life friend who offers so much support, understanding and humor, and a real life friend who is always there for me and can lift me out of a troubled spot anytime. Important people who don't deserve the hurt being heaped on them lately. If it was just bad crap happening, I would be far more understanding. Crap happens. All the time. To good people and bad people. Crap has no limits when it comes to age or sex or faith or anything else. Bad stuff simply happens and we have to deal with it. But when bad stuff happens at the very purposeful choosing of another person... another person who has, themselves, experienced their own rounds of crappiness in life, who knows what it feels like to hurt or be picked on or be betrayed... but who seems to forget that their actions, their words, their choices have ramifications that they have some sort of overall responsibility for... It just sucks. And I get angry. The anger becomes frustration at my lack of being able to do something or fix something. And then I pray. And then I focus on what I can do. I can be here to listen. I can offer advice or soothing words or simply a shoulder to cry on. I can be the rock that my friend needs at that moment. I can take some of that hurt, perhaps, and absorb it. Either way, I hope that those friends of mine who have been deeply hurt by the actions of people they respected, people they loved, people they thought they knew... I hope they know that I won't hurt them that way, that I am here to support them and love them through the hurts, and that I can get angry with them and also help to soothe that anger. Because that's what friends are really for. A friend can't be defined by the hurt they cause. A friend is defined by the love and blessings they bring into our lives. I have many friends who bring much love and many blessings into my life. I hope that I am able to give that love back to them tenfold in these times when someone else is being a shithead. And for those people who DO hurt my friends... feel free to let me know and I will make arrangements to meet you in the parking lot after work... just stand right in the middle so I don't miss you when I drive in.

I'm adding this to Shell's weekly carnival- Pour Your Heart Out. Photobucket

15 comments:

Kerri said...

This is wonderful. You sound like an amazing friend. I always wonder if I'm being a "good" friend. It sucks when a friend is hurting and nothing you can do can really change it except waiting for them to emerge from it and cheering them on.

gamommy2two said...

Amen girl! I can't stand when my loved ones are hurting and there's nothing I can do about it. IT SUCKS!

Shell said...

You sound like a wonderful friend.

I get protective, too. It's like I can let the meanness towards me roll off of me or have a good cry and move on.

But, if you mess with my friends, it's ON!

Life Without Pink said...

Awe it really stinks when someone is hurting and you can't do anything. You should like such a great, supportive friend and they are lucky to have you in their lives!

The Professional Family Manager said...

I am very protective of my friends. When people hurt me, I'm more apt to keep my mouth shut and ignore it (and fume about it inside, sometimes for days, mostly with anger at myself for not sticking up for myself). However, you mess with one of my friends...now, that's a different story.

When you have someone in your life who is such a blessing and gives so much get trampled on my another, you want to protect that wonderful person. You want to right the wrong. And, yes, you want to kick that person's heinie.

You're much better than I am. I am not so patient. Rather than pray, I have told a few people that I didn't consider their treatment of another to be kind. Besides the fact that I didn't think the people should be allowed to get away with it, I felt the action revealed their true character, and I knew it was a matter of time before they treated me or another that way again. Fortunately, I've only had to face this twice in my life, and the offenses in both case were really, really over-the-top, so it made my choice easy. But, still, it wasn't my battle to fight...or was it?

This is a touch situation to be in. And three friends at once?!?! That's really, really sad.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

Came over from Shell's blog...

You sound like a really amazing friend. *HUGS*

Tiffany said...

You sound like the kind of friend that we all need on our side. Not just because you're willing to fight for us, but because you genuinely care. Your friends should be proud to know you.
Stopping in from Shell's today.

Joanie M said...

I don't think I want to get on the wrong side of you, but I sure would love to have you in my corner!

Amanda said...

I'm the same way!!!! UGH! One thing that took a lot for me to do is pray for the mean person. I have found that people who piss not only me off but the people I love off, if I pray for them to gain a heart and hope that whatever it that makes them mean is worked out within them I feel better.

Don't get me wrong IT'S THE HARDEST thing to do, but I promise you feel so much better. I tend to have a lot of people do things to me and hurt me, maybe because I love too easily, and instead of hating lately I've been trying to pray for them.

Karen said...

It's so hard to see my friends hurting, especially when there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, sure I can listen or give marginal advice or whatever, but there are times when I just want to go pound someone's skull.

singedwingangel said...

Hopped over from Shelle's place and all I cna say is AMen and I have a place to hide the bodies he hehe

Tammy said...

Why do people have to be this way? Do they get out of bed every morning trying to figure out how they are going to hurt today? I am the same way and want to protect my friends. You go girl! I will be at the other end of the parking lot with my car...can you say bug sandwich?

Mocha Dad said...

I also hate it when people intentionally hurt others. I can't understand the motivation behind such behavior.

Lori D said...

I read this earlier at a time when I reaaaaallly needed to hear that my friends had my back. I can't tell you how much I appreciate friends like you, and how uplifted my soul is knowing you're in my life...if even in a small way.

Lord bless you!

CaJoh said...

So glad to know that there are people like you who can be a good friend no matter what the situation. I don't know how many times I see people avoid others because they know that they'll be called upon to help and are either too embarrassed or unwilling to assist.

Thank you for sharing,