The Big Secret

If you've been reading along, you've read about my schedule, activities, philosophies, and some of the practicalities that make life happen. I bet Jessica never expected such a long answer! It isn't a perfect life- no one has such a thing. We are perfect in our imperfections. Keep that in mind as I share this Big Secret, ok? I asked the other day if anyone had a guesses as to what my Big Secret was... I got some VERY creative answers on my Facebook Fan Page! Caffeine, Insanity (can't disagree with either). I'm a robot and there is actually 10 of me (I wish!). I'm a time traveler (can't stop thinking of Dr Who now). There were 2 things that are true- just not Big Secrets. Linda said that I know it can't ALL be done so I prioritize and do my best. I agree- that goes under Philosophy and my understanding that I'm not perfect. Kari suggested that I "ask for help." I do know my limits and I do know when to say No and when to reach out. But none of those were exactly right... scbride came closest... my guess...you have a cleaning lady clean your house every two weeks? if not, that is my big secret, but it's not really a secret. i tell all working moms this tip. I don't have a cleaning lady or service. The main reason that I don't have a cleaning service is that I don't want to pay money out for it. We all have different priorities in regards to money and how we spend and what is important to spend on. Other people want to spend money a cleaning service? Fine by me! It just isn't in my own budget. But there is more to the story. I don't want a cleaning service coming into my house because... I'd be too embarassed. Because my Big Secret is... I don't clean my house. I don't mean it NEVER gets cleaned up. But I don't spend any time during the week mopping or vacuuming unless necessary. I don't spend Saturday scrubbing bathrooms and straightening up bedrooms. I don't do dishes every day. I don't dust or polish. I don't strip and change sheets every week. Our house is cluttery. Our bedroom is chaoticly messy. The kids' bedrooms are manageably messy. My basement is a lost cause. My garage is a lost cause. (Those are Jeff's areas, though). My house isn't filthy. We take out trash, we do laundry and wear clean clothes. We do dishes regularly (just not every single day) but usually have a dirty dish or pan in the sink when we go to bed. My ottoman is covered with clutter. The toys in the living room aren't organized or straightened up or in any sort of order. I don't make my kids clean up every mess they make- because I don't clean up every mess I make. Strangers or recently made friends couldn't just stop by without me being embarassed, in all honesty. Yes, I would like to live in a neat and tidy home. But I'm not willing to make it a priority at this time in our lives. I'm not willing to put in the time every week to maintain it. I do get things done in spurts from time to time. Just never all at once and always as a big project instead of a maintenance thing. So that's the Big Secret. My dirty, cluttered house. Eventually, toys will clear out. Eventually, the house will be more visitor friendly. But with a 5 year old, a 2 year old, a husband, a dog, and me... and working full time, and heading up a children's choir, and getting healthier, and training to run a 5K, and singing on Music Team, and spending time with my kids, and spending time with my husband, and spending time with my friends, and finding a few minutes to read a few pages of a book and sitting down to blog or connect with others online... Something has to give. And when it comes to priorities, house cleaning just isn't on the list. So it is something I can leave unattended to and it's ok. Yes, there are times it is overwhelming and too much- and that is when things get cleaned and time & energy are spent on getting things back under control. Yes, there are times that I would be embarassed to have someone pop over for a surprise visit. But you know what else? My kids aren't afraid to make messes. My kids get plenty of my time and attention. I can focus on getting healthy and strong. I get to spend quality time with my husband every day. And for the friends who know me and love me for all my faults- my home is a place you can show up in any state, any condition, with any needs... and you will be welcomed with open arms and offered food and drink and a place to stay if you need it. Just move the piles of clean clothes onto the rocking chair so you can get on the bed.

Life of Lizdom: Practicality

Here it is- part 4 of the 5 part series on "how I do it all!" Ha! I've discussed our weekly schedule, our list of activities, my philosophies. Today, I'm going to share some of the practical things we do that help it all get done. Routine When I say routine, I don't mean that we have a checklist of activities to get us to a certain point. I don't mean that the clock dictates our lives. I know that works for some families. I'm also not at the end of the spectrum. While we did raise our babies in a "baby led" way, I don't believe that it would work for our family to continuously follow the demands of our kids. My kids don't get to set their own bedtime or choose to eat breakfast or 2 a.m. What I mean by routine is that we do set our schedules so that we are home in the evenings. For the most part, we don't make evening plans or commitments that will keep our kids out and about well past midnight. We will have special occassion evenings. Teagan, being older, does stay up later once a week to join me at Music Team. But we've turned down invitations for various gatherings and such because it would keep our kids up too late. If they don't get at least 10 hours of sleep each night, the next day will be a cranky one! We also do the best we can to maintain daycare's schedule at home. Naptime is naptime. We eat our meals around the same time each day. For our family, having that consistency is really important. Partnership This is a big one. I don't do any of this alone. My number one partner is Jeff. He does laundry. We take turns doing dishes. He handles a lot of the transportation to and from school and daycare. He is committed to this family. He is here and present with us and he takes his role in our family very seriously. He disciplines the kids. He does bath times and bedtimes and breakfast times and so on. He takes Teagan on dates- out for ice cream or to the comic book shop. He takes Zach out for an afternoon- to visit Pop Pop or go to Fry's (electronics store). He works full time and overtime. He has his own interests and hobbies and friends. He's perfectly content to sit at home and hang out with me every night. I like his friends and his friends like me. It doesn't mean that everything is perfect all the time. It doesn't mean that I couldn't do this job on my own if I had to. But it does mean that I have a partner. I have someone I can lean on, talk to, count on, depend on, and trust. The Mom Binder This is a new addition to my life and I'm loving it. I picked up a lsnazzy laptop bag on clearance at Target and can now carry my Mom Binder, my church music binder, and my purse stuff at once. My binder keeps my paperwork and notes close by and organized. I can keep track of bills and invoices and blog ideas and activities and sign ups and party invitations and so on. Uhhh... Huh. I don't know what to call this. My lack of fashion sense or desire to have one. I like basic pieces that I can wear week after week for a long time. I'm not one to shop often or even regularly. Sometimes, I wish I had a more feminine wardrobe and style. But then I get back to realizing how much easier life is when I can throw my clothes together with the kids' clothes and Jeff's clothes... everything can be washed in cold and thrown into the dryer. Nothing is dry cleaned or ironed. Simple, basic, wash and go. Same for my hair. Wash and go. Make up- I don't wear any. I don't have beauty routines. From what I observe in others, I think I save a lot of time because I'm not taking 20 minutes to get dressed and 15 minutes to do my hair and 15 minutes to put on make up. I'm saving time because I'm not dropping clothes off at the dry cleaner or picking things up or ironing. *** None of this is stuff I'm advocating as must-do for any other family or mom or woman. This is what works for us, for our family. Coming soon... The Big Secret (feel free to give a guess!!)!

Life of Lizdom: Philosophy

I've shared the day to day schedule and the list of activities that I'm involved in. I didn't want to leave the question completely unanswered... How do I do it all? I've got 3 parts left to the series. Today, the philosophies that drive me. Later, the practicalities that make it all work. And, finally, the Big Secret. *** 1. Perspective. I am not perfect. Hard to believe, I know. But I fully accept that I cannot do everything, I will make mistakes, I will run out of time, I will have to compromise. No one is perfect and my imperfections make me who I am. I do not try to be perfect, I do not try to believe I am perfect, I do not even believe that perfection is attainable! I do the best I can with what I have. I make the best choices I can with what I know. You did the best you could. When you knew better, you did better. ~Maya Angelou 2. Focus. I am a total multi tasker. I am often jumping from one task to the next. But whatever I am doing, I focus on it. If I'm writing an e-mail, I focus on that e-mail. I don't write that e-mail while thinking about the conference call coming up or the list of things I need to get done for Teagan's birthday party or the upcoming launch of the children's choir or.... I'd never actually complete anything if I let my mind run things. My focus may be brief, but I stay in tune with what is in front of me right now. Every life lies within the present. The past is spent and done. The future is uncertain. ~Marcus Aurelius 3. Faith. When I'm overwhelmed, when doubt creeps in, when I'm uncertain... I pray. When I accomplish something, when I succeed, when I manage to make things happen... I pray. I give thanks, I ask for help, I seek guidance. My faith lifts me up, guides me, comforts me, strengthens me. When I'm stressed, I can sing praise songs and find calm. My faith is my foundation. Frequently remind yourself that God is with you, that He will never fail you, that you can count upon him. Say these words, "God is with me, helping me." ~ Norman Vincent Peale 4. Humor. Mistakes are funny. Stress is funny. Really and truly... I can find humor in most situations. And when the situation isn't funny, my sense of humor still gets me through. There is nothing as stress relieving as a good laugh. What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~ Yiddish Proverb

5. Love. Last but not least, love drives me. It ties in with my faith. I believe that God is love. I believe that my purpose is to love the way that God loves me. I believe that when I act from a base of love, life is just better. I love myself, my family, my friends, my life. 1 Corinthians 13 1 If I speak in the languages of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The Life of Lizdom - Part 2

First of all, I want to say that I do not by any means think that I am a super busy mom. I can see how it comes across that way. I don't generally feel overwhelmed by commitments or involvements. I do say no and I do have priorities. I know other moms that I am in awe of because they are constantly on the go, go, go and I haven't a clue how they keep up with all of it!

Just how involved am I, really?

The Activities

Jessica specifically asked about the list of things that I am involved in, too. blogging, IMLM, FB, Church, Fulltime job, parenting, being a wife, exercising, reading books Blog I usually write my blog entry the evening before it posts. Sometimes, I do work on them at work- while on a conference call that doesn’t require as much attention on my part, for example, or while waiting for a report to run or something. I also am able to hop out and read and comment on other blogs during the day. I am a major multi tasker and have15 windows open in my taskbar as I type this at my desk on Tuesday midday. I pop back and forth from one thing to the next. MomsLikeMe I am a Discussion Leader for MLM. This means I have to start 4 topics, reply to 5, and help keep topics on track, keep an eye on heated discussions, etc. I know I spend a good amount of time on the site but I don’t feel like it takes up my time. I spend about 10 minutes each morning doing the “Getting to know you” posts for that day’s 3 users. When I have a few minutes to pop in, I look on the main page and open in tabs the topics that look interesting. Then I go read through my tabs, commenting where I want/need to or doing my “Discussion Leader” thang and guiding the conversation back on track or whatever. I tend to always have something to say so starting conversations is just a natural kind of flow for me. I also get online while watching TV and hanging out with Jeff after the kids go to bed. Even if I wasn't a DL, I would be on the site as much as I am already. Facebook Another pop in and out thing. I jump on, read some news feed, check my profile, check my fan page and pop back off. I try to “like” things and comment on things so that I stay connected. Job It is what it is. It takes the time it takes and that’s that. I work 8-5, M-F. Parenting It’s the most important job I do. With blogging and being on MLM and FB, I can actually keep my focus pretty solidly on parenting because all of those connections with other moms keeps me connected to my role as a mom. And my brain is constantly churning over ideas about things to do and potential solutions to problems and what’s coming up next for the family and so on. I think it is really important that the time I spend away from my kids is focused on doing for my kids (I work so that my kids have a more financially stable and comfortable home, for example) and that the time I spend with my kids is focused on the family unit or fun time with family activities or whatever. Being a wife I feel like I want input from Jeff on this one! Like a performance review. Honey? Any input? About a year ago, as something for the blog or the Love Dare, I asked Jeff about what he would change in our marriage. It was a huge wake up call. The good news was that he didn’t have an immediate answer and he didn’t have a lot of answers. But what he said was very important. He wanted to feel like he was a priority. I wrote about it on my Love Dare blog in a bit more detail. But the takeaway from it was important and it’s something we continue to talk about. He was feeling like the kids drove everything that we did and he didn’t like that. So we make sure that we stand up for each other and we place each other’s wants and needs ahead of the kids from time to time. We have common interests at home- watching TV and movies and being on the computer. Jeff is enjoying my new discovery of sci-fi. We are considering some together activities like podcasting. We have separate interests and we have together interests. Sometimes, we just have to touch base and make sure the other person isn’t feeling pushed aside or overwhelmed. He’s my best friend, he’s the person I spend the most time with, he’s the man I love with my heart, soul, mind and body. I want the choices I make in how I treat him to reflect how I feel. Also… not to get too personal… but sex at least once a week and the very occasional date night (thanks to our most awesomest babysitter, Christy) where we really splurge… really helps, too. Exercising I can tell you what is working for me right now. I workout at lunch 4 days a week to the best of my ability (sometimes work interferes). On days where I have conference calls, I sometimes take full advantage of my door that closes and the mute button on my phone and I get up and march and lunge and squat during the call. For my non-gym days, especially with the weather getting nicer, I try to make exercise more about just moving more. 15 minutes of walking with the kids… 15 minutes on the Wii… 15 minutes of whatever. Right now, my exercise plan consists of the Couch to 5K program (3 times per week), Boot Camp at Fiziques (2x per week), and at home stuff otherwise. Reading books Ready for this one? I read on the toilet. I keep whatever book I am reading in the bathroom and I read a page or 2 every time I go to the bathroom. Heck, sometimes, I’ll go and lock myself in the bathroom and read a few pages just to get away. And when I get really into a book, I’ll read while sitting on the couch when the kids are playing. And if I’m really into that book, I start to carry it around in my purse and will read a page or 2 whenever I have a couple of minutes of waiting time. I used to tear through a book in a day or 2 and now it does take a few weeks instead. Church I am on Music Team (Thursday evening, Sunday morning), Pastoral and Staff Support Team (maybe a once a month time commitment for meetings, the making sure my pastors feel appreciated is, I hope, just part of who I am), and will soon also be involved in a Finance Communications Team, leading a new Children and Youth Choir, and I’m working on a proposal to do a blogging project on the church’s website that would highlight members and all that they do for the church and for the community. FitCity This is a newer venture but it falls kind of under my blogging category. However, it is a different kind of writing and I do take more time and effort into “proper” writing and editing. I’m always thinking up ideas that would be good FitCity posts and I have a file of Word docs of in process ideas. I also go out to the FitCity website and visit the mom blog a few times a week so I can comment on the posts by the other mom bloggers- like my friend, Amy (The Fourth Frog). Also, every other Tuesday or so, there is a FitCity Twitter chat and I have to tell you- they’ve been life changing. Totally didn’t expect that. But each Twitter chat I’ve attended (only 2 so far) has really left something with me. The first was about exercise (60 minutes total each day and you can break it down to 15 minute chunks). The second about nutrition (What you put in is what you get out. If you fuel with junk or empty foods, you get empty results.) Room Mom (and board member) for Little Explorers OK- not quite fair to put the board member thing out there because we’ve yet to have a board meeting. But I’m ready for it when it comes! And as a co-room mom, I’ve only been called on twice to do a classroom party. Thus far, it hasn’t been much of a stress. I enjoy the time in Teagan's class and being part of her school experience.

Upcoming...

Teagan has asked to play soccer. I think I found a good program at our local Y that will be non-competitive (focus on skills, team work, etc). That will take up either an evening or Saturday morning each week starting in April.

Zach has been wearing underwear- with no accidents- for almost a week now. I'm scared to declare him potty trained because I don't want to jinx it. But I imagine it won't be too much longer before he will start having activities and playdates and interests of his own that will also get added in to our schedule.

I also find time to talk to my mom and brothers. Go out with a friend from time to time. Watch a little TV or a movie in the evenings (yay for the DVR so I can catch up on MY schedule). I'm sure there is other stuff I do... but I think that covers most of it!

The Life of Lizdom - Part 1

I recently asked a question on my Facebook fan page… I was a little stumped on what to write for the next day’s post so I asked my fans what ideas they had. One of the moms that I know through the local moms’ community website Indianapolis MomsLikeMe is Jessica. I really like Jessica- she’s adorable, she’s a great mom, she’s friendly. I don’t know her very well but I like what interactions we do have. Jessica left this comment on my question: I would love to read a post about how you do it all Liz!! (forgive me if you have done that previously, I don't read your blog every day) You seem like a bionic superwoman who requires no sleep, LOL.....how in the world do you balance blogging, IMLM, FB, Church, Fulltime job, parenting, being a wife, exercising, reading books, etc, etc. ALL of those things are on my list, but I rarely am able to accomplish even half of them! I would love to know about a day in the life of LizC! (and do you require sleep?!?) I’ve got a few answers to this request so I’m going to do this as a series. 1. Just how busy am I, really? The Schedule 2. Just how involved am I, really? The Activities 3. Philosophy 4. Practicality 5. The Big Secret Today- Part 1 of The Life of Liz:

Just how busy am I, really?

The Schedule

Sunday:

Leave home a little after 8:30 for church. Have to be there by 8:55 for warm ups and tech test. First service starts at 9:15. We sing opening hymns and then meet in the music room to run through end of service and second service praise songs. Teagan comes with me for both services so I’m also keeping an eye on her, getting her to Sunday School, etc. My church family helps a lot with that and she’s also very independent- well, mostly. Second service is at 10:45- the rest of my family comes to this service. We leave church around 12:15 or so and usually have lunch with Jeff’s parents after church. Then we are home by 2 and it’s nap time, laundry, cooking, playing outside- at home stuff. Unless we have another family event or a specific errand to run, we usually spend the rest of Sunday at home. My Sunday mornings are about to get a little more cramped- I will be leading a children and youth choir and we will meet between first and second service every Sunday. That starts March 21. So I will be finding a little more time each week to review music and plan the 20 minute choir sessions. I also try to get some exercise in on Sundays- Wii Fit Plus, Just Dance, neighborhood or park walking, whatever.

Monday:

First day of the work week! The hardest part of Monday is getting out the door. I could make life easier by planning and doing more Sunday evening. Right now, Monday morning is a scramble to get nap time bedding for Teagan, gym clothes for me, food for me (I take a few days worth of lunches at a time and an amount of food for snacks and such). And all the regular getting ready stuff. We’re all usually dragging a bit and a little cranky, too. On Monday morning, I take Teagan to school so we leave the house by 6:45. Well, we aim to leave by 6:45. Usually more like 6:55. School opens at 7 and it’s a 10ish minute drive directly east. After drop off, I head 10ish minutes back west (almost back to home) to pick up Christy since we carpool to work together. Off to work. Mondays at work aren’t terribly hard in terms of work demand. Lots of answering e-mails and voice mails. Running reports and cutting orders. At noon, Christy and I head across the street to the gym. Mondays are my Couch to 5K workout #2 days. 30 min workout, shower, back to work. Heat up lunch and eat at my desk while working on e-mails, etc. Leave work a smidge before 5. The drive to and from work (I live on the NE side and work on the NW side) usually takes about 30-40 minutes each way. On a good day, I’m picking up Zach before 5:30. On a day where we leave a few minutes late or hit traffic, Jeff picks up both kids and I meet them at home. Then it’s dinner, bathtime, pj’s, read books or other activity, bedtime. Kids are in bed around 7, no later than 7:30. Mondays are usually a night that I veg out on the couch- Jeff and I have several shows we watch on Monday nights. This past Monday, I spent an hour folding clothes so we stopped hunting through 4 hampers of clean clothes every morning.

Tuesday:

Up and out the door by 7. On Tuesday, I take Zach to daycare. Lisa lives right in our neighborhood. Christy and I don’t ride together on Tuesday because she works a second job Tuesday evenings. So my Tuesday mornings are a little easier, a little more time to reflect. That’s all gone once I get to work. My first conference call is at 8:45 so I have to get breakfast, coffee, potty breaks all done before that call. Next call is 9:15. Tuesdays just seems to be the day everyone wants to have meetings. My morning is taken up by these weekly conference calls with Sweden. And most of the rest of my day fills up with meetings, too. Most recently, I had a vendor in at 10 for an hour and another conference call from 3-4. Gym at noon for boot camp- 30 minutes of intense calisthenics. Shower, lunch at desk. Home to make dinner. Jeff is, again, usually doing most of the pick up of kids. He’s already home by 5 on most days so he is more flexible in the time frame we need to pick them up. Lisa closes at 5:30 and Little Explorers closes at 6. Most Tuesday evenings are just dinner, pj’s, books/quiet activity, bedtime. Now that the weather is warming up, we sometimes try to squeeze in an evening walk or bike ride after dinner.

Wednesday:

Up and out the door by 6:45 to take Teagan to school. Pick up Christy, Work, Gym at lunch (workout 3 of the C25K program for the week). Home for the evening. Sometimes I have meetings at church on Weds evenings. There is a weekly dinner/group study/kids thing that happens at church every Wednesday evening. We used to attend but it got to be too difficult on the schedule- it’s hard for Zach to be up later and Teagan doesn’t do well being up later 2 nights in a row (the second night being Thursday- I’ll get to that soon). So most people who are involved in church meetings and committees are already there on Wednesday evenings and it’s easy to just have a meeting when that regular event is over- which means meeting around 8 or so. Doesn’t happen often, though.

Thursday:

Up, Zach to Lisa’s, pick up Christy, off to work. Gym at lunch for Boot Camp. Thursday seems to be the day for last minute meetings at work- anything scheduled this week usually gets scheduled for Thursday. The thing about days with lots of meetings means that the days that don’t have lots of meetings are used to catch up from the time spent on the conference calls the day before. Thursday evenings are my favorite evening of the week. I drop Christy off and head to Little Explorers. I pick Teagan up and we head to the grocery store in the middle of the block from school to church. We hit the salad bar- salad for me, cut up fruit for Teagan. Pick up some chicken tenders from the little deli area. Then we head to church and have a picnic on the floor until it’s time for Music Team practice to start at 6:30. In that 45-60 minutes, I get one on one time with Teagan to talk about her day and stuff she thinks about. Then she and I usually get some more personal social time with Pastor Jennifer and a few Music Team members who come early. And practice itself always refuels me, fills my soul, picks up my spirits. On days when I think I don’t want to go, I just want to go home and veg out… and I still go… I leave so happy and fulfilled and content. Part of it is spending time with the people I’ve come to really call my church family. Part of it is watching Teagan play with the other kids who come. Part of it is spending that time praising God. And altogether- it’s a very healing and rejuvenating part of my week. Then we rush home and get Teagan to bed.

Friday:

Get up, take Teagan to school, pick up Christy, off to work. It’s a DAY OFF from the gym!! Christy and I enjoy a lunch out or a trip to Trader Joe’s to stock up on snacks and such for the upcoming week. Work tends to be more about catching up and finishing up and prepping for the upcoming week. We enjoy a quiet evening at home most Fridays- recovering from the week and gearing up for the weekend. Since I don’t go to the gym on Friday, I try to workout at home- an evening walk or getting out the Wii Fit Plus and Just Dance.

Saturday:

Saturday is sometimes packed and sometimes empty. But it’s a day for fun things, errands, play dates, whatever. We aren’t much of a “booked up” kind of family. If the day is wide open, we might go to Conner Prairie or the library or the park. I also do my first C25K workout on Saturdays- trying to find where that best fits in (early mornings, I think). Looking at my calendar, our upcoming Saturdays are... I have a breakfast date with a friend. Teagan's birthday parties are next weekend. Teagan has her Young Author's Breakfast at school the next weekend. Then it's Easter! There are a couple of weekends in the next 6 weeks where Jeff will be out of town. Then it's the Race for the Cure. And that is the basic weekly calendar. Generally speaking, I get up around 6 and to bed around 10. So yes, I most definitely do sleep!! Whew! I think I'm tired just from writing it all out!