Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Because I'm A Mommy

We typically wake in shifts. Jeff gets up with Teagan at whatever inhuman hour she has chosen- generally in the 5 a.m. time slot. Not long after, Zach and I usually join the family out in the living room. On workday mornings, if I have ended up in Zach's room instead of in our bed, Jeff will set Teagan up in our room, in our bed, snuggled in, watching Disney while he gets his shower. This morning, Teagan came in while Jeff and I were still asleep. She climbed into bed with us. Jeff got up to shower and T asked to watch TV. Still 75% asleep, I slapped along the headboard until I found the remote, tapped the button, punched in the channel and fell back on my pillow. 10 minutes later, Zach is chattering from his Big Boy Bed so I stumble across the hall, pick him up, and bring him to my bed. He lays between me and T and his eyes fix on the TV while he sucks his thumb. Then he wakes up a bit more, notices his sister beside him. He makes his happiest chattery jibberish vocalizations, rolls over, lays on top of her, and puts his head on her chest while squealing. Melt my heart!! She says, with a huge smile, "Good morning, Buddy!!" Throws her arms around him, hugs him tight. Then they go back to watching whatever those blurry images were on the TV screen. This repeats 2 more times. I can barely stand it. Do you know that my kids have special smiles just for each other? Like all siblings, they certainly have fights over toys or hitting or whatever. But the love... I have to admit to being jealous. I didn't grow up with a sibling. I got my brothers when I was a teenager. I have no clue what it is like to have someone who isn't a parent that you've known your entire life. That shares memories with you. When we had Teagan, we were determined and decided to only have one child. A singleton. Jeff and I are both in families where we were the oldest and the siblings who came along did so when we were older. 10, 15, 18 year age gaps. So we didn't know what a sibling relationship could be. I watched my brothers fight. A lot. I know many adult siblings who fight more than anything else. Or who are estranged. So we didn't see the point, really. One voice really pushed. One sibling relationship stood as a different example. My friend Christy. She never pushed, not too much. But she did try to sway me. And I saw how close she and her brother were (are). And I wondered if I could even dream of accomplishing something like that. And we ended up unexpectedly pregnant. And while we are only 14 months into it, watching my children play together... watching Teagan teach Zach and care for Zach... watching Zach study his big sister... hearing them laughing together... laughing as they make up games, never needing words to come up with how the game works... it is truly my greatest joy. 2 of the people that I love most in the entire universe, in the entire vastness of God's creation... loving each other, caring for each other... it's a beauty that words can't define or describe. So I'll make sacrifices. I'll give up my hobbies and passions. I'll make my children my priority. I'll stay up all night worrying. I'll feel depths and levels of emotions that I never knew existed. I'll clean up pee and puke and poop and blood. I'll be the good guy, the bad guy. I'll discipline, be the tough one, be the mean mommy, be the soft place to land. I'll wipe noses, soothe broken hearts, plan birthday parties, explain the unexplainable. I will die to protect them. Because I've been given pieces of heaven. Because I'm a mommy.

9 comments:

Mim said...

Beautiful post Liz.

KPCL Girl said...

Beautiful, Liz. A piece of heaven. No kidding.

We thought Charlie (now 17) would be our only child, too. But there was that empty chair at the kitchen table, the one that needed to be filled. It didn't feel right; it didn't feel complete. And that's how we got Ben. All the chairs at the table are now filled. The family is complete.

Lisa said...

What a lovely post, Liz :)

Vodka Mom said...

that was lovely. Mine like to beat the crap out of each other.

every day.

Tim Wmson said...

Liz,

I remember a post on your Baby Blog right after Zappy was born. You were very unsure if you could love him the way you love Teagan. Everyone of your children get their own special love. I'm so glad you have both T n Z

Mary Ellen said...

This is the sweetest post. I feel the same way about the special relationship between my boys. What a great mom you are.

Lynn Freeman said...

It warms my heart all the way to cold Calgary when you tell these things about your kids and about how they're so innocent and loving towards each other. No strings, no drama, no forced words or actions, nothing but heartfelt actions and emotions. Unbelievably sweet....I wouldn't be able to take it! Remember these days when they're older and not quite so nice to each other. Although I have the feeling they're always going to have that special relationship, no matter how old they are.

Alix said...

Beautiful.

But no matter how old your kids get you never stop worrying. I'll tell you a little bit about Jordan someday. It will give you peace and heart palpitations at the same time.

But geez Liz, you so eloquently know how to put your deepest feelings into words we can all understand, and they are so lovely and comforting. We are all the same person, afterall... all doing the best we can and trying to get it right. Your children are lucky and you are lucky... a sweet girl and a precious boy. Two individual people that you get to enjoy and watch blossom into their own unique selves. It gets easier, I promise. Except for the letting go, of course. At least it goes slow enough so you get the gist of it before it hits you like an avalance.

Thank you so much for all your Lizdom. I love you so much and I want you to know that if I'm ever in Indianapolis (or even remotely close), I'm stopping by and claiming that sushi you promised me.

Have a great 2009!

Jim and Garret said...

Liz, I'm an only child so it's hard to know what if's for me. This was a beautiful post.

Garret