FitCity: Forgiveness

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Please and thank you!

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It’s that time of year- the time when treats and meals and pitch-ins and potlucks and cookies and baked goodies abound.  It’s that time of year where we get so busy running errands, making lists, wrapping gifts, and so on that there just isn’t time for our usual priorities.

Unfortunately, my priorities slipped months ago and I’ve been struggling to recover.

I’ve gained a lot of weight.  I’ve stopped working out.  I was starting to get back on track but then the holidays hit and everything was a struggle again.  There is a long list of reasons and excuses as to how I’ve gotten back into this unhealthy lifestyle.

Part of me wants to be angry with myself, to beat myself up, to sit back and wonder how I could let this happen.  Part of me wants to be optimistic and look to the future and how I will get back on track.

But I think the first thing I have to do is forgive myself.

I have to forgive the days of not going to the gym and not getting up early to workout and not finding any time in the evening for some exercise.

I have to forgive my shopping habits that went from being prepared for a healthy lunch and breakfast to relying on fast food and treating myself to meals out.

I have to forgive myself for giving in to laziness and exhaustion.

Life changes happen.  There is a reason why changing your life from one of unhealthy choices to healthy living is full of challenges.  There’s a reason why it isn’t easy.  I’ve spent the last few weeks being pretty angry with myself over getting to this point.  I’ve been depressed about the condition my body is in again.

I helped a friend clean our church and my arms were sore after washing windows.  The idea of running makes me cringe.  When I try to play one of my dancing games, I see the reflection of my rotund self and feel pretty gross.  My energy has plummeted.

Life has gotten crazy.  My schedule is overwhelmed with higher requirements at work, with commitments I’ve made to my church family, with commitments I’ve made to my kids, with attempts at quality time with my husband.  I don’t think I’ve ever known how it felt to truly be so busy.  And the thing that went first was my exercise plan.  After that, it was a fast downward spiral back into night time snacking, junk food grabbing, and even a stint of a daily stop at the vending machine.

Last night, I saw a picture of myself and realized that I have to make some serious changes.  Immediately.

Making big changes as I face the holidays is a plan to fail- I know that.  But after the holidays, it’s time to start planning on getting my diet back in check.  I need to focus on fresh fruits and veggies.  I need to start tracking what I consume throughout the day.  I need to get my eating habits back in check- no more eating after the kids go to bed, no more grabbing a drive thru dinner full of unhealthy choices to ease my stress level. I need to get back into a regular exercise regiment.  That might be getting back to running or it might be finding some group exercise classes.  No matter what, I need to make a plan and stick to it.

I forgive myself for the bad choices I’ve been making.  I forgive myself for not keeping my health and well-being a priority.

Once I have forgiven myself, I can move forward and make it right.  I can make better choices and I can stick to it- I’ve proven that to myself before.

Forgiveness.  It’s what this holiday season is all about for me!