Oh! There it is!

I posted earlier this week about struggling to find my Christmas Spirit.

There is no big change.  But there is change. 

There were some wise comments left on that post.  And I also had a great conversation with Christy about how I was feeling.  And then I might have had a minor breakdown on Tuesday evening as all of the stress, exhaustion, being overwhelmed, and so on just came to a head. 

The heart to heart with Christy got the ball rolling.  She understood exactly what I was feeling and validated that I wasn't making it up or overstating my stress load and that my feelings were completely valid. 

Tuesday, I was rushing from a long day at work to get home to rush through something with the kids and rush off to my next thing and then I hit a major traffic jam and just had a break down.  I called Jeff and the stress overflowed and I cried a little on the phone and a whole lot more after I hung up.

Then I spent 2 hours at church assembling lasagnas with a small team of people and I started to feel connected and plugged in again.  One of those people was a guy who was part of our church before I joined.  Then he and his wife had moved away for a while.  And now they are back.  And I've missed them!  And I had an opportunity to share with him the impact he and his wife had on me the first time I visited our church- that they were part of the reason I kept coming back.  It was a great part of my day.

I was still kind of fragile on Wednesday.  The kids went off to school and my husband took some time to hold me and talk to me and reassure me and just love me.  And I needed that recharge more than I realized.  Off to lunch at a friend's house with a fantastic group of women that I was involved in a special holiday project with the past month... and my heart started to open up to the joy that was all around me.

And what really got me was a gift given to me by the friend hosting our luncheon.  It was a set of spices from Penzeys but it was the card that came with the spices that warmed my heart and soul.  It comes with this lovely printed card about being kind and showing kindness to others.  I loved it.

Thursday brought Lazy Day.  The kids were excited for it but the excitement lead to a lack of being lazy.  Thankfully, I was still able to spend most of my morning at home in bed while they played in the playroom. 

And then something happened...

I was on Facebook and a mom friend posted that if you are in her area and are the first to respond, she had a tray of cinnamon rolls to bring over.  I posted "YUM!" and next thing I know... arrangements are being made for her to bring me the cinnamon rolls!  It was fantastic to see her and her kids for a few minutes and even more fantastic to snack on those tasty treats with my kids!

Suddenly- the Christmas Spirit was sneaking in.  I started reading about that project those moms and I have been working on and realizing the impact the project had made and would be making this season.  I wrapped a few presents with the kids.  I made plans for a special "last minute shopping day" for Friday. 

I started to realize that our traditions were starting up and it was time to sit back and enjoy.  I enjoyed some time at church at music practice- just some time singing traditional Christmas carols (my favorite Christmas music) and also laughing with friends.

And now I am sitting at home, watching various Christmas specials and concerts on my local public television station.  I'm about to wrap some more presents. 

I'm starting to feel some excitement about Christmas.  There are still times that I struggle with some negativity- I'm not fully recovered or miraculously healed from the stress of my workload or whatever.  But I'm feeling a bit more like myself right now and that feels great.