I'm On Fire!

I love it when inspiration smacks me upside the head!!

Before I went on my Walk to Emmaus event, a friend at church said to me, "I can't wait to see you after your Walk! I can't wait to see you on fire!"

I was a little scared.  I knew she wasn't being literal, of course.  But I was scared that I was going to find some deep passion within me at my Walk and I would come back some sort of changed woman with a new life purpose.  And that's scary for me because I know my life purpose, I like my life, I like that I already push boundaries and stretch outside of my comfort zone for God.

It didn't happen.  At least not in that big overhaul kind of way.

I came back with lessons learned.  I came back with my priorities in order.  I came back with a renewed spirit and a connectedness to my "old self."

And today, I am feeling some of that fire.

I've been working for a few months on getting back on track towards my "healthier me" lifestyle.  I signed up for Weight Watchers to give me some discipline (I did my 3 month membership- didn't renew it after the 3 months).  We ended up joining the YMCA in addition to my current gym membership near my office.  Although my schedule continues to be my greatest challenge to focusing on fitness, I can honestly say that I continue to be active and not sedentary.

Today, I'm on fire to find ways to inspire healthy living in others- especially those with a faith base.

A little over a year ago, a friend and I started a healthy living group in our church.  The group met once a week and would have a devotional time and then workout or go walk or run at a nearby park.  I had to step back from the group this past school year but have gotten back into the fold with the start up of a Zumba class every other week.  This summer, I'm stepping back into the group "full time" and am excited to see where we go over the summer and in the year ahead.

I'm on fire.  I've had some inspiration whack me upside the head recently and it's my hope and prayer that the ideas I am trying to record will come to fruition through partnerships with others in my church family.

Here are some of the things I am eager about:

Team Spirit!  We are looking at having dri-wick shirts made up.  These can then be worn anytime our activity loving members do a fitness event- either as a team or an individual.

Health & Wellness Fair - I would love to see an event that would focus on healthy living.  Information on heart health, diabetes, arthritis, maybe a blood drive, and ways to get more fit, active and healthy through groups in our church.

Made to Crave - I happened upon this book and plan to start reading it soon.  Over the summer, I think there will be a Facebook book club with others reading it- when I posted about it, the response from others who have picked up but not yet read the book was pretty big!  In addition, there is a small group study that we could do in the coming school year through our FACE It Healthy Living group at church.

Walk to Jerusalem/Bethlehem - Depending on the time of year, there is a program that is designed to let a congregation log steps/miles to take a virtual journey to Bethlehem (start in September, lead up to Christmas) or Jerusalem (start in January, lead up to Easter).  The program includes devotions, prayer focus,  and resources for learning about the other cultures you "walk" through.

What I am most excited about is the opportunity to work with others in my church family to bring together some of the activities already happening.  We have teams in a local softball league, we have golfers, we've had a bowling league, we have a cycling group that used to be active and is coming back to fruition, we have Zumba every other week, we have a weekly Bible study type group that focuses on taking care of this body and this life to the best of our ability.  If we can bring it all under one umbrella and not have our voices scattered in different places, we will reach further than before!

So I am on fire... Because I was able to get back to who I am and what I believe in.  I am still struggling with my schedule, I still have emotional eating battles when I'm stressed (goal for today- avoid the candy dishes with mini Twix and 3 Musketeers).  But I'm feeling excited about this reignited spark!

WW: Week... Um...

Well, I haven't officially logged my food in weeks.  I am mindful of my eating and my choices, though.

I haven't weighed in since March.  Need to amend that today.

I haven't been consistently working out but have been making my best efforts to be active on some level many times a week.  It's been a challenge.

But I'm not upset about it.

I also haven't turned to junk food.  I haven't been chowing down on chips or burgers.  I'm not always making the very best choice but I'm also not making the very crappy choices.

It's not lack of motivation that is keeping me from being active.  There are times when the schedule just gets insane.  There are times when plans are made to get that workout in and then life or work or carpenter bees destroy those plans (that was yesterday's plan ruin-er- carpenter bees had gotten into the house).

This journey isn't about losing a certain amount of weight or fitting into a certain size.  This journey isn't about completing a set goal.  There is no end point.  This is everyday life.  Sometimes, I will be really on track with food and fitness.  Sometimes with food.  Sometimes with fitness.  Sometimes there will be challenges to face.

People like to say it's a marathon, not a sprint.  I get that and have said it myself many times.  But I kind of disagree with it, too.  Because even a marathon takes time to achieve.  Even a marathon does eventually have a finish line.  Healthy living as a true lifestyle means- for life.  My only finish line is that really final one and I'm hoping the choices I make now help me live a strong and vibrant life until then.

My 3 months with Weight Watchers is about done.  And I think it did exactly what I was seeking- helped me get back on track, helped me regain my focus.

Week 7 and FitCity: Feeling It

I'm down another pound!

I have to give a lot of credit to my workouts.  One of the great things about the Weight Watchers program is that I earn points for my workouts- and I get more points for higher intensity workouts and longer workouts.  If I can hit the Y and do 30 minute son the bike or treadmill, do my strength training routine, and then take a group fitness class, I end up with a great amount of points that I can use on indulgences or I can just hold on to and take pride in my good choices.  Weight Watchers tracking will automatically deduct from my Activity Points if my daily points go over my daily allotment.

Something interesting over the past month, as I try out different group exercise classes and workouts, is that I am realizing just how much fitness I've lost in the past year.  When I backslid, I really backslid.  I gained weight and lost a lot of strength and endurance.  Check out my post about it over at FitCity and let me know if you've experienced something similar as you work towards healthier living.

*****

What is about making healthy choices that suddenly puts a glaring spotlight on just how unhealthy I’ve been?

I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for almost 2 months.  I joined the YMCA in addition to my other gym membership in an effort to have a workout facility available evenings and weekends and in order to encourage my husband to focus on fitness, too.  I’ve been making a serious effort to try new group classes and invest myself in what is offered to me with the Y and with Weight Watchers.

I’ve lost 14 pounds.  I’ve been working out consistently.  I’ve tried Zumba, Strength & Endurance, Interval Training, and Water Aerobics.  I’ve been slowly working my way back into running but my passion isn’t back just yet.   I have a strength training program.  I am on my way to healthier living.

So why does making these healthy choices lead me to realize how fat I am?  How unfit I am?  How much I struggle?

Truth is… it’s easier to be fat and lazy.  It is easier for me to choose to eat food-like products and sit on my couch and tell my kids what to do and what to play and watch TV than to focus on eating real food and plan my day to include time for exercise and focus on getting the entire family up and active.

The first group exercise class I tried at the Y was Water Aerobics.  It was a 90 minute “Super Session” and I have to say that I enjoyed the workout.  It is definitely easier on the joints and ligaments and such as I didn’t have that post-workout pain that can happen from certain muscle use.  This was my first ever group in a pool experience and I was definitely nervous about it when I walked into the locker room.  I found 2 friendly faces in bathing suits and asked if I could tag along.  It broke the barrier for me- from there, I was ready to try a new class.  I felt like I had taken a risk and discovered that maybe I wasn’t so bad off in terms of fitness.

The next week, I ended up in FitCity’s own Taylor’s Strength & Endurance class.  Um…. she whooped my backside.  Well, really she shredded my thighs.  I think we did about 1 million different squats and lunges.  Then there was the weight work that killed my arms and shoulders.  It was a great workout in terms of really working all the muscle groups.  But I had a very emotional moment in that class.  We started doing a series of push ups and I could barely do 2 or 3 and that was doing them “girlie style.”  A year ago, I was working my way toward being able to do 100 push ups and I was up into double digits and here I could barely do 1.  I almost broke down, I almost quit.

This is where I should say uplifting and encouraging things about how I kept going and stayed strong.  But that isn’t where my head went next.  I felt like a failure, I felt damaged, and I felt like I had really let my body go downhill.  I felt like it was completely unfair that I knew how it felt to be fit because I’d been there just a short time ago and so now I have this real gauge of just how unfit I’d become.

From there, I struggled with my clothes, my belly, my food choices for a few days.  How can it be that I was working so hard to get healthier but I was suddenly very painfully aware of how bad I’d let myself go?  I’m one who really focuses on loving myself- this self-pity was an old demon that I didn’t want back in my life.

So I wallowed in it for a few days. Partially not by choice since Taylor’s workout left me incapable of walking for 4 days.  But I allowed myself to have my pity party while my head sorted some stuff out.  And when I came out the other side, that’s when I was ready to start up with the encouraging words and thoughts.  That’s when I realized that this isn’t about the past (can’t change it and can’t go back to it). This is about the choices I make each day in how I will care for my body with the food I eat, the schedule I keep, and the activity I choose. 

I am not as fit as I was 1 year ago.  And a year ago, even though I was making great progress, I wasn’t as healthy as I’d been as a teenager.  I’ll never be as anything as I was in the past- my focus is on today and the goals I have set for tomorrow.  Yes, I backslid over the past year.  I gained some of the weight back and I lost a lot of levels of fitness.  But if all I do is focus on being fat, all I will ever be is fat.  If all I do is focus on what my body can’t do, I wont ever get my body to do those new things or reach the next level.

WW: Week 6

13 pounds lost.

Not too bad in 6 weeks.  I tend to drop, then hold. Drop, then hold.

I'm finding that exercise is a really key piece of the puzzle.  I'm also finding that the group classes I take at the Y about once a week are really important in terms of challenging me and showing me where I am in my fitness quest.  They can really kick my hiney!!

Food is still a challenge and I often think it always will be.  It's easier to give in to the sweet and salty treats.  I find good alternatives and I also manage to budget for some of those treats- but I also have my days where I throw my hand sup and choose to eat what I want (like on Teagan's birthday).  What I've noticed is that I am still aware of my choices and, especially since last week's burrito incident, I am finding it easier to be satisfied by smaller amounts.  So I can fill up on healthy stuff from the salad bar and then have a small piece of pizza or a breadstick and not go into Automatic Overeat Mode.

One thing I really like about the Weight Watchers system is that I can look ahead at my day and make a choice that feels more informed.  Do I want my breakfast to be 3 points (oatmeal) or 6 (McD's egg n cheese muffin)?  6 is fine- but that means I should be doing less points at lunch or dinner, perhaps.  It's like a little math game I get to play out in my head.

Next week, I'm blogging over at Fit City and plan to share some thoughts and reflections on these new workouts I've been trying at the Y.  It's been an interesting month.

How are your healthy living goals going for you?

WW: Week 5

This is going to be a grumbly, complainy, mad post.

I have really struggled the past several days.

I take that back.  No struggle- I've just been making crappy choices whenever I feel like it.  I've made minimal effort and haven't really thought about my choices.  So no struggle- just bad choices.

I'm hoping that this morning was my turning point.  I don't know why but I decided to swing through the Hardee's drive thru- just to get a Diet Dr. Pepper.  It was truly my intent.  But then I found myself staring at the "fully loaded burrito."  It's bad because of the big tortilla, the large amount of cheese, and the 3 different kinds of processed crap, er, meat.  BAD.  There is NOTHING about this menu item that is a good choice.  There is nothing on the menu at Hardee's EVER that is a healthy choice.  EVER.

But I ordered it.  And I ate it.  I got halfway through and thought "If I throw it out the window now, it will be a half serving instead of a full serving."  But I kept eating- figured I could take it to 3/4 of a serving.  Then I ate every bite.  I felt gross almost right away when my head cleared and I realized what I'd done.  Part of me started to imagine pulling over and making myself throw it back up.  But I can't make myself throw up- the idea makes my skin crawl.

I came to work and forced myself to plug in the info on Weight Watchers.

20 points.  I get 34 points a day and I just consumed more than I have normally consumed by 4 pm within the first hour of my day.

I don't know if I want to cry or curl up in a ball or what.  This sucks.  I'm not one to wallow in regret but I sure am today.  I feel like I need to be on a liquid diet the rest of the day.

So... silver lining... this will definitely inspire me to get to the gym today at lunch.  I am going to the YMCA this evening to learn the strength training equipment so there is another opportunity to burn some of this bad choice off my body.

This is also the most honest and open I've been about my eating habit.  It feels weird to be so honest- to confess.  Maybe part of food's power is the shame associated with our choices?

Last week, I didn't get to the gym as often as I wanted to and my diet was mediocre.  Weigh in is later today and I'm guessing I will regret it- I'm betting on at least a 2 lb gain this week.  Check back in this afternoon...

I lied. Check back tomorrow. Went to the gym, did 2 miles in intervals (yay! I ran!), and completely forgot about the scale.  


3/13 Update:  Well, color me shocked!  I lost my bet.  Not a 2 pound gain at all.  In fact, it's a 2 lb loss!  Say what??  My eating habits Fri-Sun were pretty crappy and then there was this whole burrito incident.  But somehow, I'm still doing better than I was before!  And I worked off that burrito yesterday- did my 2 miles running intervals at the gym at lunch, walked 30 miles on a slight incline at the Y in the evening, and then did a strength circuit at the Y.  I feel great today!

WW: Week 4

So much has happened in the past week in regards to fitness and healthy living and Weight Watchers.

First and foremost, my weight maintained.  No loss, no gain.  OK by me.  Especially considering how the week went.

1. My period started about 1 week earlier than expected.  Never ever ever Never ever EVER weigh in when the cycle is present.  Automatic gain of 5 pounds if you do.  This one was brutal in that my desire to eat was insane.  And I gave in to that desire more than I care to admit.

2.  Budget crunch last week.  Money was tight so when I ran out of my fresh fruits and veggies and my standard "keep at my desk" foods, I was stuck.  And my emotional response to any kind of feeling stuck in regards to food is to cram whatever food I find into my face.  When there are gingerbread marshmallows lying around, that's a very dangerous combination.

3. The start of that stupid womanly cycle also meant a few less days of exercise.  Just trust me on that one.

4. By the end of the week, I had 2 days that really focused on activity and exercise.  It didn't make up for the entire week behind me but it was a good start to springboard from for the week ahead.

On Saturday, I had my initial Wellness Coach appointment at the YMCA.  I met with Diane for an hour.  We talked about my healthy living history, we talked about my goals, we talked about a lot of things.  Through a string of circumstances and moments, I got to meet Samantha and figured out that Diane and I had been in the same Virtual Running Club until I cleaned myself out of almost all my Facebook groups recently (I have since rejoined the VRC since I do plan to start running again).  It was a good visit that helped me figure out where I am and where I want to be in 6 months.  I see Diane again in 2 weeks and will be given a run down on using the FitLinx system for strength training.

On Sunday, I opted to try a new group class.  Last weekend, it was water aerobics.  This weekend, "Interval Training."  I had no clue what I was in for but I am challenging myself to try new things this month so I sucked up my nerves and went.

It about killed me.

About 40 minutes into it, after I'd already had to stand still for several of the exercises because my body just refused to move, we went into push ups using the step to create an incline.  I had to modify my push ups.  OK, not that big of a deal.  I know I'm not in the shape I was in a year ago.  But then I was struggling to even complete the push ups or keep going with them.  And I almost had a total break down in the middle of this crowded classroom.  I truly had to fight back tears of frustration.

I quickly got past my pity party and realized that if I stick with my healthy eating, continue to drop the weight, and keep going back to this very class, I will be a lot stronger and healthier and will see vast improvement in my ability by the end of this month.  So that's my bonus challenge.  I'm going to keep trying new things (I will be writing about that experience on FitCity at the end of March) but I also want to use this interval training class as a marker of where I started and where I can get to when I work at it.

How was your healthy week?

WW: Week 3

The biggest change this week is that our family joined the YMCA.

Our local Y is very close to our house.  Our kids have done some programs through the Y- soccer, basketball, gymnastics.  But we've never become members.  It's expensive.  I already belong to a gym, we don't have the time to take advantage of it enough to justify the expense.  Then we started planning for summer camps and discovered that the cost would be notably less if we were members.  The savings was good enough that it more than covers the cost of the monthly membership.  So we went ahead and signed up. 

An unexpected benefit to joining the Y is that they offer a "Coach Approach" as part of your membership.  Jeff and I have already scheduled our initial appointments.  Notice that?  Jeff and I.  Each of us.  He's going to start being more active, too.  The Coach Approach is a 6 month process where you meet monthly with a Wellness Coach and you can even have a meeting with a nutritionist.  I'm eager to figure out a 6 month plan and goal and even more excited to have my husband involved, too.

Using the Y will primarily happen on evenings and weekends.  The kids loved the childcare facility.  I'm adding group fitness classes to my calendar so that if I have the time and energy, I can slip out for a workout.  My hope is that we stay motivated and become a more active family.

I'm planning to write a blog this week for FitCity about new workouts that I try at the Y- the first new thing I did was water aerobics.  I did a 90 minute session on Saturday and I really enjoyed it.

Food wise this week was a struggle but also a learning opportunity.  I had a hard day and turned to food to soothe my feelings.  The good part was that I ended up making decent choices.  The behavior wasn't the best.  But because I keep a bountiful supply of healthy choices at work, the foods I chose ended up not blowing my points for the day.  What did I choose?  Baked lentil chips and madras lentils (kind of like a chili dip but no meat).  I wanted Penn Station or junk from the vending machine.  But I went with the healthy choices in my office and even though I overate and my eating was an emotional response, tracking my points meant that I quickly saw that I hadn't ruined my entire day.

See, in the past, if I caved and went for the junk and crap, I would have figured the entire day was blown and I would have continued to make bad choices.  But because I tracked, I saw that I hadn't ruined the day.  I saw that the day still had potential.  And I still stayed within my points.

So how did weigh in go?

Week 1- I lost 8 lb.  Week 2- held steady.  Week 3- I'm down 2 more pounds for a total of 10 lb lost!

Goals for this week-

1. My biggest challenge this week will be staying on track while dealing with my period.  It's back, sooner than expected, and it's kicking my hormonal booty.

2. Water.  I need to ditch diet soda and stick to water.  I'm about 85% good on my water consumption but I don't do so well on the weekends.

How was your healthy week?

WW: Week 2

No loss, no gain.  Held steady.

Can't decide if I'm disappointed or if I'm seeing where I need to make adjustments.

It wasn't a perfect week.  And I think my biggest mistakes made were Sunday- and being the day before weigh in wasn't a good thing, either.

I'd had a big old allergy attack on Sunday and took a pill that made me drowsy but I was home alone with the kids so I couldn't pass out and sleep it off and I think making myself stay awake through that proved to be a baaaaad thing for my eating choices in the evening.

Food wise, I'm really doing fine (except for last night).

I have to up my activity level.  My workouts at the gym during the week need to involve more sweat and more muscle exertion.  I have to find time for activity at least once over the weekend.

I tried to take the kids and dogs for a walk on Saturday.  It was chilly but the sun was shining and the kids had energy to burn and I needed to move.  Got to the corner and the kids were fighting and complaining and demanding and I couldn't take it so we went back home.  With Jeff out of town, finding time and energy to workout was difficult and I chose to make it impossible.

My focus for the 7 days ahead of me is to make my workouts a priority and to make my activity count more.  I'm going to weigh in again this coming Thursday as a check in.

I also want to share my favorite recipes from last week.

Breakfast cups (2 points per cup)

I know others have done this.  I didn't follow a recipe- just went with what sounded good.  I entered the recipe into the Recipe Builder on the Weight Watchers website and was delighted that each Breakfast Cup is just 2 points!

A dozen eggs
3 wedges of Laughing Cow (I used light creamy swiss but plan to try it with other flavors like the Fresco and Chipotle)
5 fully cooked turkey sausage links (Jimmy Dean's)

Get out a muffin tin and preheat the oven to 350.  Cooking spray in each cup of the muffin tin.  Crack an egg into each cup of the muffin tin.  Take the 3 wedges of Laughing Cow and cut into 12 chunks.  Add a chunk to each cup and push it into the egg.  Take the 5 sausage links, slice in half long ways and then slice into chunks.  I placed 6 chunks into each cup.  I baked for about 25 minutes and the yolks came out thoroughly cooked through (like a hard boiled egg).  Then I let them cool on the stove in the tin for a few minutes, then transferred to a plate to continue cooling, and then stored in ziploc bags in the fridge.

Asparagus Sauté Rollup (7 points for 1 rollup)

1 Flatout flatbread multigrain with flax
2 TB Classico Vodka sauce
Asparagus sauté mix from Trader Joe's (or just chop up some asparagus, mushrooms and red onion)
real cheese- I used Trader Joe's Parmesan-Asiago blend with the cheese in big pieces.
baby spinach leaves (fresh)

Lay the flatbread on a foil covered cookie sheeet.  Spread the 2-3 TB of sauce.  *A note on sauce- I considered using a few TB of Alfredo because the points would have been about the same.  However, I was already using the vodka sauce on the kids' pizzas so I stuck with it.  Cashier at Trader Joe's- who inspired this meal- also suggested using Trader Joe's yogurt-kale dip as a pizza sauce.*

Sauté the asparagus, onion and mushroom in about a teaspoon or so of olive oil.  Place your fave parts of the veggies on the flatbread (save the rest for another day).  Place a layer of baby spinach leaves (still raw) over the veggies.  Top with cheese.  Bake on 350 until cheese is melted.  I then transferred to a plate and discovered the weight of my veggies made it impossible to eat as a pizza so I rolled up the flatbread instead.  The melty cheese held it together.

Goals for this week:

1. Focus on WHY I choose to eat.  If I'm not hungry, why eat?  I stayed within my points on Saturday and I made healthy choices but I still know I ate myself to the point of being stuffed with each meal.

2. Make my workouts count.  Might be time to break out the Couch to 5K program again.  Even when it felt like a crappy run, I was still getting a great workout for the day.  I know a big part of my weight loss 2 years ago was because I started running.

WW: Week 1

I am debating how honest I want to be in a very public way... do I post my starting weight?  Or just the pound movement?  Have to think on that a bit.

Monday through Thursday were great days.  I found that making good choices with food and activity meant being able to be a little loose when needed- like grabbing Taco Bell (where I could still make decent choices thanks to the Fresco menu) on a busy evening or while out running errands.

I was traveling Friday and meeting friends for dinner.  Fast food on the drive and Indian food over-consumption used up my bonus points.  Saturday was a big family dinner but it was a healthy dinner and I easily filled up on a variety of veggies.  That allowed me to go for pie... of the mom's homemade chocolate cream variety.  And I still stayed under my points on Saturday.

What I learned was that using points for bonuses is sometimes important and necessary but also that big meals, even when under points, isn't a good way to go.  When I was on track Monday through Thursday, I felt good.  I was satisfied with my food, full from my meals, and enjoyed fruit as snacks.  I made it to the gym each of those days.  My Friday regret was fast food.  Whopper Jr no cheese was no big deal but more points than I would have gone for if I had been paying attention.  Giving in to some fries was more of an emotional choice and not worth the points.  The dinner with friends was worth every bite simply because I enjoy Indian food but don't get to have it often.

The big meal on Saturday was under points but I overate.  Yes, I overate healthy food.  But I was stuffed and I over-indulged.  This was a family gathering and my family had gone to a lot of trouble to prepare the feast.  Emotionally, I would do it again.  My tummy might not agree, though.  The good news is that I didn't go on to eat another meal later in the day.

The weekend was more of a challenge and I did expect that.  Weekends have a lot less routine to them and the easy part of the early part of the week was fitting my healthy food choices into my routine. 

I have a favorite dinner.

Depending on how hungry I am and I do have some variations on this but basically:

1/2 c to 1 c of chicken (I use rotiserrie, no skin of course)
1/2 c of salsa (I use Wholly Salsa snack packs)
2 tb sour cream

I might have it with a serving of cilantro lime rice or maybe with baked lentil chips or maybe in a tortilla.  But it's easy and tasty and I love it.  It's a meal that's generally around 7-9 points depending on how it all comes together.

I've been sticking to cardio at the gym for the time being.  30 minutes on the treadmill- sometimes just walking, sometimes walking and jogging.  Or a circuit of 10 mins on treadmill, 10 mins on elliptical, 10 mins on bike.  I plan to stick with my cardio focus this coming week as well.  Once more weight is off, I'll focus more on adding in strength training.

1 week down...

Weight check: 

8 POUNDS GONE!

How about you?  Share a comment with your update.  If we have enough people who start participating in Monday check-ins, this could become a MrLinky thing!

Crap Or Get Off The Pot

Well, crap.

One year ago, I was in really good shape.  I was running, I was starting to train for my first half marathon, I was eating for fuel.  I felt healthy and strong.

In a couple of months, my life would get an overhaul when new responsibilities were added to my plate at work.  It was a major increase in work load and work stress.  And it turned my healthy living upside down.  No more time for lunch- so no more lunch hour trips to the gym or to go for a run.  I would forget to eat a lot of days and would end up ordering food in or grabbing something from the vending machine.  My stress eating came back full force- junk to soothe the stress, night time munching to alleviate my guilt.

I tried to get back on track several times.  And then work would throw me another doozy of a situation and I would easily fall back into working through my lunch break and not going to the gym and relying on stress eating for comfort.

I realized recently that I can't do this alone.  For the first time, I was going to need serious help to get this done.

I attended an informational meeting at work about my company's intentions for Healthy Living opportunities in the coming year.  And I knew I needed to make some changes.

It's time to do something.  Or quit altogether.  I feel like I've done enough quitting over the past months.  I'm tired of the day ending and me realizing that I've skipped any activity, that I've consumed junk, and that I've calmed my stress with food.

It's time to crap.  More than that, it's time to give a crap again.

I am taking a step I've never taken before.  I have to say that it really scared me.  It was the biggest recognition of my fat status...

I joined Weight Watchers.

I'm going to do the online program for 3 months.  My intention is that this will get me back into a routine, even with the not-so-new-anymore changes in my life.

I've already got some great support from friends.  I have friends who have done WW before and are doing it again.  I've got friends who have support groups on Facebook that they have invited me to be part of.

I'm enjoying the refresher in the ease of preparing veggies as a quick snack.  Last night, I made cauliflower poppers as a TV watching snack.

Source: weightwatchers.com via Liz on Pinterest

It's another step on the journey.  Another step towards setting a healthy example for my family, towards feeling strong and healthy, towards wanting to set a fitness goal.

In the back of my mind, I keep thinking that the first 5K I ever ran is one that I want to run again this year.  And I'd love to run it better than the first time and better than the second time.

It's time to crap or get off the pot.  I'm not done trying.  I'm not giving up.  Turns out, I'm ready to crap.

Edited to add:  I'm going to dedicate Mondays to my healthy living update.  Monday is the day I weigh in for Weight Watchers.  I have friends dedicating themselves to healthy living- some through WW, some on their own.  I'd love it if we can check in together each Monday and share successes, challenges, and so on as we feel comfortable.  We're all going to crap together!  Wait, that sounds wrong...

Training

I shared earlier this week that I am recommitting to my Healthier Me path. I also wrote this week on FitCity about looking back over the past year and seeing where I started and where I am now. One thing I realized was that at the start of my journey, I was hesitant to really write about what I was doing and how it was going. I was uncomfortable talking about attempts at being healthier- most likely because I wouldn't want to read those things if I ended up failing.

This time, I do want to have a better record of what I do and how I'm feeling about it.

Food as Fuel My diet has been pretty good this week. Not perfect. But pretty good. I've eaten things like cottage cheese, unsweetened applesauce, whole wheat english muffin with almond butter or nutella, grapefruit, cantaloupe, turkey burgers, salad, broccoli slaw, spaghetti squash, coffee with creamer, popcorn, animal crackers, Vitatop vitamin muffin, green beans, chicken. My indulgences were pizza at church on Wednesday and a couple pieces of candy in a moment of weakness on Tuesday night. Need to improve: The night time snacking is my biggest struggle right now. Once the kids go to bed, I want to mindlessly eat. I've turned to popcorn most nights and I'm ok with that as a choice. I just want to work through the behavior so that I only snack occassionally and only eat if I'm actually hungry.

Consistent, Daily Activity I've been to the gym every day this week. I have a spreadsheet I'm keeping of my workouts- I have a schedule to help me feel stronger in a 5K and to do the training required for preparing to run 13.1 miles in May. On Monday, I did the first Couch to 5K workout. I felt pretty strong throughout but was getting tired by the end. There was definite improvement from my first time doing it- I went 2 miles with the workout this time and I know I was a lot slower a year ago. Tuesday was Boot Camp. A typical class might be just me and Christy. Tuesday, we had 8 people there! It was great! We did a circuit training thing that had stations you went to- things like step ups with weights, chest press, wall sits, cardio work. Wednesday I did the Couch to 5K week 2 workout. The only reason why I'm not doing the plan as it is laid out is because I already have gone through the program, I'm already running consistenly, and I'm short on time. Week 2 workout was a bit more of a challenge by the end and I'm debating repeating it once before moving on to week 3. I'll decide when I get to the gym, most likely. Thursday was Boot Camp- fewer people this time but the workout felt more intense. Bridget had us in constant motion- not as many chances to stop for rest or water. It was great! Oh- both classes had good ab routines and my abs are feeling it today. I'll be running today and I plan to go outside to run tomorrow, provided the weather cooperates. Need to improve: I want to get more activity in the evenings. I think part of my success early on was that I would come home and do something active with my kids. I'm making it a goal to dust off Just Dance this weekend and get the controllers charged up so we can play.

Support from friends, supporting my friends I've signed up with FitCity for the new Fit Friends program they're doing. It launches January 17. By signing up, you get a little guide with tips on how to be a Fit Friend. There will be weekly video tips. You will get activity suggestions and ideas. Bottom line is that by signing up, you commit to supporting others in this effort and also accepting support and encouragment. Christy is my main Fit Friend since we hit the gym together each day during the work week and we talk about running and form and workouts. I have other friends in my life that I count on for fitness support- like Emily, Beth, Lori, Ashli, Carol, and several others.

 So that's where I am this week. How about you? What healthier choices did you make this week?

 

5K

I ran 2 miles. I walked and ran the last mile. I learned a lot, I felt awesome afterwards and was surprised at how strong I felt during. It was a great morning and I am so happy to have shared this accomplishment with some great friends.

First- Christy. She's been training by my side all along. She's made vast improvements- well ahead of mine. She's encouraged me and heard me complain and watched me struggle and celebrated my triumphs. All the while, she's been pushing to reach her own goals. Today, she ran her first 5K in 43 minutes and 59 seconds. She ran the entire course- no walk breaks for her! I don't have a pic... her preference, not mine!

Second- my little running church family! This is Amanda, Ashli, me, and Ginger. These women have been encouraging me along the way and all are better athletes than I am and did great in the race. I was thrilled to be with them when the race started and emotional to have them waiting for me, cheering, at the finish line.


My cheering section... Jeff brought the kids to a corner of the route that isn't far from home. It perked me up to see them!! It was so important to me to have my family there, cheering me on, supporting me.

And after the race... recovery well under way... walking home... tired, proud, feeling accomplished and sweaty and hot.

My finishing time was 46 minutes and 26 seconds. My pace was right around 15 minutes per mile. I ran 2 solid miles before taking a walk break and I don't regret that walk recovery time in the slightest. I did what my body told me it could do the entire route. I knew when I could push and go harder. I knew when I needed to slow down and recover. I knew when I could pick up the pace and jog a bit again.

Surprisingly, I kept up with Christy for those first 2 miles. Typically, we run together for about the first mile and then I slow down or walk and she starts to push and pulls away from me.

Things I remember:
- Not long after passing my family, there was an older woman dressed all in purple who stood on a corner and smiled and clapped for everyone as they went by.
- The guy who had turned on his full lawn sprinkler system and invited runners and walkers to run down his sidewalk to cool off.
- The cheering of the volunteers at the midway water station.
- The guy with the horse puppet who cheered us on about 1/2 mile from the finish line.
- The dad sitting in his driveway with his 2 young boys on his lap, watching runners go by as they lounged in their pj's.
- The local high school pep band that was playing at the start and finish of the race. Loved hearing the drums and horns as I approached the finish line!

The lessons I learned:
- I'm good at starting at my normal pace. I didn't take off and go faster at the start. I started slow and stayed slow and steady.
- I need to work on my last mile so that I can run the entire 3.1 next time. I stayed pretty strong and steady the first 2 miles and then my body just stopped.
- A half mile walk to the park where the race starts is a great warm up.
- A half mile walk back home after walking 1/2 mile and then running 3.1 miles kinda sucks.
- Running and being emotional aren't a good mix.

I got to the last turn and the finish line was ahead. Maybe 1/10 of a mile. I had walked to almost the corner and realized that I was about to turn on the last street. I gave a grunt and kicked it into high gear. I was about half way to the finish line when I saw Jeff and the kids. I heard Teagan yelling for me "Mommy! Mama!!" Something about them being there, so close to the finish line... I started to cry but needed to keep running. Problem is, when I cry, my throat closes up. This makes it remarkably hard to breathe. So I pulled it back together and started to run again.

Then I see Christy. She had finished and was coming back down the route to be with me as I finished. I had to fight the tears all over again. We gave each other a thumbs up and a smile and I tucked the emotional breakdown into my pocket until...

The finish line was in sight- just feet ahead of me. And my friends- Amanda, Ashli, and Ginger- started to cheer for me. Loudly. Screaming my name, yelling for me to get to that finish line. I choked up all over again and kept pushing and pushing even though the air was not going into my lungs.

I crossed the finish line and started to walk, wheezing and wheezing. Miss Tori- one of Teagan's teachers- came up to me and hugged me (she's a runner and did great in this 5K). I choked out that I couldn't breathe and she handed me a water bottle. That sip of water reminded me that I could breath through my nose. Duh. I was fine after that.

I had Christy by my side, Ashli and Amanda and Ginger came to hug me... my husband and kids came to celebrate my accomplishment. I felt... sore and tired and sweaty and so, so proud. While I ran, I though about Momza and the comment she shared here this week... and about Nancy who sent me a note to cheer me on... and Beth who has given me amazing support and encouragement and advice... and Emily who has been doing her own challenges in running and has also guided me and inspired me... and all of the internet and real life friends I've made who have supported me, encouraged me... who have said that I inspire them... you all became my inspiration to be able to come back to this blog and say that I did my very best and that I was proud of what I had accomplished.

Tomorrow... I'll share the story of Teagan's reaction to all of this. Let's just say that I won't be winning any Mom of the Year awards if nominations are left up to strangers and neighbors who witness the behavior of your child.

FGF: Healthier Me Edition

Tomorrow is the Fishers Freedom Festival 5K. I am not confident that I will be able to run all of it because of my knee concern that I wrote about yesterday. I am confident that I will be able to at least complete it and run part of it. Not to worry- I know my body and I have never been someone who pushes too hard or goes past the point of safety to total blow out. Just not my style. I'll know when I need to walk and I'll walk. I'll know if I need to stop and stretch. The Feel Good part of this post: I updated the Healthier Me page listed in the header of the blog. Go check it out and then leave me some comment love back here... I updated the progress pic and talked about where things are now with my lifestyle changes. Thank you for the support and message and e-mails yesterday afternoon. It helped to get it out and it helped to get your encouragement. I have to say that, yes, THIS particular 5K really and truly was my ultimate goal. I did not go into this thinking, "I need to lose weight so I think I'll try running" or "If I pick a 5K, I can work to that goal." or "I want to lose x number of pounds." For 2 years, I've been talking about doing this 5K but I never made a plan and never put that plan into action because it would involve running and I detested running. This year... I decided that I was going to run. I decided to start the Couch to 5K program. I pretty quickly realized that I was going to have to make some major changes if I was going to succeed with the C25K program. I was going to have to change how I ate, what I ate, when I ate, how often I exercised, what kind of exercise I did, and I even went and got a physical for the first time in a decade. So the Fishers Freedom Festival 5K goal really and truly is a significant milestone for me. When I accomplish it, that doesn't mean I quit or that's the end. I accomplish goals and victories and successes every day and don't give up afterwards. We'll see what tomorrow morning holds in terms of the race. It doesn't break me if I can't complete it. It doesn't stop me from continuing this better and healthier way of living. But boy will it feel awesome if I really could jog the entire course... Here's to my continued journey of being a Healthier Me!

A Critical Eye

I hadn't planned on pouring my heart out this week but as I sat and tried to come up with something to blog about... and my thought process came about... yep, it's a heart pourer. I've become critical of how I look. I don't mean it in a necessarily negative way- which is odd since the word critical involves analysis and judgement by definition. I would say I'm more observational but that isn't right either because it's more than that. I look in the mirror and I seek out the changes in my body. I look in the mirror and I see how my clothes fit- or don't fit. Used to be, my glance in the mirror was to make sure my clothes didn't look too tight... to make sure that I didn't look like a sausage in that pair of pants. Now, I look to see how baggy the pants are and can I get away with wearing them and not look like a clown. Used to be I checked the mirror to make sure I had nothing in my teeth or just to give myself an encouraging smile. Now I see my face in the mirror and I'm trying to see what others say they see- that my face is slimmer and they can really see my weight loss "here" (under my chin). Still have a double chin so I wonder just how bad my chin was before? Or exactly how many chins I had? I am overdue on updating my Healthier Me page. I didn't take pics on June 1. I tried. I took a few and then a few more another day. But since my clothes are baggier, I don't feel like the change is noticable anymore. Since May 1, I've gone from 213 lb to 206 lb. There is some change, I'm sure. The other day, Christy and I had the gym all to ourselves and we stood and watched the mirror. She asked if I can see the changes in my body. Yes, I can. And... no, I can't. When I just look at myself in the mirror, it's still just me looking back. But sometimes, as I pass by, I catch an angle out of the corner of my eye that makes me stop and stare. I'm sure it looks like I'm admiring myself- the picture of vanity. But I'm not. I'm trying to remember how my hip looked before, what the rounder curve of my leg was like before. I'm also noticing that I catch the imperfections more than I used to. I used to glance in the mirror, knowing I was fat and knowing what that fat looked like. No need to focus on it- I was fat and I accepted it. Now, I'm still overweight, for sure. But I've also lost a lot of weight, for sure. And that means my body is changing. I look in the mirror and see that chin, see the pudge of my belly, see the thickness of my thighs and I am aware of what I've done to myself over the last decade. I'm aware of the choices I've made. I know the past choices don't matter because it's the choices I am making now that are my focus and my motivation and are getting me healthier and healthier. I still love myself and marvel at myself and admire the things my body can do. This isn't something that's chipping away at my self esteem or anything. But it does leave me feeling... sad? frustrated? insightful? It's something I don't want to touch on too deeply because I do feel the urge to cry sometimes. I think that's a mourning of my past self and those choices I had been making. Maybe some regret about the hard work I have to do now to make up for it. Maybe some frustration at the path ahead of me to get me to wherever it is I want to end up... (completely running that 5K on Saturday would be a nice start but we'll see). I'm still focused primarily on what my body can DO versus how my body LOOKS. I can run. I can run for exercise. I can run from the register to the back of Target and back without being winded or having to stop and walk. But sometimes... those little accomplishments seem to slip away from my mind because I get distracted by the mirror and what I do or don't see in it.

Frustration and Nurturing

FRUSTRATION I'm scared. I'm a bit down in the dumps. I'm frustrated. I can't think about it too much or I might actually shed tears. I have a very minor owie / injury that is impacting my running. I'm a week out from my first ever 5K- the race that I kind of hinged all of these goals on. Tuesday evening, I noticed some pressure in my left knee when I went from sitting to standing. By Weds, it was definite pressure and tightness- especially if I squatted down or went from sit to stand or if I fully extend my leg out straight. It hasn't gotten better. It feels like it needs to pop but it won't. There is no intense, sharp pain, nothing feels torn or cracked. I went out to run Thursday evening and had to stop - only got in a mile for my complete workout - because it did hurt when I was running. It doesn't hurt to stand or jump or bear full weight on it. I talked to my trainers at the gym on Friday. IT Band I skipped boot camp on Friday. Lunges and squats are a bad idea right now. Instead, I warmed up for 5 minutes on the stationary bike. Then I spent 25 minutes or so with the foam roller, working that IT band and some other muscles in my thigh and areas around my knee, and doing some recommended stretches. Came back to the office and iced my knee and took ibuprofen. Picked up a wrap on my way home. My trainer said the issue is the IT band and the knee pain is caused by inflamation due to the IT band and some muscle below and to the outside of my knee and the degree to which you bend your leg and... a bunch of other stuff. I'm on a rest plan for the weekend- no working out until Monday. I'm not happy. In fact, I've been downright depressed since about Thursday evening. I've been so cautious about taking care of my body and listening to it and not pushing because the one thing I want to absolutely avoid is an injury that prevents me from running the 5K. 4 months ago, I had a body that I wasn't taking care of at all. I was 240 pounds. I exercised some and I walked a bit and I ate horrible crap. And I never had a single health problem- nothing with my joints, my muscles, my tendons. Now I've lost 34 pounds and I'm stronger and healthier than I've ever been. I have muscles and can do workouts that would have killed me 6 months ago. I can run- even if I'm not to my goal just yet. I have a body that I am taking care of and care about. And now I almost have an injury that could prevent me from running the 5K. I'm going to take it one day at a time. I'm going to ice and medicate and wrap over the weekend. I'm going to go easy on my workouts next week. I'm going to pray- a lot- for healing before Saturday. NURTURE Here's the best part of this story so far. The reality of this knee thing being more than it just needing to pop or something hit me on Thursday evening. I did bathtime with the kids while Jeff ran an errand. I had a hard time kneeling beside the tub to wash my kids, I had a hard time getting up from kneeling after washing my kids. I was down in the dumps by the time he got home. He had been outside, doing some yardwork and moving some stuff around. I asked if we could spend some time just cuddling or something after he got cleaned up. I also needed a shower from my (failed) run earlier in the evening so we each went to our separate bathrooms. I had just stepped in the shower when the door opened. I share a bathroom with the kids so my first thought was that one of them had woken up and needed to potty. But it was my husband. Don't worry- family friendly blog! He stepped in the shower with me and he took care of me. He washed my hair, my arms, my legs, my back- even my armpits and feet. He took great care in rinsing away the soap and shampoo. It was a wonderfully tender time with no pressure of expectations. He nurtured me in a basic caretaking way and it was exactly what I needed. From my frustration came an act of real caring and compassion from my husband. I still don't know what next week will hold with this knee / IT band problem. I'm trying to be hopeful that the icing and ibuprofen and rest and knee wrap take care of the inflammation that is causing the pressure and that the foam roller and stretching that I will do next week will take care of the IT band. Most of all, through frustration and nurturing, I learned an important lesson. I am doing a great job taking care of my body. I have to remember to also take care of my soul- or be open to leaning on the person willing to nurture me in the down times.

Not the Saturday I'd Hoped For

By the time you read this, chances are excellent that I am in a much more uplifted state of mind. I'm usually pretty good about lifting up out of a funk or relieving stress. My day started with a run. That's usually a great thing. I decided that I wanted to challenge myself a little, to push to through the next hurdle. So I got online and looked up the map for my upcoming 5K. My plan was to follow that map. Apparently, my sense of direction- or my memory- is a little off. This is the route. The red dot shows where I first turned the wrong way. The red line shows part of my extra route. This is an end of my neighborhood that I never go through so it's unfamiliar to me.

I barely made it past a mile when I took my first walking interval. I don't know for certain what went wrong. I have theories. I wasn't hydrated. I hadn't eaten anything. The air was soupy with humidity so I know my breathing was off. I can usually get to 2 miles before I have to stop and walk to recover a bit and then I push to run and walk as needed.

This is the extra route I took. About 1.5 miles. My 3.1 intention turned into a 4.5 torture. The air was thick and muggy- did I mention that? I was running and walking intervals. I was sweating and I knew I'd gone the wrong way. I got around the park (that big circle) and realized my sneakers were rubbing sore spots on my feet. I couldn't risk blisters 2 weeks before the 5K so I took my shoes off and walked home barefoot. Tried running barefoot since I'd seen others do it and since Christy has been learning a lot about minimalist running lately.

As I turned onto our street, exhausted, sweaty, hot, miserable- I saw something great and awful. Jeff had realized that I'd been gone far too long and had packed the kids into the car and gone out to find me (great). I saw him pull off our street at the other end (awful). I staggered home and called him and then collapsed on the floor.

Got showered and headed back out. I needed to stop by the Farmer's Market for some cooking oils I'd noticed last week. Then it was off to Teagan's last soccer game- without Teagan. Teagan came home from school on Wednesday with a fever of 101. I stayed home Thursday, Jeff stayed home Friday. Friday afternoon, the fever broke but the sore throat was still present. I went to soccer to pick up Teagan's first trophy. Brought home burgers and grapes and tomatoes so we could have our own little cookout to celebrate. Hard to celebrate when she didn't feel much like eating.

I hadn't intended to take her to the doctor. I'd gotten an e-mail from the school's director on Friday evening stating that many kids were out Thurs-Fri with fevers and 3 of them now had confirmed cases of strep. But since Teagan's fever had broken and her appetite was generally still healthy and she was drinking plenty of fluids... I didn't think she needed to go to the doctor.

Then the fever came back. 101 again. So off she and I went to "Immediate Care." She and I waited for 45 minutes in the waiting room. Thankfully, there's a TV and we also brought a stuffed animal, blanket, and a small stack of books. Finally get called back and do check in with the nurse and into a room. Then we wait another long timfore we see the doctor. They confirm that it's strep throat and give us a scrip for the pink stuff (amoxicillin). 2 hours after walking in the door, we head home.

At this point, my Saturday has been no fun at all. It's been relatively stressful, in fact.

I take Teagan home and drop her off with Jeff and head to Target to get the scrip filled. And I realized that a little retail / caffeine therapy was needed. Our Target has a Starbucks in it and Mocha Lite Frappucino seemed to be calling my name... and at only 150 calories, I didn't mind the indulgence! I was reminded of fellow blogger C. Beth's recent post about her own Starbucks therapy. Amazing what a little icy caffeine can do for the soul!

Enjoyed a little retail therapy, too. Bought book #9 in the Sookie Stackhouse series. Bought the last Jennifer Weiner book that finally came out in paperback. Bought some running/gym shorts. Bought some yummy smelling shower gel. Found some great clearance deals on items ideal for the local food pantry (peanut butter and a toothpaste / tooth brush combo pack). Then came home and realized my husband needed a break from the stress of home, too. He wanted to go to the roller derby, of all things. His friend is the announcer. Watching women beat the heck out of each other while on roller skates can certainly provide some stress relief, I suppose!

Ordered in pizza for dinner, had a glass of wine, put the kids to bed and enjoyed having the house to myself for a bit.

A stressful day that didn't go as planned at all. There was no plan, actually. But we do try to get out and about as a family on a Saturday and enjoy each other's company and spend time together. So a little disappointed that the weekend has to, instead, be focused on illness and being shut in. But Jeff and I are taking turns getting out of the house. If you read this on Sunday morning, I'll be at church, singing with music team and that will definitely up my spirits. If you read this Sunday afternoon, I might be at Trader Joe's with Zach or maybe Jeff took him to Fry's (electronics).

No matter... we're getting through the weekend. And you know what?

We're doing it together, as a family.

Dinner!

Dinner- beef stew meat bought at the Farmer's Market this past Saturday, potatoes, carrots cooked in a beef broth with fresh onion and "best"ershire sauce with a dollop of sour cream.

quick snack on mtg break!

Pretend this is a pic of a Lean Cuisine meal. Noodles & chicken & broccoli & edamame & peppers. Had to eat in 5 mins before mtg.

That is 3.3 miles in 48 minutes. That includes warm up walk and cool down walk. Christy ran the whole run portion. I had to do some recovery walks after about 2 miles.