This is going to be a grumbly, complainy, mad post.
I have really struggled the past several days.
I take that back. No struggle- I've just been making crappy choices whenever I feel like it. I've made minimal effort and haven't really thought about my choices. So no struggle- just bad choices.
I'm hoping that this morning was my turning point. I don't know why but I decided to swing through the Hardee's drive thru- just to get a Diet Dr. Pepper. It was truly my intent. But then I found myself staring at the "fully loaded burrito." It's bad because of the big tortilla, the large amount of cheese, and the 3 different kinds of processed crap, er, meat. BAD. There is NOTHING about this menu item that is a good choice. There is nothing on the menu at Hardee's EVER that is a healthy choice. EVER.
But I ordered it. And I ate it. I got halfway through and thought "If I throw it out the window now, it will be a half serving instead of a full serving." But I kept eating- figured I could take it to 3/4 of a serving. Then I ate every bite. I felt gross almost right away when my head cleared and I realized what I'd done. Part of me started to imagine pulling over and making myself throw it back up. But I can't make myself throw up- the idea makes my skin crawl.
I came to work and forced myself to plug in the info on Weight Watchers.
20 points. I get 34 points a day and I just consumed more than I have normally consumed by 4 pm within the first hour of my day.
I don't know if I want to cry or curl up in a ball or what. This sucks. I'm not one to wallow in regret but I sure am today. I feel like I need to be on a liquid diet the rest of the day.
So... silver lining... this will definitely inspire me to get to the gym today at lunch. I am going to the YMCA this evening to learn the strength training equipment so there is another opportunity to burn some of this bad choice off my body.
This is also the most honest and open I've been about my eating habit. It feels weird to be so honest- to confess. Maybe part of food's power is the shame associated with our choices?
Last week, I didn't get to the gym as often as I wanted to and my diet was mediocre. Weigh in is later today and I'm guessing I will regret it- I'm betting on at least a 2 lb gain this week. Check back in this afternoon...
I lied. Check back tomorrow. Went to the gym, did 2 miles in intervals (yay! I ran!), and completely forgot about the scale.
3/13 Update: Well, color me shocked! I lost my bet. Not a 2 pound gain at all. In fact, it's a 2 lb loss! Say what?? My eating habits Fri-Sun were pretty crappy and then there was this whole burrito incident. But somehow, I'm still doing better than I was before! And I worked off that burrito yesterday- did my 2 miles running intervals at the gym at lunch, walked 30 miles on a slight incline at the Y in the evening, and then did a strength circuit at the Y. I feel great today!