WWW: Happiness Is...

Several years ago, when I was pregnant with Teagan, I directed a community theatre production of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." One of my favorite songs from it was "Happiness Is..." I believe you choose happiness and happiness also just happens- but you have to be open to it to recognize it. I believe that happiness is really about appreciating the little things that are around you. Happiness is... Finding a pencil Pizza with sausage Telling the time I believe that children can teach us a lot about happiness... if we let them. Happiness is... Learning to whistle Tying your shoe for the very first time Happiness is... Playing the drum in your own school band I believe that we can find happiness in most moments. There will always be tragedies, hard times, trauma. And happiness will be hard to see in that moment. And happiness is walking hand in hand Happiness is realizing that you have people beside you in those hard times. That you have a hand to hold as you find your way through a tragedy. Happiness is... Two kinds of ice cream Knowing a secret Climbing a tree But then there are accomplishments. Confidences. Connections. Happiness is... Five different crayons Catching a firefly, setting him free... Diversity. Doing the right thing. Celebrating differences. Freedom. Happiness is... Being alone every now and then And happiness is coming home again. Time for myself. Time on my own. Being with my kids. Being with my husband. Being with my mom, my dad, my brothers, my family (even without cauliflower). Happiness is... Morning and evening Day time and night time too. For happiness is anyone and anything at all That's loved by you. Waking up. Going to sleep. The things and people I love. Yup. Those are all happiness for me. Happiness is... Having a sister Sharing a sandwich Getting along Now this one reminds me of Christy. My chosen sister. With whom I often share food and a love of food. And life is best when we are in our stride, on the same wavelength. Happiness is... Singing together when the day is through And happiness is those who sing with you. Music. Friends. Singing with my kids. And back to the most important... Happiness is... Morning and evening Day time and night time too. For happiness is anyone and anything at all That's loved by you. Happiness is love. When I choose to love my husband... when I choose to love my kids... when I choose to love other people... when I choose to love myself... when I choose to love God... when I choose to love the people hardest to love... that is when I truly find Happiness. Would you please also take a moment to go visit my friend, Teacher Tom? He wrote, by chance, on this same subject yesterday and his words are wise and wonderful!

Live Happy

I've written about Happiness a bunch of times on this blog - I guess it's one of those themes in my life.  I think life is most fulfilling when we have happiness, joy, peace, and all those other warm fuzzy type things.

I think happiness can be simple or complex.  I think happiness can come in a season of joy or in a season of sorrow.

And I think some people spend a lot of time and energy pursuing happiness, never stopping to allow happiness to just be part of living.

Last week, I received an email about a new magazine called Live Happy.  I received an online version of the mag to peruse.  And I flipped through a few pages and was hooked.

I think one of the main reasons I don't read magazines is because it seems like most of what is out there is either bad news or somehow going to leave me feeling "less than."

I don't do the news magazines because it's all bad news - wars and crime and disasters.

I stopped doing parenting magazines as my kids got a little older.  I don't need ideas on toilet training and I don't need to know how to introduce solids.

I'm not into celebrities or entertainment news.

I like the idea of fitness or healthy living magazines but most of them leave me feeling like I'm not measuring up.

I'm not into fashion or beauty or home decor.

But I am totally into happiness.  How to live a happy life, how to share happiness with others, how to make the world a happier place.

The first thing that caught my eye was the opening from the Editor - Karol DeWulf Nickell.  Four main points are made and each struck a chord with me.

- Happiness is a lifelong journey that is different for each of us.
- Authentic happiness is the kind that lasts.
- Understanding happiness takes an open mind.
- Applying happiness is easy to do and its effect multiplies with repetition.

The premiere issue had an article on teaching kids about compassionate giving.  It had some easy to make gift ideas (easy enough that I could even make them).  Articles on people doing happy things, articles on why finding your life partner is part of happiness, book suggestions, happiness in a family system, being thankful.

I read through it and actually jotted down some notes.  Things I wanted to try, ideas that sat with me.

What I really like about this magazine is that it's not just a bunch of fluff.  This premiere issue isn't about "dressing in these bright colors will make you happy" or "here's a magic elixir that guarantees happiness" or "make you rhome happy by decorating like this" or anything like that.  As one article states, "True contentment takes more than mirth and smiley faces. Meaning and service to others are essential elements of the well lived life."

And now there's this magazine with ideas on those elements, ways to have meaning, ideas for giving.

If you see a copy out there... pick it up and flip through it.  Maybe it will speak to you the way it spoke to me.

Life balance
Healthy living
Time with family
Generosity toward others
Fun with friends
Compassionate giving
Psychology
Understanding of self
Faith, spirituality

Where do you want to focus on right now?  Where are you lacking in the happiness department?  Where are you doing great or making strides (or even baby steps)?

Happiness is...

Back when I was still involved in community theatre, I wound up, through a series of events outside of my control, volunteering to direct "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." It was a great show. The cast bonded remarkably and had so much fun bringing these characters to life. There is a song in the show that frequently pops into my head and I love it because I can so easily make up my own lyrics. The lyrics are a bunch of things that kids find bring them happiness- crayons and telling time and tying your shoe. My favorite lyrics... For happiness is anyone and anything at all That's loved by you. When I think about happiness that way, I realize that there is a lot in my life that brings me happiness. And that love and happiness breed more love and happiness. For example. It's all a cycle. The more I can bring about happiness, the deeper the love in our family grows.

I love my family. My husband, my son, my daughter, our dog.

I love my kids. They bring me indescribable happiness (most days, anyway). My son loves his sister. There is nothing better than big sis for playing and laughing. And how can that not bring everyone happiness? Teagan loves ballet class. This is beyond happiness. This is joy in its purest form. And how could I ever be part of all of this love and joy and happiness and not be part of the happiness, too? I watch my son's face light up when his sister enters the room. I watch my daughter leap and jump and plie and twirl. I watch my husband guide and teach and joke. I watch. And am fulfilled.

Happiness is... being a mom.

Happiness and Humility

We had a great sermon this past Sunday. Our pastor is a fun guy (if you watched our talent show videos, you can hear him laughing and calling out suggestions- he's the one who called out "flush the toilet" in my improv skit). He's doing a new sermon series and he kicked it off by dressing in tie dye, a long hair wig, and birkenstocks. And he's encouraging all of us to wear our tie dye every week. For the record, I don't own any tie dye anything so a trip to Goodwill might be in my future.

It was a good sermon to kick off the series. The main point was to live a life of humility (meaning to be dependent on God) and to choose happiness.

"The popular idea of happiness is having the right circumstances. That's called 'when and then' thinking. God's way to happiness is having the right attitude."

"Humility doesn't mean you think less of yourself but that you think of yourself less. Humility gives you more time to think of others."

Sometimes, I'm really struck by how life works. I've had experiences where I really connect to something in a sermon or through prayer and then I'm specifically challenged in that area within days.

This was one of those experiences.

A sermon on humility.

Monday morning, a co-worker comes into my office. It's a regular occurence for this person to stop by. They've made some major changes over the past few months and have lost a lot of weight. It's very impressive and we've had some lengthy and interesting conversations on the subject of health and weight.

This person has been sharing their plans with me- get to a certain weight and then start a fitness routine. Shares with me this new plan... they had gone out to run and ended up doing 3.1 miles (5K) and it was great so the new plan is to run 5K every day. I was surprised- given my experience with running, jumping right in to running 3 miles everyday isn't what any runner I know would ever advise. My face must have given away what I was thinking because the next comment- the exiting comment (and I wish I could capture this person's tone because how this was said is important)- was:

"What? It's just a 5K. That's nothing! That's easy! Who can't do that?"

Huh.

I've been at this running thing for a year. I still can't run the entire distance in a 5K. At this point, I can't even run an entire mile without walk intervals.

It's one thing to say "I ran 5K and felt really great about it!" I'm all for those kinds of statements. I like to share in the joy of someone's accomplishment. I love to be a cheerleader. I'm great at supporting people, encouraging people.

That whole humility thing up there... being on the other end and hearing someone not only share what they've done but also degrade what others do... I didn't like it.

Humility doesn't mean you think less of yourself. It means you think of yourself less.

It's easy, sometimes, to confuse confidence and assurance with egoism. I'm sure there are people who think I'm full of myself.

There are even more people, though, who know me and know what I give to others and have experienced my kindness and my compassion and my enthusiasm.

If we all spent time thinking of ourselves less... loving ourselves, being proud of ourselves, being happy with ourselves but thinking of ourselves, our wants, our desires, our accomplishments, and even struggles less... what kind of world would this be? If we all put out an energy that gave more emphasis to the thoughts and feelings and struggles and accomplishments of others, I'm guessing that there would be a lot more compassion flowing freely all around.

Which was the point of the sermon. Happiness and humility go hand in hand. So maybe my challenge for the next time I'm faced with someone who is egotistical or who feels better about themselves by putting someone else down is not to get bristly about, not to get angry or hurt. But instead to realize that they, perhaps, are seeking happiness.

April Goals - #Happiness and #Health

April is almost here! It's just days away. I slacked off on setting goals back in March.

The March goal for The Happiness Project focused on happiness at work - "Aim Higher." Here's the thing - I'm the happiest at work that I've been in a couple of years. I've had times in my career that I've been truly miserable and times that I've been really thrilled. And I'm in a place now where I'm really happy. I'm building relationships, I'm getting things done. I'm in a newer set of responsibilities and I'm learning more and feeling like I understand more. So I didn't feel like I needed to set goals there.

I've been very consistent on my healthy living goals. I exercise or am active every day. I have been eating mostly right. I have a vacation with my daughter coming up and that is certainly keeping me motivated to stay on top of my goals!

I didn't read anything in March. I have no excuses. I just didn't pick up a book.

So now March is ending and April is days away and I'm ready to have goals again!

APRIL GOALS

Physical Health
Continue daily exercise - finish 21 Day Fix and then either repeat or start a new program.
Continue healthy food choices.
Continue healing my plantar fasciitis. It's getting better. Massage, careful activity, ice/meds when needed.

Mental Health
Reading! First, I plan to read A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - the poetry of Mr. Rogers. Then, I'm moving to On the Come Up by Angie Thomas.

I want to do something creative - still. And it plays in to my Happiness Project goals!

The Happiness Project - Parenthood "Lighten Up"
I'm going to set my own goals in this area instead of following what Gretchen Rubin did specifically.

Family creative project. I want all of us to go to one of those canvas painting places. There are several close by that do family events. And then I want to hang our artwork in our home.

Bedtime. My biggest place of frustration in parenting is often bedtime. My kids are 11 and 14 years old and they still want mom or dad to be part of bedtime. I want to treasure it, to be patient through it, and not to focus on my own tiredness. So for April, I'm going to make an effort to make bedtime more focused on my kids and giving them what they want/need. I want that time to feel more loving and connected.

Until next time,
Liz

The Year of Happiness

It may sound cheesy.

It may be setting myself up for disappointment.

But I've decided that the goals I'm working on this year are leading me to focus on Happiness.

2012 was the start of a lot of years of upcoming hard stuff. Layoffs and big changes at work. Unexpected new job (same company) at work. Leaving our church after 11 years. Finding a new church. Zach's cancer scare. Various health issues for me and Jeff. Illnesses for the kids - typical stuff but it seemed to come in waves.

Something about this year feels different.

Not that life is going to be sunshine and roses and no problems. Life is all about handling and surviving hardships.

But this year, as 2018 began to fade and 2019 was coming into view, I began to feel like I had the opportunity to make things better.

A big part of this adjustment is taking some control over my physical health. At the end of June, I decided it was time to take back this part of living. I'd last been successfully and consistently healthy and active back in (you guessed it) 2012. In 2012, I did the Dirty Girl Mud Run, I took a spinning class and did a long bike ride (The Girlfriend Ride). The year before, I did a half marathon.

Life got super hard and I just let it slip away. And I gained weight. Quite a bit of weight.

So in June, I knew it was time to get really serious about taking back control of my health as best I could - with a good nutrition plan and with daily exercise. Thanks to finding Beachbody and Shakeology, I had help in getting both of those things under control.

So in 2018, I started to take control.

In 2019, I want to take it to the next step. I want to be happier. I want to continue to improve my physical health but I also want to do maintenance checks and work on happiness. Enter the book "The Happiness Project." I also want to keep my mind engaged and sharp by reading more - and maybe reading better. I blogged last week about my January goals.

How am I doing?

10K steps per day - check

I've also kept to my goal of only drinking water, tea, coffee. No soda!

Reading - Because I have to be able to concentrate when reading Frankenstein, I have not made as much progress this week as I'd like. I think I will need to get creative on how to get more reading time in - like, dinners where we can read while we eat or something. But I definitely need to find times to read more where I can really concentrate.

Vitality
Go to bed earlier - I am getting the amount of sleep I need (see the Fitbit review above). I'm making an effort to get to bed between 10-10:30. It definitely takes effort.

Exercise - definitely meeting this goal.

Declutter/organize - Meh. We've done a lot of purging in the past couple of months. I think I'm seeing this goal as more about making the effort to stay on top of keeping our living spaces livable. I'm doing ok but again - it will take more effort.

Complete tasks - I have made my list. Now I have to work on completing the tasks.

Act energetic - I have made myself be active at times I didn't want to be. I definitely do believe in the "fake it until you make it" way of thinking.

One week of the new year is done. I feel good about the progress I've made!

Until next time,
Liz

15 Days In - January

January is halfway through. The first month of 2019 is halfway done. Can you believe it?

Time for my weekly check in on my January goals! 

To review: 

Physical Health
10,000 steps per day
Drink water (no soda)

Brain Work
Read the classic Frankenstein

The Happiness Project
Go to bed earlier
Exercise
Declutter/organize
Complete tasks
Act more energetic

Physical health goals are going great! I lost weight July - Oct in preparation for our trip to Disney. I gained at Disney, came home and lost most of it, then the holidays hit. I basically maintained over the holidays and now it's time to get back to losing. In January, I've lost 5 lb and am back to where I was when we left for Disney. Daily exercise meets my daily 10k steps goal and is part of my Happiness Project vitality focus to exercise daily. I've started a new Beachbody Program - Shaun T's Transform:20. 20 intense minutes, 6 days per week. It's a step program but not like old school step aerobics. It's also about transforming whatever thing inside of you holds you back from achieving, succeeding. In order to make my step goal, I workout twice. Once is the new program and then I do whatever I choose. Walk if I can or I've been enjoyed some old school Shaun T like Hip Hop abs. 

In December, I had the same daily goal of 10k steps per day and I tracked and measured daily. In January, I'm still focused on the daily goal but if I miss a day, I am confident I can balance out the miss over the next day or two. I want the weekly focus to show 10K steps on average per day. 

My other physical health oriented goal is No Soda. I had slipped into enjoying diet soda in December. For me, it's a bad habit because it can lead to regular soda. I'm also not a fan of artificial sweetener. Water is the healthiest option so that's what I've been sticking with! I like to add fruit - lemon, lime, or pineapple.

Keeping my brain healthy is another goal this year. January's goal is to read the classic novel, Frankenstein. It takes serious focus to read the old language and style of writing. I'm really enjoying it. I am delayed in reading because I misplaced my copy for about a week. Thankfully, I found it again and am back to it. 

Vitality is the focus in January for The Happiness Project. I have to say that I am feeling the most success so far with the going to bed earlier. Over the holidays, being able to sleep later in the morning meant that bedtime was getting later and later. Focusing on getting to be by 10 or 10:30 so I can get up at 5:20 to workout means I'm getting around 7 hours of sleep per night. Which works well for me! I'm clearly exercising regularly so that one's pretty easy. And keeping up with that 10k step and exercising goal means I don't have time to act like I don't have energy - all I can do is act energetic! 

So the other part of vitality comes down to organization and such. Not my areas of skill. I have not tackled a decluttering or organization project. However, over the holidays, we did major purging and organizing in our home. So I've adjusted this goal to mean that I keep up with maintaining the work we've done. And I have! I feel like friends could drop by anytime and I'd be comfortable inviting them in. There is still mess and my home certainly wouldn't meet the standards of some folks - and that's ok. 

And finally - completing tasks. Or what feels like Adulting. I've made a list of things to get done. I've completed one thing - packing up and putting away Christmas stuff. A project finish in the bathroom (installing baseboards) is in process (we bought the stuff, now Jeff just has to finish it). The other things on the list - I just have to get serious and make them happen. To hold myself accountable, I'm sharing the rest of the list. 

Phone call to health insurance 
Schedule mammogram
Schedule annual eye check   Done as of 1/15!
Get patches sewn onto Teagan's TKD uniform
Shampoo living room/dining room carpet
Schedule a painting or pottery painting thing
Figure out living room light switch (in other words, nag Jeff about replacing it)

Overall, I'd say it's going well! 

Until next time,
Liz

A Question of Love

I have to admit that I haven't been a regular viewer of MSNBC... until Election Night. I was flipping from one news channel to the next, hooked on all the coverage.

 I'd heard of Keith Olbermann and my husband explained the Ben Affleck on SNL skit to me... I'd never seen the guy so what did I know?

And then someone sent me this link to MSNBC. Olbermann gave a statement about Prop 8 and gay marriage. And it is powerful and poetic and I couldn't agree more with all he has to say. I know I don't have huge readership... but I do hope you will read the transcript (either at the link, where you can also watch his statement, or below where I have copied and pasted it). Maybe this will say something to you to show you a different side of the issue. Maybe you will be inspired to pass this along to friends and family and message boards. Or maybe you will still harden your heart to love. All I ask is that you read or watch with as open a mind as you can give.

***

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."

***

Love's Discovery

I discovered the Indigo Girls in high school. I loved their sound, I could sing both vocal parts, I dreamed of going to their concert and being plucked from the crowd to sing with them (never happened, of course). This was one of my favorite songs because I thought it was about heartbreak and lost loves and so on. I thought it captured the deepness of what I now recognize as “teen angst.” I recently rediscovered the Girls. And listened to this song. And listened again and again and again and it spoke to me completely differently. I know of at least 2 married couples going through hard times right now. 1 working through some stuff, the other falling apart and in early stages of divorce. Neither of these relationships are intimately known to me but both are marriages that involve children and my heart always hurts especially in those situations. Some of the best marriage advice I ever heard was that when times are hard, turn in towards each other. When you are angry with your spouse, don’t run to your friends, your mom, your in-laws and spout off and vent and so on. Turn towards your spouse and work through it together. I know it doesn’t always work that way. But when you choose to run around and get input and advice and insight from 15 other people instead of keeping the issues inside your marriage and between the 2 people involved in the conflict, you are doing nothing helpful and everything hurtful. Can love be recovered? Can we weather the storms of life? Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together

They've all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather

And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast

To the slim chance of love's recovery. Searching for fairer weather… grass is always greener. The bottom line is that it’s easy to be restless and searching and believing that there is something better out there. But what happens if we hunker down and endure the storm? What happens if we stay together for the sake of the slim chance of love’s recovery? There I am in younger days, star gazing,

Painting picture perfect maps of how my life and love would be

Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection

My compass, faith in love's perfection

I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen This one really rings true for me now! It held such a different meaning when I was in my younger days and I had all these ideas about life and love and the path ahead of me. I thought I had so much figured out. But I didn’t know anything. And while I do believe that life has happened the way it has to bring me to this point, I also know that I have missed some paths because I refused to see them. Faith, in love’s perfection. I used to think that was a very romantic line and that love was perfect and all those paths were to distract me from finding my one true perfect love. I think it’s missed that love isn’t perfect and that’s why the starry eyed youth me missed out on chances to build and choose love and learn from those lessons. Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream

I search for our absolute distinction

Not content to bow and bend

To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures

Eating us away, eating us away

Eating us away to our extinction Whims of culture… All those outside voices and pressures to pull you away, turn you away, point you in a different direction. To show you what you don’t have, to make you feel what you are lacking. Whims of culture, tempting you, swooping, eating… extinction. Never seeing your own blessings, never working on the happiness that already surrounds you, never accepting yourself and loving yourself as you are, always wanting to be better, do better, go faster, go higher… never being satisfied. Never allowing life to be uncomplicated. Never enjoying the simple beauty of settling. The whims of culture… until we are extinct. Our selves extinct, our relationships extinct. Always seeking happiness instead of choosing to be happy with what you have already chosen. Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me

I'd still have two of the same to live

But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as specks of dust we're universal

To let this love survive would be the greatest gift that we could give Nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal. This is it. Make the best of what you have right now. To let this love survive would be the greatest gift that we could give. That love that Jeff and I work on and choose to keep alive, in the midst of all the storms and temptations and ideals, is the greatest gift we can give our children, our friends, our families, our communities, and each other. Tell all the friends who think they're so together

That these are ghosts and mirages, these thoughts of fairer weather

Though it's storming out I feel safe within the arms of love's discovery You have to stop looking for it to be better somewhere else, with someone else, having something else. If you move to Florida for the sunshine, you also risk the hurricanes. If you move to Indiana for the 4 seasons, you also get blizzards and tornadoes. No matter where you go, if you aren’t happy with what you already are and already have, you will always be searching and restless. Though it’s storming out, I feel safe within the arms… of love’s discovery. Figuring out that it’s already here and with you. You don’t have to fight the storm from out in the middle of it, alone. It’s all around you and you can wait it out together. You can face it head on together. The point is to do it together. And I think that “love’s discovery” is about realizing that you already have it. It’s already around you. It isn’t about butterflies in your stomach and roses and chocolates (but chocolate never hurts, mind you) and longing gazes and romance. Those romantic gestures don’t define love. Love is hard work and hard choices and hard sacrifices and hard compromises. And when you start doing the hard things together… when you realize that the storm can rage around you and not tear you apart… when you’ve done the hard work to secure the home and family and commit to your partner… when your home and family are strong in the foundation and you are committed to being the safe, warm and comforting place where husband, wife, children can fall, can fight, can love, can cry, can celebrate… that is love’s discovery.

Oh, Bother.

I am down in the dumps today. I hate days like this. I'm good at getting out of the funk so bear with me. The church thing is still weighing on my mind. I know I need to call my pastor and speak to him directly. But I still feel like I have inner things to work out about it first. I'm a huge fan of the blog Cake Wrecks. I've linked you to today's entry specifically because... a week or so ago, I spotted a Wreck. It was in a bakery case at a local grocery store and it just wasn't right. This morning, the Cake Wrecks post goes up... I see the teaser in my Blogger Dashboard... it's MY cake!!! I go to the page... it's not my entry, not my name. The cake is being made generically by bakeries all over, I guess. So... here's my pic of the wreck I found... Guess I just have to keep Wreck-spotting for a while. I discovered the big reason for today's melancholy, though. Teagan is 3 years and almost 8 months old. Aside from necessary bang trimming, she has never had a haircut. Miss Lisa cuts hair. She's cut my hair before. She does haircuts in her kitchen in the evenings. She sometimes does an afternoon of kid cuts after naptime at daycare. For the longest time, Teagan had zero interest in getting her hair cut but she loved coming home with ponytails and braids that Lisa did for her. For the last week, Teagan has been asking to have Miss Lisa cut her hair. Zach is also very ready for his first haircut. So I told Teagan that we would talk to Lisa and set up an evening when we could get both haircuts done. We keep talking about it and have been talking to Lisa, trying to figure out a time that would work. This morning, Teagan asked again. Here's the thing. She isn't whining or demanding when she asks. She's just asking and is excited about it. She is being persistent but is doing everything we ask her to do- use your words, normal voice, etc. So we are at Lisa's and Teagan asks me to ask Lisa if Lisa will cut her hair today. I tell Teagan she can ask Lisa herself. Teagan's normal response would be to ask me to ask for her. And she started to say that... and then changed her mind, went over to Lisa, and asked if Lisa would cut her hair today. Lisa said yes. Teagan asked if she would cut Zach's hair too. Lisa said no- Mommy and Daddy want to be here for Zach's first haircut. But this is also Teagan's first hair cut. I could have spoken up and asked that we wait until both kids can have their hair cut in the evening. But Teagan was doing everything right. So I sacrificed my moment for her happiness. Happiness is... a first haircut. Sacrifice is... not being there for it. And then Teagan melted and broke my heart... she is bubbling with the excitement of having Lisa cut her hair... and she turns to Lisa and says... "Will you make it look just like my Mommy's?" Yup... I'm getting all weepy right now. *sigh* Being a mom who works full time away from home really sucks sometimes.

6 Words: Happiness

Happiness is...

Recognizing life's many blessings!

 

One Choice

It's the New Year and that means many people are setting goals and resolutions. I'm no exception. I don't have a vision for all of 2019 but I do want to set monthly goals.

Here are my overall 2019 areas of focus.

Body - Health
In 2018, I lost 35 lb. I want to lose more. At least 15-20 more lb. The best way for me to achieve this goal is to break it down into manageable steps.

January Goals
10,000 steps per day - achieved through working out and walking.
No soda - drink water, 1 cup of coffee per day, hot or iced tea is ok.

Mind - Reading
I grew up reading constantly. I enjoy reading. But in the past few years, I tend to stop and start and not consistently read. Instead of just setting a goal to read 1-2 books per month, I plan to commit to a specific book each month. 

January's book is the classic Frankenstein.

The Happiness Project

My sister-in-law recommended this book and I received it for Christmas. While I know that I'm supposed to figure out my own path to Happiness, I like the idea of reading this book month by month since I happened to start it exactly on New Year's Day and it's written with monthly themes.

January's focus is Vitality.

• Go to bed earlier
• Exercise
• Declutter/organize
• Complete tasks
• Act more energetic

It might feel like a lot to take on. But most of these things are already in place in my life. This just helps me sharpen the focus. Prioritize.

As I made my breakfast this morning, I was reminded that goals are achieved with each choice I make. If I choose to sit down and watch TV instead of exercising or reading, I am choosing not to focus on my goals. Sometimes, that's ok. But with each choice, I either stay focused or I don't. When I make a meal, I either make healthy choices or I don't. When I put water in my cup instead of Diet Coke, I'm making a choice. So it's just a matter of intentionally making choices throughout the day. Sometimes that feels less overwhelming. One choice at a time. Even if I make a bad choice, I don't have to throw away the whole day. The next choice can be better.

The next choice can always be better.

Until next time,
Liz

Re-Introduction

I used to blog very regularly. Now, not so much. Which means I may be disconnected from you. Or maybe we haven't met before.

I'm Liz. I'm married to Jeff. We live in Indiana. Our kids are Teagan (she's almost 14 years old) and Zach (he turned 11 recently). Our dog is Bandit - he's a rescued chihuahua-esque cutie with his own hashtag #BanditioPoochito on Twitter and Instagram. Jeff and I both work full time. The kids go to the local public school. We are very involved in our church. We are a liberally minded family. We also love Disney - movies and World. In a lot of ways, we are just a basic, typical, white, suburban family.

Sometimes, I blog about faith. Or about life in general. Sometimes, I write about my political opinions or issues about social justice. Sometimes, I blog about healthy living and getting healthier. I like to dive deep into life and faith and trying to improve myself as a parent, a spouse, a friend, and so on.

In 2019, I am focusing on improving my physical health (diet and exercise), sharpening my mind (reading consistently), and improving my happiness (The Happiness Project).

Things I might blog about include:

Parenting a teenager and a tween is not for the faint of heart or those without a backbone.

Faith is fluid. It shifts and changes. Sometimes that can be scary.

Friends are vital.

Surviving parenthood and keeping a marriage in tact and happy is a unique challenge. I want my husband to be my best friend. I want us to like each other after the kids are gone.

Rekindling or finding new creativity.

Until next time,
Liz

Welcome to Feel Good Friday!

Feel Good Friday is a weekly meme hosted by The Girl Next Door Grows Up (click the button above and go visit her!). She has been on a "blog-cation" this week and I offered to host her meme so she could sit back and relax. I really hope that her readers will come link up- and maybe some of mine will join in, too! Here's how FGF works: Choose a prompt, blog about it, link up below! The prompts: ◦Just make a list. List 5 things that made you really happy this week. No matter how bad or boring you think your week was, I bet you can find 5 things. ◦Write about something that happened to you this week that really made you smile. Was it your child, husband, or maybe a complete stranger did to you? ◦Write about something that YOU did for someone else that really made them happy or laugh. ◦Is there something you treasure so much that every single time you look at it, it brings you happiness? Post a pic and tell everyone about it. ◦Having a hard week and can’t find one good thing about it? Well then, what is your happy place? What do you think of that makes you happy? A past vacation? A childhood memory? We want to know! ***** I have to say that it has been a tough week. A tough couple of weeks. Certainly, things could be worse. But having achild who is in that negative place of acting out behavior every. single. day... it wears on you. It's hard on me, my husband, my son, my marriage, and on my daughter- even though she's the one making these choices. Last week, when it was really smacking me upside the head, I don't know that I could have responded to much very positively. I was very mired in the whole thing and spent a lot of time working it out, figuring it out, developing a game plan. It's a pretty typical way for me to handle a difficult time. The next pretty typical step for me is to try to find fun things. To be silly. Especially when I can't just be the fun mom with my kids- when I have to sacrifice fun times because my daughter hasn't earned the privilege. So the things that I have found happiness in this week include (but are not limited to): - Taking silly pictures of my haircut. - Watching Big Brother with my husband (it's an ultimate guilty pleasure for us and a fantastic way to escape... but it also scares us to think that our child might someday end up a reality TV show star). - White Sangria - Pay day - A Massage - My little boy refusing to let me kiss him... because he wants to kiss me instead! - Finding a way to help a friend - New running shoes (post to come on that- bought these shoes as a temporary pair until I figure out how to run) - Having a husband who is very serious about us parenting our children together - Watching the birds twitter about each evening in the trees outside my living room window - Laughing with friends -Normal phone conversations with my mom; I love that we are friends! ***** Your turn!! Focus on the positive! Feel good this Friday! Link up below!!

Contradictions

I read something on The Atlantic's website and I really felt like sharing it. http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200811/multiple-personalities "If you ask people which makes them happier, work or vacation, they will remind you that they work for money and spend the money on vacations. But if you give them a beeper that goes off at random times, and ask them to record their activity and mood each time they hear a beep, you’ll likely find that they are happier at work. Work is often engaging and social; vacations are often boring and stressful. Similarly, if you ask people about their greatest happiness in life, more than a third mention their children or grandchildren, but when they use a diary to record their happiness, it turns out that taking care of the kids is a downer—parenting ranks just a bit higher than housework, and falls below sex, socializing with friends, watching TV, praying, eating, and cooking." I must be quite the minority. I am definitely happier at home or on vacation than at work. Not that I am unhappy at work. But I would just rather be wherever my kids are. Taking care of the kids is a downer? Not for me. It's stressful sometimes. It is hard work a lot of the time. But I feel happiest when I am out with my kids, playing and exploring. You wouldn't have known that had you seen us in a restaurant for breakfast this morning. But it really is the truth. When I am at work, I will always prefer to leave, get my kids, go to the park, go home, whatever. But, another part of the truth is that I do enjoy and value my job. I like having a lunch break. I like having the ability to use my brain to problem solve warehousing and inventory and production problems and not just constant demands for candy or nose wiping or finding the right blue crayon. When I am sitting on the couch and my Teagan is dancing around the living room, gleefully singing a made up song about loving her Mommy and Daddy... there is no where else I would rather be. And on the flip side, when Teagan is having a meltdown, a tantrum, an out of control fit, there isn't anyone else I would want there, dealing with it with her. There are other people I trust with her, of course. Others that I know would guide her through the difficult emotions bringing on the meltdown. But, in all honesty, if she is going to be screaming and crying, I want to be there with her. So I get the point of the article. And maybe I'm just an oddball. And maybe part of the problem with the world today is that so many parents do want to find as many ways as possible to not be with their kids. I don't know. I don't claim to have any answers. So read the article and then share your POV. I'd love to hear what others think. Are you happy with your life and each moment as it comes? Are you frequently wishing you were somewhere else, wishing for something different? If you are truly happy, share it. And if you aren't, let's figure out what you need to do to get happy with all that you have!

#RespectTheTurkey

Let's start a movement.  A hashtag movement.  Or just a regular old movement.

It's not Christmas yet!

Yes, Halloween is over.

Novemeber has just begun.  And the deluge of ads and music and decorations is upon us.  Green and red have become the colors of the season.

And I'm simply not ready yet.

Thanksgiving comes first.  I take this stance each year.  I won't be listening to carols or turning on lights or putting up my tree.

I can understand shopping for presents or making crafts - I think those are things you can do year round.

But I think we tend to jump the gun when it comes to the Christmas season.

Here's what I like about Thanksgiving.  It's not some glamorous holiday.  There isn't much commercialism to it.  It's a simple holiday with a simple ideal - giving thanks.  Being thankful is key to being happy, being fulfilled.

Here's what I dislike about Christmas cropping up before Halloween.  You lose your momentum, it lacks specialness.  When Christmas is part of life for 1/6 of the year, it becomes part of the everyday.

I think we want to celebrate Christmas early because we like the warm fuzzy of it.  We like the memories, the magic, the food, the giving.  But there's no reason not to celebrate those things thorughout the year - we can give compassionately any time, we can feed the poor or make a family meal any time, we can recall fond memories or make new memories any time.  There's no reason to wait for Christmas to make all those things happen.

Maybe we seek Christmas early each year because we're seeking happiness.

And maybe we need to stop and let happiness find us first.

And maybe a solid focus on the month leading up to Thanksgiving as a time to prepare our hearts for being thankful, to truly recognize our blessings, to see the miracles around us each and every day... maybe that's how we actually #RespectTheTurkey.  Thanksgiving lays a wonderful groundwork for Christmas.  By being compassionate, blessed, thankful, our hearts are more prepared to see and meet the needs of others.  Maybe focusing on Thanksgiving will help us reduce the commercialism of Christmas and focus on the meaning of the season, the good that can come from the holiday.

Join me! #RespectTheTurkey!

What Are You Reading?

I love to read.  I wish I had more time to read.  It's not uncommon for me to get sucked into a book and sit on the couch for most of an afternoon devouring it.  Well, it was a lot more common before having kids.

I was recently provided with a copy of The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken and it's my current "read at every spare moment book."  It's the first novel by Mari Passananti and I'm finding it to be very entertaining.  I was fully engaged with the main character within the first chapter. 

In Mari Passananti’s debut novel, The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken (Rutland Sqaure Press, July 2011), she explores the recognizable and relatable world of heartbreak, dating, and self-discovery that is uniquely characteristic to early adulthood. Zoe Clark thinks her world will implode when her fiancé dumps her on the eve of their wedding. After nearly a decade with her college sweetheart, Zoe is thrust back into the unpredictable New York dating scene. And her problems don’t end there. Zoe works a less-than-ideal job, managing other people’s careers while her own ambitions wither.


Enter Oscar Thornton. He’s handsome, charming, attentive and rich - the perfect boyfriend. But does he harbor a dark secret? Or will Zoe torpedo her newfound happiness by indulging in a far-fetched suspicion?

The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken is a hugely appealing novel that tells the story of a young woman who sets out to find a man to solve her problems. Instead she finds herself facing her own shortcomings, testing her oldest friendships and realizing that true happiness has to come from within. A coming-of-age tale for the modern woman, The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken is a charming, funny and poignant novel with a suspenseful twist that will keep readers turning the pages.

Packed with snappy dialogue and playful wit, The Hazards of Hunting While Heartbroken will strike a chord with any woman who’s ever allowed herself to think, “My life would be perfect, if I could just meet the right guy…”
 
I should be about done with the book within the next week or so... I long for the days when I could sit down and read a book in completion on a quiet Sunday afternoon.  These days, reading means finding a few spare minutes in waiting room or before my head crashes into my pillow at night.  But I will say that Hazards has kept me interested and I keep picking it up again and again to read more!
 
I'd like to share the book with you!  Leave a comment telling me what you are currently reading and what you think of the book so far.  You can enter a second time if you tell me about your favorite book of all time.  For all who participate in the commenting, I'll draw a name of someone to send it to once I'm done.  One of my favorite parts of reading is being able to share a good book with a friend!
 

Oh There's No Place Like Fragments on Friidaaay!

Friday Frags are here... Happiness and cheer Fun for all that bloggers call their favorite day of the week! Fragments in the air Comments everywhere Funny times and words that rhyme of snips and shorts to share Mrs4444 is near hosting all the year Catching up and serves a cup at football games, some beer... Friday Frags are here... Happiness and cheer Oh that we could always see such frags throughout the year... *** I am soooooo soooooo sooooo not ready for Christmas. ACK! *** I have no clue if any of my readers are Jewish... nonetheless, Happy Hanukkah to any and all who begin their celebration tomorrow! *** I had another one of my weirdo allergy attacks yesterday. Stayed home from work with it... took a Bendaryl. And got knocked on my arse for about 4 solid hours. Woke up very dried out. I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and go see an allergist. *** My husband rocks. Seriously. For no reason, he bought me presents this week. No, he couldn't wait for Christmas. Because one of my presents was the last Harry Potter movie- which I never got a chance to see in the theatres. And the one that really couldn't wait? The Glee Volume 2 CD! WAHOO! Love it, love it, love it! I am listening to it as I type... "Don't tell me not to live, just sit and puttah... life's candy and the sun's a ball of buttah..." *** I think we might have to skip the State Museum this year. I'm not sure we can make it there this weekend. There has to be time for Jeff and I to separately take the kids shopping for each other. And that might have to be this weekend. Next weekend is supposed to be Children's Museum on Saturday and I'm hoping that the 20th will be a project I'm helping out with to support a family. *** Why do we hate to talk about the good things we do for others? It isn't bragging. If we would be more open, maybe it would inspire others to share the things they do? I think that most people who are helping others aren't looking for applause or pats on the back. *** Last night, at dinner, Teagan started singing "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of clay..." And I sang along with her and then asked if she learned about dreidels at school today. "Huh?" I asked her- "Did you learn what a dreidel is at school today?" "Huh?" "Your song, sweetie. Did you learn about dreidels today?" "My song? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel..." Yeah. She apparently hadn't caught on that it's a song about the little clay spinning toy and not weird nonsense singing "dreideldreideldreidel." Ha! *** Today is "Polar Express Day" at school. The kids wore pajamas, will watch the movie, have hot cocoa, and decorate gingerbread houses. I so wanna go to preschool. Forget high school or college. I want pajama day and fun sock day and naptime and snacks and lunch and breakfast fixed for me... I wanna go back to preschool. *** I was an awesome mom because when we got word about the plans for today, knowing my daughter doesn't like chocolate in any variety, I called Ms Lori and asked if I could send apple cider for Teagan instead. Went out and bought some that night. I am an awful mom because... guess where the apple cider is right now? In my fridge. But I'm so proud of my girl... I called, in a mild panic, and told Ms Lori that I forgot to send the cider. They are already in mid-party mode at this moment. Lori, bless her heart, went back to check on the situation and called me back. Apparently, when hot cocoa was being handed out, Teagan went to her teacher and told her that "my mommy had called Ms Lori and was going to have something different for me but I think she forgot. Can I just have water?" Melt. My. Heart. *** Had to take Zach to the doctor yesterday morning. We've been fighting the weirdest diaper rash for the past 2 weeks. Tried everything on it. It didn't seem to be bothering him at all. One diaper change, it would be really bad. Sometimes on his butt cheeks, sometimes on the groin. Next diaper change, the redness would be almost gone and just little spots would be there. So weird. Tried Desitin, A&D, Beaudreaux's, Triple Paste, Monistat, Lotrimin, Nystatin, Neosporin. Nothing made it better, nothing made it worse. Doctor gave us a prescription for an anti-fungal and suggested cortisone. This morning, it's practically gone after just 2 doses of the prescription strength anti-fungal. *** I want to take a road trip along a highway where I can stop often, with my camera, and snap pictures of the beautiful images I see while driving. On my trip to Chicago, I kept seeing things I wanted to capture images of but couldn't because I was driving and only had my camera phone handy. I did try to capture a few things... I was totally fascinated by a wind farm. I have no clue how many wind turbines there actually were but they went on and on and on as far as the eye could see... I think the kids really love the DVD player in the van. I know I was very grateful for it. Since the trip to Chicago ended up with me being the solo parent, having that DVD player made the trip so easy! Plus, it's awesome to look in the rearview mirror and see those 2 precious faces. On the drive home, we ended up getting up at 4 a.m. CST (5 a.m. EST) and got dressed and out the door. We were on the road by 4:45 CST and got to enjoy the sunrise once we were back in Indiana. The sun, just starting to peek over the horizon.

And just moments after the sun had fully risen, past the horizon.

And to bring it all full circle, as I obsessed over the sunrise, we came back to the Wind Farm...

And as we approached home, Teagan and I spotted a tiny little rainbow in the middle of a small little portion of clouds. It's hard to spot... but it's there!

Happy FRIDAY! For the hard to see rainbow...

WWW: Joy

Joy. A season of joy is soon to be upon us. By why wait for the holidays to be joyful? What keeps us from living a joyful life all the time?

The sermon at church recently was on living a happy life, full of joy. And I was inspired! I aim for gratitude and peace and security... and who doesn't want to be joyful?

Music can often put me into a joyful place. As I type this, I am blasting the Glee rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'" at my desk. Bopping, moving, lip syncing, singing. My heart is filled up when I sing at church- be it with the Praise Team or as a congregation member. I connect with God through music and that is definitely a joyful experience!

First, I want to share some of the points made in the sermon a couple of weeks ago.

There is no such thing as a problem free life. Big question: How can I have happiness in spite of what is going wrong in my life?

Live with Perspective. Live by Priority. Live on real Power. Live for a Purpose.

There is often a purpose behind our problems. Courage and joy are contagious. We can live our lives based on problems or priorities. As long as we have hope, we can handle tremendous stress. Our life is not judged by its duration but by its donation. The best use of my life is to invest it in something that will outlast me. The secret of joy: Jesus first. Other important to me, second. And myself, third.

***

There's a lot there!

I believe that my joy and gratitude and depth of life and purpose and all that deep stuff come from God. I believe that there has been purpose to the worst and least of my problems. Sometimes it takes longer to find the purpose- but it is eventually there.

Some days... it's hard. I find that I am able to find joy in dark times easier than I can in just everyday stresses sometimes. I turn to God in the hard times. Quickly and automatically. So why not do the same with the everyday stress and aggravation?

My morning did not start well. 4 a.m., Zach is in our bed, climbing up the headboard, grabbing for the TV remote, demanding "TB on! TB on!" Finally got him settled and back to sleep- but it was closer to 5 than 4 by that time. 5:30, Teagan awakes with instant whining, complaining, obstinance. For the next hour, she fought us at every turn.

How do you live joyfully in that everyday stress?

At work, we have that big move going on. The kicking up of dust and construction materials triggered one of those massive allergy attacks yesterday. Today, they are banging and slamming into stuff. Offices aren't ready, people aren't packed. Right this second- they are trying to disable the alarm from our front door and are setting it off more often than not. It's a stressful environment.

But I can let all of this roll off of me with no concerns.

Maybe hope is the difference. Maybe with my kids... because the whining and complaining and arguing is a regular thing... maybe I don't have hope in how the morning will go when I get out of bed? The last 2 days have not been good mornings and both days started with kids who woke up whining and demanding. But with the work stress, I do still have hope for the turnout. We are moving and I choose to let it be something exciting and new and different. I'm eager to get into my new space and make it my own.

Yesterday, I learned about a movement called Brightsiding. The idea is to not let internal issues and negative circumstances dictate your level of joy. You purposefully do things to spread joy and create happy spaces and places and connections. Paint a wall a bright color. Do the Gratitude Dance. Sing. Hug someone. Purposefully choose things that make you happy.

I think it's important to realize the secret of joy from my pastor's sermon. Jesus first. Others important to me, second. Myself, third. "Me time" doesn't come first. My wants don't come first. I recognize that recharging time is important and needed. But not all the time. And not as a top priority. I keep God first. I follow the life path that I believe He wants me to live. I follow the teachings and philosophies of the Bible as best I can. I believe that God is love and love is what my purpose is. Yes, I struggle. I am not perfect. But I try and try and often succeed! Others important to me come second. My husband, my children, my friends, my family. I know I can do better in this area. My husband deserves more attention, more affection, more positive feedback from me. My husband deserves to see my love for him played out every day. Demonstrated, tangible, real. My children deserve my best self as their mother. My kids are a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted. They deserve to be treated with love, respect, and gentle discipline. Again- I struggle.

But don't you see? If I focus my life on being joyful for my family, on demonstrating love for my family, on being grateful for my life and my blessings... there won't be much room for negativity and doubt and anger.

Joy.

Joseph Campbell said, "Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy."

What if we faced our sorrows, our stress, our problems with joy?

Ralph Waldo Emerson: "There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us. 'Tis good to give a stranger a meal, or a night's lodging. 'Tis better to be hospitable to his good meaning and thought, and give courage to a companion. We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing to give the advantage of a good light."

That's deep. We take a picture and put it in the right light so it will look its best. But we won't do that with people around us. Interesting... but if we approach all situations with joy and are eager to share our joy... think of the impact!

So there are deep ways to truly live a life of joy. There are small things and big things around me that represent joy. But joy is more than happiness. Joy is bigger and deeper than that. Blasting some happy dance music through my ear buds might help me focus my energy in the right direction but if I don't have joy within myself... if I don't already have gratitude, purpose, hope... it's only a band aid.

Do you live a joyful life?

Day 3: Love is not selfish

Daily Reading

"If there was ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness."

"Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can't be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time."

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

We are all selfish. I know that I act selfishly every day, sometimes in big ways and sometimes in small ways. I also know that I sacrifice my own choices, happiness, preferences and wants very frequently. Generally, this is for my children. And often it is for my husband. But probably not often enough. I feel like I need to really dig into this one and look at my own choices and actions and behaviors to determine the areas where I am selfish and not putting the needs and even wants of my husband before my own.

Today's Dare

Today's dare says that we put our time, energy and money into the things that are important to us.

Keep with the "no negative comments" dare from Day 1 and also... invest in your spouse by buying your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you today."

Reflections

"What did you choose to give your spouse? What happened when you gave it?"

I gave Jeff a box of Life cereal. He had made a passing comment recently about us never having cereal he liked, I asked what cereal he liked, he said Life. I went to the grocery store alone today and was thinking and thinking of what to get my husband to show him I was thinking about him. I didn't want to go with the typical things- a movie, Turtles candy, ice cream, snacks. I also didn't want to spend a lot of money because I think the best gifts are the ones high on thought and low on price.

His reaction? I could tell by the look on his face that he was pleased. I had remembered what he said, I had listened when he said it.

I feel like I give to my husband and my family a lot. I don't feel like buying gifts is the best way to show love or thoughtfulness or a lack of selfishness. I agree that we put our time, money, and energy into things that are important. But I don't think that money has to be part of time and energy to give a gift that shows that someone matters to you.