Friday, February 27, 2009

Innocence Lost

My eyes have been opened. And I'm tightly squeezing them shut! It started innocently enough. I'm not going to name names. But another blog that I visit has multiple authors. And one of the bloggers likes to share... Erotica. Now, I will admit to enjoying reading some erotica now and then. It's kind of exciting to visit someone else's fantasties. It's kind of titillating to delve into situations you'd never be in or had never thought of. I admit to being new to blogging. I'm also not some innocent flower. I just never thought about the adult side of blogging. I've been happily traipsing along, reading parenting blogs, everyday people blogs, cooking blogs, funny blogs, heart touching blogs. Last night, I dared to click into new and unfamiliar territory. While a part of me admires those who are brave enough to put their private lives out there like that... Nope. It just felt WRONG. I happened upon one of, apparently, many blogs of a swinging couple. They are married. They needed spice. So they start attending swingers' parties, meeting other swinging couples on Craigslist, meeting up with people for long weekends of all kinds of sexual play. How do these people find time and energy for all of these sexual trysts when they also claim to have kids and be typical PTA parents?? How do these people rationalize being in a committed relationship but then taking on a third person who is cheating on their own spouse? I'm really not a prude and am really more aware of many things sexual than most would imagine. It just kinda blew my mind. And it really has me wondering... people I work with... people driving the same route to work each day... the lady in the grocery store line ahead of me... people at church... What deep, dark secrets are they keeping? What hidden lives do they have? What do they really do or say behind closed doors? And it got me to thinking about my own blog and my own life. And for those who really know me well in every day life, I'd love for you to chime in. People who know me from other websites and online communities... share your thoughts. I really believe that I am very genuine with my blog. I keep certain things private. And I make a lot of things public. I share myself as openly and honestly and genuinely as I can. No deep, dark secrets. No alternate identity. No hidden agenda. Just me. Nothing more, nothing less. Just... Liz.

13 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

I'm with you. Frankly, I'm too dam tired for erotica.

Vodka Mom said...

damn tired. that's what I meant.

:-)

Heather said...

I don't know that it is always about 'deep dark secrets' (although for the couples you stumbled upon it likely is), but I'm just fully aware that people who know me are very probably not too keen on actually knowing what I do in the bedroom. Whether it be 'deviant' or 'normal'. My husband usually wants to share anyway, but I reign him in, not so much for my sense of decorum but for other people's sensitivities.

Andrew Scott Turner said...

Now I have that funky porn music playing in my head.

Thanks Liz

Bow-chunka-bow-bow

Flartus said...

What Heather said, especially the bit about "deep dark secrets" maybe not being so deep or dark...I suspect once you start swinging, it doesn't seem like a big deal.

Most blogs I read are by women like you, and are quite free and open about the emotional sides of their relationships, but there's an unspoken line between "The sex is great" and actually describing how great it is.

I like that line. :)

Joanie said...

Yeah, putting your private life out there ... not a fan.

I once found my ex-husband's brother and his wife on a wife swapping message board on aol. (the things you find on an aol member search!) I didn't know if they were serious or just playing on the message boards. Now she's a soccer mom, who does scrapbooking and Girl Scouts. I wonder if they still have the time and energy. lol

Lynn Freeman said...

I found out about 2 months ago that my parents were swingers. Took me a while to digest, because they were as normal (well...normal being subjective here) a couple as it gets. But that was the era back then - the swingin' 70's. Nowadays, things are SO different. Setting aside deadly diseases and domestic violence (that I'm sure must erupt from these types of encounters sometimes), what about the danger of soliciting for this type of activity on the internet or in a bar with complete strangers you know nothing about? Going to their house and taking chances and putting not only yourself and your spouse but your children at risk. Wow...I don't get that.

Now....blogging erotica...and erotica based on the author's real life...that's more than a little over the edge. I'm with the other comment - the line between "the sex is great" and not going into detail is where things should be. I wonder about people who share so much detail about their personal lives - like that erotica. Are they being open and sharing or are they looking for something else? What can be gained by doing that? It's one thing to share that type of stuff within a close knit circle of friends or your marital relationship or whatever. But on the worldwide web? It's a scary thing now to reveal so much information about oneself, let alone the most intimate and personal details of your life. Where does it end after that? Maybe that's why I don't blog...I just can't bring myself to reveal things about myself that could be used against me in a court of law LOL

skywind said...

Frankly, let yourself take heart. Not for anything else, just for yourself.

http://eyesinkaleidoscope.blogspot.com/
http://fymtyh.blogspot.com/

Alice said...

2 Things:

1. I think there is such a thing as TMI.

2. I think its wonderful that you share your life with others in a genuine fashion. I'm new to blogging too,.. but what I'm discovering is the blogging world can be like jr. high all over again. -No thanks, I'll pass on the popularity contest.

Alix said...

I'm so with you Liz. Somethings, no matter how true, real and honest don't need to be reveled for general consumption. It can just be awkward. I mean people can do whatever they want and post whatever they want on their blogs, but that doesn't mean that it has value. Now, being married and doing the hard work to keep that marriage fresh and interesting without the need to swap partners - THAT's what has value. Sticking to something. Figuring out a more loving/respectful/monogomous way to spice things up. Like it or not, our kids ARE watching. Happiness at home is where it's at.

I have a friend who recently got married and the rumor was that the new couple were into swinging. Great. Have at it. But then why the marriage? Swinging and cheating just seems so contrary to the vow to love, honor, and cherish. Oh well. That's just my opinion.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I have never been into erotica, and I HATE the idea of swinging. It also embarrasses me to watch porn and stuff (although you probably wouldn't know it form my blog, lol)

I don't really have a secret agenda. Well, except for the undercover CIA gig. Shhh, don't tell anyone.

Liz said...

Petra- I love your blog. I love reading about real life and sex is part of real life. I've never minded anyone being open and honest about products that are helpful. Someday I'll find the nerve, perhaps, to blog about the cinnamon body oil made specifically to make a certain intimate moment more bearable for her... :)

There's a line between every single detail and pics and skin and all that... and sharing specific generalities that most people can relate to. Did that make any sense??

Joanie said...

I'm with Petra on porn and erotica. My ex-husband used to like to watch porn and get me to watch it with him. I was embarrassed! Even some rated R movies that are very suggestive make me uncomfortable.

I know that John has some porn stashed away in his apartment and he told me to let him know if I ever wanted to see any of it. It's still hidden. :)