Thursday, April 22, 2010
Isn't It Crazy How Life Changes?
If you are looking for something fun to do today- I'm going to be doing the food photo journal thing aain but only on the Facebook page. I also would love it if YOU joined in on the fun by sharing your own pics of your food- you can load pics right on the fan page! Do you plan and control your fate? Do you turn it over to a higher power? Do you know where you are going next in life? Are you drowning in chaos? How's that working for you? I always have a really hard time answering the standard "What will you be doing in 5 years?" When I look back 5 years- I certainly never predicted I'd be where I am now. I'm not a life planner. I'm not a career planner. I'm not one to stress about advancement, plans, life goals. I don't have a "bucket list." Just a few short years ago, I struggled with who I was and where I was. My heart was torn into pieces as I left my daughter in daycare. She was 12 weeks old when I went back to work. For at least 6 months, I spent 10-15 mintues of my morning commute crying, sobbing because most of my heart was being left in the care of another woman. My drive home was filled with stress and anguish because I wanted to be there and not stuck in traffic. I longed to be a stay at home mom and it was shredding me up inside. I wish I knew when the change happened. I don't know if it was something I heard in prayer, in conversation, in a sermon. I don't know what the influence was... but I started to discover the power of choice. I had so many options. I'd spent all this time feeling like I was stuck- that all I could do was leave my daughter each day while I went to work. Because I felt stuck, I wasn't a good employee. I wasn't focused on my work, I wasn't putting in the time. I was distracted and sad and desperate for something different. But I did have choices. There are always, always choices. It can be hard to see them. It's so much easier to only see the frustration, the sadness, the hard circumstances. I could continue as I was- feeling stuck, feeling sad, not being the best employee. I could look for a different job, closer to home, better hours (tried, failed). I could buckle down and set up a budget and work it so that all expenses started to come out of Jeff's check and my paycheck would go into savings- after 1 year, I could stay home. What I chose was to pray and to take it day by day. I've written before about believing in the power of staying in the "now." I can't change the past. I can't control the future. All I have is now. Living that way has gotten me to where I am. And now I am happier than I've been in a long time, healthier than I've been in a long time. I'm a valued employee and I value my job. My marriage is a partnership. I have goals. I have things I want to do and see and experience. Life certainly always contains planning and safety nets and reactions. But if I had this plan... and was hanging on to it for dear life... and wasn't willing to give up control and just go with it... to hear the whispers of fate, of God... if I wasn't willing to go outside my comfort zone... I've heard some friends lately expressing dissatisfaction with life- satisfied but not happy. Trying to convince themselves that they are content. But they are spending so much time looking ahead... longing for something different... that they miss what is right in front of them. Are you unhappy right now? Are you frustrated? Dissatisfied? Stop and think about your choices. Spell them out. Then choose. Focus on right now. Stop trying to plan everything. Stop trying to make life be what you think it needs to be- you are missing a lot of beauty along the way! Take of the blinders, relax, stroll through some of this world!
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Labels: Healthier Me