I Did It!

That is me before the race when I am still very, very, very cold and still not entirely sure how I was going to do in those very, very, very cold temps! I did that 5K and I might have kicked some booty on it. My official time is 42:22 but my friend Emily found out that was gun time. There might have been an issue with the start line mats and chips. So the clock started for everyone at the same time and ended when you crossed the finish line. Therefore, I think I can maybe take about 2 minutes off my time... but will stick with that officially recorded time for the record. I'll be sharing more about the race on Fit City later in the week but here are some of the highlights: It was definitely cold. Instead of 25, it was a balmy 28 when we arrived. Brrrrr.... the sun coming up definitely helped. I reacted to the cold better than I thought I would. My breathing was fine, my upper body was fine. My legs hated it. My legs were sore and in pain more than usual. Of course, given that I was able to make a new personal record- either officially or unofficially- some of that pain might have been from running faster than I thought I could when I was running! Christy and I rode down together in my van. When we arrived, she handed me a pair of running pants she'd picked up the night before. I was hugely grateful as I was not looking forward to exposing my shins and calves to that frigid air. I changed from capris to pants in the car. Stepped out to see how they fit... too big! The size Large pants were too big!! Thankfully, she had bought a second pair in Medium. I held my breath, really not thinking it was going to fit. I now wear size MEDIUM RUNNING PANTS! That is INSANE! During the run, I observed several moms and daughter running together. There was one girl who was fighting it the entire way. She was a little on the heavy side and we hadn't even gotten to the 1 mile mark and her mom was having to really encourage / pull her along. I wonder how it turned out for them? I saw plenty of girls who were very excited to be out there running with their moms (or aunts or whatever). Cheerleaders on run routes are SO IMPORTANT. If there is ever a run in your area, I would seriously encourage you to get out there and stand on a corner and cheer like crazy for those people running by. There were times that I was starting to falter and then I'd come upon someone cheering like mad and telling me to dig deep and encouraging me to keep going... and I'd find a little more run left in me. Christy and I decided to share that cheerleading encouragement on our drive home. The event is a half marathon and a full marathon. This was the inaugural year for the 5K. The 5K runners were done waaaaaay before the marathoners, of course. As we tried to get out of downtown, we kept hitting closed roads due to the run routes. At some intersections, traffic was directed by police officers when there were breaks in the runner traffic. When we had to sit at an intersection waiting for runners to go past, we would put the windows down and cheer and hoop and holler like mad. As we finally got on the main road to head away from downtown, we were heading opposed to the runners! They had half the road, we had the other half. Car traffic was going VERY slowly so we had my window down and we were cheering and yelling. I was hoping I had a pompom from Teagan's Halloween costume in the car but I didn't see one... but I did find Zach's stuffed Ernie doll. I grabbed Ernie and held him out the window while yelling "YAAAAAY!" So many of those runners LOVED it. We started getting big grins and smiles and waves and people pointing and yelling hello to Ernie. I started having Ernie give "thumbs up" and blow kisses at the runners. It was a serious blast and I hope that I have a chance to be a race cheerleader again sometime- it was awesome! Christy and I ate afterwards- we had to head out of the city because there was no parking anywhere downtown so I couldn't hit any of my spots down there. We went to a place called Le Peep. I haven't been there in years- it was SO GOOD. I had La Jolla Benedict- english muffin, poached egg and hollandaise on top and in between was mushrooms, garlic, spinach, a splash of balsamic vinegar, and tomatoes. It was heavenly! On the drive down to the race, Christy and I shared a little bottle of 5 Hour Energy. I used that stuff the day I stayed home and did all that cleaning to create the play room. I took the entire bottle that day. I took half a bottle today, as did Christy. I wanted something to prevent me from getting a caffeine withdrawal headache later on and I didn't want coffee because sometimes coffee requires having a bathroom closeby after consuming it. Ahem. Christy and I both think the 5 Hour Energy helped keep our energy going as we ran- we both had a very positive sense of our fuel through out the race. I'd forgotten we'd even taken it until she brought it up at the restaurant! I have way cool mementos from this event. I have the typical tee-shirt. I also got my first ever participant medal! And I have an event poster that has my name on it! The poster has names of thousands of particpants printed on it in very tiny, very light print. So cool! So it went well. Christy and I both beat our previous run times and both did really well. She was able to run about a 10 minute mile for her average race pace and I kept under a 14 minute mile. My next event will be a Virtual 5K for the 500 Mile Challenge- participants run a 5K at any time they choose out of a 2 or 3 day weekend. Then we all report our time to each other. After that... not completely certain. But you will be one of the first to know!! And did I mention that I actually full out sprinted for the last 10th of a mile (maybe a little less than that)? I kicked it into high gear and barreled through! Yay!

Race Day!

It's a 5K day! If you're aware of the weather in Indiana, you know it's pretty miserable for going outside to run. I've never run in temps lower than 45-50 degrees Farenheit so this will be a brand new experience for Christy and I both. I don't have a strategy or plan- I'm just going to run as much as I can and walk when I need to recover. I'm hoping the cold will inspire me to run more so I can get into my warm car sooner. Timeline: Feb 27 - Did my first ever Couch to 5K workout April - Race for the Cure June - Fishers Freedom Festival 5K September - Wine At The Line 5K November - Indianapolis Monumental 5K December - 500 Mile Challenge Virtual 5K After that... unknown... but plans will be made soon! I've got my clothes in the washer- capris with pocket (for my phone which is also my tracker and music player), long sleeve shirt, socks, favorite sports bra. I've got warm items ready to go- an ear cover, gloves, a warm flannel shirt to wear before and after the run. My bib is sitting here, ready to be pinned. My shoes (complete with a cute little velcro pouch- to hold car key, ID- I got for free at the pre-race Expo downtown at packet pick up) are ready to be put on before I head out the door. My morning menu is planned- whole wheat english muffin, peanut butter, banana. Splash of caffeine to avoid headaches. I pick up Christy at 7 and we head downtown for the 8:20 start time. I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm apprehensive. I'm excited to be around runners going for the half and full distances in the marathon. The energy is amazing. The weather is frightening. Tune in to the Facebook page and/or Twitter (links off to the side) for updates before and after the event!!

Friday Fragments- Searching for the Feel Good

Some weeks are harder than others. Some weeks bring things you didn't expect. I'm mostly an optimist so I'm searching to find the good in the hard and challenging things this week. Tomorrow, I am supposed to go downtown with countless thousands of other crazies and run. Some are doing a marathon, some a half marathon. I'm participating in this event's first 5K. I've been very excited about this event. Until this week. Until this morning, really. See, it is supposed to be about 25 degrees when I wake up in the morning and I don't think it's going to get too much warmer by the 8:20 start time. I've never run in temps colder than 50 degrees. The challenge- figuring out what to wear and staying motivated to go downtown in a giant crowd of people on a freezing cold morning so that I can run 3.1 miles. The feel good- I'm going to do it and then feel awesome about myself afterwards. This week, a prayer was answered but in a rather unexpected way. The challenge- recognizing that the events unfolding weren't something bad or scary. The feel good- realizing that the events were actually answers to prayers that I've been praying for years and seeing that the events that unfolded actually provided a lot of answers. I made a new friend yesterday. He's a blogger and I know some of you already read him- Ian from The Daily Dose of Reality. I've been a lurker on his blog for a while and left a comment yesterday- and he e-mailed back a response lightening fast and we had a nice little back and forth chat for a bit yesterday. He's having a bit of a blogging slump so swing by and leave him some comment love- today's post is on what you wish you knew then that you're glad you know now. No challenge on this one- always a feel good to make a new friend! I've been totally using my kids' Halloween haul to parent my kids. I don't bribe them to do things with it- I use it as a threat if they don't follow family rules. And so far, it's working pretty well. Teagan was whining and having a fit and I told her- "Teagan, you are choosing to not follow family rules about how we act in our family. If you can't pull it together and make good choices, I"m going to have to throw away a piece of your candy." Instant shape up. "Zach get your shoes on. Zach. Stop playing with the puzzle and get your shoes so we can go to school. Zachary. Bring me your shoes to put on or I will throw away a piece of your Halloween chocolate!" Attitude adjusts immediately. I did almost face a misfire the other night. 2 nights ago, I had to go so far as to ask Teagan to take a piece of her candy and throw it away herself because she lied to me about something in order to get her after dinner candy. She was handling it really well until she got to the trash can and then cried while throwing it away. All was fine after that. The next night, Zach wouldn't calm down at bedtime and kept trying to jump on his bed. I gave the candy threat and he replied with "OK! I want to pick it out!" Say huh??? So I go with it... we go pick out the chocolate from the bag and he heads into the kitchen to toss it in the trash. And he mimics his sister from the night before. Gets into the kitchen and starts to cry about throwing it away. I think he just wanted to be like her. The challenge- candy control. The feel good- finding a way to control consumption and behavior at the same time. I had some fun with a pashmina that Christy brought me from her trip to Paris back in September. I wore it yesterday but had a hard time making it work with my outfit- so I posted an album of various styles on my Facebook page. The challenge- taking a pashmina that was a silky material that easily became floofy and adding it to my outfit. The feel good- finding something fun to pass the day and getting advice and making it work! How about you? Did you face any challenges this week? Were you able to find the feel good in them?

When You Screw Up

When you screw up, what do you do to make amends? What do you teach your kids? Is saying "I'm sorry" enough? I know it is situational to a degree but I'm really trying to look at the big picture.

Recently, I was hurt by someone. Someone that I trust and respect and care about lied to me about something really trivial and unimportant. When I found out- when I caught them in the lie- I was hurt. Like most everyone, trust is a really big deal for me. When someone tells me a lie, I wonder about what other things they've lied about or will lie about.

Part of my concern is my own fault.

I used to lie. A lot. About everything. Big things, small things, made up things. I answered questions with lies, I butted into conversations with lies, I made up stories just to have something to talk about. I have no clue how many lies I told. It started sometime in elementary school and went on through high school. It was when I finally got some much needed help for the jumbled mess of my heart and head due to all that abuse history that I was able to stop lying and start really being honest. And honest, while intensely scary, felt amazingly good. And I trained myself to take the risk and be honest all the time. And it's the very best way to live life.

You can see why I might have a hard time trusting people when I used to practically be a professional at lying.

So when this person told me a lie, my first reaction was to set it aside. This isn't like me. I can be somewhat emotional in my reactions. But this felt like too big of a deal to spout off about. I needed to understand myself before I could proceed. So I took the time to do just that. Once I had myself sorted out, I went to that person and started a dialogue about what had happened.

I really wasn't too concerned about the subject that had been lied about- it was truly unimportant.

As the conversation progressed, it became clear that we could easily be in a stand off. They were defensive and I was trying to determine how far to push... but what was I pushing for?

That became the big question for me. What was I seeking?

I wanted an apology- and once I asked for that, I got it. I also wanted amends. I didn't want just words of apology. I wanted this person to make a choice that would be opposite of the previous choice. By choosing to lie to me, they chose to hurt me. Now I wanted a choice to help me feel secure in my relationship with them. I wanted- maybe even needed- them to choose something to make me feel better about "us."

It was kind of an "ah-ha" moment for me. I started to think about managing interactions with my kids. Often, conflict resolution includes separation of parties, time out, then coming back together to apologize and that's the end of it. There is no plan for going forward.

How do I teach my kids from this little lesson? How do I teach my kids the importance of repairing the hurt and also planning to avoid it in the future?

Repairing the hurt. Avoiding future hurts. Those are big words, big statements, aren't they? Do we teach our kids about the importance of those 2 things in relationships? Do we even know that in ourselves?

And isn't it easier to see it in ourselves than to give it to others when we screw up?

How often do we hold it in... bear a grudge... because the wounding party isn't doing "enough" to prove that they are truly sorry? How often to we feel justified in holding on to that ugliness rather than forgiving and letting it go? How often are we sitting up on our pedestals, waiting for the other person to realize what we need or want and come to us?

How often do we do for others what we want done for us? How often do we take the first step?

When I was a kid and a teen, I lied. I lied and I stole and I snuck around. I did a lot of things and part of why I made a lot of those choices was because I wanted to hurt people. Specifically, I wanted to hurt my parents. Inside, I felt worthless and dirty and broken. So I lied and snuck around and stole and yelled and fought and accused and denied because that was how my insides came out. I think part of me needed to push and push and push until I completely pushed them away. I was trying to prove that I was as unloveable as I felt. Thankfully, my parents- for any and all faults that they had and have- continued to love me. Sometimes they loved me in a soft and gentle way and sometimes, most times, they had to love me in a tough and hard way.

I look back and realize how much pain and anguish and hurt I caused. I wonder how my choices may have impacted the way my parents raised my brothers- how my choices ended up impacting the lives of my brothers.

To my mom and dad- I am so deeply sorry for the choices I made during those immensely difficult years. I know that our relationship has healed and that we are very close now. I cherish that and I know you do, too. I know that I had valid reasons for the choices I made- but I won't use those reasons as excuses for why I did the things I did. I'm sorry I lied to you, stole from you, broke your trust, and ran from the love and stability you tried to give me.

Funny that one little lie on one little day in my future could bring all of that home. Funny that one little lie could have such huge ripple effects.

That person and I are fine now. They apologized and repaired, I forgave. We move forward.

But I'm still thinking about how I'm going to teach my kids this lesson- if it can even be taught.

How have you taught your children to not only apologize but also make amends? And what about forgiveness from the hurt party? I think we've typically fallen into the general routine of mom or dad decide which kid was right and which kid was wrong and make the wrong kid say "sorry" after a time out. On a good day, we might push for "I'm sory for ______." But I think we need to teach more than that.

Words are empty without action.

Just Too Much!

I feel like I just have too much to do and am in one of those places where I can't quite balance it all. Someone at church remarked to me that I am just so busy and I do so much fun stuff and how do I ever find time for it? I've avoided Mt. Laundry for a couple of weeks now. Jeff is the saint who gets it clean. I'm supposed to then fold, hang up and put away my clothes, Teagan's clothes, and Zach's clothes. It hasn't happened in a while so each morning starts with a dumping of the clean hamper on the bed or rummaging through the dryer. I haven't used my kitchen to actually cook a meal in weeks. Truly. Life has just been hectic and eating out to avoid making a mess has just been easier. I did work hard on cleaning up when I did all that work on the playroom. I did actually do a lot of vaccuuming- edges of ceilings and floor boards and random spots on the wall. I keep the bathroom clean (not spotless, just clean). I guess I just need to state what I think is obvious- I am not supermom and I am not trying to be! Things started sliding... I have no clue when. But August was crazy hectic. September had that business travel. October had me in training for a solid week and that put me behind on a lot of stuff. I'm trying to slow things down while still making time for everything and everyone that is demanding or just deserving of my time and energy. I keep thinking I can make myself promises- I will fold laundry while I watch TV tonight. But it doesn't happen. I need to take back my kitchen. I need to clean it up and get it in the best working order. I need to fold and put away clothing so my kids aren't left in chaos each morning. I need to get back to having a plan, being at least a little organized, and feeling less chaotic. I just wish I could figure out the best way to actually make that happen. I actually wrote this Monday afternoon. I spent Monday night folding and putting away laundry. I made dinner Monday night, too. Apparently, I just needed to confess and get back on track a little bit. Hopefully it lasts...

Captain America's Shield

All superheroes have something that makes them "super." X-ray vision, lasso of truth, ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and so on. Often, superheroes have special weapons or tools that help them fight (or commit) crime. For Captain America- that item is his shield. When Zach decided he wanted to be Captain America for Halloween and the costume didn't come with a shield (which is really a travesty given that Captain America is rarely seen with out it), Jeff knew it would be his duty to create a shield for our mini version of the superhero. I wanted to share the progress pics of Jeff making Zach's Captain America shield. He started with foam board and used a hot foam cutter to make a circle and create the rounded edges. The shield is actually 2 pieces- the bottom piece is the foundation and also the piece that had the elastic straps attached. The top piece is the more decorative part of the shield- shaped and painted with a star afixed to the middle. On Halloween night, I saw a bigger kid walking around with a premade plastic shield. The elastic loops were too big, the shield was over-sized, and the kid ran into real trouble when he dropped candy and couldn't pick it up because the shield was so cumbersome. The premade plastic shield was practically as big as the kid. I think the shield Jeff made is special not just because Jeff made it but also because Jeff was able to tailor make it to fit our 3 year old. Zach now has a very personalized memento of this Halloween- something he can always be proud of his Daddy for! Share some comment love with my husband- he worked hard on this project and I am very proud of what he created for our son!

Happy Halloween!

We didn't do Halloween when I was a kid. I seem to recall my mom explaining that she once was in Europe visiting family and the Europeans were just aghast that we Americans let our kids go begging for food and there was something about religion in there, too. I also think that the money involved with putting together a costume was a hindrance but that's mostly a guess. We didn't hand out candy. We lived in an apartment complex so no one came knocking much anyway. My mom kept a roll of nickels by the door and would hand out a nickel if we happened to have a guest. At the end of 5th grade, we moved to Cincinnati. My mom and dad had gotten married, my mom had finished dental school, and we were starting fresh as a new family. I wanted to trick or treat with some friends. I was allowed to go 2 years. I remember going with a junior high friend and we both dressed up like babies- footie pajamas and pigtails and pacifiers around our necks. I remember going with a friend, her brother, and her sister and walking for what felt like miles and miles and miles. After those 2 years, my mom started bribing me. I could go out trick or treating OR she would give me money, take me out to dinner, and then I could go spend my money however I wanted. She usually bought me a bag of candy, too. Pretty good deal, right? My parents didn't hand out candy. We would either go out to eat so we just wouldn't be home or we would keep all the lights off and hang out in our basement, watching TV. I remember one year being home and I was hanging out in my upstairs bedroom. All front house lights were turned off- and without any lights, the front of tha thouse was very dark. I heard the doorbell. I came part way down the steps. My dad answered the door. 2 girls, probably about age 10 or 11. No parent with them. 2 girls and my dad invited them inside. And the dingbats came in. On the one hand, stupid move because they didn't know me or my family or anything- why would you step foot inside a stranger's house? On the other hand, stupid move because they didn't know how corny and difficult my dad could be. They stepped inside and cheerily sang out "trick or treat!" My dad responded with, "OK, do a trick!" I wanted the staircase to open up and swallow me. The girls couldn't see me from where I was sitting but I was mortified. "Go on! Say a poem or sing a song! Do a trick and I'll give you a treat!" The girls looked at each other, at their shoes, they said "um" and "uh" a lot. "Well? You said trick or treat, right? I want to see a trick! Put on a show!" One of them eventually mumbled out some sort of poem or something. I have no clue what my dad then gave them- most likely gave them each a dollar or something. I was angry because I was so embarassed. I couldn't believe how uncool my dad had been to those girls! Now I'm an adult and I look back on it and still feel that anger and embarassment of my teenaged self... but I also understand. The lights were out, we had no decorations, the house was dark. Now I shake my head at the choices of these 2 girls. What if my dad hadn't been a safe person? They stepped foot into a strange house after being invited in by a strange man and no other person was visible to them in our house. Bad, bad choices. Maybe one of my brothers will chime in... I was out on my own by the itme they were old enough to enjoy Halloween. I'm betting my parents never gave out candy but I think my brothers did get to go trick or treating once or twice. I also think they ended up doing church based activities during trick or treat hours. So Halloween wasn't something I did as a kid... so of course I really do it as an adult! We went to a school party Friday evening. I took the kids to a "spookhouse" at our favorite restaurant- Scotty's Lakehouse- where they had games, spooky lights, cartoons, music, and treats. Sunday there was a special Halloween themed lunch at church. Sunday afternoon we did a trunk or treat event at our sister church. And we set up some decorations and handed out goodies and took the kids trick or treating Sunday evening. * We didn't hand out candy this year. We did little bags of pretzels, little boxes of raisins, and fun goodies like puzzles, play doh, and mini card games. We have plenty of the non-food items to save for next year! * Our neighborhood doesn't have huge Halloween traffic and our street is a smaller street that gets even less traffic than other streets. We went through less than 25 bags of pretzels and 30 boxes of raisins. * Christy took the first shift of handing out candy so that Jeff and I could hit the houses on our street with the kids. We did one block, came back around, picked up Christy, dropped off Zach and Jeff, and hit the other block. According to Jeff, several kids loved our decorations. We had a little something on the door, some of those window light up things that we put in a bush by the door and on our stone wall by the steps, a giant light up pumpkin, and a boom box playing a CD of Halloween-ish songs (Monster Mash, Time Warp, Don't Fear The Reaper, and more). * I didn't count how many donations we got but we had a nice hefty cart full of canned goods that we will take to the food pantry this week! * Teagan came up with her own line to say door to door. She would say trick or treat, get her candy, say thank you, and then "Do you have any donations for the food pantry?" We had talked about what we were going to do but she started working on what to say on Sunday morning with no prompting from us. And when we went door to door, she made eye contact and spoke up and totally scored. We were only turned down twice. There were a couple of houses on our street that I know have more elderly people living in them- it's harder for them to get around so I would tell her not to ask at those houses. She then decided we just don't ask old people. And would soemtimes turn around and say "Is that an old man, Mommy?" We had to iron that one out a little bit- ask anyone you feel it is ok to ask. Ask at every house unless Mommy says not to! And there were times she used her judgement to not ask- and I praised her for it. Creepy-ish guy at the door- not necessary to have additional interaction. Talked a lot about using her judgement and making a good call based on her gut. * Jeff made the shield to go with Zach's costume. He did an awesome job! It's made from 2 pieces of hard foam and had elastic loops on the back- I should do a separate post showing the progress pics Jeff took. We're going to save that shield- I want to hang it up in the kids' bedroom! We had originally planned for Teagan to wear a pink shirt. However, when she got dressed for church, she put on an orange shirt. On the way home after church, she told me she wanted to keep the orange shrit on under her costume because orange is Daddy's high school's color. She even came up with her own little "Go Huskies!" cheer with pompom moves and everything. She was very proud of her orange choice- as was Daddy!