An Invitation

Have you ever noticed how clearly you can see what is wrong in someone else's life?

And how difficult it can be to see what's going wrong in your own?

You're living your life every day.  Maybe you know that A Bad Thing happened.  Maybe you're aware of the stress causing hardships.  Maybe you know the root cause of the hard times.

But you don't see the choices you are making and how they are impacting your family, your friends, your community.  You don't see that there could be future impact that will bear negative results for a long time.

There's a reason why hindsight is 20/20.  We can look back and see where we made the wrong choice, where we damaged ourselves and others.  We can look back and regret spening that $100 or saying mean words to that friend or not saying no to that request.

But how can we possibly live life each day and get it right so we don't have to use that hindsight?

We can't.

Sorry to be a downer.  The uplifting part is coming, I promise.

There has been an important key to getting through every difficult time that I've endured.

Other people.

While it is possible to get through life on your own, making your own decisions, never seeking connection to others, never considering the people around you... it sure seems like that would be lonely, selfish, and potentially damaging to yourself and others.

I understand privacy.  I also understand shame and pride.

I very much believe that Big Problems and little problems almost always require another person to really solve them.

It might be your spouse.  It might be your sibling.  Your parent.  Your best friend.  Your pastor.  A group of girlfriends.

We aren't designed to handle things alone.  We are programmed to desire connection, support, encouragement, interaction.

So I've established 2 main tenets.  We can't always see the danger zones we are in and we can't solve our problems alone.

Here's my invitation...

To my friends and family who are a regular part of my life (meaning you don't only know me through my blog or through Facebook),

If you know I am going through a hard time...

If you see that I am struggling...

If you see me making dangerous choices...

If you see me hurting others, hurting myself...

Please speak to me.  You don't have to wait until I come to you.  Come to me in a loving and supportive way and let me know that you are concerned about what you are seeing.  Give me the opportunity to think about what you are seeing, to think about what is going on, to respond to your concerns.

Maybe I'm different.  Maybe I'm a nutball.  I know not everyone wants to invite everyone into their lives like that.  But I want to live my life and not cause harm.  If I'm drinking too much, I need help.  If I'm spending too much time away from my family, I need help.  If I'm sad and frustrated more often than not, I need help.  If I am not acting like myself, have given up on dreams and goals, I need help.

And here is the flip side of my invitation.

If you need help... you can come to me.

I will listen and not judge.  I will support and encourage.  I will offer advice, ideas, problem solving but just for the sake of discussion.

If you did something and regret it and don't know how to get out of it - I will help you.

If you're in a difficult place and are letting guilt and shame drive your choices - I will help you.

If you're feeling low, blue, down, sad, angry - I will help you.

I don't have answers for everything.  But there are too many beautiful, vibrant, awesome people in my life that I can see slipping. I hesitate to butt in, to stick my nose into someone else's business.  Which is how we are programmed, how we all operate.  We protect our privacy, we hide our shame or embarassment, we slink away from mistakes we've made.

For me, I want that to be different.  I want the people who love me to be able to speak to me from a place of love and compassion.  I want the people I love to hear me when I come to them with tenderness and concern.

If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.   Dalai Lama 

When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream. 
John Lennon 

The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But... the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" 
Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Wishing Upon A Star

5 months to go...  and it feels like it will be a long 5 months!

I have to again tell you all how awesome it is to work with Hi Ho Vacations.  I'm working with Katie and my friend Abbi is also a Hi Ho agent and would be fabulous to work with.  I've linked to their email addresses so drop them a line for a quote!!  An example of the awesomeness - Katie sent us a package at Christmas that included some Disney info, a postcard from Mickey (handwritten in Disney font!), and an ornament.  The kids LOVED that postcard.  Disney announced a discount recently.  I didn't have to do anything to get the deal.  Katie worked with Disney and gave me option to fully utilize the deal.  And if another deal comes along that works with our dates, she'll apply it to our package.

• The kids received luggage sets for Christmas.  They now each have a rolling kid size duffle bag, a rolling kid size suitcase, and a small backpack.  The size make them pretty ideal for carry on, actually.  
• We have a shoe box set aside where we are saving up our spending money for our trip.  We have a Disney gift card in there and when we have some spare cash or we receive cash as a gift, some or all of it goes into the box.  Zach is especially good at thinking of the Disney Box whenever money is invovled.
• I got a 2013 Disney calendar featuring Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Donald, and Daisy.  I marked off when our trip is and then added in count down dates - 5 months, 4 months, 3 months, 2 months, then it goes weekly and the last 2 weeks are daily.  I'm going to hang it in some sort of central location at home.
• We've worked out most of our dining arrangements.  I had a handful of places I definitely wanted to hit and Katie helped me figure out other options.  
• I'm learning a lot about airline travel.  The research I've done indicates that I should be checking flights 3 months out since that is when the sales will start rolling out (I've marked my calendar so I know when to start the search process again).  It's best to look on a Tuesday morning because airlines post their deals and sales on Monday evening into a system and they all get published by Tuesday morning.  Southwest is known to change flight prices to match competitors' prices so it's good to check them again within 24 hours. And I signed up with FareCompare to watch the specific flights that I would currently want to book - they alert me when the price changes from the current offering.

I have this awesome itinerary that Katie put together for us.  It has our travel dates and check in information on it.  For each day, it has information about our dining plan for that day, transportation information to get us to whatever park we've chosen for that day, transportation information to get to other resorts if we're eating somewhere else, and tips about things going on in that park that day (parade times, for example).  

And Disney just announced a MyMagic+ program that is rolling out and I hope it is in full effect when we go in June.  I don't "speak Disney" so I might not get this completely right.  But currently, you get a room key and it is tied to your dining plan and credit card.  You carry it with you and use it for eating and also for buying stuff.  There are security measures in place, of course.  Well, the new program goes a step further.  Instead of a card you put in your pocket, you wear a secure arm band.  It does everything the card does but so much more.  You can scan in at places around the park.  There is a way you can use it to plan out your ride times instead of the current FastPass (I think they call it FastPass+ and it works with a website and mobile app, too).  I think the scanning in at locations will help the app determine where the crowds are located so you can plan a different route or ride.  

One thing I'm going back and forth on... My camera.  I love my DSLR.  But I don't love lugging it around.  I have a great over-the-should, across the body case and maybe my best bet is to suck it up and carry that everywhere.  Or use my backpack so I can carry the camera and other stuff all day.  But part of me worries that the DSLR will be too bulky to deal with all the time.  I was thinking about getting a decent point-and-shoot camera.  But talking to other photogs, it sounds like I might end up feeling regret once I'm there if I don't have the DSLR.  What are your thoughts or experiences?

I like having something I'm excited about.  I like that my kids are excited for it.  I am eager for the time to get here.  I look forward to the fun, the memories, the laughter, the down time, the food, the sunshine, the afternoon rain showers...  

And a little something fun to leave you with - the 2 pictures of the time my mom took me to Disney when I was around 5 years old.  These are pictures of pictures so forgive the quality.  And I know you're jealous of my one piece sun-shorts outfit.  And of that one kid's tube socks.

Fighting Back

I haven't kept it much of a secret - my job situation has gotten pretty bad.

I've shared about my stress, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and more.  It's been going on for over a year and seems to be getting continually worse instead of better.

I've been trying to make the best of it, keep my chin up, try different ways to feel organized, and more.  I've been able to clearly see the negative impact the stress has had on me and my health.  Worst of all, there's been negative impact on my family as I am a stressed out mom and wife.

I've talked with friends.  I've blogged.  I've prayed.  A lot.  I've cried.  I've had a couple of good days, lots of mediocre days, and lots of bad days.

Healthy eating and daily activity was gone.  I was stress eating.  I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to make time for exercise.

I realized I needed help.

I spoke to a professional.  I spoke to a trusted friend.  And I went to see my family doctor.

Bottom line is that I'm fighting depression.

Bottom line is that I have to get back to making my health a priority.

My doctor and I talked about medication.  And it is an option.

What this has really done is kick started my desire to get back to how I felt in 2010 and 2011 when I was running and exercising and cycling.  Because that's when I felt my best, my strongest, had the most energy.

I'm taking 3 months to get myself back on track.  Vitamins.  Exercise.  Healthy eating.

I'm taking baby steps right now.  I know I can do 15 minutes of exercise each day.  I'm doing the Leslie Sansone 1 Mile Walk Challenge.  Each day, I can take 15 minutes to do the 1 mile video.  Most days, it has been after the kids are in bed and before I have a chance to sit down.  But I get it done.

I have goals.  At the end of March, I'm going to participate in the Kahuna Virtual 5K.  I plan to show up for the meet up since I'm local.  We would love to have representation from all the States and as many countries as possible so feel free to join in!!

At the end of June, I will do the local 5K that was my first ever 5K.  Even through the ups and downs since 2011, I've done this 5K every year since I first started running in 2010.  The first year, I tried my hardest, ran as much as I could, and it was a serious event for me.  The second and third year... I didn't really want to do it but I did it.  This year, I want to take it seriously again.

I've got a multi-vitamin, D3, calcium, and fish oil.

My eating habits are beginning to change just for the sake of the activity changes that I'm making.  I have a plan that I am going to implement to make my eating healthier but I know I can't do a massive change and be able to stick with it.  I'm working on being aware of why I'm eating and paying attention to my habits.  Just by being a little active, I find that I want water as my main beverage, I don't want to eat late at night, and I seek out fruits and veggies more often.

I'm also working on getting hooked up with someone to talk to on a regular basis.  Not a therapist.  But checking in with the Employee Assistance Program rep at work.  Turning to my church.  Staying connected to friends.

In 3 months, if things aren't better, I will go back to the doctor and we will again discuss medication.

I'm fighting back as best I know how.

Pruning

In August of 2011, I attended the Women of Faith event in Indianapolis.  It was my first time.  One of the speakers was Dr. Henry Cloud.  I've been something of a fan ever since.

Back at that event, he spoke about pruning.  I thought it sounded like great advice.  It made sense.

But now I am facing the task of actually pruning and it hurts.

There are things that I am part of that I love being part of but that I think are making my life more stressful, more jam packed, and wearing me thin.

Pruning the things I enjoy is actually kind of daunting.

But I'm at a point that I know I have to prune - and not just for the sake of my own needs but for the sake of my kids, too.

We've had this lovely, laid back, lazy winter holiday.  And my kids are better than ever when they have that down time, bonding time, play time.  We've been able to stick to our routines better, too.

There is a Tuesday evening Bible study group that I am part of with Jeff.  I love that time he and I have together in that class.  I love that we are going through it together.  I love the group and what I've learned.

But it might need to be pruned for the sake of being at home more.  For the sake of bedtime.  For the sake of housework and homework.

We attend a mid-week church thing where we gather for dinner and then have small groups / Bible studies.  And it's a great mid-week pick-me-up.  I've been leading things on Weds nights for a while and I enjoy the things I'm being asked to be part of...

But it might need to be pruned for the sake of being at home more.  For the sake of bedtime.  For the sake of housework and homework.

By giving up those two nights, my kids will be home every weeknight and our routines will be... routine.

By giving up those two nights, I would have more down time, more time to focus on me, more time to recover from my stress-filled workday.

It hurts me inside to think about pruning things I love, things I enjoy, things I want to be doing.

But if I'm being honest... there is also a sense of relief and release when I think about letting go of some of those commitments and promises.

If I'm going to be my best as an employee, as a wife, as a mom... if I'm going to be able to take care of myself... if I'm going to follow my talent and passion (singing with the Praise Team)... if I'm going to continue in a church leadership role...

I have to be willing to prune.  To let go.

New Year for the Junior Set

I saw a fun idea on another website and decided to do a version of it here.

2013 is the first dawning of the new year where Teagan has asked about the "ball dropping."  We recorded it and watched it in the morning.  We also watched performances by Taylor Swift (the kids liked her but, as Zach said, she's no Katy Perry) and Justin Bieber (the kids were unimpressed and failed to see why their friends are such fans).  We counted down and yelled Happy New Year!  None of us were in a place to ring in the New Year the night before - we were all asleep except for Jeff.

What a Year It's Been!

Teagan
Age 7
Favorite color: light blue
Favorite food: sushi
Favorite activity: reading
Favorite book: Junie B Jones: Dumb Bunny

Important lesson learned:  That even though other people are different, you should still treat them all the same.
Hardest thing that happened this year: When Buttons died.
Favorite memory: Starting 2nd grade

In 2013, I want to:
Learn: more about people and different kinds of people
Get better at: being a good kid
Achieve a goal: Be a better reader (and stop biting nails)

Zach
Age 5
Favorite color: red and green and yellow and purple and light green and dark green and orange and blue and turquoise
Favorite food: fruit snacks
Favorite activity: playing Mario
Favorite book: Scooby Doo

Important lesson learned: nah
Hardest thing that happened this year: How would I know?
Favorite memory: I don't know. Uh - playing on my DS (Nintendo)

In 2013, I want to:
Learn: How to read
Get better at: I don't know.
Achieve a goal: I have no idea!

As you can see - Zach isn't quite to a point of thinking about the year gone by and the year ahead.  I kind of like that about him.

What a year it's been for... me.

Liz
Age 38
Favorite color: Yellow
Favorite food: sushi
Favorite activity: singing
Favorite book (of 2012): The Hunger Games

Important lesson learned in 2012 - That life can be difficult without a Big Problem.  Life can be hard and can wear you down with just daily stresses that build and build.
Hardest thing that happened this year:  All the changes in my workplace - systems changes and layoffs and personnel changes.
Favorite memory: I really cherish my time at Disney in Sept.  Partially because of the conference I attended (Experience Conference - for worship leaders), partially because of time spent deepening a friendship, and partially because I hugged Winnie the Pooh and cried.

In 2013, I want to:
Learn: I want to relearn running.
Get better at: Maintaining an exercise schedule and healthy living plan.
Achieve a goal:  Run a 5K.

Jeff, like his son, is more of an "I don't know" kind of guy.  He says the hardest part of 2012 was watching me struggle with my job situation.  Favorite memory from 2012... don't know.  2013... wants to learn... no clue.  Wants to achieve... financial freedom (by having lots of money).

Instead of just setting a resolution, I like this opportunity to take a snapshot of where our family is and where we are heading.

Happy birthday, Honey!

Today is Jeff's birthday.  We will get to take him out to dinner to celebrate this weekend.

Things have been a bit off this winter break so I haven't had the chance to go shopping - I should have held back a Christmas gift to give him for his birthday.  I'm a bad wife.  But I will make it up to him.

What I want the world to know on Jeff's birthday... is how glad I am to have him in my world.

I can't imagine parenting without him.

I can't imagine coming home after a hard day and not having him here.

He's who I call when I have good news, bad news, or no news at all.

He takes care of me when I'm sick.  He handles the puke when the kids are sick.  He's my calm in the storm.

9 years of marriage.  11 years together.  And I look forward to celebrating many more birthdays in the years and years and years to come.

My Word for 2013

Last year, I selected "Steady" as my word for 2012.  A word to focus on.  I knew I was struggling and 2012 did, in fact, prove to be a year filled with struggles.

I am continuing to struggle and I need to get more and more real about the struggles I am facing.

My word for 2013 is...

Reach

If I am going to get past these hard times... I have to be willing to reach a little further.  If I am going to live a healthy lifestyle again - I have to reach further.

Reach means - to stretch or to arrive at.

I need to stretch.  I need to arrive.

I need to get to a starting point to begin stretching.  I had to hold steady in 2012.  And there were a lot of storms to weather and waves to stand strong through as they crashed around me.

But if life is going to get better and things are going to grow and flourish for me and my family, I have to reach.

Reach for the stars, reach for my goals, reach for the bright spot in a dark time, reach for... a hand to hold.