Wednesday, May 6, 2009

If Only I Knew...

A friend I used to work with had this little Hallmark book by Lance Wubbels. It is long but lots of gems in there... If Only I Knew...… I would never hear your voice again, I would cherish your every word… every inflection of your voice… with all my heart.… this was our last hug, I would hold you tight and hope to never let you go.… this was the last time… the very last time… I would see you, I would take the time to treasure everything about you.… I had the chance to pray with you one more time, I would take your hands and welcome God’s presence to surround us.… that disagreements do not mean a lack of love, I would have been hurt less often.… that even when everything in my life seems to go wrong and comes crumbling down around me, even when my heart is broken, God has promised to always be with me.… how often and how badly I had misjudged people, I would have opened my heart more often to love and be loved.… that no one ever sees the same thing in exactly the same light, I would have found more pleasure in others’ opinions, even when they did not share mine.… that I was powerless to change other people, I would have stopped trying and been free to love them for who they were, flaws and all.… that momentary pleasures could ruin a reputation for a lifetime, I would have found the strength to say no to temptation.… tomorrow was not coming, I would ask you to please forgive me for any wrong I may have done to you.… this was our final kiss, I would use it to tell you that you are the love of my life.… I could never share another day with you, I would make the most of every second.… this was the last gift I could give you, I would surprise you with something that says nothing compares with you.… that miracles do happen, I would cling to God with all my heart and soul.… that I was caught in the trap of living for tomorrow and a future that existed only in my imagination, I would have slowed my pace, drawn boundaries around my work, and taken time for the people I love.… my choices… however small and seemingly insignificant… were taking me away from you, I would turn around and run to you.… your hand would never hold mine again, I would wish this moment would never end.… my voice was about to go silent, my words to you would be punctuated with “I love you’s.”… that a break in our relationship might go unresolved, I would do everything within my power to mend it.… that no word of love is ever lost, I would have allowed my tongue more freedom to truly speak from my heart.… the destructive power of gossip, slander, and talking behind other people’s backs, I would have chosen my words more carefully.… that sometimes it’s better not to know, I would have spared myself heartaches and cares I was never meant to carry.… that my past is no excuse for who I am now, that truth could have set me free to change.… that success is never measured in dollars or positions, I would have treasured the things that last forever. … that wonders surround all we do… everywhere… all the time, I would have searched my little corner of the world and been continuously amazed.… that grief and heartache could be so deep and devastating, I would have been there more often for others.… that baskets of belief are of little value, I would have made certain that my beliefs were turned into convictions that set the course of my life.… that others were watching my life as an example, that my life was influencing others, I would have asked God to shape my character to be a reflection of his heart.… that even a child’s days are sometimes cut short, I would wish for more long nights of rocking you to sleep.… that it was wrong to put others under my own expectations and make them feel guilty, I would have stopped manipulating them and chosen love as the higher way.… how little I actually understood about you, I would listen closer to your words, search out your thoughts, and seek to know the deepest desires of your heart.… that my memories of you would be so precious, I would take the time to carefully gather your life story.… that anyone can bring words of comfort, encouragement, and healing, who knows how many lives I might have touched?… that friendships are so precious, I would have never taken anyone for granted… especially you.… our phone call was the last we’d ever have, I would speak only loving words.… I was about to lose your smile, I would thank you for all the joy you’ve brought to my life.… the love and strength and support you’ve always given me were about to end, I would run to your side and thank you for the million times you’ve made a difference… the difference… in my life.… that God created me for a purpose, I would have passionately sought Him to discover what He desired.… that it’s never too late to rewrite one’s life story, I would have pulled out my pen sooner.… that when God closes a door, He opens another, I would have been less afraid of and more welcoming of new opportunities and adventures.… that sticking with it is a way of life, I would have learned more from my failures and setbacks.… God gives us a lifetime to become the person He wants us to be, I would have been more patient with myself… and others.… that something so stupid and wrong would hurt you so badly, I would have taken a stand and never let it happen.… that it is not enough to empty my life of wrong, but to fill it with things that truly matter.… that everything depends upon what you believe, and that ignorance is no excuse, I would have been more vigilant to put truth into my heart.… how often I blindly accepted another’s beliefs, copied someone else’s life, and tried to imitate their spiritual experience, I could have found my own way and made them real.… that the love of God… knowing God loves me… reaches into my fears and insecurities, I would have allowed His love to surround, engulf, and pierce into the depths of my soul.… that real happiness is a state of mind, and that there’s no substitute for a good attitude, I would have been more thankful for what I had, and the chance to live and to work and to love.… there is so much more to life than being safe, I would have been quick to give myself to others.… the depths of wisdom and insight possessed by people around me, I would have spoken less and listened more.… this was our last walk, I would try to express my feelings for you, even though my words have always been inadequate.… I could never tuck you into bed again, I would cuddle you tight, refuse to rush, and enjoy the wonder of being with you.… my days were coming to an end, I would number them carefully… one by one… and ask God to help me make the best of my time because the days are far too fleeting.

5 comments:

Alix said...

** Sniiiif!!!**

Mary Ellen said...

This is beautifully written, but what did I tell you about making me cry???? A great reminder to never take a moment for granted.

yodaobi said...

I lost my best friend at 18
I never take anyone for granted.

Thanks for the reminder...

Do you need a hug?

darsden said...

Awesome!

Jackie E. said...

What a lovely list!!! I'm gonna steal a few of them....