Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Trust Me

Jeff and I were very careful about our selection of Little Explorers as the preschool, Kindergarten, and child care program for our children. Just as we did when I was pregnant and we were seeking childcare for my return to work, we took our decision very seriously. When I was looking for childcare, I was looking for someone who would respect my parenting methods. I was looking for someone who would provide things that I didn't but that also matched the things we did at home. When I was interviewing pediatricians, I asked a lot of questions about philosophy and how different situations would be handled. When Jeff and I visited preschools, we nterviewed the Director, we asked lots of questions, and we often walked out knowing it wasn't the right place. Some places were a flat out "no way." Some were "if we don't find something better but it just isn't right." Then we walked into Little Explorers. It's small. It's privately owned. The owner is onsite and fully involved with the teachers and kids and parents. Lori's methods and philosophies and ideas and passion and intensity matched our own. Within minutes of walking in, we knew we'd found It. When I post stories about how things have played out at school, please trust me. Please trust, as I do, that when there has been a situation with my child that the staff involved have truly handled the situation well. Lori will never hire someone who can't or won't follow the appropriate and best practices. When I post a story about something that has happened at school, keep in mind that it's the 3rd hand or more version of the story. And that I don't have every single detail to share. But that I do trust that the teachers and staff at the school handle situations with my daughter (and soon, with my son) in the best and most appropriate manner that is best for Teagan's learning and development. In fact, I trust that they handle things more consistently and evenly at school than I do at home. There is an ongoing conversation between school and home. Just today, one of the teachers asked for my advice. "When Teagan just stares at you and refuses to answer about the choices she made, what do you do?" I'm very fortunate that this school not only already incorporates my own ideals about discipline and structure and growth but they are also open to and respectful of my own input. Some might say that I shouldn't be so blind. Some might say that I shouldn't be so trusting. Well, this is one area that you will have to just... trust me. *** I had some emotional stuff come up yesterday in regards to parenting my daughter. A lot more detail will come in a couple of weeks when I feature my friends Lindsey as a Mother Who Moves Me. I cried. I had this big moment of realization. I can't quite call it an epiphany because I still don't know exactly what to do with it. I'm sure I'll work some of it out when I'm writing up my piece on Lindsey. Quite often, I use this blog as a way of working through something I don't have answers for. Quite often, as I write, I find insight and understanding that I didn't have before. Sometimes, writing is a very deep, personal, and spiritual experience for me that I choose to share with you. Perhaps being so open and leaving myself so vulnerable leaves me open to attack or misunderstanding. Perhaps I shouldn't put so much of myself and my life out there. Some take my openness and misunderstand it for cockiness or egoism. I guess you will just have to... trust me. *** Sometimes I worry that I have painted a picture of my Healthier Me self that isn't completely accurate. I struggle. Sometimes, a lot. I've got the exercise thing still going. Maybe not with the same vigor as before. But I'm getting up, being active, and getting exercise about 4-5 times each week. I'm about 75% happy with my eating. I have an excuse each time. Vacation. Stress about work. Stress about parenting. More stress about parenting. But it's my choosing and it's my behaviors. I am focused on the positive- and there is a lot of positive. But there is a lot of negative that I don't share. There are after bedtime treats. There are quick little snacks at work. There are bad choices in restaurants. I'm not beating myself up. I'm not making excuses. This is my demon that I have to fight on my own. This is my battle, my choice. When I'm finding things that work, I share it. I talk about food and exercise that is working for me. Some people might notice that I haven't seemed as excited about running lately. Some might say that my oomph is gone. Some might wonder if I'm really living the things I say I am. I'm being as honest as I know how to be and I'm going to keep talking about what is working for me and I'm going to keep working through what isn't working for me. And someday... I hope to be able to completely... trust me. Photobucket


kbiermom said...

You mean it's not just me?

When I begin a plan for reorganizing or taking charge of any given area of my life, I'm always very excited, but privately afraid... That this plan will fall by the wayside as so many others have.

Inventing new strategies is fun and exciting -- but will it really become a good habit that I stick with? Or will I slide back into my old ways? Am I really capable of change? What will think of myself if I let myself and others down? Sometimes I get mired in these doubts to the extent of self-sabotage -- I drag my feet on something because I'm afraid of not getting it done!

You mean it's not just me?

My dd is about to start middle school. I remember thinking that the cheerleaders and other popular people had it all together. I've been coaching her that when she feels afraid or unsure of herself, that everyone else feels the same way sometimes, too.

You mean that's still true, even now that we're grownups? lol!

Whew. :)

Maybe trusting ourselves is the hardest thing ever. It means having the ability to cut ourselves a bit of slack every now and then -- without the fear that we just took the first step toward a total backslide.

Problem is, that fear is based in fact. Sometimes we do let ourselves and others down.

I don't think it's disingenuous at all to focus on the positive. I think it's necessary, in fact. We need to keep our eyes focused on what works for us, and keep from getting pulled into thinking about past strategies that didn't work. They didn't work for a reason -- they just didn't fit! Did Thomas Edison grieve all those failed attempts at inventing the light bulb! Why should he? They simply didn't work -- so what?!

So, will our current efforts stick? Who knows? Make a thorough effort, as an inventor taking copious notes. If it's not a good fit, you'll have the data to back it up.

How will our lives, and our childrens' lives, turn out? Full of blessings, if our creator, savior, and comforter have anything to do with it :)

Thanks for showing me that it's not just me. I think I'll make more progress knowing that :)

Anne K. said...

Everyone will always have their own ideas about what other people should or shouldn't be doing, and it is *so* easy to judge from the outside. But, when people judge others, it's only because they have insecurities of their own, so do not pay them any mind. I think everyone struggles with trusting themselves sometimes.

There is no such thing as failure. I mean that. Everything along this path we call life is a learning experience and helps to make us who we are. Allow God to direct your path and trust the greater plan. Everything will work out. :-)

kbiermom said...

BTW, Liz, sorry for blogging on your blog *again* lol! Your thoughts help me work out my own thoughts :)

Garret said...

The good news is you're still healthier than you were previously. Yay! As far as running, should you break the law and need to flee, you'll be ready! Yay. Next join gymnastics so you can master those fences.

Mrs4444 said...

I absolutely trust you. I think that place is fantastic, too. I'm very happy for you in that regard.

I think it's sweet that you're worried about making sure we know you are authentic re: the health/weight stuff. I respect that; it's important to me, too, as you know.

BTW, your MWMM post gave ME an ephiphany, and I will never forget it. A post is in the works, but I will probably tell you about it in person, first (assuming you'll send your phone number :)

Alison said...

If it makes you feel any better, this farmers' market volunteering, organic gardening whole-foods nut gets lunch out at _least_ once a week. And the healthiest choice I make is Chinese food.

You may remember several months ago I wrote a "failure" post, highlighting some of the plants in our yard that didn't make it. Everything we put on here is pre-selected, and of course we tend to want to write about the good & interesting things. (Most of us, anyway, lol!) I make no apologies for it, because it's a fact that I don't have the time to document everything that _doesn't_ happen.

CH_BeBestMe said...

Insightful once again! The firt part struck a chord with me simply because there's someone in my family who dislikes our choice of daycare and takes every opportunity she can to belittle it and us for keeping the kids there. We believe in it. But apparently, in her eyes, we cannot be trusted to make good parenting choices in regards to childcare. I just have to remember that the only physical people who have to be comfortable with our choice is my own immediate family (hubby, kids and I).

I will say that since having kids, I've learned a lot more about trusting myself. I trust my gut instinct way more now than I did before. Speaking of trust, have you ever read the book, Speed of Trust? It's by Stephen Covey (not the famous one, but his son). Very good book about trust in so many aspects of life.

Oh, and it's totally natural to focus on the positives with regards to a healthier you. If you get bogged down with the negatives, you won't get anywhere. Every day is new day. Every choice is a new choice. You're doing awesome.

C. Beth said...

I always feel bad if I blog about some new project or idea I'm excited about and don't totally follow through with it. But really, our blogs are just a reflection of our daily lives, and our lives don't always follow some perfect, straight course towards a goal. In fact, I think there's almost always curves and backtracks and side paths and changing paths along the way.

Anonymous said...

Often times I trust you more than I trust myself. I'm working on that ;)

Stop worrying about what "some" think. It's toxic. I hope you never become closed for fear of further pain. Pain helps us grow. This much I have figured out. :)

I am the queen of starting things that fizzled out. I used to worry about people noticing that I gained back that weight, or that I stopped working out, or that I obviously haven't quit the many habits I have issues with...like the recent eviction of my severe caffeine addiction. I finally decided one day back in 2007 that it doesn't really matter to me if people see me as a quitter, or as a failure. It only matters what I think. If I am ashamed of myself...I know I'm not doing something right. If someone else shames me, and I am not ashamed...clearly they must be mistaken :)

None of us can practice what we preach all of the time. None of us are perfect, and as I learned tonight...the world isn't either and never, ever will be.

I take comfort in knowing that.

Thank you Liz, for being so open. It makes the world seem much less lonely when I know people like you have the same struggles that people like me have.

Unknown said...

I think it's safe to say that we ALL struggle with this, especially in blogging - where we can pick and choose what we share with our readers.

We all do it and we're all normal.

I'd say that this bit, "Some people might notice that I haven't seemed as excited about running lately. Some might say that my oomph is gone. Some might wonder if I'm really living the things I say I am" ... is more a personal thing because I've never thought that about you, not even close :)

Personally, I have no doubt that you are an inspiration, whether you are fully living it or not - that's not even a question. Your comments on my own blog are always awesome and full of knowledge from a person who has been there and done that and sharing their own experiences with wellness.

Even if you're not feeling "it" right now, you are still a wealth if information and inspiration and I hope we all manage to inspire you in some little way.