Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Turns out...

I can easily be swayed from this:

To this:

We were on the verge of planning that family vacation, booking hotels, planning restaurants, making lists of things to pack. When it occurred to me... that the money to be spent on the vacation this year could be used on something that would be an investment for our family. A back yard play set. My kids looooove being outdoors! My kids also love going to the park and I have to admit that while I wish I loved the park... I don't. I actually do all I can to avoid taking the kids. I have to have an eye on Teagan 85% of the time. I'm fine with her running off and playing independently. I don't hover. But there are times she calls for help with equipment- climbing or monkey bars. And I just like being able to know where she is. So if just she and I go, it's all good. Add Zach to the mix... trouble. The boy is a daredevil. He thinks he can do anything. He thinks he can climb, crawl, dive, slide, swing, run. He tries to walk off the edges of play equipment. He does everything he can to get away from me and stay right by his sister. Add in the parents who don't care what their kids are doing, the parents who hover and get in the way, the kids who are rude or bullying, the teenagers who take over pieces of equipment... It just ends up being less fun. So the idea of having our own playset in the backyard... letting the kids run and play and climb and slide and swing... in the safety and controlled environment of our fenced in back yard. Our own playset also means having friends over, having family over, having something to do in our own yard for years to come. And because family vacations are still really important, we are taking a trip to Cincinnati. A visit with my family one day, a day where the kids stay with Grandma and Jeff and I go out for a day of fun, and then 2 nights in a hotel (with a gorgeous pool) and a day at the zoo and a day at the museum center. So we are back to our original plan- nothing big this year, back to Sesame Place next year. Zach will certainly get more out of it next year than this year. We already talked with Teagan about it- she is way excited about getting a playset. And going to visit Grandma and go to the zoo and museum. *** Back on the subject of that playset... it has been very frustrating to find what we want! I generally have a "3 strikes" policy with retail stores. Treat me badly 3 times, I'm done shopping there. Sometimes it doesn't even take 3 strikes. Toys R Us has hit the 2nd strike and I'm very close to being done. In my vast searching and learning about wooden playsets, I've found a builder that I like. Big Backyard. That picture up there is the Ashford and we LOVE it. Big Backyard advertises on their website that you can find the Ashford at TRU. TRU has it on their website- but the shipping is $500. Ouch! Then I see a coupon on the TRU website- 20% off, in store only, all wooden playsets. Whooppee!!!! Last night, after work, I head to TRU to check it out. I called first- I asked about the Ashford and was told it was no longer carried in stores. But I thought I'd go see what else they had. With a 20% off coupon in hand, I might upgrade and be happy enough, right? I walk in the store. I pass a handful of associates who never greet me or ask if I need help. I finally make eye contact with one and ask about the wooden playsets. She directs me to the other side of the store. I head over and see the wall of pictures of the playsets. You are supposed to take a little tag to the register and then pick up the boxes. But all the slips are gone for all the playsets. Huh? I find another associate and ask for assistance. I'm informed that "most people" bought their playsets in February so they are out of stock on everything and the warehouse is out of stock on everything and nothing can be ordered by the store anyway because Corporate does all ordering. So... Corporate issued a coupon for product that stores don't have and can't get?? I'm sure I'll be posting an update soon- a follow up to my next steps. First, I'm calling a different TRU to see if they have any playsets in stock. There are only 3 TRU stores in the Indy area. If I strike out across the board, I'll contact TRU to complain about this coupon and about the lack of stock in store and warehouse and the lack of helpfulness on the part of the employee. I also plan to contact the manufacturer of the playsets to inquire if they sell elsewhere and also to discourage them from selling through TRU. So frustrating. So, so frustrating.

Stephen King's The Mist (movie)

We watched The Mist Saturday night. I think I could have really liked the movie. I've not read Stephen King's original short story but I do want to read it. If you haven't seen the movie and plan to see it and don't want to know about it... DON'T KEEP READING. If you haven't seen it, have no interest in seeing but want to read the synopsis, here's a Wikipedia link with all the details. I didn't like the movie. There was an important thing that wasn't done right and it ruined it for me. Again- don't wanna know stuff about the movie? Don't read this blog entry! You've been warned. Here's the deal. People are trapped in a supermarket in a small town. They are being attacked by fantastic monsters who are part of this mysterious mist that has enveloped the entire town. Turns out the mist and monsters are because of some Army experiment where they have opened some other dimension. In the store are people who've known each other for a long time. That whole small town thing. The main character is this dude- David, I think. He's there with his son, Billy. Billy appears to be 9ish. Billy is having a really hard time, understandably, dealing with the scary crap going on. Wanna know what would help Billy? If his dad would stop running all over the store, doing scary crap with everyone else, going on missions to the next door pharmacy... if his dad would stay and be with him instead of trying to save everyone else. Especially after Billy BEGGED his dad not to leave him again after Billy was almost attacked by a pterodactyl type monster. Jeff was the first to comment. That he wouldn't leave his kids. That I wouldn't leave my kids. That we would help to the best of our ability. But that we wouldn't entrust the lives and safety of our children to a few random people who are also terrified and concerned about their own self-preservation. So the total lack of connectivity between this father and his son was really disconcerting and distracting. I've done some research on differences between the movie and the short story. I really want to read the short story to see if reading it builds the relationship between father and child differently. Then there is the issue of the ending. I didn't watch it. I knew what was going to happen and I knew at what point I should exit so I didn't see the bad stuff. See- I have a really, really hard time dealing with parents hurting their kids. I watched a documentary on Jim Jones not so long ago and the part of the story of how that day played out... when the mass suicide happened... the stories that impacted me the hardest were those of parents taking the lives of their own children. The film ends that way. The dad kills the 3 adults who escaped the supermarket. He also shoots his own son. He then has no bullets left to take his own life. He's yelling and screaming and hears what he thinks is a monster coming to get him... but it's the Army, clearing out the mist, making everything all better. So he killed everyone for nothing and now has to live with the guilt. At least long enough until he can get a gun with bullets. The short story ends with the potential for hope if the reader so chooses. The survivors hunker down for the night after escaping the market. They survive the night... and the main dude hears a single word in the static coming through on the radio... no station, no station, no station... hears a word. So there is hope that there is life out there... and they continue driving to find that life, or to meet their doom, or whatever other ending you choose to follow. So a movie where I should have been focused on monsters and other dimensions and religious cult fanatics (Marcia Gay Harden's performance was really, really good). But instead, I was completely distracted by the lack of realism between the main character and what should have been his number one priority. Why make him have a kid?? I think the movie would have worked just fine if the child hadn't been part of it. His role pretty much made him an "in the way" character anyway. So just don't have him there at all!

Pizza Saves Lives

This is a really cool story! Gatlinburg, TN. Pizza delivery guy agrees to go well outside of the normal range for a delivery- 30 miles to a remote cabin. As the guy is getting paid, he sees into the cabin over the orderer's shoulder. Nothing but the back of a couch, basically. Suddenly, a woman pops up, holds up her bound wrists, and mouths for him to call 911. The delivery guy remains calm, leaves, and drives to the next house he can find and calls the police. Turns out, this woman was kidnapped in the Atlanta area. And the captor had planned to kill her when he was "done" with her. She'd already been raped, kidnapped... The pizza guy... choosing to go outside of the delivery area... remaining calm... taking her seriously... saved her life. That's some good news!!

An Unexpected Gift

Yesterday, Christy's evening plans got cancelled and she had nothing to do. This would normally free her up for an evening with me but I had to decline because I really needed an evening with my husband. He's on his own for part of Weds and Thurs evenings due to my church commitments these days so it's important that Fridays be "about us." At work, Christy walked into my office and asked if she could babysit my kids. So Jeff and I could go out. Like, on a date. We all went out to dinner (local Greek market/restaurant that has amazing food with huge portions). Came home and got Zach to bed and headed out. Teagan was excited for her time with just Aunt Christy. We left the house and... had no clue what to do with ourselves. We didn't really date back when we were dating. We didn't have a first date. We'd become friends. We were just hanging out all the time- his place, my place, the movies, dinner. Sometimes with other people, sometimes just us. And then... something happened. We realized we were more than just friends. That there was something deeper developing. But we just kept on hanging out... never anything official aside from adding in some kissing and making out and stuff. So what were we to do with ourselves?? First, 2 games of bowling. I actually won the first game!

However, they did that whole lights out, fun music, funky light shows, disco ball, black lights bowling at the start of our second game- so I lost. It was all the fault of those lights. Really. It was.

Next we headed next door to hit some balls into holes- a round of putt putt!

Towards the end of the game, I noticed that there was a pretty sunset- but most of it was hidden by clouds. However, some of the clouds were reflecting the setting sun and it was so pretty!

And in case you couldn't tell, we laughed a lot on our night out!

Muchos gracias to Aunt Christy!! The kids had a great time with her and we had a great time without them!

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It's not over completely. But we just need a few months to figure things out. There's this new development between us and I'm not sure I can work with it. I think it's too complicated for the kids. And, honestly, I just don't think I can deal with it right now. It will be a rough few months. But it's what we need to do. We are breaking up- but it is temporary. It's fully my intention that we be back together and better than ever this fall. We just need a few months apart while you work through this new... development... in your life. Let's set a goal. Zach's birthday comes at the end of October. I think we can sort it out by then. You can get this... thing... out of your system. And maybe things will settle down before then. Maybe we can sort through this within a couple of months. Because I really don't think I can deal with the excess crowds that the King Tut exhibit is going to bring to our precious Children's Museum. Our membership expires this weekend and I just can't see renewing it right away. From what I hear, this exhibit is a Huge Deal. The museum has even built a new wing to house this exhibit. As a member, I would still have to pay additional money to get into this exhibit. And not just a few bucks. $15 for each adult, $8 for each child. And the exhibit is recommended for age 8 and up. Zach and Teagan have zero interest in King Tut, I can tell you that!! So bigger crowds, harder time finding parking, paying extra, exhibit isn't really our-kid-friendly anyway. The exhibit goes through October. Zach's birthday is Oct 23 so a new membership to the museum seems like an ideal birthday gift, yes? At the very least, I'll wait and get a new membership at the end of June, once the excitement has died down. Or get a membership for MY birthday in August... We don't need the Museum so much over the summer since we tend to hit parks and such. Plus, we plan to get a membership to Connor Prairie. So... goodbye Children's Museum. It's not forever. It's temporary. You haven't done anything wrong. But it really seems like you need some time to sort out some things. We'll be back together soon enough...

The Positive Anger Explosion

Almost through the book!! If you want to catch up... I'm doing a parenting audit, of sorts. I'm whipping my disciplinary butt back into shape. It started here. And here are links to the various posts that I've done as I re-read through the book again (for the third time). The book I'm reading is The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need. *** The Positive Anger Explosion Kids do things and we will feel angry. It happens. How we react, how we handle it is the important thing. Pushing down the anger, the irritation doesn't work in the long run. It generally results in an emotional explosion leaving you feeling out of control. But if you have a tool that allows you to express your anger, irritability, annoyance... you can express yourself, handle the situation, and your child learns from it, too. Win-win-win! Step 1- The Anger Delivery Statement Describe the situation. Describe how you are feeling. Describe the desired outcome. For an easy type situation, it might sound something like this: "Teagan, I found your wet towel on my bed. It's still there. I'm feeling angry. Your towel belongs on the hook in your bedroom." Describe the situation. Keep it simple, descriptive. Not accusatory, not character bashing. Nothing is said about the child, only about the situation. Just the fact, ma'am. Describe how you are feeling. Again, keep it simple. "I statements." Not "you are making me feel." Also important are using descriptive feeling words. This sets an example for your kids, too. Helps them build their own feeling vocabulary so they aren't just stuck in the "I'm fine" routine. Words like... irritated, angry, discouraged, impatient, annoyed. Describe the desired outcome. It isn't a directive, it isn't an order. Not "Go hang up your towel." Instead, describe what needs to happen. What if they don't do it? That's the age old question, isn't it? What if it feels like the only way to get through to your child is to yell, threaten, take away privileges? The authors give a checklist. Does it work? Is it respectful? Does it help you become the parent you want to be? What are you teaching? I can say for certain that when I yell, lose my temper, get snappy and snippy... I am not being respectful, I am not being the parent I want to be, and I don't like what I am teaching. So it may "work" in as much as it gets the kids to do what I want them to do. But 1 "yes" out of 4 questions is a failing grade in my book. If you use the Positive Anger Explosion and your child still doesn't do what is needed... go back to the other 2 strategies! You've described the situation, you've stated your feelings, and you've stated the desired outcome. A reasonable amount of time later, it still isn't done. Instead of giving up on our strategies, go back to the first 2. Try the One Minute Behavior Modifier. Or the Dynamic Discipline Equation. You've "exploded your anger positively" and now you have the opportunity to move past the emotion and dig into the fix. The final chapter in the book is "Putting It All Together." How do you know which strategy to use and when? Do you start with one and move to another? They are all important and they can be used interchangeably at any time. Sometimes, your Positive Anger Explosion will lead to the other strategies. Sometimes you start with the One Minute Modifier and go on to the Discipline Equation. To wrap up all of this discussion, I'd like to share the final paragraph from the book. No one does perfect parenting. No one gets perfect parenting. What all children deserve most is a parent who works at improving his or her attitude and actions in regard to the important responsibility of being a parent. Use this book to refine your skills. Practice. Improve. And continue to grow along with your children. They're worth it and so are you! *** The Giveaway!!! Flartus, Mrs4444, Lisa, Tom, Mary Ellen, Jackie, Heather, Amy, C. Beth, and Kristi All 10 of you win!! Provided you sincerely want a copy of this book, I'm more than delighted to share this. So please leave a comment or drop me an e-mail (gentlemomlc (a) gmail). If you send me your name and addy, I will send a book your way!!

Do The Right Thing

I had something happen last night... and I thought of my blogging friend Lisa. She has 2 blogs. One is about her "everyday" adventures in motherhood as a mother to 6 kids (including a set of twins and a baby with Down syndrome). One is dedicated to her son Finnian. He has Down syndrome.

Lisa has written on the subject of language a few times. Specifically, how it feels for her, for her kids... when someone glibly uses the word "retard." Like this post. And this one. And this one.

Let me start by saying that it isn't a word I use... but I have to admit that it has probably slipped into my vernacular from time to time.

Last night, we had our weekly dinner at church. As we lined up to head through the food line, I hear 3 teenage boys in front of me.

"Huh-huh. Look at the plate. It looks like a happy retard face. Huh-huh."

"Yeah. Retard. *snort*"

"Yeah. Happy retard. Heheheheh."

I'm not happy. I don't like the language.

But hello!!! Duh! This is my church and we are all about community and raising each other in Christ and all that jazz.

I take a step forward, look at each boy, and say "Please stop using that word. It is offensive to a lot of people. You might find it funny- but it really isn't. Please stop."

The 2 older boys stop. They look down, appearing a little embarrassed. The younger teen, who is somewhat known for being obnoxious, I think, and who seems to think he will impress the older boys... looks at me and says "What word? RETARD?"

Little shit. I oughta...

But I figure a teen boy is like a dog. When they snap at you, they are expecting you to back down. So that they then assert themselves in a pack leader role.

I don't fall for it with dogs. I'm not falling for it with this boy. Afterall, I know his mother is here!

So I keep eye contact, never flinch, never blink. I lean forward and say "Yep." I lean in further, grit my teeth (because I'm the alpha female, thank you) and say "That's the word."

He backs down- stops laughing, breaks eye contact, looks at his feet.

Alpha female wins.

Anyway- my point is that I stood up for what was right. Even if it would have been easier to ignore them, easier to act like I didn't hear them. After the fact, I realized that I'd done this in front of my kids. This was a good lesson for Teagan. She maybe didn't understand everything that was going on. She maybe wasn't following what Mommy was doing... but no matter... she saw Mommy choose the right thing vs the easy thing.

Do the right thing.