Electronic Devices

This morning, Teagan was very open with me about her feelings.

"Mom, I'm going to be jealous today."

The before and after care program at her school is run by the YMCA.  As a fundraiser, the Y was letting kids bring in their favorite "electronic devices" if they donate $1.

My kids don't have any electronic devices.  No iPod, no MP3 player, no electronic readers, no tablets, no handheld gaming systems.

Teagan asked to take my phone, Daddy's phone, our computers, Daddy's Kindle.  Not going to happen, of course.

Part of me was sad for her- she knew she would be feeling jealous and she knew she would feel left out.  She would be different.

Part of me was... kinda proud of my parenting.

Jeff and I talked about it- did we possibly have something she could take?

Nope.  And we didn't spend time thinking about it.  In our family, kids don't have their own electronics.

I explained to Teagan that in our family, kids don't have TV's in their bedrooms, kids don't have their own computers, and kids don't have electronics.  In our family, kids entertain themselves by playing together, reading books, playing with toys.  Yes, the adults have electronics.  We're the adults.  And we share our toys when it's appropriate but that truly doesn't happen often.

I know she's anxious about the day ahead of her.  But this is one of those things where we stick to our guns. Because electronics and kids have never been a focus, even when electronic media is available, it doesn't hold attention for long.  The biggest screen time my kids get is watching TV and we limit that to Nick Jr 90% of the time.  On rare occasions, they will get on PBS.org and play various games together.  On even more rare occasions, they have played a game on my phone when we've had a long wait somewhere.  I will say that since getting my Droid 3, I haven't loaded any games for kids on my phone.  Teagan has asked for a handheld game system for her birthday but I honestly don't know that it would hold her attention.  Plus, having one would mean rules and restrictions on how often she can use it.

It's not that I am somehow completely opposed to kids having electronics.  It's not that I'm a big advocate of limiting screen time.  My kids are 4 and almost 7.  I guess, in my mind, those kinds of entertainment things are for older kids, for teens, for adults.  I'm not against the idea of getting Teagan a handheld game system for her birthday- I just truly think it would be a waste of money because I don't see it being something SHE is truly interested in.  I think she wants one because other kids have one.  She never pays attention to that stuff when we go to Target, for example.

She would, however, love to have her own e-reader with books and a few games on it.  But we aren't going down that path just yet, either.

It's interesting to me that there was this little tug of wanting my kid to feel like she fit in.  I went without so often as a kid that I can really identify with that feeling.

And I find great relief in knowing that I was able to tell my kid that this one isn't going to happen because of how we work as a family- not because we can't afford electronics, not because we can't afford a donation to the Y.  But because we value our kids being kids that use their brains and bodies.  Because we value reading and books and magazines and dolls and cars and balls and blankets and building forts and having a dance party and loving on our dogs and snuggling on the couch and telling stories and playing restaurant and going for walks and heading to the park and going out for sushi- all are higher priorities than having electronic devices in the hands of our kids.

Dragon

This past Saturday, Teagan participated with the YMCA school program from her elementary school to present the Dragon Dance as part of their presentation on China.  If you have 6 minutes with nothing to do, you can watch the video below.  You will see Teagan at the start as she gets in place as the tail and at around 4:15, you can see her shake the dragon's tail- skip ahead to 5:30 for the final bow.  She was so excited and so proud of the practicing they had done and the decorating and everything.

Here she is just before they took the stage- she just looks so big to me in this picture.  So old, so grown up. She's in the gray boots...

It was a really cool event.  It's an annual event- the YMCA World Fair.  Each school represented a different country and the kids had done a lot of work to make decorations and provide information about the country.  Each booth offered some sort of fun food or craft or game, too.  Edamame in Japan, noodles in China, etc.  It was fun but a bit chaotic.

Best of all, the event was free.  And the Y had a table set up to provide information about their summer day camps so I'm eager to get Teagan signed up for those and might even have Zach do a few weeks there, too.

Oh- and we had no idea Teagan could do this:



(Only backwards- she can't really do it frontwards!)

Keywords

I always get a little grin when I read the Keywords that other bloggers share from their stats.  Some of them are downright funny.  I've never done that kind of post because my Keywords are always pretty dull.

And they still are, in my opinion.

Aside from the folks who land on my blog because they specifically search for my blog ("eternal lizdom"), the rest of the list is kinda... meh.

ballet dancers plie

costco cheesecake

m&m package

wooden firetrucks

"jasmine trellis" trader joe's

baby playing tennis

balls with handles for kids

Since the list, while random, is boring, I thought I'd have some fun and go Google each of those Keywords to see what I found.

You can imagine that "ballet dancers plie" would result in a pretty broad set of results.  And it did.  I went scanned through several pages of search results and image results without seeing my blog.  Refined it to include "lizdom" and found links to posts from 2009.  Scratching my head over this one- especially since it brought multiple traffic to my site.

Since the broad sounding terms offer too much for me to sit and scroll through, I went for the more unique sounding one next.

"jasmine trellis" trader joe's - I don't see the Trader Joe's connection but there is a link to my blog in the first page of results.

So I guess keywords aren't something of interest for my blog.  And now I feel bad that I wasted your time with this post since it netted nothing of interest.

Maybe if I posted about gold price or treatments for rheumatoid arthritis or Blue Ivy's godmother or nitrous oxide or right to work or Pat Sajak (all top search terms right now)... Nah, I don't think it will net anything interesting for a future post, either.

And here's how I feel after attempting this post.

6 Words: Tail of the Dragon

World Fair. Teagan is Dragon's Tail.

(video and pics to be added later!)

It's Been So Long Since I Fragmented

Holy wow... it has been ages since I've done Friday Fragments!  If you're new around here and popping over thanks to the lovely meme of the even lovelier Mrs4444, welcome!  If you're on of my regulars- I already love you.

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Earlier this week, I did something I rarely do.  I wore a skirt and tights to work.  I wore the skrit because I couldn't find clean pants in the laundry.  My typical wardrobe is khaki type pants (I have 2 pair in black, 1 in tan, 1 in khaki and Friday is jeans day) and a sweater or button and collar shirt, maybe a scarf thrown in for fun.  So me in a skirt and low heels and tights was a Big Deal.  The only problem is this skirt is one I bought at Goodwill and it's a size 14W and is at least 1 size too big so it felt kinda awkward and lumpy all day.  And it has this weird hook and eye thing that's been poking me all day.  And the tights feel weird.  I think I'll stick to my pants.

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Buttons.  Buttons is continuing to do well.  We adore her.  She is still learning out house rules- like "Dogs do not snatch food from the hands of people, especially children."  Most of the time, we just enjoy her silliness when she shares it and her laziness all the rest of the time.  She is a very smart dog and very laid back in her old age.  We are blessed to have her in our family.  I love the way my kids have taken to her and the way she so kindly tolerate my kids.  I love the way she and Sassy have become little old lady BFFs as they snuggle up in blankets and on pillows together.  And I love giving her snuggles and having her lay on my cold feet on the couch.  I need to get my battery charged up and take some time to get pics of her with my good camera.  Here's a couple of shots of my kids and our dogs at bedtime last week- these kids are desperate to have dogs that will sleep with them at night.

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My city has Super Bowl Fever.  I want to get excited about it, I really do.  Towns in the counties surrounding Indianapolis are having special events.  The downtown area has all kinds of Big Deal NFL things going on.  I'm happy about the money coming into the city when all the tourists attack on Super Bowl Weekend.  But I just don't really care.  I'm glad others are excited and I support the people who are volunteering or working the Big Game and other events.  Just please don't ask me to get excited- especially when the Big Game includes a team that's Enemy #1 of our own home team!

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My current TV obsession?  I'm watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix.  It's a fantastic show.  My only complaint is that watching it one episode after another means I really pick up on the lack of continuity- especially season 3.  I'm on the fourth episode of the season and am realizing that I've yet to see Jason Street.  Season 2 ended without really ending and season 3 picked up trying to give a wrap up from season 2 and kick off the next season at the same time.  But I'm really into the characters and all so I'm sticking with it until the end.

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What fragments do you need to let loose this week? 

Before and After and Back to Before

Ever find that a little bit of organization goes a long way towards helping you feel more in control and on top of things?  I definitely have my limits- even though I'm not one to spend half a day on house work and I don't have the "place for everything" rule in my home, I do find that the chaos can lead to disorganization and feeling overwhelmed on my part.  That's when I know I have to take control of the laundry, the clutter on the couch or ottoman, deep cleaning the bathroom, or cleaning out the clutter from the front door area.

The same holds true at work.  Last week, I was slammed with some Big Hot Issues.  When I came in on Monday, my desk was far messier than I prefer it to be.

Trying to take advantage of opportunities- rather than focus on the headaches of situations- I took the time that I was tied into a conference call and got my desk cleaned up.

Making progress:

Aaaaahhhh.... that just feels better.

And it never got done beyond that and pretty quickly came close to the first picture again.  The funny thing was that I would go to put my hand on a document or something and know exactly where it had been but would struggle to recall where I had put it away.

Ah, well.  I did manage to weed out some excess paper to my recycle bin and I did file away a few things and I did find some things I could easily take care of and pass on to someone else.  It was still an accomplishment, even if the goal met wasn't the goal set.

Seal and Heidi: An Example of What I Think Is Wrong

Let me state a few things up front.

1.  The relationship between Seal and Heidi Klum is absolutely none of business and, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't impact my life.

2.  I obviously do not know these people personally and none of the opinions I am about to share is designed to imply otherwise.

3.  I know that there are absolutely situations where divorce is the only choice, the best choice.  I'm not wearing blinders and I'm not one to say that my way is the only way.  I'm not one to live in absolutes, either, and I very realistically know that divorce is a real thing with a real purpose.

I've made it pretty clear how I feel about the issue of divorce in our society.  I've also shared why it's important to me- because of what divorce does to kids.

I've been honest that I have a divorce behind me.  I've also stated that I know that divorce is truly sometimes the best option.

When I saw this interview with Seal on Ellen... I got pretty ticked off.



After 8 years and 4 kids and 2 big careers... they've grown apart and they still love each other deeply but...

Even Seal and Heidi were shocked?  They weren't expecting the divorce attorneys to show up at their door?  They got selected in the Hollywood Breakup Lottery?

He said... when you become a parent, you do the best that you can... but how are they doing the best that they can when they are calling it quits after just 8 years and "growing apart?"

Obviously I'm not truly concerned about Heidi or Seal.  But I think that his statements are an exact example of the general idea that our society holds about divorce.  It wasn't fun anymore... we grew apart... I wasn't happy or fulfilled...

The gossip is that Seal has a temper problem and Heidi filed for divorce because she felt the environment wasn't the best example for her kids.  I fully understand that.  I support that.  I don't know that filing for divorce is the first response- but separation and requirements for change and help would be on my list.

But taking just Seal's statement... just his words...

That breaks my heart.  It kills this little piece of me that divorce is something so easy to turn to and so easy to obtain and taken so lightly.  The thing about Seal's words in this interview is that I have heard similar things 100 times over in conversations and on message boards and on talk shows.  What Seal said could be said by any number of people I'm connected to in my everyday suburban life.  And that leaves me feeling sad and angry.

Remaining civil and connected for the kids?  Pshaw.  If you really want to put your kids first, and given that the only issue in the marriage is truly that you've just grown apart or aren't personally happy, put your marriage first.

Everytime one of these Hollywood types rushes off into another engagement or another divorce is announced, I shake my head.  I say a little prayer.  And I wonder what exactly it is about marriage in this country that is so special that it "should only be between a man and a woman."  There is no sanctity of marriage in our society.  There is no respect for the vows taken on a wedding day.

I'm being emotional and dramatic- I know there are couples who take their vows seriously and are committed to each other through the good and bad, the highs and lows.  And when I say "couples," I mean gay and straight.

Some individuals "get it" and take it seriously.  I have deep respect when a friend turns to me and says that she knows this is about her and not just about him... that they have been broken for so long... but that she is willing to give it everything she has before it comes to an end.  I have admiration for a friend who says that he wants his focus to remain on what is best for his children and asks me to advocate for them when he vents to me about his ex.

Bottom line, for me, is simply this.  It doesn't matter if you are straight or gay.  When there are children involved in your marriage or your serious commitment to another person, those kids are part of the promises you make.  When you break the vows to your partner, you are breaking promises to your kids.  In all honesty, if there are no children, I probably don't really care so much.  I might roll my eyes at the headline.  I might be sad for my friend who is feeling heartbroken.  But there is a lot less damage incurred when children are not part of the family that is divorcing.

When my mom and dad got married, I was about 10 years old.  I was included in the ceremony.  My dad gave a special toast to me at the reception.  I've known people who propose to the child to whom they want to become a step-parent or adoptive parent.  I've seen where ceremonies include the kids being officially included in the formation of the bond in the wedding- not just becoming a married couple but becoming a family bound through marriage.

What if we did the same in our marriages prior to having kids?  I suppose the vows are supposed to cover that but maybe if we mindfully include in our vows that "I promise to stay connected to you when/if we face parenthood.  I vow to be a partner to you and to defend our marriage for the sake or the security of our children."

Marriage isn't "going steady."  It's not having a boyfriend or girlfriend.  It is intended to be a lifetime commitment founded in love and mutual respect to another person.  At some point, society needs to place a lot more value on that intention.