Coming Out Day

Almost one year ago, I posted an emotional response to the uptick in media coverage of teen suicide.  I hope you will take a few minutes to go read that post.  I've read it a few times since writing it and just reread it for that link and I still stand by everything I wrote.

Today is National Coming Out Day.  Oct 11, 1987 was the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.  Oct 11, 1988 was the first National Coming Out Day. 

Most people who come to realize that they are gay, have a moment when they officially "come out."  Most of the gay people I know have a story to tell about their realization, about facing that truth, and about turning to loved ones to share what they are feeling and experiencing.

I have a couple of stories of friends who have come out to me. 

The first coming out story that I remember actually helped change my perspective on homosexuality.  I was raised that being gay was wrong.  It's a sin, it's not God's way.  I've obviously not followed that line of thinking.  In high school, there was a young man that I really respected.  He was quiet, he was brilliant, he was gentle, he was shy.  He had a good group of friends.  I think it was our senior year when he came out.  It blew my mind.  He was nothing like what I had in my head as an image of a gay person.  My first exposure to gay people had been a few years prior when I accidentally happened upon a gay pride parade in San Francisco.  That sparked my interest in the culture but also set a very flamboyant and colorful picture in my head of what a gay person is supposed to be like.  But this guy in my class was nothing like that- he was so "normal."  That's what started to crack my blinders, I think. 

The next story was more dramatic and traumatic and personal.  A very close friend had a hard time facing his sexuality and spun into an out of control hurricane of nuttiness when the feelings started to really emerge.  Instead of opening up to his friends, he pushed us away.  He pushed really hard.  None of us knew what was going on- just that he was aiming to hurt us, hurt himself, and that he wanted nothing to do with us anymore.  My friends and I eventually heard of his coming out through the grapevine.  The sad thing is that because he had started down a slippery slope and wasn't taking care of himself and he had distanced himself in hard ways from his friends, rumors swirled pretty aggressively for several months.  He had been my best friend and it was a hard situation to deal with.  It took almost a year before we started to reconcile.  And we ended up closer than ever- he's my soul mate BFF.

Another story was an adult friend who came out after many years of marriage and several kids.  And it was also traumatic.  I wish we'd been clsoer friends so I could have been more of a support to him.  I was an important piece of his story but if we'd known each other longer, I could have been more, I think.  The tragedy was that the people who who he thought were his support system ended up turning on him in some very hurtful ways.  The blessing was that there were people who stepped up in love and support that were very much needed. 

What I want you to know is that I am a safe person to talk to about feelings or thoughts you might be having.  I want you to know that I won't judge you or turn you away or tell you that you're dirty or wrong or unlovable.  I want you to know that if you call me up and tell me that you're gay, I'm going to smile on my end of the line and I'm going to tell you that I love you and that I'm proud of you and that I'm honored that you trust me.  If you tell me face to face, there will be hugs for you.  And I will be celebrating with you and for you. 

It's National Coming Out Day!  It's a day that should be about celebrating who you are.  And I think it's a day that should be about more than gay people revealing their sexuality to others.  I think it's a day when straight allies should be unashamed to stand up in support of the LGBTQ community.  I'm out and I'm proud as an ally who gives a damn!

A Great Opportunity

Yesterday, I had a great opportunity. I was invited to be part of a group of "mom bloggers" to attend a Roundtable discussion with the Lt Governor of Indiana, Becky Skillman.

It was an eclectic group of women. Some blog about agriculture, whole foods, cooking, life, parenting, saving money, getting out of debt and much more.

Becky Skillman is a fascinating woman- rural roots, small town government, and worked her way up tot he position she is in now. All while being a mom and wife and involved citizen of her community. It was an informal atmosphere- we were free to ask questions and discuss.

The room was filled with the most passion when the subject of food in schools came up. It started with concern from parents who have children with food allergies and grew into discussion about food offered in school cafeterias. I was able to offer up what I had come prepared with and shared it with moms in the room who want to approach their school boards to make changes. President Obama signed the Healthy, Hunger Free Kids Act back in December. I had brought with me a print out of a summation of the legislation and also a sample before/after menu provided on the website.

But it was kind of hard to sit in the Statehouse. Legislature was in session so all the officials and elected people and lobbyists and what have you were around. Definitely an interesting energy when you walk through the place.

When we introduced ourselves, I had to stop myself from lying about who I was. I wanted to stand up and say, "My name is Liz and I keep a personal blog called Eternal Lizdom where I share the struggles I face as a lesbian mom who has been in a committed relationship for 15 years but cannot marry my partner or be afforded the same rights as straight couples."

But I didn't want to lie. And it wasn't the right forum for it.

There was a mom who spoke up in the midst of her question and was able to express her disappointment in our government's choices this week- to which I gave a loud AMEN!

This week, our state government has passed through the House a bill that will change our state constitution to define marriage as being between one man and one woman. I also learned (through my own online reading of the Bills currently in the House and Senate) that our government has a bill to define "covenant marriage."

You know what? I want the government out of my marriage.

There are legalities required because of next of kin and who makes decisions and what gets passed on if someone dies and all that. But that should be the extent of the government's involvement in marriage. Laws that protect the parties when it comes to property and money and material things. Laws that protect the rights of the spouse when it comes to decision making in the care of their spouse or children. And the only covenant I need to make in my marriage is between me, my spouse, and God- my government is not part of that. Government limiting and defining marriage when there are far greater fights to be fought, far more dangerous and harmful things happening in our state, is infuriating. My state government is choosing to write off the people of this state who are gay by excluding them from the state's constitution. No- not excluding them. Purposefully pointing out that they don't fit the definition.

You know what? That's bullying.

It's no better than the kids in the cafeteria or on the playground who lead the charge against Billy because he has red hair. Maybe that's what we ought to do, really. Start rallying against all the red heads in our state, in our country.

We all know that those born with red hair are trouble makers and of the devil. Shouldn't we be creating legislation that protects the sanctity of our brown and blond and black and gray haired citizens from the shameful and sinful red headed people??? How can those of us with Normal hair be taken seriously if we give the same rights and responsibilities to those who have red hair?

I was proud to go to the Statehouse yesterday. I was honored to meet the Lt. Governor. I was honored that she took time out of her busy schedule to sit back and talk with us and really hear about our concerns- everything from food for our kids to environmental concerns to the lack of technology coverage in some of our rural areas. It's exciting to visit the capitol, to take in the history and beauty of the place, to feel the spirit of what has been accomplished there.

But I was sad, too. Angry.

I wanted to find the people in that building and drag them with me to go and talk to the couples and families that they are choosing to exclude. I get that there are a lot of people who believe homosexuality is a sin and a choice. I don't agree, obviously, but I respect an individual's right to their opinion. I even respect an individual's right or a group's right to speak up about their opinions. But I really think those opinions are being held with clenched fists and stiff arms and tight fingers of ignorance- and worst of all, chosen ignorance.

I seriously wonder how many people who hold those beliefs have taken the time to explore the other side. Gone and actually attended worship services at a church like Jesus MCC. Gone and talked to a PFLAG group. Met with families of 2 mommies or 2 daddies, talked to the kids brought up in those homes. Sure, there are passionate videos posted on YouTube and there are eloquent and emotional speeches given to government officials. But I don't think they really hear these voices in these enclosed little spaces.

So my great opportunity yesterday- to be part of a group of women who blog who got to meet an important part of our state's government- has turned into a great opportunity today- for me to share, once again, more of my own feelings and opinions on what I see as a great wrong being committed against citizens of this state and of this country.

 

I'm An Ally and I Give A Damn and I Love God, too

Gay teen suicide has become a bit of a buzz word these days. I've been moved by videos popping up on Facebook and Twitter by celebs- gay and straight- reaching out to LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bi, trans, questioning) youth with the message "It will get better, I promise." It's an attempt at a ray of light, even a pinpoint of light, to youth who might be in a very dark place as they struggle with feelings, bullying, acceptance from others and even acceptance of themselves.

One group, The Trevor Project, is a resource for LGBTQ youth to reach out to if they are in a situation where they feel there is no way out. I spent a good amount of time on that website, reading about the project and the film that inspired it. The Trevor Project also encourages people who aren't L or G or B or T or Q- but who are allies- to be involved and supportive.

I support The Trevor Project. I'm an ally.

Months ago, Cyndi Lauper launched the Give A Damn Campaign. To "Give A Damn" means to be a straight person who supports equality for the LGBTQ community. It's a campaign to bridge the gap between straight and gay - an alliance, a co-existence, a statement of being on the same side.

I give a damn.

Yesterday, I saw a few other groups and events pop up on Facebook that appeared to be supporting these ideas. Offering hope and also an opportunity to stand up together. But one thing kept stinging me. I would visit a group page on Facebook or read a blog or read a Tweet that was a good and positive attempt at reaching out to the at risk community. And I was all for it. But then... there would be some sort of line like "we know you can't reach out to the grown ups around you or the Christians around you."

Ouch.

I understand the sentiment. Too many LGBTQ youth have turned to a trusted adult to come out or express concerns and been strongly rejected and bashed. Kids being kicked out of their homes, being told they will go to hell, being disowned. I get it. I've had gay friends be very deeply hurt by the church where they thought they were loved. I've had gay friends get bashed with Christianity as the driving force behind the hatred. I was raised being taught that homosexuality was a sin, it was wrong, it was disgusting. That never made sense to me when I stopped and started to really think about God. I believe in a loving God. I believe that God has a plan for each of us. I believe that God created each of us in love. I believe that God doesn't make mistakes. I believe that God is the only judge. I believe that God's purpose for my life is to focus on love. I believe that God loves all people- no matter who they are, what they've done, what they look like or what they believe. I believe that God is bigger and mightier than anything I can comprehend and that I don't need to have all the answers but that the few answers I have are enough.

The answer that I have... is love. All encompassing, available to everyone love. The kind of love that isn't dangerously close to hate, the kind of love that doesn't result in jumping to anger, the kind of love that isn't available to only a certain definition or population. I do not believe in "love the sinner, hate the sin." I believe we are all sinners so let's just love everyone and leave the sin determining to God. I believe that applying that statement to homosexuality is wrong because I do not believe homosexuality is a sin. Period. God loves gay people. God created gay people. God doesn't make mistakes. Being gay isn't some great temptation of the devil. Being gay is BEING. It's creation, not choice.

My passion for equality and fairness isn't just about laws and civil justice. My passion is based in my faith. My beliefs are founded in my Christianity. I have a friend- who is gay and came out as an adult and had a bad experience with his church when he came out- who has given me one of the best compliments of my life. He's told me that he wishes every gay youth could have me as a mom or have me as someone in their lives that they could turn to for love and acceptance.

But if the message being sent by these spin off efforts is to not trust Christians or adults... those of us who are Christian and adult and totally accepting and supporting of the LGBTQ community aren't being given the chance to reach out and support and love. I know that there are a lot of Christian communities where it would absolutely not be safe to turn and open up. I know there are a lot of people who say they love God who would not be a resource that would be supportive and loving. I also know that I am deeply troubled to think that a teen in my church might think they can't come to me because the online presence is telling them they can't turn to adults and Christians.

So here's what I think... let's stick with a more positive approach and message. If you are a teen or adult and you are facing some questions that scare you or trouble you about your sexuality- take the risk and talk to someone that you know loves you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself or feel like you simply don't want to exist anymore, reach out to someone. If you stop and think for a moment, I hope that there is someone within your circle that you have heard say things that indicate that they are open-minded and all-loving. If there isn't, turn to resources like The Trevor Project.

And if you are one of those Christian adults who believes that God loves everyone and that being gay isn't a sin and that want to have people know they can turn to you with what they feel is a deep, dark secret- be open and loud about. Shine your Christian light to show that you are different. Don't try and stop yourself from saying something positive about gay people. Don't be afraid to stop people when they use hateful terms in regards to gay people. Stand up for God's children and let your voice be one that reaches through that darkness to someone who needs that pinpoint of light.

You might just save a life.

 

Jeff Sheng Photography

How I got to this website is a convoluted mess of clicks from Facebook to a GLAAD blog to some news site to Jeff Sheng's website. It started because there is well timed media attention on his latest work- "Don't Ask Don't Tell." In case you aren't aware of current US events (since I do have a few International readers), you can read a brief history on Wikipedia. And from the website, a brief explanation: The policy was introduced as a compromise measure in 1993 by then President Bill Clinton who, while campaigning for the Presidency, had promised to allow all citizens regardless of sexual orientation to serve openly in the military, a departure from the then complete ban on those who are not heterosexual. The concept was rejected by Congress in its passage of the Military Personnel Eligibility Act of 1993, which simply codified the existing standard set by the Defense Department in 1981. Clinton established the policy through Executive Order in December 1993. There's a lot of debate about DADT. It says that you can serve if you're gay- unless someone finds out that you're gay. You can serve your country and your fellow citizens if you're gay- but only if you never tell anyone that you are gay. Someone finds out or you tell that you even have homosexual thoughts that you don't intend to act on? Then you are discharged from service. More than 13,000 men and women have been discharged from service under DADT since it passed. President Obama ran a platform that was strong on equal rights for the gay community. One of his promises was to get rid of DADT. The gay community hasn't been too happy that there hasn't been action taken for over a year. But now it's in the spotlight. It's finally being reviewed and talked about. And there are a lot of big voices coming out against DADT, wanting it to be repealed. Including Admiral Mike Mullen: My personal belief is that allowing homosexuals to serve openly would be the right thing to do. I cannot escape being troubled by the fact that we have in place a policy which forces young men and women to lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens. For me, it comes down to integrity -- theirs as individuals and ours as an institution. Anyone who knows me or has read this blog should pretty well know where I stand on the issue. DADT needs to go. But that isn't what this blog post is about today. Jeff Sheng. I found him because of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" series of photos. Pictures of military people, faces concealed, names changed... and the book includes their stories. He also has a great 3 part series called "Fearless." It's out athletes- high school and college athletes who live out loud with their athletics and don't hide their sexuality. But I'm not even going to talk about that. Instead, I encourage you to go to his website and check out the series called "Revolutions of Memory." It's a series of several locations and a unique perspective. And the one that got me is the first one he talks about on the site. Where Matthew Lay Dying Matthew Shepherd was a young man who was killed because he was gay. He was killed in 1998. Laramie, Wyoming. He was 21 years old, a college student. Shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, Shepard met Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson at the Fireside Lounge in Laramie, Wyoming. McKinney and Henderson offered Shepard a ride in their car. After admitting he was gay, Shepard was robbed, pistol whipped, tortured, tied to a fence in a remote, rural area, and left to die. McKinney and Henderson also discovered his address and intended to burglarize his home. Still tied to the fence, Shepard was discovered 18 hours later by Aaron Kreifels, who initially mistook Shepard for a scarecrow. At the time of discovery, Shepard was still alive in a coma. Shepard suffered fractures to the back of his head and in front of his right ear. He had severe brain stem damage, which affected his body's ability to regulate heart rate, body temperature and other vital functions. There were also about a dozen small lacerations around his head, face and neck. His injuries were deemed too severe for doctors to operate. Shepard never regained consciousness and remained on full life support. ... He was pronounced dead at 12:53 A.M. on October 12, 1998. Jeff Sheng went to Laramie. Jeff Sheng went to that field and found the spot that is believed to be the location of the crime. Jeff Sheng wanted to capture this place but in a different way than is normally seen. Typically, photos of that fence and post are taken of THAT fence post. From the POV, then, of the killers. Jeff Sheng wanted to show Matthew's perspective. Jeff Sheng wanted to see what Matthew saw as he was alone, tied to a fence post, in pain... dying. I was deeply moved by the panoramic images and by Jeff Sheng's words about the project. I hope you will be, too.

Jesus, Queen of Heaven

There was recently quite the brouhaha in Glasgow, UK. It didn't seem to hit the airwaves in the US so much. But if this play was being produced on any US stage, I'm sure there would be massive protests and cries of outrage. Jesus, Queen of Heaven portrays Jesus as a transsexual. From the website: Jesus is a transsexual woman. And it is now she walks the earth. This is a play with music that presents her sayings, her miracles, and her testimony. And she does not condemn the gays or the queers or the trans women or the trans men, and no, not the straight women nor the straight men neither. Because she is the Daughter of God, most certainly, and almost as certainly the son also. And God’s child condemns nobody. She can only love... The producer of the show, Steven Thomson, has said, "Jesus Queen of Heaven is a literary work of fiction exploring the artists own personal journey of faith as a transgendered person." Given that I haven't traveled overseas... well, ever... it's safe to say that I have not seen this show. I have not read this script. I have no idea what all was portrayed. But the idea of the show has me deep in thought. From what I can tell, the play is about the return of Jesus to Earth- as a trans woman. I actually am not getting caught up in the idea of Jesus being a trans woman. The outrage seems to be really focused on that specific idea. But here's my head keeps going... we don't know what the return of Jesus will be like. Isn't it possible that he may return in a form that isn't immediately accepted and loved? Isn't it possible that he will return in a more challenging form? Because God is love, right? And part of what we, as Christians, aim to do is love the way God loves us. So perhaps thinking of Jesus as a trans woman is an important lesson. Perhaps thinking of Jesus as a trans woman gives us an opportunity to look at the people around us, especially those that we discount and look down on, those that we condemn and fear, and see Christ in all people. An opportunity to challenge ourselves to love more deeply, accept more openly. Perhaps this play, this idea can push us to see a chance to step up in our Christianity and be more open, loving, and accepting of all of God's children. I also find myself baffled at getting caught up in Jesus or God or the Holy Spirit needing to be defined by sex or skin color or appearance. Personally, I feel like the Holy Trinity transcends any of that. I was nodding my head in agreement when I read The Shack and was presented with the idea that God presents in whatever form we need to see God in. For some, the gentle old father figure is intimidating but a robust and compassionate mother figure is welcoming and comfortable. Mackenzie, I am neither male nor female, even though both genders are derived from my nature. If I choose to appear to you as a man or a woman, it's because I love you. For me to appear to you as a woman and suggest you call me "Papa" is simply to mix metaphors, to help you keep from falling so easily back into your religious conditioning. To reveal my self to you as a very large, white grandfather figure with flowing beard, like Gandalf, would simply reinforce your religious stereotypes... Even though I use terms like Father and Son in reference to God and Jesus, I don't feel like my mind assigns a gender to either one. When I pray, when I seek comfort or guidance, when I praise and worship... it isn't about a man or a male figure. It's about God. It's about love and peace and joy and ministry. None of that is defined by man, woman, black, white, trans, tall, short, or whatever. Outrage over the idea of Jesus returning as something completely outside of the stereotypical realm of comfort for most Christians is certainly going to push buttons, raise eyebrows, and cause hurt and anger. But is it really about the ideas presented? Or is the reaction really about the ideas being so beyond our comfort levels that we feel like we can't do anything but protest?

Milk (or Being Gay)

First- some assigned reading.

Read this.

And this.

Jeff was wonderful enough to pick up a copy of Milk on blue-ray this weekend. I hadn't had an opportunity to see it... and desperately wanted to... especially after being so moved by the award speeches a few months back.

What I loved about the movie... from my limited knowledge, it seemed historically accurate. Casting was excellent. Acting was superb. It was moving and inspiring. Harvey Milk made great strides in the gay rights movement and the film very well depicts his accomplishments, how he got there, and also gives glimpses into his personal life- into the man he was.

I liked his message of hope. That was repeated over and over.

One thing that I think was missing from the film- and I think there wasn't an easy way to add this in- was that the timing of the murder of Harvey Milk and Mayor Moscone coincided with the mass suicide at Jonestown. The Wikipedia link above gives a lot more insight on that bit of history and how it played into the tone of the times.

But here's what got stuck in my craw after the movie ended.

Everyone I know who has seen the movie has raved about it, loved it. I've honestly not heard anyone say they just didn't like it. I would think that the subject matter is pretty darn obvious, right?

Some of those people who rave about it, loved it, critically acclaim it... are opposed to gay marriage. Are opposed to laws that defend or protect the rights of gay people as a group.

It boggles my mind. I raised an eyebrow at the times I heard of these non-supporters enjoying the film. And having now seen the film, I'm really befuddled.

Maybe these people don't see their own homophobia? Maybe these people don't want to align themselves as being a Dan White or John Briggs or Anita Bryant?

The similarities between Prop 6 back in 1978 and the fight against Prop 8 in 2009 are striking. There are those for it and those against it. There is very little gray area.

Can someone explain that to me? Saying you've been really touched by a film about a man who fought for gay rights but also wanting to deny rights to a group of people- the same people this man was fighting for.

The sign posted at the site of Castro Camera and Harvey Milk's apartment reads:

Harvey Milk

May 22, 1930 - November 27, 1978

Harvey Milk made history as the first openly gay elected official in California, and one of the first in the nation, when he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in November 1977. His camera store and campaign headquarters at 575 Castro Street and his apartment upstairs were centers of community activism for a wide range of human rights, environmental, labor and neighborhood issues. Harvey Milk's hard work and accomplishments on behalf of all San Franciscans earned him widespread respect and support. His life is an inspiration to all people committed to equal opportunity and an end to bigotry.

"You gotta give 'em hope!"

All people committed to equal opportunity. An end to bigotry. Hope.

Equal opportunity. Ending bigotry. Giving hope.

June is LGBT Pride Month!

I'm not L or G or B or T but I am LGBT friendly and supportive.

So I send out 3 cheers to President Obama for this new Proclamation!

Forty years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. During LGBT Pride Month, we commemorate the events of June 1969 and commit to achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans.

***

The LGBT rights movement has achieved great progress, but there is more work to be done. LGBT youth should feel safe to learn without the fear of harassment, and LGBT families and seniors should be allowed to live their lives with dignity and respect.

My Administration has partnered with the LGBT community to advance a wide range of initiatives. At the international level, I have joined efforts at the United Nations to decriminalize homosexuality around the world. Here at home, I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security. We must also commit ourselves to fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic by both reducing the number of HIV infections and providing care and support services to people living with HIV/AIDS across the United States.

These issues affect not only the LGBT community, but also our entire Nation. As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected. If we can work together to advance the principles upon which our Nation was founded, every American will benefit. During LGBT Pride Month, I call upon the LGBT community, the Congress, and the American people to work together to promote equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

I'm a Commie, Homo-Loving Son of a Gun

In case you missed last night's Oscars...

I noticed stars wearing White Knots. Did you? Granted, most were associated with "Milk." But still!

The speech given by "Milk's" screenplay writer- Dustin Lance Black.

When I was 13 years old, my beautiful mother and my father moved me from a conservative Mormon home in San Antonio, Texas to California and I heard the story of Harvey Milk. And it gave me hope. It gave me the hope to live my life, it gave me the hope to one day live my life openly as who I am and that maybe even I could fall in love and one day get married. (He chokes up, audience begins to applaud.)

I want to thank my mom who has always loved me for who I am, even when there was pressure not to. But most of all, if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he’d want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches or by the government or by their families that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights, federally, across this great nation of ours. (Wild applause from the audience.) Thank you, thank you, and thank you God for giving us Harvey Milk.


And from Sean Penn...


You Commie homo-loving sons of guns! I did not expect this, but I — and I want to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me. Often. But I — I am touched by the appreciation and I hoped for it enough that I scribbled down — so I have the names in case you were Commie homo-loving sons of guns.
For those who saw the signs of hatred as our cars drove in tonight, and, I think that it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren’s eyes if they continue that way of support. We’ve got to have equal rights for everyone.

I'd Vote for This Homecoming Queen!

We didn't have Homecoming at my high school. No football team, either.

Had Homecoming in college in the fall. No football team so it wasn't a sports related event from what I remember. Probably somehow hooked in with basketball, I suppose. I don't recall any sort of court or king or queen. Just a semi-formal dance with a lot of drinking.

But if I'd had an opportunity to vote for a Homecoming Queen somewhere in my past... I would have wanted to vote for Reann Ballslee.

I know what you're thinking. Ballslee? Seriously? Sounds like a drag queen!

YEP!

Yahoo is quickly becoming a favorite news source for me.

And if I could go back to that time in my life that I was selecting a college... I would so want to look at George Mason University in Fairfax, VA.

Ryan Allen is a senior at George Mason. And he's a drag queen. And he won the title of Homecoming Queen.

Allen, who is gay and performs in drag at nightclubs in the region, said he entered the homecoming contest as a joke, competing as Reann Ballslee, his drag queen persona.

But he considers the victory one of his happiest moments and proof that the suburban Washington, D.C., school famous for its run to the Final Four a few years back celebrates its diverse student body.

"I was very touched by how Mason was so supportive through the whole process of allowing a boy in a dress to run for homecoming queen," Allen said in a phone interview. "It says a lot about the campus that not only do we have diversity but we celebrate it."

FABULOUS!

Prayers for Bobby

Prayers for Bobby is a Lifetime movie that was on this past weekend.

From the website:

Academy Award nominee and Golden Globe winner Sigourney Weaver stars in this emotional true story about a 1970s religious suburban housewife and mother who struggles to accept her young son Bobby being gay. What happens to Bobby is tragic and causes Mary to question her faith; ultimately this mom changes her views in ways that she never could have imagined.

This is the story of Mary Griffith, who is an activist with the group PFLAG and is a strong proponent of getting programs into high schools to counsel gay, lesbian, bi, and transgendered youth (GLBT).

I watched the movie Saturday night when it first aired.

I was moved, I cried, I really felt for this mom, for this son.

2 moments stayed with me.

Mary tells Bobby, after his tireless efforts at changing who he is and her tireless efforts to pound out the gay and submerge him only in the God she believes in, "I won't have a gay son." His tragic choices certainly bring that sentence to truth.

And after many meetings with pastors and much soul searching and finally attending PFLAG meetings, Mary has an epiphany. A horrible epiphany. She runs, in the pouring rain (very poetic and dramatic) to the MCC (Metropolitan Community Church- a church founded in the GLBT community), to the pastor from whom she has gained much support and a lot of eye opening. And she says to him that at the PFLAG meeting, she kept hearing these other parents say that they knew their child was different from early on... and she realized that her Bobby was different, too, and that she had known it, felt it from the time he was conceived. She had known he was different, that he was born different, that God had made him different and she couldn't accept it or embrace it. And she realized her role in her son's tragic choice.

Very powerful.

I've read some reactions to the movie and many seem to be of the opinion that it's a good thing the story happened back in the 70's because people's opinions sure have changed since then.

Yeah. That's like saying that since Barack Obama is President, our country has lost all racism.

There are many, many, many families who would still be devastated if a child came out as being gay. Many families who would desert a child who "chose" to live a gay lifestyle.

I am beyond proud to say that I am not one of those families.

I am a Christian woman. I have a very strong relationship with God. I've had experiences in my life that have very firmly cemented and proven His existence and love. And I am also fiercely liberal, open minded, accepting... my heart bleeds all over the place.

And it is my faith, my spirituality, my certainty in my beliefs that tells me, without a doubt, that being gay is not wrong and is not a sin.

I'm not going to start dissecting Bible verses or history. That's been done. There are people whose minds cannot be changed or swayed. I'm one of them. So arguing the point is pointless. Which is the nice thing about a blog. I can just put my opinions and thoughts out there and you can agree or disagree- or maybe open your heart and mind to a new way of seeing things.

Mary Griffith is a hero to me, especially after seeing her story. She easily could have hardened her heart and placed all of the blame on her son. She could have listened to the pastors of her own church at her son's funeral, as they condemned him to having been too weak to fight off the demons that made him choose being gay over being a child of God.

But she opened her heart and her mind and found a different way of looking at things.

If one of my children were to come to me and say "Mom, I think I'm gay" or "Mom, I'm really confused. I think I'm attracted to women (or men)," I would weep. But not from sorrow. Pride. Joy, even. Because it would mean that I had raised a child who felt she could come to me with a subject that could be taboo in another home. Because it would mean I had raised a child who at least hoped that mom and dad would still love and accept him.

I wish I could say that I would then jump up and do all sorts of things to show my support. But honestly, I'd do what I do now. Follow their lead. Questions? I'll help you find answers. Concerns? I'll help you find someone to talk to if I can't calm those concerns myself.

But beyond that... it wouldn't change how I see my child. It wouldn't change how I feel about my child. It wouldn't change anything.

Because being gay doesn't mean being something not human, not loved, not accepted, not real. It isn't a disease or disorder. It isn't something that requires medical intervention or psychiatric diagnosis.

Should my child come to me and say "Mom, I'm gay," it would be the same to me if my child came to me and said "Mom, I'm straight."

"I have a crush on a girl..." same as "I have a crush on a boy."

God created us as we are. We are perfect in His plan, in His design.

Pastor Rusty's sermon this past Sunday was titled "Abundant Living: Expectant Living!" He talked about 3 ways in which faith is built and then had us evaluate where we currently are with that aspect of our faith.

1. My faith is built through difficulties. The idea is that we turn to God first when we are facing a problem- and we even thank Him for giving us this problem, thank Him for walking us through it, being by our sides. I rated myself a 6 out of 10. I often problem solve first, emote first, turn to God second or third.

2. My faith is built through demands. God calls us to act. How often do we listen and respond immediately? When we hear that little voice urging us to help or to speak or to reach out, do we listen or do we talk ourselves out of it? I gave myself an 8 out of 10.

3. My faith is built through delays. God's plan for us happens on His time, not ours. We may have plans and hopes and expectations, but we don't design when things will happen. We must be patient and willing to wait for the answers to come when the time is right. This one is pretty easy for me and I actually gave myself a 10.

So why do I share that in the midst of all this gay talk?

Because of number 2. I rated myself pretty high on that scale. I really do a lot of listening to that inner voice- some may call it a conscience, some may call it God. And I often choose to act on that little voice, too. I'm someone who gets involved when maybe I shouldn't. But if I see someone crying, I will offer a hug or an ear. If I see someone struggling, I will see if I can help. If there is something weighing on my heart, I will share it.

So this movie impacted me. And I felt called to share it. To share a Christian perspective that maybe you hadn't considered before.

If you have an opportunity to see this movie on Lifetime, please do. Watch it and place yourself in Mary's shoes, in Bobby's shoes.

And if you really want something long to read but that really delves into Biblical interpretation and so on... A Letter to Louise

HA!

This really made me laugh out loud. Seriously- people in my office are looking at me funny.

Found this on Andrew Sullivan's "The Daily Dish" on The Atlantic's site. He found it on a site called "GraphJam" but I wasn't able to get on that site...

I just saw a clip where a straight couple are being interviewed and the man says that the reason he opposes same sex marriage is because it would threaten his First Amendment Right to freedom of religion. Huh?

Here's a little quote from the world's most reliable source on any subject... Wikipedia.
The First Amendment to the United States Constitution is the part of the United States Bill of Rights that expressly prohibits the United States Congress from making laws "respecting an establishment of religion" or that prohibit the free exercise of religion, laws that infringe the freedom of speech, infringe the freedom of the press, limit the right to peaceably assemble, or limit the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances.




So I read that to say that the government can't establish a nationwide, mandated religion. The government can't make laws that restrict freedom of speech. Can't make laws that step on that whole freedom of the press bit. Can't limit people's right to gather together and peaceably disagree (or agree). Can't limit the people's right to have a voice against the government.

I really don't see how there is anything in that little summary that has anything to do with gay marriage. I really can't see how 2 men or 2 women getting legally married has anything to do with the establishment of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom to peaceably gather, or formally complain.

So I'm back and forth between Huh? and Hahaha!

A Question of Love

I have to admit that I haven't been a regular viewer of MSNBC... until Election Night. I was flipping from one news channel to the next, hooked on all the coverage.

 I'd heard of Keith Olbermann and my husband explained the Ben Affleck on SNL skit to me... I'd never seen the guy so what did I know?

And then someone sent me this link to MSNBC. Olbermann gave a statement about Prop 8 and gay marriage. And it is powerful and poetic and I couldn't agree more with all he has to say. I know I don't have huge readership... but I do hope you will read the transcript (either at the link, where you can also watch his statement, or below where I have copied and pasted it). Maybe this will say something to you to show you a different side of the issue. Maybe you will be inspired to pass this along to friends and family and message boards. Or maybe you will still harden your heart to love. All I ask is that you read or watch with as open a mind as you can give.

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Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."

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