Feeding the Baby

It's World Breastfeeding Week!  What's that?  You've never heard of World Breastfeeding Week?  This is a week to celebrate, educate, and cheerlead for breastfeeding! 

This is the week you might see your Facebook News Feed pop up with some funny pictures or status updates with "fun facts" about breastfeeding.

If you run in "mommy" circles, you know that breastfeeding can lead to some seriously heated debate. 

It's a tricky thing because breastfeeding is so heavily tied up in emotions.  We want what is best for our babies, we learn that "Breast Is Best," and then we struggle, we quit, we fail, we are forced to stop for myriad reasons.  We feel like we've failed because we can't do what is "Best" for baby. 

There are many, many, many situations where a baby cannot be breastfed.  There are many valid reasons for not being able to nurse.  This post is not refuting any of that.

Breastfeeding is something that I am passionate about.  It's something I've written about on several occassions.  When I first started this blog, I was still nursing my son.  Teagan was breastfed until she self-weaned at 25 months.  Zach (mostly) self-weaned at 15 months.  I pumped for my babies when I went back to work full time and made sure my child care provider knew how to handle breastmilk. 

The research is abundant.  Breastfeeding is the better choice.  Breastmilk is specifically designed for the baby.  My breastmilk was specifically designed for my babies.  My milk would change as they grew.  My milk provided them antibodies of the common cold or a flu I was fighting (or suffering). 

It's hard work.  I wasn't prepared for how challenging it was going to be.  I read books and took classes.  But there is nothing that prepares you for motherhood.  Until you've experienced the sleepless nights and this new level of fear and anxiety that constantly simmers beneath the surface, you can't really grasp how challenging motherhood is for a new mom.  One of my clearest memories after Teagan was born was the panic and overwhelming fear I felt about bringing her home from the hospital and no longer having a nurse call button to save me from explosive poops and spit up and to answer all my scaredy cat newbie questions about everything from belly buttons to toes to butt paste. 

Breastfeeding took that one step further.  Remember that emotional investment?  When you're emotionally vulnerable, exhausted, terrified, and overwhelmed, the stress of breastfeeding problems can be the very end of the rope.  That's why it's sometimes feels like the only choice is to throw in the towel.

What saved me was my husband and my mom.  What saved me was my support system.  I was good at asking questions; I was not good about letting anyone know how bad it was.  We had latch issues early on with Teagan and my nipples took a real beating and I had serious pain and I was passing blood to the point that a pumped bottle of milk would be pink.  The pain of nursing about killed me.  But I'm ridiculously stubborn at times.  And severely independent at times.  And there was no way I was going to fail.

When I finally broke down and shared that I wanted to quit, that I wanted to go to formula, that I never wanted to nurse again... the help and support from my mom and husband overwhelmed me back to a healthy and strong place.  We worked together to fix the latch problems and get my breasts back in good working order.

My advice for new moms who want to make breastfeeding work:

• Let other things go.  Laundry, dishes, housework.  Either ask someone to help you out for a couple of months or be willing to let things slide a bit and take shortcuts.  Paper plates and plastic cutlery and cups to reduce dishes that need to be washed.  Carry out or quick fix meals so you don't have to cook.  We did learn early on that doing a daily load of laundry was actually easier in some ways.  Just find the areas where you can cut corners.
• Ask for help.  If you've got friends or family offering help, take it.  Don't be afraid to say that you need someone to help you catch up on laundry, you need someone to bring a meal, you need someone to take care of your other child for an afternoon, you need someone to come hold the baby so you can sleep for 2 hours or shower without interruption.  People want to help but often don't know what to offer.
• Know (and use) your resources.  Knowing the big breastfeeding names is important.  Kellymom, Dr. Sears, Dr. Newman are some of my favorites.  Videos and more on Breastfeeding.com saved me- especially when figuring out latches and different holds.  Beyond the experts, know who in your circles has successfully breastfed their kids and ask someone to mentor you.  Ask questions, talk about your challenges and successes.  If you've successfully breastfed, offer to mentor or be a source of supprot for a new mom.  Having someone who can do some of the worrying about the issues you're facing can help relieve that stress.

Products that I found helpful:

• Medela Pump In Style  Not only did this make it possible for me to pump efficiently at work, this pump was extremely useful before I went back to work.  I was able to pump in the morning to relieve pressure and also build up a freezer stash.  When I was having let down concerns, I could pump to get things going and then latch on. 
• Lansinoh products  I had 2 that I loved.  Lansinoh breastmilk storage bags were my favorite.  Lansinoh nipple cream (lanolin) was my favorite.  Lansinoh breast pads were Da Bomb.

Breastfeeding is a wonderful choice.  It's what our bodies were intended to do for our babies.  The miracle of creating life goes further- producing milk for our offspring is part of being a mammal.  With the new Affordable Care Act going into effect, women can now receive breastfeeding support at no expense.  The Surgeon General has published a Breastfeeding Call to Action in order to encourage a society wide approach to supporting breastfeeding mothers.  The World Health Organization says that breastfeeding is the best choice, followed by pumped milk from the baby's mother, followed by donated breastmilk from a healthy donor, and formula is last on the list.  There are studies and medical reports galore that extoll the virtues of breastfeeding for everything from general health to bonding to allergies, ear infections, healthier guts, and even going as far as looking into the future and seeing connections between breastfeeding and the occurence of Autism or ADHD.

We're all doing the best we can.  Not being able to breastfeed- for whatever reason- doesn't make you any less of a mother, doesn't determine if you're a good or bad mother, doesn't define you.  Being able to breastfeed doesn't make you superior or smarter or better.

On a personal note, as someone who is learning more and more and committing more and more to a healthier diet of whole foods and eating "clean," breastfeeding makes sense.  I want my food to come from a farm, free of chemicals, from animals that were properly raised.  I want fresh produce that hasn't been trucked for days across the country to be jarred or canned.  I want to know where my meat came from.  Breastfeeding is the same idea.  Formula is processed in a factory.  Breastmilk- I intimately know the source.

Breastfeeding is a hard and sometimes brave choice.  Breastfeeding is generally the best choice for your baby.  This week is World Breastfeeding Week and I hope you will take some time to learn more about breastfeeding and the benefits it provides your baby and also the imapct that breastfeeding could have on populations around the world. 

The End and The Beginning

I think we are well on our way to being weaned. Zach hasn't nursed the past 2 nights. He wakes and only wants to be held for a few moments and then wants back to his blankie and pillow. He doesn't ask to nurse at all. I'm a little sad. A little. But honestly? I'm pretty happy about it, too. Because this means a little freedom for me. This means that I might start to actually drop some of this excess weight. This means that I could actually spend a night away. This means that the kids can spend the night at Grandma's. This means... so many open doors. Am I sad? A little. Because my baby is growing up and doesn't need me in this specific way. But it's really a very small point. I know that he has done this on his own schedule. I don't feel like I nudged him so much as just required him to be more specific about what he wants. Instead of shoving a boob in his mouth anytime he woke up, we tried to find a way to comfort differently first. I've always known that he wouldn't nurse as long as Teagan. At first it was very hard for me to think about. But I really feel at peace about the whole thing. My boy... growing up!

It Hurts.

The problem with the new night time routine? I end up with a boob that hurts.

See, breastfeeding is all about supply and demand. Since Zach would nurse many times a night, my boobs were producing what he needed. He demanded and I supplied. If he went several nights cutting back, I would produce less. If he goes several nights demanding more, I produce more.

So now we are at the lowest demand ever. He nurses both sides at bed time, draining them. Then he nurses on one side when he wakes at midnight. Leaving the other side anticipating a draining within a few hours... but it never happens.

Night One's midnight feeding was on the left side so yesterday afternoon, I had a moderately sore right boob.

Last night, he nursed on the right side. My left boob is raging, angry, tender, sensitive, ow-y hurting. Hard spots and heat radiating sore. It's part of the process. And it sucks.

Walking back into my office a moment ago, I brushed against the door frame as I cut the corner too close. OW. At the gym, I lay on my stomach so Christy and I can "fly" and "plank" and such. OW. If I flex the muscles near my boob... OW. It's a pain like nothing else. It isn't constant but it is always there- if that makes any sense at all. And it is draining (and yet needs to be drained). Oy.

So now I'm off to my office bathroom where I will run the sink faucet as hot as possible, expose myself over the basin, and attempt to hand express to relieve some of the pressure and pain. It wont help much but it will help a smidge.

***

The job is done. I eliminated enough of the hard tender spots to get through my last hour at work. My boobs are so lopsided right now... it is insanely comical. My left is twice as heavy, twice as big as the right. Literally took 2 hands just to hold the damn thing. Never in my life did I ever dream did that I would spend 5 minutes in a bathroom, leaning over a sink, spraying milk down the drain as it streamed from my own nipple. Crazy places that motherhood can take us...

Night One

I hadn't planned to start last night because Zach has this cold. But then bedtime was a disaster. He wouldn't go to sleep. He usually falls right to sleep after nursing. We nurse, we rock, I maybe sing. But last night, he got this burst of energy and wouldn't settle down. He fought and fought and fought for nearly 2 hours.

He finally fell asleep sometime after 8:30. Jeff and I kept switching off and he eventually fell asleep on Jeff's shoulder.

He doesn't wake to nurse until 12:15. Everyone woke up then- Teagan had a bad dream and woke up crying (but stayed asleep). I got her settled and peeked in his room... he was awake. We nurse. He doesn't o back to sleep. 45 minutes go by before he falls asleep completely.

And now it is 6 a.m. And he is asleep in his own bed. Hasn't been awake since 1 a.m.

SUCCESS!

A Breastfeeding Debate

I believe in extended nursing (nursing beyond one year). I also believe in child-led weaning (weaning on the child's schedule as opposed to pushing my own weaning agenda).

With Teagan, I was very strong and certain on those ideals. Stuck to them, fought for them.

With Zach... second child syndrome may be setting in.

I nursed Teagan until she was 25 months. I was pregnant with Zach when she weaned. My pregnancy caused nipple issues and it was very painful to nurse. One night, I offered her a cup of warm milk instead of the boob. She refused, went to sleep, never asked again.

My Zappy... he only night nurses. He nurses at bedtime. Then he nurses through out the night.

The dilemma... I know that I will have required business travel in the next few months. I have desired personal travel this fall. Both will require anywhere from 2-4 nights away from home, without my kids. At this point, I can't imagine Zach not with me at night. I can't imagine being away from him like that. But I also feel that he doesn't NEED to nurse anymore. He's 14 months old. I think it fills his tummy and mostly provides a lot of comfort to get back to sleep. The plan formulating in my brain is being met with resistance from my heart. But my gut says it is the right thing to do.

Our typical evening is to put Zach to bed around 7ish. He nurses on both sides and usually sleeps until 10 when he wakes to nurse again. I am usually heading to bed at that point so I generally bring him to bed, nurse, fall asleep. We co-sleep so it's easy. Then he wakes however many more times throughout the night and nurses as needed.

The plan? I have to discipline myself to get up, nurse him, put him in his bed and go back to my own bed. In some ways, this will be easy because he now has his twin size bed that he is already sleeping in. In some ways, this will be hard because he has that twin size bed that I can sleep in! So do I fight the urge to stick with the easy route? Part of me says that doing the work now will make it easier when I have to be away from him later. I don't really want to fully wean but at the same time, I'm ready to be done. I almost even fantasize about him being an independent little cuss who self-weans cold turkey one day.

I don't feel any guilt about this decision making process, thankfully. Having made it a full year and beyond is awesome and I know it. There isn't some glory prize if we make it to 18 months or 2 years. I don't believe there will be any harm to him if we wean. I just want to be certain that we are making the right choices for the right reasons. I've reached a point in parenting where I don't think the sun rises and falls based on the choices I make for my babies. I used to defend my choices to breastfeed and co-sleep as though our lives depended on it. A real "mama bear." But now... I dunno. It changes. I guess because those things were so new and so hard the first time around, I felt like I needed to defend my choices to myself, too. To convince myself that I was doing what was best, to prove it to myself and the world that I was capable of making good choices and sticking with them. But now... I feel like I know what I'm doing (kinda). I'm no expert but I've certainly relaxed since Teagan's babyhood, as has Jeff.

I'm happy to hear input from my fellow parenting readers- and my non-parenting readers. All opinions are valid and welcomed!

Breastfeeding

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about breastfeeding.

It's hard work. It's worthwhile work. It's something I am passionate about.

I nursed my daughter until she was 25 months old. She weaned herself from her single daily feeding (bedtime) towards the end of my first trimester of my pregnancy with Zach. We had a rough start- cracked, bleeding nipples, plugged ducts, lack of confidence. But with the support of my mom and my husband, we fought through and ended up with a great nursing relationship. After a year, we came down with thrush. Again, thanks to my mother, we got through it. I was heartbroken and wracked with guilt when I became pregnant with Zach. I was concerned that I was taking away from Teagan with my pregnancy... but really, she was ready. It was just time. And she never looked back.

Zach started out more "matter of fact" about nursing. Where Teagan could have been at the breast for 24 solid hours, only pausing for a diaper change, Zach was more business like. Get the milk and go back to sleep. Get the milk and see the world. Get the milk. Period. We fought what we thought was thrush his first month. Ended up being a more general fungal infection and once the doc figured that out and changed the type of ointment, I healed quickly. About 3 months or so ago, Zach stopped taking milk during the day. I had been pumping, since I work full time, and he first stopped taking the pumped milk. Soon after, he stopped asking during the day when we were together. He still night nurses, though, so he gets plenty of breastmilk. He is 13 months old and nurses anywhere from 2-6 times each night. Thank heavens Jeff and I both believe in co-sleeping!!

What have I learned?

Do laundry every day if you really want to keep up with it. Or... be like me and let it pile up and wait for your husband or a friend to have pity and help you out.

Do dishes every day if you really want to keep up with it. Or... see above. Another option is to believe in carry out and tossable plates and cutlery for a while.

Latch basics can help at any age and any stage of breastfeeding. Once teeth start coming in, latch has to be re-taught. Unless you like teeth scraping your nipple.

I have something that only I can do for my babies. I can nurture, feed, comfort with a single boob. I'm pretty powerful that way.

Breastfeeding is hard work and brings struggles and challenges. In the process of getting through cracked nipples, fungal infections, thrush, plugged ducts, engorgement, and other potential problems, you learn a lot about yourself, your baby, your spouse, your friends.

At the same time, once you have confidence, breastfeeding is the easiest and fastest thing in the world. Once you overcome the struggles, it is almost surreal how easy it is to pick up baby, whip out your breast, latch them on, and continue on with what you were doing. Or sit and enjoy the quiet, nurturing comfort.

You might amaze yourself with everything you can do with one hand. Sometimes with the help of a sling but often completely on my own, I've cooked, typed, written, called, colored, and even peed while nursing.

There is a lot of support out there- you just have to seek it out, find the best sources, and stick with them.

Between that and your gut, which you have to learn to listen to and trust, breastfeeding will work. My favorite reliable and easy to use resources are:
Kellymom
Dr. Sears
Dr. Jack Newman

And finding other moms who breastfed, who faced struggles, who were committed to breastfeeding... those moms are the ones who can really help you through it. One of my blog readers has known me for a long time- since before my first pregnancy. And she was one my my greatest cheerleaders and advice givers with those early struggles (Lynn from Canada- you know who you are)!! I also participate on some message boards- a global board for pregnancy and motherhood, a local board for moms- and could identify the "crunchy, granola" moms who typically have that strong commitment to breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding.

I am also always happy to offer advice based on what I've learned and from my own experiences. It takes a village, after all.