The Girls Are Gone. For Good.

My boobs have died. Since getting pregnant in 2004, I was able to enjoy, for the first time in my life, great breasts. I filled out my bra and even had to go up a cup size. Jeff was thrilled, of course. And I have to admit that I got used to seeing larger, fuller breasts in the mirror. I was fascinated with how they could change. Some days, the right side would be hugely full of milk, definitely outsizing and outweighing the left. Some days, they would start out the same and one would grow larger than the other by the end of the day. Engorgement, while painful, makes boobs look like they have implants. I'm approaching the 2 week mark since Zach last nursed. He has weaned. Completely. Over the past 2 weeks, I've had some fullness and a few plugged ducts. Thankfully, Jeff is rather gifted in this area and was able to help release the ducts and ease the pain. And now it is finished. The fullness is gone. The plugged ducts are gone. The girls are gone. I'm back to little tiny, not much there. And now they are... deflated. Empty. Saggy. I don't mean to sound sad about it. I'm not. Just observational. And trying to imagine how I will manage the new morning routine of squishing and smooshing the flabby bits of flesh into my bra so I can at least fake like I still have some cleavage.

Question for Neti Pot Users

I pulled out my Neti Pot this morning and got NO FLOW in either nostril. Stuck it in one nostril, tilted. Nothing. Other nostril, tilted. Nothing.

Tried this for 15 minutes. Alternating back and forth, back and forth.

Never got anything to flow out of either side. I can get air moving through on the left side, not on the right.

Any advice? I plan to try again when Zach goes down for his morning nap (I'm home from work today, spending the day with my kids, and woke up all congested- nice).

Appreciating My Right to Free Speech

I caught this news story on CNN.com today... about Huang Qi. He's a human rights activist and blogger in China. He's been arrested because he shared, on his blog, the accounts and complaints of families who lost their children in the Sichuan earthquakes. Children who died in schools that crumbled because of shoddy construction and lack of upkeep. You can read his human rights history on Wikipedia. The website that has caused his life to be at risk and changed so dramatically is 64tianwang.com It's in Chinese. Just so you know. Edited to add: I found this open letter to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on Huang Qi's website. Reading this little blurb today on CNN and then reading more about Huang Qi and his story and what he has dedicated his life to accomplishing- getting out the stories of everyday people in China who have had their lives destroyed because of the government- has made me appreciate my ability to have my blog and say whatever I want. Don't I? For the most part, yes. I could, say, interview gay people across the country and around the world about gay marriage and legality and so on. And that wouldn't be an issue. I suppose if I were to start writing posts about terrorists all the time... about atrocities being committed in Iraq... or that sort of thing... I'd probably attract attention from unwanted sources. But if I did what this man did... let's say I went to New Orleans a couple of years back and interviewed people who were devastated by Katrina, stranded on bridges, in the Dome, dying on rooftops. I could have taken those interviews and printed them on my blog, in a newspaper, written a screenplay... without fear of being jailed for, potentially, a lifetime. Or fear of death or torture. That's pretty damn amazing.

Day 17: Love promotes intimacy

Daily Reading

"Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships."

"Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at great depths we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover from."

"Are the secrets your spouse knows about you reasons for shame, or reasons for drawing you closer?"

The text goes on to compare marriage to our relationship with God. He created us and knows our thoughts, fears, dreams. Inside and out. And with all of our faults, all of our sins, all of our shame, He loves us.

Today's Dare

"Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe."

Reflections

"How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?"

Here's Jeff's big secret.... ha! Not going to tell you!

Early in our relationship, Jeff and I shared some very personal things with each other. Not really "secrets," per se, but definitely sensitive information about ourselves. Information that someone untrustworthy would use against you. He knows the mistakes I've made, the regrets I have, the "shame" of things in my past. And ditto me for him. These are things that we never throw in each other's faces. These are things that don't come up when we have disagreements. There are some areas where it would be easy to bring up these things and really hurt each other. But we respect each other too much for that. We love each other too much for that.

So no new struggles to talk about. Jeff and I already talk and talk about just about everything. Lots of info about our days, our friends, our daily experiences. He knows things about my thoughts and I know things about his thoughts.

Intimacy, trust, respect, love... it all goes together.

Happy Valentine's Day!

LOVE

LOVE LOVE

LOVE

Day 16: Love intercedes

Daily Reading

Intercede- to attempt to reconcile differences between two people or groups; mediate.

Summary of this reading... You can't change your spouse but you can pray to God for your spouse to change.

I completely disagree.

I agree that you can pray this way. I agree that you can't change your partner.

But I'm not one who prays for results. Rarely.

I don't think that praying to God about Jeff's clutter will net any results. But praying for God to guide me as I try to encourage Jeff to clean out the basement... that I can do.

Jeff and I are in different places in regards to faith and religion and such.

I pray about that every day.

Today's Dare

"Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for 3 specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage."

Reflections

"Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?"

I pray daily, many times a day. I'm not one for very formal, down on my knees prayer. But I converse often with God in any given day.

I've been praying for my husband for a long time. I don't have a list of things I'm praying for. Really just one. That he opens his heart to God.

The Happiest Place on Earth

I'm getting the itch, the call, the drive.

I want a family vacation.

We schedule our time off around Lisa's days off. She plans her off time each December for the coming year so that her parents can plan accordingly with their jobs. It's very helpful.

Last summer, we took her week off in July and planned our first official Family Vacation.

We spent 2 days at Sesame Place in Langhorne, PA (near Philly) and then the rest of the week was spent in Dushore, PA (NE part of the state, up in the mountains) with my family (my parents and brothers).

It was the best family vacation I've ever been on. We had such a good time.

Check out our pics from last summer. And my review of our days there. Learn more about Sesame Place.

Here's the deal.

I wanna go back.

We had planned on waiting until the summer of 2010 because then Zach would be old enough to enjoy it more and remember the trip. But... I know he'll have a BLAST this summer, even if it doesn't stick in his long term memory. Heck, he had a great time when he was a baby there!! Doesn't he look way too cute in those pics?? It's where he fell in LOVE with Ernie and Big Bird! And he'd still have the pics to look back on. And Teagan still talks about our trip and things she remembers from it. And loves looking at the pictures.

And it is SERIOUSLY fun for any adult who grew up watching Sesame Street. I got all happy and warm and fuzzy meeting the giant sized versions of my favorite city-dwelling Muppets. Even Jeff enjoyed the trip and was happy and riding rides.

We need to go back. And I can't wait well over another year before we go. I want to go again this summer. Check out the website. Look at the attractions. Check out the new water area opening this year- Count's Castle. It looks AMAZING.

Did I mention that I want to go? Now?
And if I really get into a dedicated workout groove, I'd have to buy a new bathing suit. Or I could at least look way better in that same one... Nah. Let's get a new one.

So everyone please leave a comment about the importance of family vacations, your memories of your own childhood family vacations, your memories of Sesame Street, regrets about not taking fun family vacations... whatever angle you can think of. We have to convince the Mister that this summer's vacation HAS to happen!!!