Missing Out

Sometimes, being a parent means missing out on other things in life. For the most part, I handle this pretty well because I know how blessed I am. There are times, though, that I feel like the missing out is a little bigger and it's a little harder to reconcile that I am where I'm supposed to be. Or maybe it's that I miss the excitement of previously being caught up and important to people and now, because of my life choices, I am no longer in that role. Right now, big things are happening to one of my dearest and bestest friends- Jim. Life is truly amazing for him right now. When you were a kid, did you have dreams of what you would be when you grew up? I'm betting most of us are unfulfilled in that department. I wanted to be a horse trainer or a teacher. Neither one happened for me. And I'm ok with that- life has me where I am supposed to be. Jim grew up wanting to be a writer. And he became one. He moved to New York City and got a job at Marvel- you know, the comics people. I believe he started out in a support position at Marvel and then moved up into Marketing. He was attending all the conventions and meeting some famous people. It was a dream. But not complete fulfillment... he wanted to write for Marvel. He was given a chance at a couple of books- wrote a few different things like... well, I don't speak comic so just go to his Wikipedia page and you can read all about his accomplishments. Pretty amazing stuff, right? Here's the part I'm having this huge swirl-storm of emotions about right now... he wrote a graphic novel called Return of the Dapper Men. It's coming out this November. It had an early release at the NYC ComicCon a couple of weekends ago. It's getting amazing write ups in some big media outlets. Google it to learn more (and there just might be a special giveaway coming soon to this blog!!). Here's the thing. I am beyond proud of him. It took some personal struggle to get to where he is. There was a bad relationship, there was a period of time when he wasn't making the best choices because of that relationship, there was some serious angst and some conversations I didn't want to have about those bad choices... because I knew he was more than that, greater than that. Eventually, bad choices and relationship went away. And good things and people started to happen. He is in an amazing relationship now (seriously- his fiance is gorgeous and supports him like nothing I've seen before). And he's about to publish a book of his own creative genious, his own unique story that is being heralded as an instant classic with uniquely spun moral lessons for kids and adults alike. And the forward was written by Tim Gunn- mostly because he believes in the project and also because he's a friend of Jim's. It has been a long road to get to where he is. There have been hurdles and struggles and patience and risks along the way. For some of that foundation, I was by Jim's side. For some of the formative stuff, I was his main cheerleader. I got to be part of the creativity and excitement that is Jim McCann. Then life happened and choices were made and things changed- the way they were supposed to change. I got married, had kids. I love my life but the life I've chosen means that I can't jet off to NYC anytime I want to... like for the recent launch party for Dapper Men. Jim posted pics from the event and to see all these people and to see Jim's beaming grin and to know that there are people in those pictures who have been there at his side as he has gone through this creative process and who have been able to support him and celebrate with him... it kind of breaks my heart. Because I can't be there. I'm in his back pocket and I'm here in any capacity that he calls upon me for but I can't physically be with him every day or even on a regular basis. Maybe that's how it feels when parents send their kids off to college and they are approaching graduation and about to start fully living their own lives without needing you in that same way that they did before. Even though they've been away from home for 4 years and living in a dorm and figuring out time scheduling and relationships and food without you, graduation and real life feel different. Jim's been off at college and now he's about to graduate and has this amazing job and life ahead of him. He won't ever forget me, I know that. He loves me and I love him. Our friendship has a special depth to it that I haven't experienced with anyone else. it doesn't matter how long it has been since we last talked- we can get right back to where we always were within 5 minutes or less. He calls me when he needs to work through anxiety or to share fantastic news. He called me before he proposed and after. The big moments define when we communicate and the little moments quickly fall into place. But as he continues to grow and bloom and become... I feel a little left behind, I guess. Like I'm missing out on the fun and excitement and wow-ness of it all. I've made my choices and am blessed to live a life of normalcy that I've always wanted to live. One of those blessings is to call Jim my friend and to have him bless me with the same title in return. What have you found yourself missing out on because of your choices? Specifically, you've made choices that you wouldn't change for the world because the results are too precious. But from time to time, something from that pre-choice time pops up and reminds you of who you used to be...

The Magic Jeans

About a year ago, I wrote a post about my frustration in shopping for jeans.

Back in May, I wrote about the magic jeans given to me as hand me downs from Ashli. The jeans are about done. The fabric is actually starting to wear through. I know I need to replace them. I have a pair of black jeans and a pair of dark denim that Ashli gave me. They are heavier denim so I don't feel like they go with every look. With the magic jeans starting to show signs of wear and thining in the inner thigh area, I knew I was going to have to start the search.

I was scared.

Last time I went shopping for jeans, I literally tried on a dozen or more pairs and hated every time I stepped into that leg of pants in the dressing room. No style, no size, no design was right. Size 16 was too tight. Size 18 was too big. Some had stretchy material that made me look like a sausage. Some were hard denim that stood on its own around my flesh. I reached a point of such desperation that I even tried on men's jeans. It was depressing and frustrating. I knew this would be another venture into territory that would take time and patience. I also knew I needed jeans.

Friday evening, we went to Target. It wasn't were I intended to start my project. I was trying to find a day to go to a shopping center or mall and visit a variety of stores and department stores. I knew that my body had changed enough that it should be a more normal experience- less frustrating and depressing but still a hard task.

I was wrong.

I picked out 3 pairs of jeans in 3 different styles, all size 14. I stepped into the dressing room, took a deep breath, and took off my magic jeans. I stepped into the first pair. It was a standard pair of boot cut jeans. They were too big. Specifically too big in the waist. When I sat down, they would gap out in the back. The other pairs had wide elastic sewn into the waist to prevent that from happening. I'd found a similar waistband in pairs of capris this summer so I knew I liked that fit. I pulled on the 2nd pair of jeans. I'd found them. They fit exactly right. They fit in the legs, the waist, and the butt. My body was a size 14 normal body. There was no weird gaping or rolls of sausage. I didn't even try on the 3rd pair because I loved the 2nd pair so much.

I wore them Friday evening. I wore them Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Turns out, those size 14 jeans in a trouser, boot cut style with the elastic sewn into the waist band... are too big.

I went back to Target Sunday evening after dinner. I grabbed a size 12 from the rack and headed for the dressing room. They fit. Like magic. I have new magic jeans.

And now I have a pair of size 14 jeans that I can't return and can't wear. They cost $25. Anyone want to buy them? On sale for $20!

 

The 7 Year Itch?

Happy 7th Anniversary to me and my husband... 7 years ago today, Jeff and I traveled to Gatlinburg, TN to become man and wife. Last year, I finally compiled all my notes and journaling into some blog entires- detailing our entire weekend. I love going back and reliving it. I look forward to someday spending an anniversary back there, maybe even in our same cabin.

The Drive Down- Adventures in Marriage Licensure

It's funny to go back and read this post and remember the people who came down to TN to be with us when we got married. Some are people we rarely see anymore (due to taking time off from our theatre involvement) like the Murello-Todd Family. Some are people we have cut out of our lives since having children like Jeff's mother. Some are people no longer attached to us (and we continue to be very thankful for that) like the person who is now Jim's ex-boyfriend.

Our Wedding Day

The preparations, the pictures, the adorable little chapel...

The Reception and Our Night Out

The reception at our cabin and an evening out with friends and family at Sweet Fanny Adams.

The Day After and The Long Hike

Sunday was a day in Gatlinburg spent with friends. And Monday was a day that will be forever known as "The Day Liz and Christy Decided to Torture Themselves."

***

As of Sunday evening, we haven't done anything to celebrate. We aren't big celebrators, I suppose. We would have made plans to go out Saturday night. We had a sitter (Christy, of course). But it was Jeff's 25th high school reunion and there were weird things going on and he ended up being a major part of the whole thing running smoothly- he provided equipment, music, took on a photo project at the last minute. So I basically didn't see him from Friday evening until Saturday evening. I did go to the reunion- I drove separately and only stayed 2 hours. Jeff's focus was on his responsibilities at the reunion and not on keeping his wife entertained or introduced. Which is fine- neither of us were thrilled about the reunion in the first place. I do think he had a great time- I just think I didn't need to be there. Which is kind of sad, I guess. I kind of thought my "appearance" was so that he could introduce me to people. But that didn't seem to be on the list of priorities. The only compliments I got on how I looked were from a photographer, Christy, and my kids. I wore make up, did my hair, wore a dress, heels, earrings, pantyhose- I never, ever do that. I wanted to look nice for my husband. I wanted him to be proud to have me by his side. I didn't feel any of that when I decided to leave.

Wow, I'm getting whiney. This isn't something I'm upset about, really. This is just not how I'd wanted the "date night" for our anniversary to go. Hard to reschedule it- next weekend is Zach's birthday and the weekend after is Halloween. So this will be a more "down home" kind of celebration and recognition of the day. And I'm fine with that because that is who we are and how we are. The best part of this anniversary is that I like where we are. Sure, we disagree and sometimes we even fight. But most of the time, we are a team, we are on the same page.

Bottom line is- we love each other, we trust each other, and we laugh together. What more could I ask for?

Crazy Week

Gotta say... this week is kicking my booty. Training starts at 8 a.m. each day. Breaks and lunch don't give you time on your own and are too brief. The subject matter is brain intense. I'm not bored- but am sometimes overwhelmed. This training is all week long and is squeezed into a week long training from a curriculum that was originally 3 weeks long. And it could easily take 3 weeks to master this stuff. So I'm tired. I'm brain dead. I don't have much to give to anyone once we get the kids in bed. Good chance the blog will be quite the rest of the week because my time doesn't slow down until Sunday evening. Anyone wanna guest blog? E-mail me a post to gentlemomlc (at) gmail and I will schedule up posts. I only have access before 6:45 am and after 7:30 pm. G'nighty-night.... Zzzzzzz.....

I Was Wrong

Jeff and I both had a rough morning yesterday. We were frustrated and it led to anger and we weren't very nice to each other. The details are unimportant. What is important is that I was wrong. Not in my argument. But in how I let my anger impact my kids. I was mad and frustrated and angry and I let all of that be first. My kids wanted hugs and kisses- which I gave them as they were getting strapped in to go to school. But because of the anger and stress playing out for about 3-4 minutes in front of them... they needed more physical reassurance that things were ok and that they were still loved. I failed them because I stayed focused on my being mad instead of giving them what they were seeking. I tried... but Jeff and I both failed as a team. We're better now. We've made up and I fixed my part of things with the kids. I have a plan in place to make the morning go smoother and reduce the frustration and avoid boiling down to anger. I'm human. We all have times when we make choices we aren't proud of and I definitely had my moment yesterday morning as my kids were crying for hugs and kisses and my husband was racing off with them strapped in carseats. The important thing is what we learn from it and how we work to make it right. I think it's good for kids to see parents argue and disagree and even fight. But most important is for kids to see how parents make up and compromise and get along again. Most important is making things right again between each other and between the family as an entire unit. Negativity flowing from one person impacts all in the family unit. And it can be an ugly and fast spreading disease. Figuring out how to stop it when it's flowing is a challenge and not something I can do by myself. I was wrong. And I'm working to do better.

Sharing A Room?

For more than a week now, Zach and Teagan have been sharing a room. It started last week when they were bestest friends for an afternoon and then Zach was just heartbroken to go to sleep by himself. We have a thick camping mat and we put that on the floor in Teagan's room with a sheet on it, Zach's pillow, and Zach's comforter. They have slept that way every night since. Part of me is fine with the chaos of the room being taken over by this mat on the floor. Part of me desperately wants to go clean up the bedrooms. I've scheduled some time off in a couple of weeks. I'm going to have 1 day to do major home projects. I'm thinking about creating a big change. I want input from parents who have been there, done that. I'm thinking about taking everything out of both rooms. Then, one room would be 2 beds, 2 dressers, bookshelf. The other room would be a play room. Shelves, play tent, dollhouse, basketball hoop. Is there an issue if the kids share a room for a year? For 6 months? Is this too much work for a short term situation? At what age is it really important for a child to have their own space? At what age is it important for opposite sex kids to be in a separate space? Right now, privacy isn't much of an issue in our house. The kids still bathe together 90% of the time. They get dressed in the same area pretty regularly. One will use the toilet while the other brushes teeth. There isn't much discussion about private parts- they are far more focused on farts and saying "poop" in weird voices. The adults get privacy for the most part. Jeff has always had complete privacy- he has his own bathroom, shower uninterrupted, uses the toilet without kids walking in. I share a bathroom with the kids. I sometimes have a kid come in while I'm showering if there is an urgent potty need or... well, just because they need to tell me that Sesame Street is on TV. I often have company with me in the bathroom, too. They don't see my private parts. So there is privacy in our home but it isn't something we make an issue out of. I really want to hear a variety of opinions. Do you think you wait until you see signs from your kids to institute privacy measures? Do you think there is a specific age? Do you have (or did you have) opposite sex kids who shared intimate living spaces?

Add It To The Thumbs Up Menu List!

I made meatloaf for dinner and it was a hit!! I loosely followed the Classic Meatloaf recipe in The Joy of Cooking. I used 2 lb of ground beef, 1 box of stove top (classic sage), 1/2 a chopped onion, 2/3 c ketchup, 3 eggs. The recipe calls for a variety of spices and using oats. I used the Stove Top in place of all that. I mixed all ingredients by hand (which was really gross) and smooshed the mixture into a loaf pan. Baked at 350 for an hour and then took it out and added a "drizzle" of ketchup on top and then cooked it another 15 minutes (until the loaf reached an internal temp of 160). I think I actually overcooked it a smidge because it fell apart a bit when I served it. But it was darn tasty. I had mine with A1. Jeff and kids had ketchup. Brian was here to hang out and enjoyed it as well with no added sauce. Zach ate a few bites and liked it fine. Teagan ate every bite. I enjoyed all of mine. Jeff declared it "good." Brian had 2 pieces. Jeff went back and had more after the kids were in bed. So I'd say we have a hit on our hands! Simple, classic and home cooked!