I continue to feel like I'm wearing thin.
I come to terms with something, find peace with that level of stress.
And then something new pops up.
I'm tired of feeling like I complain about my job too much. I'm tired of feeling like I'm always trying to feel good about work again.
I feel like it's tough to be fully available to other things that are true priorities.
I sat in training for 2 days. The training was excellent and I got excited about applying what I'd learned.
But I also gained some insight into my work situation that left me feeling flustered all over again.
2 steps forward, 1 step back. Hitting my head against the wall.
Teagan is having a hard time adjusting to her new school and I'm feeling helpless.
It's been breaking my heart that she hasn't come home excited to go back the next day. I was hoping that she would be bursting with stories to tell us about lunch and recess and her classroom and her new friends and her teacher and the school. But getting her to tell us anything... I have to use my very best questioning techniques. And I still don't feel like I have a good picture of what her day is like.
And worst of all... I feel helpless to help her. I can see that she is struggling and hurting.
I took her out to dinner las tnight so we could talk. We went for sushi. And we talked. And there was hugging and I had to force myself not to cry at certain points in the conversation- like when she talked about the girl she'd been friendly with the day before who didn't seem interested in her that day. Or when she lit up because she found out she'd get to visit Little Explorers on Sunday when we went for Zach's open house for pre-K... because she wants to see her Kindergarten teacher to tell her that she is the Best Teacher Teagan's Ever Had. Or when she said she had no one to play with on the playground so she just walked around and went down the slide and tried asking to play with some of the kids but they said they weren't playing anything.
I hate this. I hate feeling out of control at work and feeling helpless as a parent.
So I am especially grateful for where I'm going today and I am holding out high hopes for some serious letting go of stress, some focus on finding answers and action plans, some support from my church sisters, and some time with God.
Women of Faith
I think I need this jolt of rejuvenation. I know I need to reconnect. I've been praying and relying heavily on my faith but I need something more.
For those who are the praying type, I could sure use some prayers this weekend.