Tuesday, April 22, 2014

It's Your Blog: Tim (How Not To Handle Grief)

This one moves me... Tim and his kids are very much part of my church family now.  You may recall me sharing about the passing of Tim's wife several years ago.

Here is the amazing thing - I see God all over the place in Tim's story.  It began, for many of us, as Michele's story.  Michele was who I had known through the Indy Moms online community.  But God brought a community together.  And it became clear that God was leading me towards supporting Tim and the kids- back before anyone in my church knew Tim, the same Worship Team that he now sings with was praying for him and his kids. One of my personal biggest God moments came when I got the clear nudge from above to go to the hospital and pray in the chapel... and to invite other moms to join me there.  I even remember standing and looking at the sky and wondering why God would ask me to do something that, at the time, was so outside of my comfort zone.

And God's hand continued to work through Tim's life.  And he wants to share that with all of you - which I think is pretty awesome.


How Not To Handle Grief

My wife Michele passed away on 07/02/09, leaving me to raise our 4 kids by myself.

I was very angry with God.  I wondered how He could let her die. Why did He do this to my kids and myself?  I stopped going to church and felt very sorry for myself.

I decided not to let my kids see me cry because I wanted to be strong for them.  I was angry because I stepped down from a management position at work so I could be home as much as possible for my kids.  There were times that I yelled at my kids, and shouldn't have.

It took a couple years, but with nudging from my family, friends, and especially my kids, we started going back to church.

I realize now that God was there for us the whole time, if I would have just acknowledged Him.  He sent many people to help my family, some of them I have become good friends with.  He also blessed me by having people that knew Michele send letters telling me what a wonderful person she was and how she affected their lives.  God blessed me by giving me understanding bosses at work, because I've had to leave manyt imes to go get a sick kid from school.

Most of all, I've been blessed with 4 great, healthy kids.

I just wish I had embraced God at the beginning of this journey, when He first started knocking at my door.

My wife passed away from breast cancer, and I would like to remind all of you women out there to please get yourself checked on a regular basis.  I don't want any family to have to go through what we've been through.

If anyone is experiencing the loss of a loved one, please feel free to contact me through Liz. I would gladly listen to you and share my experience with you.  I feel that God wants me to help others through their grief.

God bless!

sig jan 2014 photo owlsig.jpg


Mickey said...

It is great to hear that you and the kids are doing well. I hadn't ever met MIchele in person but knew her online through Indy Moms. My brother had passed away earlier that year. I brought dinner to the hospital and it was way more difficult than I thought it would be. Michele's mom and sister were so comforting to me. While I was there for you and your family it turned out that they were exactly what I needed in my time of grief. So thank you for sharign Michele and your family.

Unknown said...

I'm happy you and the kids are doing good!!! I was a part of Indy Moms and I remember this all very well. Lots of hugs to you and the kids!!

Mary N. said...

Dear Tim: I think of your family often, and I always wonder how you and the children are doing. You are an incredible father for stepping up. Everyone will have their good and bad days, but it sounds like the good is finally outweighing the bad once again in your life. That makes me smiling. Keep sharing your story, you never know who it will need to touch.

Renee... said...

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. God was holding you during that time. I'm delighted you to hear you able to praise him now. We rejoice with you. Keep sharing your story.... It helps more people than you will ever know. Blessings to your family.

Jennifer Amos said...

Tim- I've been thinking about this the past few days trying to think of the right words to say. Sometimes I think one of the most powerful messages a grieving person can receive is to know that their loved one is not forgotten. I only knew the online Michele as a member of Indy Moms. I'm sure I don't need to tell you but any online group full of women can also be full of drama. But Michele and her journey were something different. Her story brought together women from all corners and differing opinions. These moms continue to crave updates to know how you and the kids are doing and I think that people closer to you such as Liz do a great job of sharing when they can while still respecting your privacy. I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to hear, in your own words, the story of your journey. More moms than you will ever know have prayed for Michele, you and your children, myself being one of them. Thank you for being so giving of yourself to share your journey and in turn help others on theirs.