WWW: Role Models

After yesterday's downer, I really need something a bit more fun today. And focusing on who my role models are or what kind of role models I see in my kids' lives... it's just too heavy for right now! My week is crazy busy, I'm still a bit weighed down on the inside by the tragedies around me but not directly touching me. So the order of the day is fun and then some help from YOU. Since I'm not in a place to really dig deep into my own psyche to talk about role models, why don't you leave some lengthy comments and share stories of people who have been a positive influence in your life? And if you've seen Role Models and Lord of the Rings and are at all aware of LARPers (Live Action Role Play- gamers)... Who have your role models been and who are they now? Have you been a role model to someone else? Any opinions on famous people- athletes, entertainment stars, successful entrepreneurs- being role models? Is it even important to have role models or should our attention be focused elsewhere?

WWW: Happiness Is...

Several years ago, when I was pregnant with Teagan, I directed a community theatre production of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown." One of my favorite songs from it was "Happiness Is..." I believe you choose happiness and happiness also just happens- but you have to be open to it to recognize it. I believe that happiness is really about appreciating the little things that are around you. Happiness is... Finding a pencil Pizza with sausage Telling the time I believe that children can teach us a lot about happiness... if we let them. Happiness is... Learning to whistle Tying your shoe for the very first time Happiness is... Playing the drum in your own school band I believe that we can find happiness in most moments. There will always be tragedies, hard times, trauma. And happiness will be hard to see in that moment. And happiness is walking hand in hand Happiness is realizing that you have people beside you in those hard times. That you have a hand to hold as you find your way through a tragedy. Happiness is... Two kinds of ice cream Knowing a secret Climbing a tree But then there are accomplishments. Confidences. Connections. Happiness is... Five different crayons Catching a firefly, setting him free... Diversity. Doing the right thing. Celebrating differences. Freedom. Happiness is... Being alone every now and then And happiness is coming home again. Time for myself. Time on my own. Being with my kids. Being with my husband. Being with my mom, my dad, my brothers, my family (even without cauliflower). Happiness is... Morning and evening Day time and night time too. For happiness is anyone and anything at all That's loved by you. Waking up. Going to sleep. The things and people I love. Yup. Those are all happiness for me. Happiness is... Having a sister Sharing a sandwich Getting along Now this one reminds me of Christy. My chosen sister. With whom I often share food and a love of food. And life is best when we are in our stride, on the same wavelength. Happiness is... Singing together when the day is through And happiness is those who sing with you. Music. Friends. Singing with my kids. And back to the most important... Happiness is... Morning and evening Day time and night time too. For happiness is anyone and anything at all That's loved by you. Happiness is love. When I choose to love my husband... when I choose to love my kids... when I choose to love other people... when I choose to love myself... when I choose to love God... when I choose to love the people hardest to love... that is when I truly find Happiness. Would you please also take a moment to go visit my friend, Teacher Tom? He wrote, by chance, on this same subject yesterday and his words are wise and wonderful!

WWW: Traditions

Tradition- the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, esp. by word of mouth or by practice. Traditions root us. Traditions tie us together. Traditions provide comfort and familiarity. This is the season when traditions come to the forefront. The way we decorate, the things we do around town, the food we eat, the gifts we give and receive, the songs we sing, the cards we send, the gatherings we attend. But what about our traditions beyond the holiday season? I've often lamented that I felt like I didn't have a lot of family traditions to pull from. But I do. That definition says it is a handing down of statements and beliefs. My mom and I didn't have much. But there are certainly things that I continue that my mom and I did... and I have to wonder what traditions she brought to our relationship. Maybe it is dinner every night at the family table. Maybe it is a special breakfast each Saturday. Maybe it's lunch after church each Sunday. Maybe it's going to church each Sunday. Maybe it's the way you butter your bread. Maybe it's the movies you enjoy. Maybe it’s staying up to watch the Ball drop to ring in the New Year. Maybe it’s a special meal or activity to recognize birthdays. My dad has a traditional way of recognizing special occasions. It is sometimes a bit of a family joke- but it’s something we all treasure, too. My dad recognizes all special occasions with an index card and a silver dollar. A brief note, signed with a “God Bless,” and a silver dollar stamped in the current year. I have a drawer full of cards and coins. We all learn from our childhoods and we bring things from those experiences forward with us. What about starting new traditions? How repetitious does it need to be before it is considered a tradition? When 2 people come together to make a family, new traditions have to be formed. Jeff brought his own expectations and I brought mine. We found a way to blend them together- some things are blended, some things are new. A new tradition that we started a couple of years ago is that of specific Christmas Eve gifts for our kids. We spend Christmas Eve with Jeff's family and then come home. At that point, the kids get to open 2 presents- new pajamas and their annual ornament. I love these new traditions. I love the opportunity for Jeff and I to work to find the exact right pajamas... that special ornament that really represents that child for that year. This year- matching pj's from Old Navy. I not only know that the kids will look adorable, but I think they will be excited to be in matching outfits.

What are your traditions? What beliefs or customs have been handed down to you? Is the sense of tradition stronger at the holidays? What are unique traditions in your family?

WWW: Forgiveness

This is a big topic and I hope I can do it justice.

Forgiveness is such an important value and theme in my life. Over the course of the past few months, it has come up again and again. A sermon at church, fellow bloggers, even Oprah.

Forgiveness became very important in my life early on. We certainly strive to teach our children to forgive a friend when feelings have been hurt, to seek forgiveness when they have caused harm. Friends and family say or do things that hurt us and we choose to forgive. Forgiveness, in some ways, can be a daily action!

But what about the Big Hurts? I’m a survivor of a very Big Hurt. I’m a survivor of some pretty crappy stuff in my childhood. Many years ago, I knew I had to forgive my abuser or else I would never move forward. I would be stuck in a place of hate and anger and resentment if I didn’t let it go through forgiveness. I forgave myself, my family, my teachers, and eventually- my abuser.

But what exactly does forgiveness mean? Are there different stages and types of forgiveness? Do you forgive for the other person or for yourself? Or both? Is forgiveness necessary to really heal from serious wrongs?

I was watching an episode of Oprah recently. She had a family on… 2 teens whose parents had been murdered by their uncle. The story was tragic on so many levels. But there was something about this young woman… the daughter… she was 6, I think, when the murder happened. She stepped over the body of her murdered aunt to rescue her little brother who was hiding under the covers of his parents bed as the shooting happened around him. She and her brother were raised by their maternal grandmother. She and her grandma spoke of forgiveness. And here’s the part that I found most amazing… this woman who lost her daughter, these young people whose parents were taken from them so brutally… were fighting for the murderer to not be executed.

From Oprah’s recap, the grandma explains where she is coming from and how she has raised the children:

Mary, Natalie's mother, says she didn't raise Kim and Matt to hate Eric. "It's because of my faith. Because when you give thanks to God, God carries [you]. And He gave us peace," she says. "[Natalie's] in heaven, so I have a lot to be thankful for." Mary says she doesn't believe Eric's story, but she still forgives him. "I pray for you that you ask God for forgiveness, because that's where it's all at. And I ask everybody to write the governor to stop the death penalty because we're not here to judge. You deserve to be in jail, but we don't want you to die."

This struck me and brought me back to a sermon that my pastor had given a few months back. The topic was forgiveness. And there was something he said that had stuck with me. That the next step in forgiveness is to pray for the person who hurt you the most deeply. Pray for their redemption, pray that they have found God and sought His forgiveness.

I have not been able to do that.

I have forgiven him and I turn his judgment over to God. But that sermon, that idea… I have this fear that to take my most intimate time with God and bring that person into it would be bringing him back into my life and that is not what I want at all. I know it doesn’t mean he’d physically be here. But it would mean allowing him into my heart and mind again. Yes, my past is always there with me. No, I don’t try to ignore it or pretend like it isn’t there.

I wrote an e-mail to my pastor to tell him about this episode of Oprah and what this woman said and what I was thinking about his sermon.

His reply:

I would say though, that prayers for the abuser do not need to be continuous--just for a “season” and sincere. That season can actually be a very short time—just a period you’ve set aside to give your focus there, and then move on, trusting the Holy Spirit to carry your prayers from then on. Please read Romans 8:18-30, paying special attention to Romans 8:26, and get ready to have your prayer life in this situation changed forever.

Romans 8:18-30

Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

So I don’t have to set a date to kneel down and pray specifically for the abuser’s redemption. If I carry it in my heart, God knows and the Holy Spirit carries that prayer through me.

So what does all of that boil down to when it comes to forgiveness? How did I even take the first step to be able to forgive my abuser for the awful things he did to me?

I can tell you that there isn’t a formula. I can tell you that I believe that forgiveness is a very personal journey and that what works for one, won’t work for another.

At the time, when I was hospitalized in an inpatient adolescent unit, I knew that I had to do something in order to move forward. I knew that my anger, shame, rage, hurt, pain would never begin to release and heal if I didn’t do something. Forgive. I had to cut him from my life in this one last, final way. There was physical separation, there was the end of the abuse. But over those years, he still had a piece of my mind and my heart. And by forgiving him, I claimed back those pieces of myself. By forgiving him, I released his hold on me.

As an adult, as I have been digging deeper into my faith and spirituality, I have reached a different level of forgiveness. I realized that I had to do more than just release him from my life. I had to turn him over to God. The pain, sorrow, shame, anger was alleviated but still present until I was able to turn all of that over. I think a part of me had carried the judgment of my abuser on my own shoulders. That is some serious weight. I needed other people to know he was guilty. Until I turned it over to God. He is the judge.

And now I face a final step. I released what he had done. I released the judgment in my heart. Next, I find a way to pray that God will forgive him, that God will show him mercy, that he will fall to his knees and pray for his own redemption. I’m not there yet but I’m not far from it, either.

Forgiveness is important because without it, I would have no peace, no serenity, no calm, no happiness, no joy.

How about you? Are you ready to forgive?

WWW: Joy

Joy. A season of joy is soon to be upon us. By why wait for the holidays to be joyful? What keeps us from living a joyful life all the time?

The sermon at church recently was on living a happy life, full of joy. And I was inspired! I aim for gratitude and peace and security... and who doesn't want to be joyful?

Music can often put me into a joyful place. As I type this, I am blasting the Glee rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'" at my desk. Bopping, moving, lip syncing, singing. My heart is filled up when I sing at church- be it with the Praise Team or as a congregation member. I connect with God through music and that is definitely a joyful experience!

First, I want to share some of the points made in the sermon a couple of weeks ago.

There is no such thing as a problem free life. Big question: How can I have happiness in spite of what is going wrong in my life?

Live with Perspective. Live by Priority. Live on real Power. Live for a Purpose.

There is often a purpose behind our problems. Courage and joy are contagious. We can live our lives based on problems or priorities. As long as we have hope, we can handle tremendous stress. Our life is not judged by its duration but by its donation. The best use of my life is to invest it in something that will outlast me. The secret of joy: Jesus first. Other important to me, second. And myself, third.

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There's a lot there!

I believe that my joy and gratitude and depth of life and purpose and all that deep stuff come from God. I believe that there has been purpose to the worst and least of my problems. Sometimes it takes longer to find the purpose- but it is eventually there.

Some days... it's hard. I find that I am able to find joy in dark times easier than I can in just everyday stresses sometimes. I turn to God in the hard times. Quickly and automatically. So why not do the same with the everyday stress and aggravation?

My morning did not start well. 4 a.m., Zach is in our bed, climbing up the headboard, grabbing for the TV remote, demanding "TB on! TB on!" Finally got him settled and back to sleep- but it was closer to 5 than 4 by that time. 5:30, Teagan awakes with instant whining, complaining, obstinance. For the next hour, she fought us at every turn.

How do you live joyfully in that everyday stress?

At work, we have that big move going on. The kicking up of dust and construction materials triggered one of those massive allergy attacks yesterday. Today, they are banging and slamming into stuff. Offices aren't ready, people aren't packed. Right this second- they are trying to disable the alarm from our front door and are setting it off more often than not. It's a stressful environment.

But I can let all of this roll off of me with no concerns.

Maybe hope is the difference. Maybe with my kids... because the whining and complaining and arguing is a regular thing... maybe I don't have hope in how the morning will go when I get out of bed? The last 2 days have not been good mornings and both days started with kids who woke up whining and demanding. But with the work stress, I do still have hope for the turnout. We are moving and I choose to let it be something exciting and new and different. I'm eager to get into my new space and make it my own.

Yesterday, I learned about a movement called Brightsiding. The idea is to not let internal issues and negative circumstances dictate your level of joy. You purposefully do things to spread joy and create happy spaces and places and connections. Paint a wall a bright color. Do the Gratitude Dance. Sing. Hug someone. Purposefully choose things that make you happy.

I think it's important to realize the secret of joy from my pastor's sermon. Jesus first. Others important to me, second. Myself, third. "Me time" doesn't come first. My wants don't come first. I recognize that recharging time is important and needed. But not all the time. And not as a top priority. I keep God first. I follow the life path that I believe He wants me to live. I follow the teachings and philosophies of the Bible as best I can. I believe that God is love and love is what my purpose is. Yes, I struggle. I am not perfect. But I try and try and often succeed! Others important to me come second. My husband, my children, my friends, my family. I know I can do better in this area. My husband deserves more attention, more affection, more positive feedback from me. My husband deserves to see my love for him played out every day. Demonstrated, tangible, real. My children deserve my best self as their mother. My kids are a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted. They deserve to be treated with love, respect, and gentle discipline. Again- I struggle.

But don't you see? If I focus my life on being joyful for my family, on demonstrating love for my family, on being grateful for my life and my blessings... there won't be much room for negativity and doubt and anger.

Joy.

Joseph Campbell said, "Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy."

What if we faced our sorrows, our stress, our problems with joy?

Ralph Waldo Emerson: "There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us. 'Tis good to give a stranger a meal, or a night's lodging. 'Tis better to be hospitable to his good meaning and thought, and give courage to a companion. We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing to give the advantage of a good light."

That's deep. We take a picture and put it in the right light so it will look its best. But we won't do that with people around us. Interesting... but if we approach all situations with joy and are eager to share our joy... think of the impact!

So there are deep ways to truly live a life of joy. There are small things and big things around me that represent joy. But joy is more than happiness. Joy is bigger and deeper than that. Blasting some happy dance music through my ear buds might help me focus my energy in the right direction but if I don't have joy within myself... if I don't already have gratitude, purpose, hope... it's only a band aid.

Do you live a joyful life?

WWW: Gratitude

Click the button for more information on this weekly writing exercise. There is a MckLinky below if you would like to participate!

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Gratitude. Appreciation. Thankfulness.

Philosopher Cicero said, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others."

Art historian Johannes Gaertner said, "To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." Operation Gratitude accepts care packages to send to U.S. troops. The Gratitude Campaign offers a way to quietly say thank you when you see a member of our Armed Forces. There are the GratiDudes with their mission to spread joy and hope through a lesson on happiness and gratitude... and a little dancing. When I first listed this as a topic, I felt it was appropriate because Thanksgiving is coming up for the US, recently passed for Canada. What better time to talk about gratitude? Then Fort Hood happened and my focus changed. Today is Veterans Day. Today, we thank and honor those who have served and are serving our country. This year, with the tragedy at Fort Hood, it feels more important than ever to thank and honor the men and women of the Armed Services. I was listening to NPR's reporting on the memorial service at Fort Hood. What I appreciated is that the coverage didn't focus solely on President Obama's statements. There were a few soundbites. But they shared each piece of the service and described the mood, the people. At the end of the description, they played part of the traditional roll call. At such an event, the roll call calls out the names of present service people who call back. And scattered into the list of those present are the names of those now gone. And silence responds. And I sat in my car and cried. I have so much gratitude for the people and things that surround me. Even when I find myself frustrated or angry or sad... My gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation for my husband, my kids, my family, my home, my friends, my family, my job, my co-workers, my minivan, my dog, my... so many blessings. And there are men and women who have given up their lives so that I can build my life. I used to joke that I had dated almost every branch of the military. Now I wonder if those young men are still serving... are still alive... I have family and friends currently serving. I have co-workers who are Vets. I had intended for today's post to be about my gratitude for important people in my life and ways to share that. I had intended for this post to be about my faith. Instead, it's about the people who defend my country and my right and freedom to have this life, to have my faith. Thank you.

WWW: Teachable Moments

Weds Weekly Writing is a weekly writing topic that is designed for bloggers to consider a topic and then share their own experience, insight, opinions. There are no write or wrong answers. The purpose is to explore, to better understand, to share, to grow.

Teachable Moments

In parenting and in educating, the phrase "teachable moments" is used very frequently. Adults are encouraged to be aware of these moments with children when there is an opportunity to help the child explore, discover, grow beyond a current boundary. Sometimes these moments are obvious- a child asking a question or facing a new experience. Sometimes these moments are unexpected and subtle. I've certainly encountered many teachable moments with my children. But what about my own? What about the moment when I have unexpectedly learned something or broadened my own experience? My adult life is full of teachable moments. Full of moments when I have been taught. I used to be a social worker. I worked as a therapeutic foster care case worker for a private agency. I worked with many families, many children. Some from rural areas, inner city kids, suburban families. White and black, young and old. There are several kids who taught me some really important life lessons. I am changing names for the sake of privacy. One boy, Sam, taught me that we choose our behavior. Sam had a temper. Sam was full of rage. On his best day, he was angry. He glowered, he frowned. Behind his eyes, there was constant self-hate at the things that had been done to him in his short 12 years of life. Thankfully, he was with a solid family. They had been his foster family for 4 years and had no intention of giving him up. He was always in trouble at school- a day didn't go by that he wasn't fighting, talking back, bullying. Until one day... I had a meeting with Sam before his regularly scheduled court date (ongoing family court case review). He showed up with his foster mom and he was SMILING. He kept trying to make it go away. He kept trying to paste the familiar scowl on his face. But this smile... this most perfect smile that took over his entire person kept creeping back out. It ended up being something simple. Simple to most people, anyway. But something that was a first, a milestone, a teachable moment for anyone this young man's life touched. He had gotten into a confrontation with another boy at school. Actually, this other boy had come up to him and started picking a fight. Said hateful things. Maybe shoved him. I don't remember the details. But the sorts of things that Sam normally would have exploded over. He walked away. A teacher saw it happen. A teacher saw the other kid approach Sam. The teacher knew what was going to happen... knew what always happened. The teacher started towards the boys and then... Sam walked away. At the time, I didn't realize just how blessed I was by his story. I was far too caught up in the excitement of this fantastic moment. I was far too enamored with this boy's new face, smiling, proud, happy. I didn't realize the lesson I was being taught. That how we respond is a choice. How we feel happens- he was definitely angry that this other kid got up in his face. But how we respond to those feelings... that is where we choose. Sometimes, those choices are really, really challenging. But we can still be in control of them. It's something that life had tried teaching me time and again, really. In my own life, I've made decisions in regards to my own healing, my own growth. I've chosen how I would behave- sometimes I made my choices very deliberately, sometimes I followed my gut, and sometimes I didn't recognize that I was making choices. Life kept pounding this idea of choice into my experiences. After my divorce, when I was, for the umpteenth time, reviewing how I had gotten to where I was... how I had this failed marriage... how I had made such horrible choices. Choices. And I remembered Sam. And how life had handed him a really crappy hand. And how he was struggling and struggling in the game. And how he made that one choice and that one choice opened the door for more choices, more happiness. A 12 year old angry foster child taught me that life is about the choices you make and that even when life is hard and unfair and everything seems to be stacked completely against you... there are still opportunities to make the right choice. What teachable moments have you experienced in your life? When have you been the teacher? When have you been taught?

WWW: Who Are Your Soulmates?

Soulmate... From dictionary.com, a soulmate is "one of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity." Interestingly, if you go by that definition, Jeff is not my soulmate. Our dispositions are pretty different. Our POV's are often different. We have some similar sensitivities... but a lot that are different. I guess that's why love is a choice and marriage is hard work. I love him and choose to love him and be with him. We see a lot of things the same way and a lot of things vastly different. I can't imagine parenting and marriage with anyone but him. But I'm not certain "soulmate" is the right word for us. Is it possible to have a soulmate? Does it have to be a single person? Can you have different soulmates for different aspects of life? Food. Christy is definitely my food soulmate. We have very similar tastes. We both seek out new food experiences. See? Anything can be brought to a soulmate level. But that does take away from the implied meaning of the word. I know for sure that I have a parenting soulmate. I have lots of resources where I can turn for advice when I feel like I'm stuck or needing inspiration. I got through breastfeeding thanks, in large part, to the internet. But there is one person that I can always go to when I need to get back on track. Someone who parents in a style very similar to my own. Someone whose parenting philosophies align with mine. Someone who can help me see the parenting path that I want to be on and helps me find my way back to it. Lindsey. Everyday life. Relationships. Social workings. Life management. Personal philosophies. While this person and I don't match exactly on every topic, we do have a fantastic way of knowing what the other person means. Even when we disagree, we accept the other person's POV and know it is part of who they are. This is someone I am my very genuine self with 90% of the time. I can tell her anything and feel confident that she feels that she can share anything with me. I'll be honest- we can be very judgemental of others. But our judgements are the same. We have similar strengths when it comes to observing and problem solving. We have similar work ethics and talents. Christy. And, finally, my mom. In so many ways, my mom are very opposite. But when you have survived together, lived together, persevered together, struggled together the way she and I have... it's a very unique and connected relationship. I feel very blessed that I can say that my mom, in a sense, is one of my soulmates. There are others... too many to name. I guess, overall, I just tend to feel that anyone that I connect with on a level that is deeper than casual... that is somewhat indefinable... that brings me to a place where I question what I know... that helps me find my way again, helps me define who I am... those are all people that I would personally consider a soulmate. So what's the difference between a soulmate and a friend? Again, this is just my own personal definition. I think that there are all different levels of friendship. Some are more casual, some closer. But a soulmate is going to be someone who knows you so well that they know what you need before you do. And if that's the guideline... Lindsey, Christy, my mom... definitely fall into that category. A friend knows you and likes you. A soulmate knows everything about you and loves you anyway and the feeling and depth of feeling is mutual. And when you go by that guideline, Jeff definitely makes the top of the list. So tell me... who are your soulmates?

Wednesday's Weekly Writings

Announcing!!! A new opportunity to participate in a writing assignment... questions to get you thinking and an opportunity to share your thoughts, opinions, experiences with the purpose of broadening other people's understanding and maybe gaining insight into your own experiences in a different way.

Topics will be posted in advance so you can start thinking about what you have to say and share. Each Wednesday, my own post will go up and I invite you to come and share a link to your own blog answering that week's question.

When sharing your Writing, keep in mind that the answer should be personal- based on your own observations, opinions, experiences. No one is seeking answers to great societal and cultural questions! Upcoming topics: Oct 28 Soulmates Nov 5 Teachable moments Nov 11 Gratitude Nov 18 Joy Nov 25 Forgiveness Dec 2 Traditions Dec 9 Happiness Dec 16 Role Models Dec 23 Christmas Stories Dec 30 Accomplishments

What Does It Mean To Be A Man?

After the wonderful insights and opinions shared with last week's topic assignment, we are at it again! Lori contacted me and suggested we flip the question around- What does it mean to be a man? Obviously, I am not a man so this is a much harder question for me to answer. From dictionary.com: an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy or a woman. What does it mean to me that Jeff is a man? That my dad is a man? That my brothers are becoming men? In exploring my thoughts on my own womanhood, I found that I was most connected to womanhood through my experiences with childbirth and breastfeeding. But I don't equate my husband's manhood to him impregnating me. To me, Jeff being a man means that I have someone to turn to, someone to protect me, someone to save me, someone who is stronger and faster, someone who can open jars and hammer things. He can hangs shelves and install dishwashers and faucets and fix dryers and install screens. Of course, there are women who can do the same. I'm not one of them- or at least, I prefer not being one of them. To me, Jeff or my dad or my brothers being men means they are responsible, trustworthy, protectors, providers, foundation layers. I needed input from a man in my life for this one. So I asked Jeff- What does it mean, to you, to be a man? "It means you don't cry when you're punched. It means you grow up being taught not to cry. Just kidding- that's all BS. To me, being a man is the same as being a woman. Being a man means being yourself, being true to who you are. My Dog Skip made me cry. Father of the Bride made me cry. Does that make me less of a man? My daughter made me cry because I didn't know how to be a father (when she was born). I was completely overwhelmed but I knew she couldn't take care of herself. I knew I needed to protect her and provide for her- even if I felt like I didn't know how or even if I could do it. And that's what bugs me about people who don't take care of their kids. They can be all tough and beat people up and shoot guns... but can't take responsibility for their kids, their marriage, their home." So for Jeff, being a man means being yourself, being a protector, being a provider, and being responsible. He's a man, he's a man, he's a man... he's a mighty good man! What about you? What does it mean to be a man? What are your expectations of the men in your life?

What Does It Mean To Be A Woman?

My name is Liz. I am a woman. But what does that mean to me? Throughout my life, I've reached milestones that seemed to launch me into womanhood. Age 14... I got my period! Now I'm a woman! Age 19... I lost my virginity! Now I'm a woman! Age 25... I got married! Now I'm a woman! Age 27... I got divorced! Now I'm a divorced women! Age 29... I'm married again! Now I'm a woman (again)! Each of those milestones continue to be important and all were steps into womanhood. But what does it mean, to me, to be a woman? From dictionary.com: Synonyms: Woman, female, lady are nouns referring to adult human beings who are biologically female; that is, capable of bearing offspring. Woman is the general term. It is neutral, lacking either favorable or unfavorable implication, and is the most commonly used of the three: a wealthy woman; a woman of strong character, of unbridled appetites. In scientific, statistical, and other objective use, female is the neutral contrastive term to male and may apply to plants and animals also: 104 females to every 100 males; Among lions, the female is the chief hunter. Female is sometimes used in disparaging contexts: a gossipy female; a conniving female. Lady meaning “refined, polite woman” is a term of approval or praise: a real lady in all things; to behave like a lady. Usage note: Although formerly woman was sometimes regarded as demeaning and lady was the term of courtesy, woman is the designation preferred by most modern female adults: League of Women Voters; American Association of University Women. Woman is the standard feminine parallel to man. As a modifier of a plural noun, woman, like man, is exceptional in that the plural form women is used: women athletes; women students. The use of lady as a term of courtesy has diminished somewhat in recent years (the lady of the house), although it still survives in a few set phrases (ladies' room; Ladies' Day). Lady is also used, but decreasingly, as a term of reference for women engaged in occupations considered by some to be menial or routine: cleaning lady; saleslady. See also girl, lady, -woman. *** This phrase resonates with me: Woman, female, lady are nouns referring to adult human beings who are biologically female; that is, capable of bearing offspring. In a general sense, this isn't a whole definition for me. Because I know many women who aren't capable of bearing offspring for many, many reasons. But that bit... it does feel right for me and my sense of womanhood. When I was approaching labor with Teagan, I wanted to try to go natural in my birthing process. A drug-free, epidural-free birth is best in most cases but not generally achieved or even sought after in our culture. But I was doing my best to make all the right choices in my pregnancy, birthing, feeding. I also had concern- great concern that I discussed with my doctor- that the pain of contractions and delivery would result in potential flashbacks to abuse I suffered as a child. When labor began... it really wasn't that bad. The contractions were strong but totally within my realm of pain management. And then my water broke. That changed everything. When a contraction would hit, I dug deep within myself and could feel my entire body focusing in and down toward the contraction. The pain was immense and undescribable. I would shut down into myself and groan and get gutteral. And while it was intense and led to my getting the epidural... I don't know that I've ever felt more like a woman than in those contractions. And I felt connected to the thousands of generations who birthed babies before me. It was a sensation that I've never experienced before. Breastfeeding also defined my womanhood. Hard to find the words to describe that. But providing nutrition to my babies with my body, with milk created just for them and designed specifically for their needs... it's very empowering. Do child birth and breastfeeding alone define my being a woman? Nope. So what else is it? Maybe Jeff has some insight. With us being of the hetero- variety, he must have found something womanly to match his manly. So I pose to him this question: "What does it mean, to you, that I am a woman?" He says that me being a woman means that I have double X chromosomes. He is Mr. Science! But he also says that me being a woman means that I am caring, compassionate, looking out for others. Me being a woman means that he is drawn to me. He says that me being a woman makes me hard for him to understand because I use my heart while he tries not to (he prefers to stick with logic). My womanhood means we can procreate and have children. What does it mean to be a woman? I asked some of my blogging friends to answer the same question from their own personal perspective. I hope you will go and visit their blogs and read their own insights! The Fourth Frog Blog LindseyMommy A T Revival My 2 Sense If you would like to answer this question- be it from your perspective as a woman or a man or just share some opinions- please use MckLinky below and share your thoughts.

Coming Soon, To A Blog Near You!

I'm very excited about what's coming tomorrow... and I hope that you will come and participate!!

I've got a group of bloggers who will all be answering the same question. We each take the question and write about it from our own personal perspective. It's not a question with right or wrong answers- it's all about broadening understanding and seeing someone else's perspective.

We will have our little blog circle that will post up Thursday morning- I will have links to the other participating. And if you decide to participate, I'll have a MckLinky posted so you can share your own thoughts.

Tomorrow's question is: What does it mean to be a woman?

Don't think this is limited to being a woman... and feel free to put your own spin on it. Tomorrow, you will have several perspectives to read and then I truly hope you will join in and share your own thoughts!